My exH was like this. I was the higher earner so went back full time and he have up work to be stay at home parent. 1st child was fine I guess. He was meant to go back to work when DC1 was school age. Never did. Unexpectedly got pregnant with DC2. This time was different. Again I went back full time. ExH spent all the day on the computer and emotionally (and possibly physically) neglected DC2. When challenged he would turn on the tears and claim he was depressed, but would never go to the Drs. Or he would say it was my fault for leaving him alone all day (to work?!). I suggested he get a part time job and we pay for childcare. Nope, he couldn’t cope with work (his mum agreed!) didn’t want a stranger raising his children.
He became more and more manipulative and controlling. I wasn’t allowed to take the kids out without him, if I ever (rarely) managed to arrange to meet a friend for coffee alone he would sabotage it by being suddenly too poorly to look after the kids, or he’d say the kids were poorly, or he’d call me constantly when I was out.
In the end I left him. My youngest is now 7 but is STILL suffering the effects of early emotional neglect from his primary caregiver at that time.
Do not enable and excuse this pathetic excuse of a parent for one more day. You and your child deserve so much better.
He (and his mum) can cry mental health all they like, but part of recovering from mental I lol health is taking personal responsibility for it. He won’t take his meds or seek help. So he doesn’t get to use that card.
He is seriously neglecting his child. Dangerously so. And he’s already lining himself up to work less and less so all the burden is on you and he’ll do what exactly??
You can and should just do this alone. Cut him loose.