Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Give me a child until he is seven and I will show you the man

122 replies

thecolouryellow · 08/12/2020 22:03

I have one child who is 7 months old. As he’s growing up and starting to develop a personality, I’m naturally thinking about how I can bring him up to be the best, happiest and most confident person he can be. I suffered a lot of anxiety as a child and I don’t want my DS to experience the same thing. I just want to raise a content and confident child and in light of this, the Aristotle quote in my thread title has been playing a lot on my mind. I know my DS is still very young, but what steps can I start taking now - or what good habits can I begin putting in place - to ensure he had the best possible start in life?

OP posts:
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 08/12/2020 22:09

Love him,
Set a routine and be consistent it adds to him Feeling safe
be attentive,
be available
Let him Take risks
Tell him when he’s right
Tell him when he’s wrong
Let him explore
Don’t make him do hobbies or pressure into being busy
Don’t overplay his life or get involved in every he said,they said

Solasum · 08/12/2020 22:10

Talk to him about how you deal with people. Model positive interactions with others and don’t be afraid to show your own emotions and how you deal with them.

Teach him how to celebrate the success of others, how to fail gracefully, how to win gracefully, and how to keep trying even if something is hard.

Show him how to find joy in the day to day, not just in big treats.

Carve out time just to listen to him with no distractions and follow his interests

QueefBee · 08/12/2020 22:11

He's a boy so got a head start in life as is. Try not to worry x

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 08/12/2020 22:12

He’ll be his own person don’t project your experiences onto him
No tutors or stressing about exams or school
No to loads of hobbies
Sometimes you’ll have to fake it to make it,plaster on a smile when you’re not ok

aurora12digits · 08/12/2020 22:12

Oh! Isn't that what we all try to do!

Didyousaysomethingdarling · 08/12/2020 22:14

Spend half as much money on him and give him twice your time!
Have him doing is own tidying up/putting away even though for the first three or four years you'll always have to redo it. This is something I wish I'd done with my DSs

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 08/12/2020 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

thecolouryellow · 08/12/2020 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ for repeating deleted post. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

nervousnelly8 · 08/12/2020 22:18

Mine is also still only young so I don't have wise words like many PPs! But I really enjoyed listening to Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph on Audible. I thought it did really well at addressing the societal pressures faced by young men as well as some of 'typical' biological/developmental differences between boys and girls. I think he has a Raising Girls book too which I plan to read once my newborn is slightly less overwhelming!

Joeydoesntshare · 08/12/2020 22:22

Positive words repeated I am so smart I am handsome I am strong etc

UndertheCedartree · 08/12/2020 22:22

Agree with most of above. But I don't agree with faking a smile. DC will pick up on that and it can be very damaging for them to grow up being told everything is ok when they know it's not. The best lesson for DC is - sometimes it's not ok but we can get through it!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 08/12/2020 22:23

Some good advice above but, in terms of personality, unless your parenting is very extreme (which I'm sure it is not), he will be who he is. Maybe he will be confident and extroverted, maybe he won't. Maybe he will have a cheerful disposition, maybe he won't. It is important to accept whoever he is, and not be disappointed if he's not the leader of the pack/life and soul of the party.

ArosGartref · 08/12/2020 22:24

I have a son who is about to turn 7 and my advice would be never teach him to whistle.

Muckish · 08/12/2020 22:26

My child is only 8, so I’m no expert, but honestly, while you can think analytically about what elements of your upbringing may have contributed to your anxiety and not replicate them, I think you also need to beware of putting pressure on your child to have qualities you would have liked to have yourself. I mean, I think requiring a child to be ‘confident and content’ is quite a big ask.

The things I’m sure about having done with DS are things like letting him see me try new things, get out of my comfort zone and fail, and be ok with that, modelling good friendships and relationships and confident behaviour and a work ethic, and also letting him know I have his back in all things, and that he’s able for whatever daily challenges life throws up.

We had a challenging year, as we moved countries and he moved school systems, and due to housing issues and COVID moved several times, but I’m hoping he’s absorbed that change and uncertainty can be dealt with and even enjoyed.

I’m very aware of how much work I needed to do when I was younger to overcome the example of my parents, who are lovely, but also timid, withdrawn, socially-awkward people who were never able to present life as something they could cope with.

Atalune · 08/12/2020 22:28

Love him.

Model what you want to see in him.

Eat at the table and talk. Take an interest in his interests. Praise and encourage.

Teach him accountability.

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/12/2020 22:29

If you want to raise a confident happy child then be a confident happy person

delilahbucket · 08/12/2020 22:29

Show him love and affection, let him meet others of all ages, be consistent in everything and routine, routine, routine!

thecolouryellow · 08/12/2020 22:30

I’m very aware of how much work I needed to do when I was younger to overcome the example of my parents, who are lovely, but also timid, withdrawn, socially-awkward people who were never able to present life as something they could cope with.

Thanks. This struck a chord - I’m worried I could be setting a similar example to your parents.

OP posts:
Scissor · 08/12/2020 22:31

I noticed when mine went to uni, I went shopping and had to push my own trolley, it wasn't packed like a game of Tetris and I had to actually put stuff in bags..I miss him.

WhySoSensitive · 08/12/2020 22:32

@ArosGartref

I have a son who is about to turn 7 and my advice would be never teach him to whistle.
Hahaha this has randomly cheered me right up tonight.
AlmostAlwyn · 08/12/2020 22:34

Mine is only 4, but I think a secure attachment is the key to confidence. For me, that looks like being home with him (I work part time from home), bedsharing, natural term breastfeeding and gentle parenting (most of the time Wink).

thecolouryellow · 08/12/2020 22:35

natural term breastfeeding

I wasn’t able to breastfeed, so I’ve already failed on that front.

OP posts:
suggestionsplease1 · 08/12/2020 22:36

I think this is a bit of nature/nurture question. Yes, do whatever you can to support him and bring him up to be a happy, kind, confident person, but also don't underestimate the influence of genetic inheritance / biological factors.

By way of example, it is now thought that ADHD has strong genetic underpinnings...previously it might have been considered that upbringing was the main influence on this condition.

Floralnomad · 08/12/2020 22:38

@Oliversmumsarmy

If you want to raise a confident happy child then be a confident happy person
Doesn’t necessarily work like that , I’m very self assured and confident and my daughter has serious anxiety about anything and everything despite my best efforts .
lockedownloretta · 08/12/2020 22:38

listen to them.
when they want to rattle on endlessly about minecraft or whatever the current craze is, listen.
If the can talk to you about the small stuff they will talk to you about the big stuff.