Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry my family just don't seem to care about mixing?

143 replies

hellymissy · 12/12/2020 16:37

Turns out my 60 year old mom has been collecting my nephews aged 6 and 13 from school most days - both of which obviously are mixing With lots of kids.

Whilst she isn't in the worst health she has a mild underlying condition.

I told my brother my mom should be doing this and he seemed to get angry at me mentioning and said as mom isn't objecting he doesn't see what the issue is.

I've approached this with my mom and she said it's fine.

Do I just leave them to it? I don't want my mom contracting corona and feel she's getting pressured into it?

AIBU and should I just keep my mouth shut?

OP posts:
Bookworming · 13/12/2020 12:51

Mine are 25 & 27 they can defibrillator walk home alone, so not touched a nerve with me.

I'm more pushed off that you think grown adults can't decide for themselves what to do!

You do sound d very bossy and unpleasant.

You don't care about the actual rules you want to make your own up.

Bookworming · 13/12/2020 12:52

Wtf definitely not defibrillator! Grin

PotteringAlong · 13/12/2020 12:58

Well, you need to pick your 6 year old nephew up from school then. Have you offered?

MakeItRain · 13/12/2020 12:59

I would be concerned too. I'm keeping my children away from my elderly mum. You've said she is anxious about covid, unable to stand up to your brother, which is presumably why she is agreeing to do this, has several factors that increase her risk of serious illness if she contracts it. Added to that infection rate is increasing in schools. Why on earth wouldn't you be concerned!? Is there anything you can really do about it though?

ILikeStrongTea · 13/12/2020 12:59

My 6 year old can’t walk home on their own, for goodness sake school have to let them out to an adult.

islockdownoveryet · 13/12/2020 13:04

@hellymissy

And whoever asked if I had kids or had nothing to do with this thread.
That a no then .
islockdownoveryet · 13/12/2020 13:07

@hellymissy

Honestly, many if the opinions here are just illogical - my nephews both can walk home from school so why would anyone choose to put themselves in a position of contracting COVID?

To the poster who said 60 isn't vulnerable, the stats have proven over 50 risk significantly increases. That's why vaccine is getting roled out to over 50.

I actually just think many posters here feel guilty and are in denial probably about asking their parents to help work childcare. Because what I'm saying is not as weird as some posters are making it.

Now I know you don't have kids , because if you did you'd know that's all parents feel is guilt . I suspect you have no idea how hard it is juggling kids and a job and childcare . It's a bloody nightmare and that's even when things going ok . Throw in illness Covid etc and you saying that your brother is selfish is probably the last thing he needs .
ApolloandDaphne · 13/12/2020 13:11

Gosh my DM is 80 and has her 12yo GD every Friday through choice. It has never occurred to me to tell her not to do this as she is a capable adult who knows and accepts the risks. 60 is not old. I am 58 and I would not have my DDs telling me what I should or shouldn't be doing.

NoPointInWednesdays · 13/12/2020 13:14

You sound like a delight Xmas Hmm I know as the youngest of 4 siblings and the organiser I can be a bit bossy but if I was acting like that to either my parents or my siblings I would be told to GTF!! It’s your mums decision not yours how on earth do you think she made all her decisions in life before you were born or old enough to boss her about? You say it’s your brother that she won’t tell no but by your attitude on this thread I think she may have a problem telling you no too!

SpnBaby1967 · 13/12/2020 13:39

My mum is 65 and was still seeing my kids (high school & primary ages) whilst she was in our bubble. Why......because she loves them and doesnt want to spend her days alone and seeing them makes her happy.

You sound selfish, the only person you're worrying about is yourself and how you would feel if your mum caught covid. And even if she did, she is still WAY more likely to shake it off in a couple of weeks and then be fine than have the worst happen.

Honestly, you sound selfish, unhinged and paranoid and I think you hate your brother.

GintyMcGinty · 13/12/2020 13:41

Your mother is an adult capable of making her own choices and as this is childcare she is also doing this within the rules.

