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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The way (some) teachers talk to students and anyone

131 replies

Lurcherloves · 11/12/2020 22:57

I had a meeting at DS school today about his a levels. He is lazy and did need a kick. But the head of sixth form, who is not one of his teachers, basically just launched into a tirade of abuse for about 20 minutes. The two other teachers there didn’t know where to look (and tried to undo some of her damage afterwards) She was saying he shouldn’t be working (10 hours a week, I think it gives good life skills) will be sitting on the sofa next year (he won’t) her five year old does two hours a day home work on and on very aggressively. There was nothing motivational and on reflection, I cannot think of any where in the adult world where it would be acceptable to talk to someone as she did. She was incredibly patronising to me ( I am more qualified than her but didn’t feel the need to point this out and have worked as a lecturer at a college before qualifying into another profession. I knew full well a lot of what she was saying was nonsense.)
AIBU or do some teachers talk to everyone in a patronising manner? This lady certainly got a little carried away with herself. I was quite shocked at the power trip she was on.

OP posts:
NameChange84 · 12/12/2020 00:16

How did you get on site?

Why did you allow your son to be verbally abused for 20 minutes?

How do you know exactly what qualifications the teacher has and what her previous job history was?

Why do you think this is a some teachers issue rather than a some people issue?

What steps have you taken to address your concerns?

and one final question...

Did any of this actually happen or is this just another goady teacher bashing thread?

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 12/12/2020 00:22

I’m not denying the fact that this teacher was talking in a way that was probably unproductive and patronising to your son (also unsure why you didn’t interrupt if you know it’s bollocks).

However, I don’t really see why you had to generalise the point with the way ‘some teachers’ talk to students and anyone. That’s just representative of people rather than teachers Confused. Some people are patronising wankers and some aren’t. You happen to have come across one that is coincidentally a teacher.

Also not sure how you know her qualifications or why it’s relevant.

ProudAuntie76 · 12/12/2020 00:35

Weird set up for a 6th Form, having a “telling off” meeting with a parent present.

Weirder still that it took place in a pandemic.

ilovesooty · 12/12/2020 01:46

@Janegrey333

Teacher bashing.
Some of the OP's previous posts indicate that she isn't too happy about teachers .
Namechangearoon · 12/12/2020 01:50

@noblegiraffe

Unusual that you are allowed on school premises in covid times. How did you manage social distancing with all those teachers?
not really unusual. Masks, meeting rooms, space.

meetings with parents still happen if you ask.

fortifiedwithtea · 12/12/2020 02:04

I don’t know why so many are questioning the in school part of the meeting. Currently I have a serious issue with my daughter’s form tutor. The deputy head offered me the choice of a meeting in school or via zoom. I chose via zoom because I am unable to drive (epileptic) and the journey would be problematic for me.

Face to face Meetings are possible .

ketchuponpizza · 12/12/2020 02:20

In my experience, teachers only take on a certain tone with children who need it and parents who think they know better than the teachers.

And, people who don't like to hear these comments are often the ones who need to hear them the most.

HappyChristmasTreeRex · 12/12/2020 04:45

Sounds like he needed it, hopefully he will take it on board and do better. You sound a bit patronising yourself, remember that being highly qualified doesn't necessarily mean you understand more. I don't think you are wrong about the working though, it will give him some good life skills.

CutToChase · 12/12/2020 05:02

YANBU. one of the main draws of the job is pontificating at people powerless to make you stop. Not surprising it can sometimes spill over to parents

RLGGG · 12/12/2020 05:42

Thanks don't know if flowers in response to teacher bashing on here is still a thing but feel this is needed.

OP, you lectured, there's a difference between that and teaching. You also stated you don't anymore. So whatever your qualifications, please don't throw them against those trying their best for your son. The pressures on teachers at present are horrendous and to give up that time after school when they are tired, worried and under-staffed at what is realistically the crunch point in the year for A Level students shows they care. They can let him saunter along earning a bit of money, not doing his work and ruin his chance to achieve his potential or they can step in at the expense of their own time. This is what they did. Taking to Mumsnet to whinge after the event says more about you than the teaching community. Work with them to help your son.

Maireas · 12/12/2020 06:18

Didn't happen.

Goslowlysideways · 12/12/2020 06:22

Shocked you had a meeting in person. Unheard of.
Couldn't you have interjected?
Why is he in six form if he can't be bothered to work?
It's frustrating.
He clearly can't manage work and six form. Maybe find him something else and stop wasting the schools time?

standupsitdownturnaround · 12/12/2020 06:34

I wouldn't worry too much about the tone of a 20 minute conversation. Maybe it was calculated to give him a fright. It could be that he's previously been dismissive of their efforts?

There's nothing wrong with having a little jolt when you're floating along doing the minimum.

I hope you didn't undo their efforts in the car on the way home and tell your son the teacher was patronising.

Backing for teachers from parents is really important and a shocking amount of parents don't see that.

