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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Annoying guests thread

326 replies

qwertyuiop098 · 08/12/2020 14:29

Inspired by the absolutely cracking annoying things about other people's homes threads, what annoys you about guests at your home?

I'll start - when people stay over because they live too far to travel home after a night out/late dinner...but then overstay their welcome the next day lying in until the afternoon or not taking the hint to get going.

When people leave the toilet seat up.

Making snide comments about my home e.g. MIL "ugh why do you not have any normal milk? I don't like that oat milk!"

Not bringing anything/saying thank you/returning the invitation.

OP posts:

Sundaypolodog · 13/12/2020 12:46

Can we move away from this have a go at dogs and dog owners?

Ginfordinner · 13/12/2020 12:48

And those who have a go at people who don't love dogs as well please (I do like dogs BTW, but we need to be fair)

KatherineJaneway · 13/12/2020 13:33

So your guests should sit on the floor if the dogs are on the sofa? 😂 Or do they have to share the sofa with the dog?

Of course not. You're clearly trying to bring up silly scenarios to try and bolster your point of view.

It is my house and my private space and I expect my guests to respect that.

I can’t imagine putting the comfort of dogs before the comfort of guests.

Here's a shocker, you can achieve both

2021optimist · 13/12/2020 14:02

The issue that keep arising here is communication. I'd be happy to bring whatever, as a guest, but if it's not the 'Norm amongst my circle' wine and flowers, I need to be forewarned. I'd expect milk to be available but if someone doesn't buy it for whatever reason, I'm more than happy to bring my own.

I'd try to fit with the needs of wanted guests however I could. People who are CF are not wanted, so no, I wouldn't go to great efforts to meet their unreasonable requests.

I shut my dogs away when I have guests but there's no reason why other people should. If I don't want to be around dogs it's my choice not to visit. The PP couldn't have warned her cf guest about her sight hounds, she didn't know the woman was coming or want her there. Surely sheepish mutual friend knew of both the dogs and cf fear of them?

Woewoewoejoy · 13/12/2020 14:31

Just had a home birth with dc3. Not even 12 hours after I gave birth DHS friends wife turned up to 'help' with an overnight bag... Her dh was still on the phone outside getting ready to leave as he was going away for work for 2 nights.... I never asked or needed the help just wanted to be on my own with the kids and dh. DH was in the supermarket and I called him and made him leave the full shopping trolley there and run back to stop her dh leaving and make his wife go as she was refusing to leave.... DH turns up and invites her dh in for tea... They then decide they are hungry. So I ask her to look after the baby so I can cook.... Because you know she wanted to help...
She held the baby for 5 minutes. Came back and disappeared to speak to my DH and her dh. Didn't see her again until I had finished cooking. To find the only reason she came was to ambush my DH to get him to help her find a business premesis for her business. She doesn't speak English. Oldld muggjns here then spent ages sorting things for her and calling estate agents just so she would leave. She still tried to stay the night when DH suddenly found his balls and told them it was time to go.... I ended up throwing up continuously for the next two days consisting of mainly stomach acid. Ended up going to hospital. As she said she wanted to help DH called to ask of she could watch the kids for a couple of hours while he took me and baby to be checked at the hospital and she refused as she needed to catch up on her box set.... never spoke to them again

Ginfordinner · 13/12/2020 14:38

The issue that keep arising here is communication

I agree. Not just on this thread, but on most MN threads where there is a conflict of interest. People seem to be afraid of communicating their wants or needs, and see it as confrontation when all that is required is a polite request. It's as if everyone is walking around on eggshells with each other. Why?

And why are people so afraid of using the phone to make an actual phone call? So many situations like Woewoewoejoy's could be avoided by just one simple phone call.

Woewoewoejoy · 13/12/2020 14:43

She never called she just turned up though.... I didn't know she was going to come. So not much I could do and they live about 2 hours drive away

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/12/2020 15:19

After reading this thread I am very glad that I stick to my dogs and a VERY select list of guests who feel the same way about dogs as I do (on furniture, on laps, know what 'budge up' and 'gerroff' and 'don't put your nose in my tea' mean).

