AIBU - Christmas dilemma

[catgirl1976]

Due to COVID DH's self employed work dried up. So he got a job working from home doing customer service for a large telecomms company. Minimum wage and we've lost a lot of income but he's grateful to have a job and be WFH so it's all good. It's not a great company to work for and its a bit sweat shop call centre but its fine .

Until he got his rota for Christmas week. He is working 10am - 7pm Christmas Eve and then 8am to 5pm Christmas day. He has Boxing Day off. We appreciate lots of people have to work Christmas day and there is no option to book this off or swap it.

We have a DS who has just turned 9 and still believes. He is so excited for Christmas and has, like most children, had so much cancelled or postponed this year and has been a trouper.

So...I've decided that rather than try and do Christmas with DH plugged into a computer and taking calls every 5 minutes we will just move the whole thing forward a day. So on Christmas day we will do Christmas Eve stuff - film, hot chocolate, mince pie for Santa etc and then Boxing Day will be Christmas day. Seems sensible as he finishes work at 5pm on Christmas day and is off Boxing day so we can have a "normal" Christmas albeit a day late. We were always planning to be just the three of us due to COVID.

My dilemma is do I tell DS? I think knowing its Christmas but nothing is happening will be horrible for him.

My plan is to not tell him. I honestly think I can pull this off as once he's finished school he won't know what day it is. He doesn't have a watch, I can change the date on devices and its not like he reads the paper. He doesn't really watch TV and I can keep any TV to films and stuff so no "Christmas specials" or merry Christmas messages popping up and if anything comes up on his ipad I'll just tell him it's already Christmas in some countries due to different time zones.

We are not going anywhere so it's just the three of us. Grandparents etc can zoom on "Christmas day" and be in on it. I can buy a "dupe" advent calendar and pretend he forgot a day.

I think I can pull it off but DH thinks I can't and should tell him. I don't like lying to him but we are lying to him about flying reindeer and elves and a big man coming down the chimney with presents so I feel like not telling him the date - which doesn't actually matter really - is not that much of a big deal. Whereas I think knowing its actually Christmas Eve but Santa isn't coming till the following night for some reason will be hard for him.

AIBU - can I pull this off and should I? I know it will be the last year he believes so I want to keep Christmas "intact" and not postponed like every bloody other things has been this year.

My DH is a Firefighter and has worked many Christmas’ over the years. We’ve always done presents on Christmas Day - sometimes early if he was working days or sometimes a bit later around 9am If he’s been working Christmas Eve Night and we had to wait for him to get home.

We have though postponed Christmas Dinner to Boxing Day several times, so DH doesn’t miss out and I’m not at home trying to deal with 3 excited children whilst cooking the Christmas Dinner.

Crazy idea, OP. Why don't you come up with a different idea, making it into a unique three-day celebration for this year only? A fun schedule with little rituals & some presents on Christmas Eve night, some v early on Christmas Day and some on Boxing Day?

I just wanted to say I think you are a wonderful mom for trying to give your son and husband the perfect Christmas after such a horrible year, whether you pull this off or not

Orrrr...you could just be honest? don't deceive him, plan something for Christmas Eve and then enjoy dinner and a film or whatever together in the evening; and then Christmas day he will no doubt be up early, he can open presents with DH before work, he goes up to do work and then in the evening you do something together? You could always float the idea of having Christmas lunch on boxing Day maybe, but I wouldn't move the actual day.

@DonkeyMcFluff

I can understand emergency services having to work on Christmas Day. But who the fuck is going to ring a call centre for customer service? They should be off work, it’s disgusting. Name and shame OP, and tbh I’d tell them to get stuffed.

You can't tell your employer to get stuffed if you want to keep your job.

I'd be honest. Make it into two lovely days instead of one. It could backfire badly. Wouldn't have worked with any of mine and all the extra stress on you to keep up the story just isn't worth it! If you explain it and as others have said have breakfast together on Christmas day, a lovely evening then a fabulous time on Boxing Day I think that would be better.

Good luck whatever you choose to do! I hope you all have a lovely Christmas.

Do you want this extra stress? You can still do some Christmas stuff with him while your DH is working and then spend Boxing Day together and do the games, or whatever. I really don't think it's a good idea, or is necessary, to lie about what day it is. Only lie if you have to, ever, and here you don't have to. Keep it simple.

I think its a great idea if you think you can pull it off. Christmas is not a time for growing up and learning sometimes work makes life shitty! It's a lovely harmless plan to keep the magic going. And I say that having had several Christmas days when DH had to work and we had small children. But we had church and street musicians so there was no way of disguising the date!

