To be annoyed by this message from friend?

[Snoringoutloud]

Just typed out a really long backstory and lost it 😭 so will recap and add more details if relevant.

Have a friend we've been friends for nearly 20 years, I'm not a massively chatty type of person and have never had another friendship where we speak everyday but me and this friend have always spoke daily via text. Almost never about anything that needs an immediate reply so more like general chit chat and depending on what we are both doing in the day it can range from 1 message each from us both or several a day.
I had another dc nearly 2 years ago and with lockdown a new baby etc I havent seen this friend for over a year now (we live 40 mins apart for context)
I know people will say it's just excuses and it doesnt take 2 mins to type out a message but with DC to look after, homeschooling, working from home etc I just forget to reply daily and sometimes a few days go by before I reply (like i say it's not something that needs an immediate reply otherwise I would answer) the messages are long and take me a good while to to respond.
All other friends I have are the same as me and will take a week or so to reply to messages sometimes which I think is normal when you have DC and busy lives?
This friend of mine has no DC and lives at home so doesnt have these responsibilities.

Anyway to my point, a couple of days ago I responded to her message and it had been about 6 days since she sent it, it was just about a program we were watching and general chit chat about xmas and at the end I said sorry I've been rubbish at replying lately. Her reply was short, snappy and in response to me saying sorry about being rubbish at replying was yeah I'm used to it.
I've known her a long time and know when she's being snappy.
AIBU to be slightly annoyed by this?

Well Ithink you are both being a bit silly and out of sync. She is being demanding and has no idea how it is with a young family and you are being distant. Do you resent her demands and the fact that she may not be as busy with family life as you are? She sounds lonely tbh.

Six days is shit.

Yeah right. You are on a power trip. Hope she blocks you

Yip you’re definitely being unreasonable.

I have a friend who won’t reply for 1-2 weeks and I’ve tolerated it to the point where i decided to say something to her yesterday. It speaks volumes about the importance of the friendship to you.

Fair enough you’ve other stuff going on but it only takes a minute to write out a reply. I bet she’s hurt by all the waiting, I know I have been.

You’re very busy but had time to type TWO messages on here 🤔 If you used to message every day and now that’s changing she’s hurt, you probably would be in her position. Why not be honest, say how much you appreciate her and am sorry as you know taking ages to reply is annoying. You are finding it harder to juggle everything but will try to be better 😘 ... or something like that.

I am like your friend. I feel rejected and ignored when people don’t answer me for days.

It sends the message “You are nowhere near the top of my priority list”. And to be fair, that may well be the case. But it hurts.

The way I have coped with this when it arises is to re-evaluate my friendships. Obviously I have no right to another person’s time or attention. If I am clearly no longer an important part of my friend’s life, I don’t get mad, I sadly accept it and mentally downgrade the relationship. She may stop texting you soon OP, would you be happy with that? Are you happy to send her the message that you are now casual friends rather than besties? If so, then yanbu.
But if you want the friendship to continue as before then YABU and need to show her that you value her.

This happened between me and my closest uni friend. We used message every day and we were really close. Then she got a boyfriend and I hardly heard from her.

Unfortunatley at the same time I lost my job, had some close family members become ill and had to move away to re-train. I was depressed and really struggling. All my other friends even ex-boyfriends were keeping in contact regularly. One of my friends called me every Saturday at 10am and during that time, having a regular contact to relyy on saved my life.

I was so angry towards her because she was the person I was closest to. My life had fallen apart and the person who I though knew me the best and cared just wasn't there. She had moved on "as people do", but for me it just felt like I had been replaced and it hurt for a long time, and I was very bitter and lost.

A few years later the film "Bridesmaids" came out and it pretty much summed everything up. People always say you are important to them.. but then their actions don't necessairly back that up.

I am single, and childless.

I’m not saying you’ve deliberately done anything wrong at all but what I will say is, it’s bloody lonely. In fact it’s lonely all the time but even more so during covid. Your friend may not want a relationship or children so perhaps I’m wrong, but I really really do so sometimes seeing how busy and occupied my loved up friends with children are makes me feel even lonelier. That’s not their fault of course, and I’m very very happy for my friends. But she may be feeling lonely too, and your messages are more of a lifeline to her than hers are to you.

I do understand that having a busy house with DC is hectic at times and you become forgetful, however; taking six days to reply to a message from a long standing friend is unacceptable.
I have 3DC - all Boys - and my house is always busy and chaotic but I would never leave a message unreplied to for more than a day or two.
I talk to my SIL weekly - she also has a DC and we both know/understand that it can take a day to get around to replying. But never a week! If I didnt hear from her for a week I would be worried something was wrong and call.
It sucks being busy and that she probably doesn't fully understand what having a family and responsibilities is like but you need to do better. YABU

@bemusedmoose no she isn't on her own, she has a partner, lives at home still and I've asked several times this year if she wants to meet, this was before it had taken me 6 days to respond so for those who are saying it's because I dont respond for 6 days why she doesnt want to meet that isn't the case. I've been taking a couple of days to respond to the longer messages since having my DC but like I said we use fb to message if something needs a quick reply etc so if she was passing by and wanted to meet she could have asked and I'd have given a quick response.

I do agree now from alot of the replies that 6 days to respond isn't on but at the same time I'm starting to realise texting her daily isn't necessary, I don't even speak to my family daily, I'm more of a check in once every now and then kind of person unless that friend is going through a tough time etc.
Before I had my second DC i had more time and it wasnt so much of an issue, perhaps when we do finally meet up we can have a conversation about it and I can let her know I do value her friendship but the excessive texting is too much sometimes and we need to find a middle ground.

You find the frequency and length of your friend's messages too much. Maybe all of a sudden or it's has gradually been building this way a while. That's ok.

6 days to reply is a long time - after that time I would have started new chit chat. I have friends I speak with daily, sometimes less, sometimes more as so much social has moved online because of travel and Covid. It is what it is, you can gradually dial it down but keep the friendship. Texts are not summons.

nope yanbu, people are incredibly self centred and think the world revolves around them. I have great conversations with people that can take months as we reply as and when we see the messages. That is the sign of a great friendship imo