Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Give me a child until he is seven and I will show you the man

122 replies

thecolouryellow · 08/12/2020 22:03

I have one child who is 7 months old. As he’s growing up and starting to develop a personality, I’m naturally thinking about how I can bring him up to be the best, happiest and most confident person he can be. I suffered a lot of anxiety as a child and I don’t want my DS to experience the same thing. I just want to raise a content and confident child and in light of this, the Aristotle quote in my thread title has been playing a lot on my mind. I know my DS is still very young, but what steps can I start taking now - or what good habits can I begin putting in place - to ensure he had the best possible start in life?

OP posts:

Mcnotty · 08/12/2020 22:38

I thank God that my DS is not growing into a man based on where or what he was at 7yrs. Thank bloody goodness!

Original poster

thecolouryellow · 08/12/2020 22:40

Doesn’t necessarily work like that , I’m very self assured and confident and my daughter has serious anxiety about anything and everything despite my best efforts.

@Floralnomad does she take after your DH perhaps?

OP posts:

Pluckedpencil · 08/12/2020 22:44

I have noticed as they grow that it's the role modeling. They see everything, they copy everything. Make sure what they see and what they copy is good. I guess what I'm saying is, work on yourself rather than on them - the rest happens all by itself.

HallieKnight · 08/12/2020 22:44

The three most important things are:

Truly unconditional love
Respecting your child in every way
Always putting their needs before anyone else

Muckish · 08/12/2020 22:45

@thecolouryellow

I’m very aware of how much work I needed to do when I was younger to overcome the example of my parents, who are lovely, but also timid, withdrawn, socially-awkward people who were never able to present life as something they could cope with.

Thanks. This struck a chord - I’m worried I could be setting a similar example to your parents.

Then it sounds as if you have some work to do on yourself sooner rather than later, OP. You need to model the qualities you’d like your son to develop.

I mean, I love my parents, but their automatic assumption that good stuff ‘wasn’t for the likes of us’, that other people weren’t to be trusted, that ‘nice’ children were silent and shy, that everything would turn out badly and to expect the worst so you wouldn’t be disappointed, and that the worst thing you could be was ‘pleased with yourself’ — it got very wearing. It would have been so nice to have some reinforcement that the world wasn’t an unmanageable, frightening place I could never succeed in.

Mcnotty · 08/12/2020 22:46

@Floralnomad Agreed. Life is more complicated than just being happy and confident yourself. Sometimes life deals strange cards that you can’t explain. You just have to deal whatever that is. Of course, if those cards are all good, then you assume it’s all your hard work that went into it.

Pluckedpencil · 08/12/2020 22:46

I also wanted to say, the fact you are thinking about this stuff shows you are trying to be a great parent. That's already giving them a big head start.

5zeds · 08/12/2020 22:46

Love him for who he is not who you want him to be.

Be his rock and always interested in his life.

10storeylovesong · 08/12/2020 22:47

I actually hope this isn't true. My DS is 7 and is suffering with crippling anxiety. He is awake every night worrying about things that just can't happen - tonight's worry is if someone dug to the Earth's core and smashed it with a pick axe, that gravity would cease to exist and we would all float away...

We're doing a lot of work around this at home and school and I really hope there's room for growth.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 08/12/2020 22:48

I also wanted to say, the fact you are thinking about this stuff shows you are trying to be a great parent. That's already giving them a big head start

Very true.

Needhelp101 · 08/12/2020 22:49

I've got 2 sons, both with SEN (ASD, ADHD). They are my absolute world.

The most important thing is that they feel loved and secure and I think they do.

Also honesty and communication. I can talk about anything to my boys (in an age appropriate way). This can backfire a little when you're in a taxi having a horrific hot flush and your eldest remarks in a completely matter of fact voice, "Don't worry Mum, it's just your menopause"

JustaPatioWithAspirations · 08/12/2020 22:51

Seek out people who calm you so you can be at your best and model good things

ContessaDiPulpo · 08/12/2020 22:51

@Pluckedpencil

I also wanted to say, the fact you are thinking about this stuff shows you are trying to be a great parent. That's already giving them a big head start.

