I’ll try and keep this brief (have posted before) we are really really struggling to build up any semblance of a routine and I am totally knocked for six:
Context:
- planned pregnancy although nobody plans twins. They were due to be born at 37+1 by ELCS but I only made it to 36+5. Went into labour- was having very intense contractions in the operating theatre and had an EMCS - outcome was two healthy and beautiful boys.
- end of pregnancy I developed severe obstetric cholestasis and was getting little to no sleep from horrific itching and burning hands and feet. This last about 3 weeks. Both my allocated midwives were on leave at the same time. I felt alone.
- they were very sleepy at birth and didn’t latch or do anything useful on the breast. I had pre expressed a lot of colostrum and this meant my milk came in very early and there was lots of it! I was told to express at every feed and they had lots of breast milk top ups but still lost quite a lot of weight. We ended up having nearly daily midwife visits at home and I found them super stressful. Due to lockdown and difficult pregnancy I hadn’t left the house in my many many weeks and wanted to go for a walk but they didn’t give us a time slot so I had to wait in all day. We got discharged from midwives at day 17.
- one midwife suggested an intensive formula programme with huge quantities and they couldn’t cope- went floppy and sleepy and we ended up in hospital for the night. They had still lost weight- I couldn’t believe it.
- eventually they started to gain but I started to really struggle- when one twin cries and gets something wants it too. So difficult.
- my bleeding also massively increased and I called the hospital and the gp who told me I was probably just doing too much and it was normal. I had an allergic reaction to my section dressing and came out in a skin rash and I got a uti but put this down to the twins and the breastfeeding cycle. They were cluster feeding and I struggled to tandem. I was knackered but didn’t think much of it. I also started getting shivers.
- DH and I weren’t getting on and at each other all the time.
- last week I suddenly got very shivery and couldn’t get out of bed- suspected covid- temperature was very high 38.5. Booked covid test but friend recommended calling maternity who invited me in when I shared my other symptoms. My heart rate was sky high -144- and I was clearly not well. It was sepsis. They admitted me straight away and put me on a drip and iv antibiotics. I was back on postnatal and too unwell to have babies there. It was a traumatic stay and there was an empty cot in the room. The staff were lovely but I wish I’d asked them to remove the cot- I was very poorly and they were unsure of the source of infection- my body was not responding to the antibiotics and I felt terrible- shivery- couldn’t even have the radio on. I’m normally quite fit and well. I cried a lot missing babies. They found a blood clot in my womb that they suspect was infected or that I had a lining infection. They consented me for a D&C and then cancelled it. Next day took me for an MVA then sent me home on tablets. I’m better than I was physically but get very very tired and also still quite traumatised.
- one thing that really affected me is being so weak I couldn’t get out of bed or brush my teeth but having to express milk or leaking milk all over my bed and hospital gain while talking to the doctors. I’ve decided to stop breastfeeding and think it’s right though it’s sad to do it like this.
- I am trying to tail of my supply- I am soaking through my clothes with milk it’s horrible
- I’m on the list to be seen my talking therapies
- an incomplete root canal due to lockdown means I need a tooth extracted. It was meant to be this week but I was in hospital and there are no appointments for weeks.
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Issue now is that after this shaky start, we are really struggling to establish any sort of routine. Boys are formal fed and thriving but we are just surviving feed to feed and we don’t do anything but feed, change and sleep. When they are down I have a choice to do jobs in the house, shower or sleep. There’s often only a few minutes respite as they’re not in sync and are both demanding and sicky. Now they’re getting more alert I’m desperate to introduce playmat time (tried this last night and they enjoyed) and also some semblance of a routine.
When does it get easier? Hubby has them downstairs for hours or in the nursery while I try and rest as I’m still recovering but they are so wide awake at night.
In my desperation I contacted a twin specialist sleep nanny but she is so expensive we could afford one night at a push when we need support with routine which takes longer.
The babies are nearly 4 weeks old. Does anyone have a good twin routine for this age that works? I hate the feeling of just surviving feed to feed and doing nothing else and need to protect myself..