AverageHuman · 12/12/2020 06:37

Its a really stressful time working in education right now. My DH lectures and its completely different than working in the college setting I have been in during COVID. It sounds like they did you a favour by warning you that your son is not getting on that well. But they should not have ranted like that and have no idea what you might be going through just because they are under a lot of stress. Perhaps you are ‘qualified’ but it doesn’t mean you could do his job. I do think they are used to talking down to people though, I’ve had something similar recently with a Head.

AverageHuman · 12/12/2020 06:39

Her job sorry! :-) terrible that i assumed the rant came from a man haha, it in no way reflects any sort of opinion i hold...!

MaMaD1990 · 12/12/2020 06:42

I don't understand why you didn't stop her during her 20 minute tirade...if it were my kid being slammed I would be fighting his corner, not just sitting there doing nothing. I suspect there is more to this than just your child's 'laziness', these people have a job to do and perhaps they saw it as a last straw. If your son won't put the effort in, why should they? YABU.

Ralphschocolate · 12/12/2020 06:45

How do you know you're more qualified? Did she show you her qualifications? I work in a school (not a teacher) and know several teachers who have substantially more qualifications than required for teaching but have chosen this career path as they want to make a difference. Maybe your arrogance has rubbed off on your son and as a result she wanted to bring him down a peg or 2.

Namenic · 12/12/2020 06:46

I’d focus on the lazy son. It’s great if teachers can motivate him, but I see it as mostly parental responsibility.

Some kids can’t be motivated and take a longer way round. Kids need to understand that overall that path can be more expensive and more difficult (eg working full time and re taking a levels as adult). Though perhaps that way they might get to see more non-traditional options too (eg not just straight from school to uni/further ed college).

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/12/2020 06:50

Ok well, take this attitude with your ds then. You are right. The teacher is wrong. Stand and watch him do badly in his ‘A’ levels. Or perhaps take on board the message despite the delivery?

Teachers are on their knees and dealing with a bunch of know it all shits without the ability to action normal sanctions on them.

Teachers Daffodil Daffodil

JacobReesMogadishu · 12/12/2020 06:53

Hopefully it makes a difference and he pulls his socks up.

mincefuckinpies · 12/12/2020 06:59

@WayTooSoon

There is definitely a certain tone of voice that teachers have. I have a teacher friend who often starts sentences with "Listen", which really irritates me as I am 40 years old and there's only the 2 of us in the room, it's not like I'm running around with scissors and need a reminder on how to converse!

She'll also be the one on nights out doing a quick "1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8..." finger-pointy headcount between venues like we're on a school trip. I think just some things you do so often they seep into your normal life.

I worry about this! I know exactly what you mean Grin I ask my OH to tell me if I start.

In general one of the weird things about Mumsnet is a refusal to accept teachers as less than perfect. I don’t see the so called “teacher bashing” others do, most posts insist the teacher is in the right.

I’m not meaning to throw a hand grenade into the conversation here but bullying in teaching is a huge problem. It accounts for huge amounts of staff turbulence (my friends primary school has lost all its teachers over the last two years due to a bullying head) and also for people leaving the profession altogether as they are just too shaken in confidence to go back. It’s also a huge drain on public funds as people inevitably take time off with either stress or with illnesses that have come about due to stress.

If I posted about this as a teacher I don’t think anyone would deny it’s a problem. We all know teachers who were competent but ended up threatened with capability or set up or lied about - don’t we? That’s not teacher bashing. That’s bullying bashing, much as I dislike both phrases.

But for some reason, someone posts as a parent to state concerns about a teachers attitude and that is ‘teacher bashing’. I do find that very peculiar.

Isthatitnow · 12/12/2020 07:15

I am more qualified than her

How could you possibly know what her qualifications are? Most teachers I work with minimally have a PGCE and a Masters on top of their degree. Over the years I have worked with a significant number who have PhDs. You can’t tell what our qualifications are just by looking at us.

OverTheRainbow88 · 12/12/2020 07:26

Considering you’ve just had a face to face meeting I assume they’ve called you a few times to discuss their concerns and no positive progress has been made this you’ve been called into a meeting.

Your son needs to try harder, you never know, these teachers may be the ones that gives him his final grades, as we did last year.

Chanandlerbong01 · 12/12/2020 07:32

What additional qualifications do you need to be a college lecturer? I would think teaching ks3- a level takes more skill because of the wide range.

Or do you just think your better and that’s rubbed off on your son? In my experience kids with parents on side tend to do better than those that want to undermine us.

whiterabbitsweets · 12/12/2020 07:42

NATALT Grin but there are definitely a lot of teachers so far up their own backsides it's unreal.

My OH works in school finance and whilst there are many great teachers, there are also many who think they're better than everyone else. She thought it was her but all support staff can't be wrong. "What, you DON'T have a degree, poor you". Bossy, entitled, snobby. They make the lives of teaching assistants and support staff a misery.

It's not isolated to the OH's school either. Shame but have experienced it myself. I do a lot of STEM outreach at schools all over. The way some teachers talk to students is disgraceful.

I appreciate it's a bit chicken and egg but I get so much more out of students by talking to them like adults/human beings.