I agree with this!

My top tip is to try and always speak to your DC politely, so that they learn to do the same in turn. I certainly don't always succeed at this, but I try to say please/thank you etc whenever I would have said it to an adult, and to model manners like thanking DH for cooking our meal and so on. I think they notice small aspects of manners like that and I'm hoping they'll do the same. I also try to admit to being scared and confused when I am, so they don't think we are these magic godlike beings that have it all sorted out.

I also agree with the just listen bit.

manybirdsnests · 08/12/2020 22:52

@ArosGartref

I have a son who is about to turn 7 and my advice would be never teach him to whistle.

Made me lol - thanks!

Elisheva · 08/12/2020 22:52

I have three DC and, looking back, I can see their personalities already showing in the first 30 minutes after they were born. So you have to work with and shape the child you have, not imagine a child and try to make your child into that.
The advice I have found really useful, although a bit trite is: make physical contact frequently; say 5 positive things for every negative thing; and the three most important moments in the day to connect with them are first thing in the morning, meeting them from school and just before bed.

Mydogmylife · 08/12/2020 22:53

Be kind!

ludothedog · 08/12/2020 22:54

Yes to modeling the behavioral you want to see but also teach him with kindness and that he is valued for who he is.

But most importantly try to avoid those ACE's (adverse childhood experiences) that are so detrimental to a child's wellbeing. Of course, there are lots of thigs you can't avoid but most importantly a safe and stable home.

JustaPatioWithAspirations · 08/12/2020 22:56

:)
“The advice I have found really useful, although a bit trite is: make physical contact frequently; say 5 positive things for every negative thing; and the three most important moments in the day to connect with them are first thing in the morning, meeting them from school and just before bed.”

NorthernNic · 08/12/2020 22:57

"I have a son who is about to turn 7 and my advice would be never teach him to whistle."

Ha ha I have a whistling 7 year old!

FurrySlipperBoots · 08/12/2020 22:58

I have a son who is about to turn 7 and my advice would be never teach him to whistle.

Also don't introduce him to the concept of 'jokes' until he is 7, and old enough to 'get it'. It's really very painful having a 5 year old insist on telling you their very own jokes,

'Why is Rudolph a reindeer? Because he is a poo!'

Uh-huh...

Iris27 · 08/12/2020 22:59

@ArosGartref

I have a son who is about to turn 7 and my advice would be never teach him to whistle.

This cracked me up

Joolsin · 08/12/2020 23:01

@Joeydoesntshare

Positive words repeated I am so smart I am handsome I am strong etc

I don't agree with this approach. Whilst I do agree that it's important to compliment your children, this is too much. Some of the most obnoxious teenagers and young adults I've known were raised by lovely parents who told them similar throughout their young lives. They ended up believing that they were smarter, more handsome, stronger, etc than everyone else and the resulting ingrained arrogance was not what the parents had intended.

VinylDetective · 08/12/2020 23:02

@HallieKnight

The three most important things are:

Truly unconditional love
Respecting your child in every way
Always putting their needs before anyone else

I’ll go with the first two but not the third. They need to learn that sometimes other people’s needs come before theirs. A younger sibling soon takes care of that.

pallisers · 08/12/2020 23:03

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Love him, Set a routine and be consistent it adds to him Feeling safe be attentive, be available Let him Take risks Tell him when he’s right Tell him when he’s wrong Let him explore Don’t make him do hobbies or pressure into being busy Don’t overplay his life or get involved in every he said,they said

I agree with this and also I think it is really important to rear and love the child you have - not the child you wish he would be.

The nicest advice my mum gave me was to just talk and sing to my baby as much as possible.

Don't worry about the breastfeeding - loads of babies aren't breastfed for all sorts of reasons (I was adopted and it never interfered with the bond I have with my mum and the fantastic upbringing and love she and dad gave us.

pallisers · 08/12/2020 23:04

Oh and mirroring a sense of humour/not taking yourself too seriously is a good idea too.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread