To be angry my family just don't seem to care about mixing?

[hellymissy]

Turns out my 60 year old mom has been collecting my nephews aged 6 and 13 from school most days - both of which obviously are mixing With lots of kids.

Whilst she isn't in the worst health she has a mild underlying condition.

I told my brother my mom should be doing this and he seemed to get angry at me mentioning and said as mom isn't objecting he doesn't see what the issue is.

I've approached this with my mom and she said it's fine.

Do I just leave them to it? I don't want my mom contracting corona and feel she's getting pressured into it?

AIBU and should I just keep my mouth shut?

Wow the OP has it all worked out... what everyone else should and shouldn't be doing, who's selfish, stupid and entitled...

Amazingly she doesnt have her own children and isn't able to help.

@GabriellaMontez no some posters here started making snide comments so I decided to put them straight and speak the truth that's all.

@Nicknacky yes I know and therefore I'm not approaching it again with them

I came on here to ask if I'm being unreasonable and it appears to care about your mother is unreasonable so thanks for the advice and I won't bring it up to either brother or mother again.

Speak the truth about what? That we are “entitled” if family ever help out?

I’ve used paid childcare for 13 years. My dad works full time and about 4/5 times a year he will collect for me and saves me some cash as a bonus.

And he loves picking her up and she loves seeing grandad at the gates and goes on and on about it.

People shouldn’t have kids if they’re going to accept help from their parents when it comes to childcare? Heard it all on here now

@macaroniinapot nope I said if they heavily rely on. I know my mother gets miserable due to how much she's relied on for childcare and that's not right. Period.

People in here ALWAYS twist words it's beyond belief.

I suggest you read my comments again.

And that’s up to your mother to speak up about that. But your post was about providing childcare during covid, not about how much she was doing......

I'm near your mum's age.

If anyone close to me tried to tell me what I should or shouldn't do to 'stay safe' I would be very insulted and upset. How patronising!

I know that for a lot of people around this age time spent with their grandchildren is the most precious thing and worth the risk of catching a nasty illness. This risk has existed for millenia.

Aw come on. OP I don’t think you’re being unreasonable in feeling the way you do, but I don’t think there is much you can do about it.

How many grandparents out there are anxious about it, but are saying yes out of sheer obligation rather than because they want to see their grandkids? I know what my own mum is like for example. Total people pleaser, would feel like she couldn’t say no if it would leave someone else in a bind.

It’s not on the OP to help as an alternative. What entitled shite is that. If the OP voiced concerns a and her mum decides not to provide childcare on the back of it then the parents need to pay for their own childcare. This is no one else’s responsibility.

Yanbu. I wonder like this either

wouldnt

@hellymissy let me put you straight!

A school would not allow a six year old to go home with a 13 year old.

They would only allow them to go with an adult, 13 is not an adult.

Jeez you have no idea.

As you not having children if you're reliant on family for childcare..... 1000s of grandparents want to lay an active role. I'm not sure that parents were expecting a global pandemic when they thought of childcare options.

Your brother and mother are happy with the arrangements, so stop interfering and causing trouble.

My parents are 75. They look after my children, they want to do it, it is important to them. My brother feels like you. It has affected their relationship because they feel patronised by him and disrespected because he treats them as if they can't make their own decisions. Now they just don't tell him the truth. Everyone makes their own risk assessments, you don't have the right to make hers for her.

The thing is...I'm sure the OP's mum does want to help and is doing it from a place of love for her children and grandchildren. But these are the sorts of obligations which, once you assume them, become quite difficult to refuse to do (because the parents have come to rely on you) and often cause a lot of bad feeling if grandparents hold their hands up and say we can't do this anymore because of Covid/our health/it's too tiring/we want more flexibility in our lives. So it's not necessarily true that this is a free choice by the OP's mum, who sounds quite cautious about Covid in other ways. If it is, then the OP needs to butt out, but she will know her family dynamic best.

@GabriellaMontez no some posters here started making snide comments so I decided to put them straight and speak the truth that's all.

Thing is op - you lost me on “speaking the truth” when you decided that everyone over 50 had a 15% chance of dying from COVID. That is absolutely untrue!

Op's real gripe is the fact that she feels her brother takes advantage of her mum, and mum doesn't stand up to him. This is the core problem. Only exacerbated by the covid issue.

Have you told your mum how you feel about this core issue?

@Oblomov20 yes and she regularly has arguments with my brother (not about childcare about variety of things because generally his attitude stinks and is never thankful to her)

Now that's ok under normal circumstances as many posters point out she's old enough to stand up for herself when being taken advantage of and if she hasn't got the courage it's her issue - but when it becomes a matter of life or death it upsets me.

Do you know what - if there wasn't a vaccine around the corner too maybe I'd feel different but for the case of a few months I don't get why if my brother remotely cared he'd find other options.