I cannot imagine having friends over who you cannot say 'right, off you fuck now' or 'piss off by 12 ive got xyz to do' to, it seems a very strange way to live, getting angry at things you want to say but can't...

SteelMack · 13/12/2020 15:32

@Krampusasbabysitter

This woman was not invited. She tagged along and invited herself, then tried to lay down the law in our home. It really doesn't matter whether she knew about the dogs or not. I did not ask her to come, she turned up with our sheepish mate who was mortified by her behaviour. If anyone shooed my dogs of their spaces, they will be asked to leave firmly but politely. Someone else's cultural norms, tastes, or phobias do not take precedent over our home life. We do not run a hotel, in which case obviously you would consider people's issues with for example dogs. Just because people may not be able to relax in a room full of serene and calm Greyhounds, does not mean we will turf out our much-loved pets. If it is an issue, don't come. We would be unlikely to be friends with people who have no affinity to dogs. Having guests, being hospitable and welcoming does not mean that visitors get to dictate if pets who actually live there have to leave the communal area. What an outrageous and presumptuous expectation.

A room full of serene and calm greyhounds ..... sounds like heaven for me - when can I visit?

Ginfordinner · 13/12/2020 15:36

Do you only choose friends based on whether they like dogs or not WiddlinDiddlin?

We have friends with dogs. They love their dogs to bits (as dog owners should), but if they have any guests around who are uncomfortable being around dogs they are far too hospitable and polite to tell them to suck it up ot go home. They just make sure the dog and the guests are not near each other. It isn't difficult.

Owning and loving dogs and making guests feel welcome and comfortable are not mutually exclusive.

And I say this as a person who likes dogs, and doesn't mind other people's dogs, but I can see both sides.

Leaannb · 13/12/2020 15:47

@HikeForward

Couldn't care less. My house, my rules. Don't like it, pay for a hotel

I’m sure she had no qualms paying for a hotel if she was afraid/repulsed by lots of big dogs on the furniture. I was just wondering why nobody thought to tell her about the dogs before they travelled overseas to visit you?

I think if you’ve invited someone to stay, you’re in the position of host so obliged to tolerate some of their peculiarities?

Especially if they’re scared of your pets (and you failed to pre-warn them you had pets) why not offer to shut the pets in a different room while guest is present? What if she was allergic?

I remember visiting my friend for the day and it turned out she had a big dog (great, as DC is scared of dogs so wouldn’t leave my lap). Dog lay across the doorways and refused to move eg when I needed to take DC to the loo! My friend told me to step over him 😂 I pointed out she needs to make her dog move aside for people and she asked how. So I shouted ‘Move, get behind’ at him and he pottered off to his basket looking mildly surprised!

Because its cruel to lock pets away from their families for extended guests. If she was allergic the onis is on her to find out if her hosts have pets and to plan accordingly for it. Its rude to expect your hosts to lock their pets away while you stay in their home

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/12/2020 15:48

@Ginfordinner ... I've never had to, because dogs are both my work and my hobby, therefore pretty much all of my social network is dog friendly, dog geeky, dog related.

I'd be highly unlikely to become good friends with someone who didn't actively like animals because we would have some very strongly differing opinions.

In fact the chances of meeting someone who didn't like dogs is pretty low... I don't think I've met a non-dog person in a situation where they might become a friend in 20 years!

iabvvu · 13/12/2020 15:59

The only thing worse than coming empty handed is turning up with a bottle of something, drinking all our booze, and then taking said bottle back at the end of the stay!

MaryLennoxsScowl · 13/12/2020 17:44

A friend of DH’s came to stay for a weekend with his girlfriend. The girlfriend was awful - barely spoke to me but was all over the two blokes, demanded her boyfriend fetch her things constantly like blankets (er, can’t you ask your hosts politely for a blanket instead of telling him in front of us to get you one?) and finally threw up in the bathroom all down the front of the toilet, didn’t clean it up and then just went and sat back in the living room as if nothing had happened so I didn’t know it was there until I went to the loo 5 minutes later and found it! I was so angry I nearly went and told her to clean it up but decided to bite my tongue to be polite and cleaned it myself.