I think it's a great idea and you could easily pull it off. My eldest child is also nine and I'm very confident I could get away with doing something like this and him not knowing. Advent calendar is the big problem I guess. When they were younger we used to manage to convince them that their birthdays were on different days when I was working. Our kids also believe that all presents are off Father Christmas. They're only young once, I love that they believe in the magic so I don't think you're weird or unreasonable at all.

Tell him the truth, he is 9, he'll know and he'll think you're being ridiculous.

I remember my mum doing this when I was young. It was soooo exciting. On the real Christmas Day Santa had left a small present and a letter, telling me he knew we were waiting for my dad the next day so he’d pop back on the night to deliver my presents.
We had nice food and watched Christmas telly and had hot choc and I played with my new toy. I loved it. It was like the magic lasted longer!

Good Lord don't entertain the idea of "internet issues." Even putting aside the fact it will it be blindingly obvious, your DH would basically be telling his employer he doesn't have the means to reliably work from home which, as a purely WFH job he's only been in for 3 months, would be really shooting himself in the foot. If I were him the day would be totally spoiled by worrying about it.

Brilliant. You know your kid and what he has access to and it sounds to me like you can absolutely pull it off!

What is the big deal ? Plenty of children have a parent working /away on Christmas day. Tell your Son that his Dad has to work but will be joining you for Christmas dinner.

We don’t always celebrate Christmas on the 25th. Since ds1 was 4 and ds2 a baby ds1 has spent every other Christmas with his df, so we have just picked another day. Luckily Santa is very understanding and will happily drop the stockings off early 😉! Don’t lie to him, but just explain that you’re doing it a day later. I’m sure he’ll understand. x

What a miserable lousy company expecting staff to work over Christmas when it doesn't seem crucial! That's one way to lose and demoralise staff. I doubt that anyone will call on Xmas day though. Tbh, if I were him I don't think that I could really be arsed to pick up the phone much. I'd just begrudgingly do the bare minimum to make it look like I did something.

I’m really concerned that a nine year old doesn’t know what day of the week it is.

Just tell him that you are doing Christmas Day a day later.

Wow, this sounds so far fetched.

Just tell your son his dad needs to work. He is 9 and it's ok for him to learn that sometimes we have to make compromises and things don't always go to plan.

I’m flabbergasted by people saying that their nine year old doesn’t know what day of the week it is.
My four year old does because he can read numbers on a calendar

Personally I'd tell him you are all so excited about Christmas you're bringing it forward a day!

Think of say 10 January. What was it all for?

Could be done anytime really and that is the key.

Get him up early to open his presents on Christmas day while daddy can watch, then let him chill with special Christmas foods/treats all day long and play with his presents. On Boxing Day have a special Christmas breakfast & the big Christmas meal. It honestly really isn’t a big deal - This is what families of police officers, firemen/women, doctors, nurses, care workers & medics have to live with every year and they all manage just fine.

Maybe a takeaway for dinner, or a ‘picky bits’/favourite foods selection. A lovely evening playing a new board game with mum & dad, a Christmas film before bed. Sorted!

I'm sure all my questions have already been asked but I've only read first page and I'm incredulous that you'd even consider it.

• What does your partner do that your expect him to be taking calls all day on Xmas day?
• Why not just explain to your 9yo that you have moving Xmas?
• Surely you are moving it back (and not forwards?) of Xmas day is now on Boxing day
• Do you not have any family or friends that you speak to on Xmas day?
• Why no TV?

I just don't get why you would go to such trouble to dupe a child who will be able to understand why you will celebrate on a different day?

OP, I wouldn't even go down the "Father Christmas does another day for children whose parents have to work" route. Come on - give your son a bit of credit. He isn't a baby, and it's a bit of a shame if you can't have Christmas Day in the way that you have done before, but it's no more than that.

Some of my DC were cathedral choristers, so every single Christmas, including 9AM - 5PM on Christmas Day, were spent with them "at work" in the cathedral. The rest of us just worked around it. We all knew, including the littlies, that Christmas Day would be taken up with choir duties and supporting the children who were choristers. It was so much not a big deal that it's hard to describe. We had Christmas dinner on Boxing Day instead. But there was no fudging about it. Christmas Eve was full on all day with choral services - we still managed to "track Santa" online, put out pillow cases, put out a glass of sherry for FC etc, though. A five-year-old is perfectly happy so long as FC has been down the chimney come Christmas morning, never mind a 9 yr old.

I don't see the point of what you want to do. I don't see any ''good'' in not just playing it like it is. No calendars anywhere in your house?