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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

The way (some) teachers talk to students and anyone

131 replies

Lurcherloves · 11/12/2020 22:57

I had a meeting at DS school today about his a levels. He is lazy and did need a kick. But the head of sixth form, who is not one of his teachers, basically just launched into a tirade of abuse for about 20 minutes. The two other teachers there didn’t know where to look (and tried to undo some of her damage afterwards) She was saying he shouldn’t be working (10 hours a week, I think it gives good life skills) will be sitting on the sofa next year (he won’t) her five year old does two hours a day home work on and on very aggressively. There was nothing motivational and on reflection, I cannot think of any where in the adult world where it would be acceptable to talk to someone as she did. She was incredibly patronising to me ( I am more qualified than her but didn’t feel the need to point this out and have worked as a lecturer at a college before qualifying into another profession. I knew full well a lot of what she was saying was nonsense.)
AIBU or do some teachers talk to everyone in a patronising manner? This lady certainly got a little carried away with herself. I was quite shocked at the power trip she was on.

OP posts:

sherrystrull · 11/12/2020 23:01

You sound rather patronising too. So what if you're more qualified? These are people teaching your son.

noblegiraffe · 11/12/2020 23:05

Unusual that you are allowed on school premises in covid times. How did you manage social distancing with all those teachers?

Newmumatlast · 11/12/2020 23:06

Tbh I would've said something and not let it continue that long if it was a tirade as you describe. Did you say anything?

Alys20 · 11/12/2020 23:08

Yabu to generalise about teachers being patronising, but that one is an opinionated cow and should have been told to STFU.

WayTooSoon · 11/12/2020 23:08

There is definitely a certain tone of voice that teachers have. I have a teacher friend who often starts sentences with "Listen", which really irritates me as I am 40 years old and there's only the 2 of us in the room, it's not like I'm running around with scissors and need a reminder on how to converse!

She'll also be the one on nights out doing a quick "1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8..." finger-pointy headcount between venues like we're on a school trip. I think just some things you do so often they seep into your normal life.

WayTooSoon · 11/12/2020 23:09

Why is a five year old doing 2 hours a day of homework? And how is that relevant to your son's a levels?

liveitwell · 11/12/2020 23:09

You had a bad experience and are now tarnishing teachers in general? Even though you say a few tried to undo her negativity after?

Why bash a whole sector when really you meant - was this ONE teacher unreasonable?

Nellle · 11/12/2020 23:10

Sounds like you got the good cop /bad cop routine. Might give your son something to think about. In life, he will meet people who don't give an inch, like this head of sixth form.

I'm surprised that you said nothing at the time if you thought the way your son was spoken to was unreasonable.

slipperywhensparticus · 11/12/2020 23:11

Specifically states in the bloody opening SOME TEACHERS fucks sake

SaltyAF · 11/12/2020 23:13

How odd not to take this up with her at the time but to post about it on Mumsnet later.

Fedup21 · 11/12/2020 23:15

I am more qualified than her but didn’t feel the need to point this out

Except on here.

I didn’t think any schools were doing in-school parent meetings at the moment-where are you?!

SpicyEnchiladas · 11/12/2020 23:16

@WayTooSoon

I laughed so much at your post as I can see myself a bit like your friend lol. I also can't resist the urge to organise children queeing outside zoos, museums, ice cream vans ... etc my DC think I'm an embarrassment

Northofsomewhere · 11/12/2020 23:19

It comes across a little as though you feel because of your previous experience in a college you feel as though you know better. Maybe this was the tough love, worst case scenario approach that she thought would work best with your son, you may feel differently but I guess time will tell. It's clearly not appropriate for her to be bringing her own children into it but I think she was probably trying to make a point about how little work your son actually does.

Your son's job is a different matter, if it's interfering with his productivity then you might need to ask him to reconsider the job. Working is important but not at the expense of his current education. Why is he lazy? Just because he can't be bothered or because he's tired or has no motivation?

As you've worked in colleges yourself then you must be used to students who need a little tough love to get them to buckle down before you reach the point of no return in the academic year so should have some strategies to put in place for your son.

MushMonster · 11/12/2020 23:21

Was your son there? Because if he is lazy, he needs a bollocking.
Motivation is for people that do try, but struggle along the way for one reason or another. For people who are engaged to keep at it and push harder.
A kick in the ass is for lazy ones who cannot be bothered.
If it was a job, the door is shown to the lazy type and you know. A bollocking is a lucky scape.
If he was not there, then she should have not talked like this to you.

Sparklesocks · 11/12/2020 23:21

Why is she talking about her child’s homework in the context of a meeting about your son?

CoRhona · 11/12/2020 23:24

But it wasn't aimed at you, it was for your DS. And you think it's important he works - they think it's important he does the best he can in his exams.
Neither of you are wrong but surely you can see their frustration at someone who could be doing much better?

DishingOutDone · 11/12/2020 23:29

@CoRhona

But it wasn't aimed at you, it was for your DS. And you think it's important he works - they think it's important he does the best he can in his exams. Neither of you are wrong but surely you can see their frustration at someone who could be doing much better?

Why does any of that give the teacher a free pass to talk to anyone like that?

MaryLeeOnHigh · 11/12/2020 23:32

I must say, I agree with her that your son shouldn't be spending 10 hours a week working. He can acquire life skills any time, at the moment he needs to concentrate on acquiring decent A level results.

ExitChasedByAnImposter · 11/12/2020 23:32

What do you mean by tirade of “abuse”? Maybe she does care about the success and well-being of her students? And you admitted yourself in your second sentence that your son is lazy and does need a kick. Those were your words not mine as I don’t about people like that. Maybe this was her way of doing so, in providing the proverbial kick that you thought your son needed?

Yes, some types of behaviour can be seen as patronizing to adults but young adults, especially those in their formative years might even appreciate the fact that someone is taking the time to care. Maybe you’d prefer that she was completely disinterested on how your son is doing. Teachers have to teach, often take work home with them, mark, plan, do display work inside the classroom, provide support and guidance, write reports, give character references, and stay after hours to meet with parents and discuss students’ progress. And they still have to have the energy to stimulate students’ interests day in and day out. It’s never-ending. Is there any wonder that teachers are leaving in droves? It’s bad enough dealing with all of that, constant changes in policy, sometimes even act as a sounding board for students who are having issues at home, maybe even organizing educational trips etc. And then they have to deal with parents who think they know better.

ilovesooty · 11/12/2020 23:39

So what did this "tirade of abuse" consist of, and how did you address it at the time?

You admit your son is lazy - how have you dealt with that?

Island35 · 11/12/2020 23:52

@WayTooSoon

Some of us don't, when I'm on a night out I'm thinking 'yes I didn't have to organise this' and drink gin

Flipflops85 · 11/12/2020 23:57

Yes, some teachers are patronising. They’re human, so yes, it’s a very high possibility that some will possess that human trait. Some others don’t.

How do you know you’re more qualified? Did she provide her educational history?

ilovesooty · 12/12/2020 00:06

And a "tirade" lasting for 20 minutes? Without any opportunity presenting itself for you to intervene? 20 minutes is ages - that seems highly improbable.

winewolfhowls · 12/12/2020 00:09

Hmmm I don't think most schools are allowing non staff on site?!
To actually get to the point of talking to a parent with 3 members of staff in the toughest term since however, then your son must be at real risk of failing.
Although I do agree some staff can be patronising and abrupt in tone, I think as long as you are happy with the subject staff you should just let it go.

Janegrey333 · 12/12/2020 00:13

Teacher bashing.

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