Another guest once snipped all the leaves off a plant - I don’t know who did it as it was at a party. It didn’t need pruning!

Ginfordinner · 13/12/2020 18:15

I was so angry I nearly went and told her to clean it up but decided to bite my tongue to be polite and cleaned it myself.

I would have told her to clean it up. I wouldn't have worried about upsetting a guest if they had made a mess and not told me. What was she thinking?

HikeForward · 13/12/2020 18:22

Because its cruel to lock pets away from their families for extended guests

Only if the pets are pampered, treated like humans and can’t cope with being in another room or outdoors for a while. If you let your dogs lounge on the sofas all day and never leave them alone, of course they won’t like being separated from you!

Leaannb · 13/12/2020 18:27

@HikeForward

Because its cruel to lock pets away from their families for extended guests

No. Its cruel because dogs are pack members and its distressing to them to be locked away from their pack for an extended period of time.Its not about time. Them its called treating them humanely..

Nottherealslimshady · 13/12/2020 18:41

My dog goes on the sofa and has run of the house. If you leave your door open you'll get some licks at some point. The dog is only to get off the sofa if they're otherwise full. She will probably give it 5 minutes and go sit on someones lap.

I dont need anyone to come to my house, so if you dont like my house rules then dont come, I don't care. You're not doing me a favour, so why would I adapt to you. I dont expect meat eaters not to have meat in their house or have nondairy milk.

I will ask someones pet to get down if there's no where else to sit but I dont care what your pets do in their own home.

Itstheprinciple · 13/12/2020 18:45

If you know people well enough to have them to stay, I think you should feel comfortable saying that they need to leave by a certain time as you have stuff to be getting on with, and they should feel comfortable enough to make themselves a drink. I couldn't have someone to stay in my house who I wasn't totally comfortable with.

Like a PP, I'm always awake early when I stay at someone's house. I like staying at one particular friend's house as they have a bedroom on the top floor with ensuite that they let us use. I can get up early, get showered and ready, they have a TV up there so I can put the news on for a bit until it's a decent enough time and it's well away from the rest of the house so I'm not disturbing anyone. I hate just having to lie there not wanting to make any moves in case it wakes others etc.

Ginfordinner · 13/12/2020 18:57

DH is an early riser and hates staying at other people's houses Our preference is to find a local B & B when visiting friends.

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/12/2020 19:54

I can't understand what goes on in the mind of a person who vomits over someones house then says NOTHING and doesn't clean it up?!

I was once a probably awful guest, my gallbladder flared up at 4am, I made it to the loo and was sick allllllll over my friends bathroom. I cleaned it up... and in the process was sick again.

This carried on until a bout 5.30am by which point I managed a clean bathroom and had run out of vom, but I was screaming in pain.

I had to wake friend up in the appropriate manner (cup of tea within sniffing range of her bedroom door and knocked on the door) and ask if she'd take me to A&E...

At NO point despite being in severe pain and feeling fucking awful, did I consider NOT cleaning up my vom from her bathroom!

ILoveAnOwl · 13/12/2020 21:07

I generally love guests, but when one turned up 18 hours after I'd given birth and then asked me if I could get her bags in from the car I was rather taken aback. She then told me she'd bought a cake with her, but that I'd need to ice it.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 13/12/2020 21:12

My step Mil will ask if I have some very specific type of biscuit or coffee. If I don't I'll say I can just pop to the shop (2 minutes down the road) and pick some up. She always insists I don't because she'd feel too guilty but then spends half an hour dramatically sighing and telling everyone what a shame it is as she really fancied a shortbread/particular brand of coffee/glass of oat milk.

Flibbertigibbet2211 · 13/12/2020 21:29

There is some truly gobsmackingly bizarre behaviour on here! Not just bad behaviour but the kind that really beggars belief. Little as I like having guests, I can see I've been very lucky...

NoraEphronsTurkeyNeck · 13/12/2020 22:03

@draughtycatflap

Nosey guests that scream when they open the fridge and find a severed head on the shelf. I can’t abide noise.

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