LyndzB · 13/12/2020 13:51

To all those who are saying it's selfish to use grandparents, you do realise that grandparents are their own people, right? They can make their own decisions?

My parents wanted to continue looking after my son one day a week (he goes to nursery two days). I have told them time and time again he can go to nursery three days if they don't feel comfortable taking care of him. But they'd hate that. And we're all careful in every other way. It's about weighing up the risks and coming to your own decisions.

Hardbackwriter · 13/12/2020 13:52

Sorry but life could be much worse than not seeing your grandkids

Isn't that for your mum to decide as a grown adult?

Bookworming · 13/12/2020 13:57

Hang on one minute @LyndzB are you trying to say that grandparents are able to risk assess, make their own decisions and then speak their mind about it?

The GM here is 60 years old, six years younger than the state pension age and could be working full time, how can she be expected to make her own choices on like. She's way past that point in her life. She's 60 fgs!

ReadySteadyBed · 13/12/2020 14:00

@hellymissy

Fair enough I'll just drop it with them. I'll be soo angry though if something happens to her
Anger shouldn’t be your issue of that happens. She’s a grown woman who can make her own decisions. Plenty of grandparents are back doing childcare and school pick ups.
Hardbackwriter · 13/12/2020 14:02

@LyndzB

To all those who are saying it's selfish to use grandparents, you do realise that grandparents are their own people, right? They can make their own decisions?

My parents wanted to continue looking after my son one day a week (he goes to nursery two days). I have told them time and time again he can go to nursery three days if they don't feel comfortable taking care of him. But they'd hate that. And we're all careful in every other way. It's about weighing up the risks and coming to your own decisions.

Yep, we actually did pay for an extra day of nursery a week when our area first went into tier 2 because I was too worried about the risk, and DS's grandparents were so upset about it that we agreed to stop and to have him go back to going there one day a week. As my mum pointed out, they're adults who can make their own choice within the law.
BefuddledPerson · 13/12/2020 14:31

There's nothing you can do, but it is hard not to worry. Just found out my parents are going to do something perfectly legal but pretty stupid over Christmas.

vodkaredbullgirl · 13/12/2020 17:10

Never used my parents for childcare, as they lived far away.

Mybedislisting · 13/12/2020 17:20

Nasty undercurrent of ageism running through this thread -60 is not old, your mum is clearly old enough to make her own decisions.

Original poster
hellymissy · 13/12/2020 21:32

The six year old would walk with the 13 year old, just for the record. I'm not suggesting a six year old walk alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
hellymissy · 13/12/2020 21:43

I also find it extremely pathetic that people are saying I'm being ageist??!! It Fact that you are more likely to die from COVID the over you are, majority of deaths are amongst over 50.

OP posts:
Original poster
hellymissy · 13/12/2020 21:46

Also I find it odd that just because someone is grown you shouldn't try protect them?

If she was doing drugs or drinking excessively or other reckless behaviour should I just be silent?

I don't think it's right to just let family member crack on and possibly hurt themselves and others. If you can't be honest with family who can you be?

I have another sibling and other nieces and nephews so to some posters saying I'm being selfish it isn't just about me it's about other family members too.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 13/12/2020 21:49

Is it a joint secondary and primary? The older child would have to go collect the younger child. That’s a lot of responsibility.

If your mum is doing drugs then you should definitely voice an opinion.

Childcare.....not so much.

What don’t you offer to help then?

Original poster
hellymissy · 13/12/2020 21:54

I'm unable to help I live two hours away

OP posts:
emilyfrost · 13/12/2020 21:55

@hellymissy

I also find it extremely pathetic that people are saying I'm being ageist??!! It Fact that you are more likely to die from COVID the over you are, majority of deaths are amongst over 50.
You’re being ageist because you’re implying she shouldn’t be allowed to make these decisions, that she doesn’t know what’s best for herself and that you have a right to be angry if she goes against what you want.
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread