To think London commute towns are no better than Edinburgh for raising a family?

[JenXG]

So basically DH and I are having a debate on whether to leave Edinburgh and move to a commute town outside London. (we have to stick with Edinburgh / London as working in financial sector but both of us would avoid London because of traffic/pollution/crowded streets).

The main reason for DH favouring those commute towns is that they seem to have loads of good schools for DS (4mo) to choose from compared to Edinburgh where there are only a few (or hardly any if his standard). He has high hope for DS. Also the A-level system is widely recognised across different countries (so potential for studying overseas) but the same cant be said for the Scotland system.

My worry is that we are giving up preferred lifestyle for a very small difference in schooling. I grew up in a big city and always need busy streets nearby. I understand some places such as Guildford will have its own town centre but there are still fewer things going on compared to Edinburgh. For example, there are a wide range of fine restuarants, several theatres & cinemas, pubs, etc in Edinburgh but living in Guildford we'd still have to go to London for a night out? I'd assume activities for young kids are more available in Edinburgh than in Guildford? E.g. Edinburgh has a zoo, lots of museums, and a coastline where you can do kayaking. Also Guildford is one of the busier towns as I understand. Some other commute towns are even quieter. So we'd highly likely end up travelling to London a lot which is not fun (I'm far more used to walking or driving a little bit to favourite places than hours of trains/tubes).

What do people think? I haven't been to many places in the southern area. Maybe I have misunderstood what life would be like there? Would you relocate if you were us?

Someone said it did... I believed them...

That was me, I googled and found this: guildfordskislope.co.uk/ Postcode is GU1 1JY so I assumed it's local. I don't know Guildford at all myself. I'm from north of the river.

My niece now lives in Tunbridge Wells. She likes it and it sounds very naice. (This feels wrong somehow- conventionally one should have an aunt in Tunbridge Wells, not a niece. )

Isn't the saying "disgusted of Tunbridge Wells"?

I've just moved much much further north from the SE to be nearer family. The only thing I'll miss is the weather, but we're now living mortgage free in a bigger house, so more disposable income. Hoping to be able to go on holidays next year to get some sun!
Op have you considered Cambridge? More like Edinburgh but much smaller. Has everything you'd need and can be in central London in 50 mins. Lots of private schools which are highly ranked.

I do think the countryside in Kent is very pretty. I once took the kids down there for a hoverboarding party. It was near Godstone (I think that’s near Tunbridge Wells)? Stunning - rolling hills and beautiful bluebell forests. I was amazed as this is just south of the M25 but it’s really such lovely countryside around there. Also, in Kent, I live the vineyards. It’s quite a unique part of Britain.

@CheetasOnFajitas

So you’re back OP. Not a word of acknowledgement or thanks for several pages of advice and just asking more questions. Think you have forgotten your manners...

Quite. The return of the OP is for damage limitation reasons.

@JenXG What is your budget?

I have a good friend in Sevenoaks. DD went to Sevenoaks School.

But as before, you are really being far too premature thinking about private schools for a son aged 4 months.

Can I ask how old you both are ? It's just that your thinking on all of this is quite unusual and seems a little odd. I've never met anyone who chooses to move 500 miles on the basis of a good prep school for their baby who is weeks old. OR has such expectations pinned on them that means they are going to be expected to go to Oxbridge or whatever.

It's frankly unbelievable.

The questioning technique is a means of keeping this thread going. It must make entertaining reading for certain people.

And I see that there is one to the south of Edinburgh too

I didn't feel the need to say so. The OP lives in Edinburgh and she already knows the amenites. You can see it from all over the city.

@VerlynWebbe

The lack of light is hard in winter. The kids are going to school and coming back in the dark these days. I bet Guildford has lower rates of SAD.

Doubtful. I’d actually feel sad to live in what amounts to a cultural vacuum.

@AmaryllisNightAndDay

And I see that there is one to the south of Edinburgh too

I didn't feel the need to say so. The OP lives in Edinburgh and she already knows the amenites. You can see it from all over the city.

It is very odd that the OP hasn’t noticed it at all. There are two runs now and generally floodlit.

@myla1

Hi OP. Obviously, Scotland is highly likely to go independent in the near future (and who can blame them, frankly), so the key decision here surely, is what country do you want to live in? I wouldn’t be stressing to much about schools with a 4-month old.

Having said this, I would move south like a shot - solely on the basis of warmer weather / more sunshine hours. That alone brings a different quality of life. Edinburgh is very austere, I find.

Guildford is Guildford. It’s a nice town yes, But quite a suburban feel. And, schools-wise (for a boy), you would be looking at the Royal Grammar which is fine but, I fear, not aspirational enough for your DH.

If you really want to throw your hat into a tiger-parent-extraordinaire scenario, then please do join us here in SW London. But you will need to get him enrolled NOW into “the right” prep. Otherwise, how will he get into St Paul’s He will be doomed!

I’m joking, it’s not really that bad (sometimes). But if you want access to the most selective independents, why are you thinking suburbia? Could I suggest Richmond, Barnes, Putney and thereabouts? Or Ealing, Parson’s Green, Fulham etc. Everything on your doorstep. Greenery and parks and the Thames is beautiful here. Some people move to Surrey and generally, they regret it or they just get too bored and come back. Both my neighbours did this and quite a few people I know actually.

Aspirational schools for the DH include - Kings Wimbledon, St Paul’s, Latymer Upper, Westminster, Hampton (super-selectives).

There are other schools which take the 98% that don’t get into the above. But do please bear in mind that even an “average” school will make somewhere like Fettes look like a holiday camp. Be prepared to bring your DS to an entrance exam and queue with 1,400 kids for 140 places in the school. Oh, and he will probably need to sit 5 separate 11 plus exams to get a place somewhere. And maybe sit 7+ or 8+ as well as 11plus.

Still keen.. ?

No really - why Guildford particularly?

Good question!

I just used Guildford in my post as an example to explain my concerns on the small-ish scale of commuter towns....It was just a random pick. We were also looking at Kent and Cambridge.

Yes we've looked at Kings, St. Pauls, etc. The competition looks fierce. We don't want DS to go through that when he's quite young. I imagine the ones outside London are slightly better in terms of pressure (or am i wrong?). The other reason is that London is too busy and a bit cramped. Ideally we'd want a bigger house and some green field for DS to run around. But having read all the comments on Guildford, I think we need to take a closer look at London again.

Btw. 1400 candidates for 140 positions is not that bad compared to my experience (we are Asians :) ). If it was for myself not DS I'd give St. Pauls a go.

I think "you have to go to Oxford/Cambridge it is very important" is a lot of weight to put on a 4mo baby in the first place, without also adding "you have to go to Oxford/Cambridge, and we moved to a town we don't much like living in to slightly statistically increase your chances of doing this, NO PRESSURE."

@midnightstar66

Why not stay in Edinburgh, save your money and the crazy long commute and send ds to fettes where he can do A levels (if he turns out to be academic - with that pressure he might totally rebel) 😆

If we decide to stay in Edinburgh, we might well have to go to Fettes. But I'm not sure if that's the right place for DS looking at the background of parents. Also majority of Fettes pupils are boarding but we arent considering boarding.

I don't get the 'save money' bit. I don't think buying a home at the 'right' place in Edinburgh is massively cheaper than in Guildford. You'd either spend 6/700k on a 3bed Victorian flat in the city centre that require heating on 7x24 or 500k+ on a sorry-looking bunglow on a steep slope then stuck for 30 minutes+ on the way to the office. If you want a proper house with 'everything at your doorstep' i think we are talking about close to 1m mark.

How do you know your child will be bright? I know plenty of children from academic/Oxbridgy parents who aren't especially. He may develop difficulties, who knows what his interests will be? As others say, a lot of pressure and you lose a lot to gain not much (apart from weather).

4 months is a good age to think about feeder prep schools and destinations of leavers in London / SE.

If your husband is not Scottish then may be the move to London is best. (I am from NE England and live in outer London)

We have a vast range of private and state schools from which to choose here.

@Chumleymouse

By the time he’s 16 he might want to be a bricklayer or rock guitarist? 4 month old is a bit early to be deciding, or might hate school full stop. You both sound a bit odd to me. I’d rather live down sound , Scotland’s weather is shit .

