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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry my family just don't seem to care about mixing?

143 replies

hellymissy · 12/12/2020 16:37

Turns out my 60 year old mom has been collecting my nephews aged 6 and 13 from school most days - both of which obviously are mixing With lots of kids.

Whilst she isn't in the worst health she has a mild underlying condition.

I told my brother my mom should be doing this and he seemed to get angry at me mentioning and said as mom isn't objecting he doesn't see what the issue is.

I've approached this with my mom and she said it's fine.

Do I just leave them to it? I don't want my mom contracting corona and feel she's getting pressured into it?

AIBU and should I just keep my mouth shut?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 13/12/2020 21:57

@hellymissy I should have put money on that you couldn’t help.

Original poster
hellymissy · 13/12/2020 22:06

@Nicknacky I didn't start this thread to cause arguments but somehow you're snide comments appear you're trying to turn it into one.

Honestly if you're trying to pick a fight find another thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
hellymissy · 13/12/2020 22:06

@emilyfrost how is that ageist 🤨

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 13/12/2020 22:08

I’m not picking a fight at all and I will post if I see fit.

If you are so against your parent doing it then help. Or just stay out of it.

My dad helps me sometimes. My sister can get stuffed if she has an issue with it. He’s a grown adult as is your mum.

Original poster
hellymissy · 13/12/2020 22:11

@Nicknacky kind of a selfish entitled attitude to have but whatever.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 13/12/2020 22:12

Oh, and how exactly does the 13 year old manage to collect the 6 year old?

Original poster
hellymissy · 13/12/2020 22:12

Also that's the problem with some people that have kids they think the world revolves around them and they're entitled to help at any cost.

Sounds like you're one of those people@Nicknacky

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 13/12/2020 22:13

@hellymissy It’s not selfish at all. My dad wants to see his grandchildren and help me when he is off work. I don’t need him for childcare but will not use the after school club if he is free to collect.

He wants to see them, like your mum wants to see her grandchildren.

Nicknacky · 13/12/2020 22:14

@hellymissy And you could not be more wrong about how “entitled” I am. The world doesn’t revolve around me or my kids but my dad loves them and wants to see them, covid or no covid.

It’s his choice.

islockdownoveryet · 13/12/2020 22:15

@hellymissy

Also that's the problem with some people that have kids they think the world revolves around them and they're entitled to help at any cost.

Sounds like you're one of those people@Nicknacky

Op I think the issue is nothing to do with COVID you are jealous of the help that your brother gets off your mum. Grow up !!
Original poster
hellymissy · 13/12/2020 22:17

@islockdownoveryet for one second I am not jealous at all. I just think it's unfair, my mom devotes a lot of time and help to time when he could find other ways and he doesn't thank her for it. Now he's putting her health at risk and I find it entitled.

If people choose to have kids they should know how they're bringing them up without relying heavily on others it's as simple as that. Or don't have them.

OP posts:
Avondklok · 13/12/2020 22:18

My DH is 63 and dd goes daily to a school with 1500 kids in.

Avondklok · 13/12/2020 22:19

If I gave it that much mental energy my head might explode.

Nicknacky · 13/12/2020 22:19

@hellymissy Maybe you should tell your brother he shouldn’t have had his children.

NailsNeedDoing · 13/12/2020 22:20

@hellymissy

The six year old would walk with the 13 year old, just for the record. I'm not suggesting a six year old walk alone.
It’s not your place to judge whether or not that would be appropriate, and it’s certainly not an arrangement that many parents would consider a solution for anything other than a one off. Are you expecting the 13 year old to look after a six year old at home as well?
Original poster
hellymissy · 13/12/2020 22:21

Honestly why do people keep feeling the need to compare this to someone that works in a school or the nhs. If your job means you have to mix with people that's different to choosing to when there are other options.

We all know the childcare rule is to keep the economy going, it makes zero sense and if you can't see that then more fool you.

OP posts:
Artus · 13/12/2020 22:26

Goodness, what ageist claptrap! I'm 62 and look after my grandchildren three days a week. I have done for 7 years. I do it because I love it, nobody guilts me into it.

I find it incredibly patronising to be told I am too old to make this decision for myself. This woman is 60, not 90.

60 is under state retirement age so many teachers and carers are expected to go to work.

OffredOfjune · 13/12/2020 22:27

[quote hellymissy]@islockdownoveryet for one second I am not jealous at all. I just think it's unfair, my mom devotes a lot of time and help to time when he could find other ways and he doesn't thank her for it. Now he's putting her health at risk and I find it entitled.

If people choose to have kids they should know how they're bringing them up without relying heavily on others it's as simple as that. Or don't have them.

[/quote]
'He' isn't doing anything. Your mother - a grown woman - is choosing to help.

NailsNeedDoing · 13/12/2020 22:28

You don’t think it makes sense to enable a normal family arrangement to continue to keep the economy going? Honestly, you sound bonkers. It seems like it comes as a shock to you that people’s grandchildren are usually very important to them, and they tend to like looking after them.

Avondklok · 13/12/2020 22:28

Should I find somewhere else for my teenager to live, as obviously we are hugely at risk being old. I am all for being sensible, but sometimes needs must. It's different doing things you don't need to.

islockdownoveryet · 13/12/2020 22:29

Honestly I'd like to meet someone who has never ever asked a relative for help at some point .
I mean op growing did a relative outside your household look after you on occasion?
You are being silly and the question about do you have children is relevant because you quite clearly can't begin to put yourself in your brothers shoes , but oh yeah you can't help either .
One day you will need help off your relative I only hope they are not like you and are only happy to help .

WitchQueenofDarkness · 13/12/2020 22:30

This is really none of your business. Oddly you know once woman reach 60 their brains don't turn to mush and they don't need looking after and patronising.

I'm the same age as your mother and if one of my adult children should attempt to police my behaviour then they'd get very short shrift indeed

Original poster
hellymissy · 13/12/2020 22:31

Thought this might be useful for some of you who seem to think over 59 doesn't seem to matter when protecting yourself against coronavirus.

Taken from age uk

To be angry my family just don't seem to care about mixing?
OP posts:
Original poster
hellymissy · 13/12/2020 22:32

It is not ageist its fact. Just like bame more likely I'm not calling it racism.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 13/12/2020 22:33

But there is nothing you can do. Your brother and mum are happy with the arrangements.

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