Yes I get what you say. And I'm fine with him wanting to be guitarist or plumber as suggested in other posts. But surely it is easier to attend an academic school to start with (since admission to nursery/reception is normally easier) and quit once realise it's not right for him than the other way round?

Your ds is 4 months old
You have time to move later if needs be
You clearly have funds.
You dont need to map out a path to oxbridge now.
Wait and see
He may be a gifted ballerina and you prefer to moved close to royal ballet school
Or have severe dyslexia
Or may not be academic at all.
He may want to do drama.
Live where you like now and review in 6 years

. You'd either spend 6/700k on a 3bed Victorian flat in the city centre that require heating on 7x24 or 500k+ on a sorry-looking bunglow on a steep slope then stuck for 30 minutes+ on the way to the office. If you want a proper house with 'everything at your doorstep' i think we are talking about close to 1m mark.

Have you actually looked at house prices?
In Guildford you'd pay £700K+ for a fairly ordinary house and in reality far more.

Cambridge city centre is unaffordable unless you have close to £1M.
Even Trumpington which is close to the Perse School has new builds close to £1M.
Friend's house in Sevenoaks is worth over £1M for a 'nice family home' out of the town centre.

St Albans and other Herts small towns and villages, a detached house with 3-4 bedrooms is no less that £700K.

Also, even if your son gets a place at a prep school you do realise that entry to good public schools is via an entrance 13+ exam and no guarantee he could get a place.

Why is your DH so fixated with private education and putting your baby under pressure already? It's bizarre. I'm not convinced you are being honest or telling us the whole story.

It sounds like you don’t like Edinburgh that much. Life down south is definitely different but maybe you need to give it a go. Britain’s pretty nice in most parts, I’m sure you’ll find your niche.

It s not hoinh to be easier to attend an academic school.if at three he is diagnosed with autism orspeech disorder.
You havw good schools
In edinbuegh you have same in south east. It wontmatter
It wont matter if he doesnt get into oxbridge.
If he is good enough for oxbridge he csn get there from a ramge if schools.

You need to be very very careful of what you and your DH wish for.

I have friends with science PhDs and who are very academic working in research. They moved somewhere to give their DCs a better education than state schools in central London. Their DCs rebelled, didn't go to uni and spent their 20s and early 30s bumming round the world, doing sweet FA.

You have NO IDEA what your son is going to be like and if your H is like when DC is 4 months, I feel terrified for your son's future.

You are taking pushy parents to a whole new level, assuming that money can buy results.

Having taught in private and state schools, and talked to hundreds of parents over the years, I feel very worried about your expectations.

And some of kids from "top " schools do not get into oxbridge . Shock.
It isnt guarantee.
If it is hos path he wil get there whichever school
Try relaxing a bit more

@mellicauli

It's true Edinburgh is a world class city. But the sad fact is once you have a 4 month old you might as well be in Guildford for all the use you get of those world class facilities. I mean, where's the buggy ramp to those underground streets?

Omg your reply almost made me cry. So true.

Yes Edinburgh is beautiful, cultural and has a volcano. But why would I want a volcano at my doorstep when I have a 4mo to look after.

As said in my original post, the most attractive aspect of Edinburgh is that things are within easy reach. If any place has comparable convenience and better school i'd swap Edinburgh for it. I don't care if it is the cultural centre of the world. That's what holiday destination is for, not home!

It’s Edinburgh not the polar icecap your heating wont be in 24/7
Day Schools you’ve got

Fettes
George Watson
George Herriot
Loretto in Musselburgh they offer a nursery to junior school route
They all offer A. Level and baccalaureate

@GreenlandTheMovie

Oh and really, saying Scots students aren't interested in Oxbridge is ridiculous. Students travel from all over the world to study at Oxford and Cambridge even though their own countries contain world renowned universities. If Scots students aren't willing to travel to another part of the UK, then perhaps we should be asking what is holding them back (compared to international students), not giving them a pat on the back and telling them they're wonderful for not going.

This.

In fact that the Scottish students are not interested in Oxbridge or overseas uni's almost helped me decide to leave anyway. We came from another country and our friends and families are all over the world. There is so much to explore in this world. Not saying the lack of curiosity or ambition or whatever is necessarily bad since everyone is different. But that's probably not the attitude that we would encourage as parents.