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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cleaner put photo on facebook

305 replies

PortToTheLeft · 08/12/2020 13:30

My cleaner has a facebook page where photos of cleans she has done are often posted - clean ovens, hoovered carpets, clear showerscreens etc. All fine.

She did my house today and I've just seen she put a thing on facebook of pulling a load of hair out of my shower drain with a comment to tell people to remember to clean their shower drains weekly.

I get this is grim but:
a) this is NOT a job I would expect her to have to do - it is definitely something I usually do.
b) I am under a lot of pressure just now and not 100% well. One symptom of this is that my hair is literally falling out. I have a shower and it comes out in clumps. I have bald patches all over my head. This is really really upsetting me. It does mean my shower drain needs cleared more often (every couple of days). I just happen not to have done it today.

I try to be as considerate as possible - I always tidy before she comes, I ensure the toilets are presentable etc.

The FB video doesn't identify me, but she must know I'll see it as our contact is always by FB messenger so I feel this is basically a way of telling me how grim I am. I am also already pretty emotional about the hair loss anyway.

So AIBU?
YABU: I am a disgusting person and should apologise to her.
YANBU: Not acceptable, if she had an issue she should not clean it, or say something to me.

I'm not sure what to do next either - regardless of whether I am unreasonable or not, I will not feel comfortable with her in my house feeling that any grimness of mine will end up on facebook.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 08/12/2020 16:18

No photo's of my house, despite not being identifiable. She shouldn't need to post photo's, if she is confident about her cleaning job.

EmilySpinach · 08/12/2020 16:19

I would have an issue if the house was identifiable but it’s not

Yes, I understand your reasoning but would feel very differently. Taking photos inside my house is an absolute red line for me.

A friend of mine is a headteacher. Her cleaner attempted to blackmail her with photographs of her house when it was very messy. It was absolutely awful and the police were ultimately involved. It isn’t only the rich and famous whose reputations are vulnerable.

I understand that this isn’t the same situation but this is why I would have a blanket ban on photographs.

SnoozyLou · 08/12/2020 16:22

I would tell her you've seen the post and don't expect to be publicly shamed on Facebook for a medical condition. She shouldn't be posting any pictures within your home without your permission. Then I'd terminate her contract because I couldn't be bothered with the bad vibe. She's supposed to make life easier, not upset you.

SnoozyLou · 08/12/2020 16:23

And I wouldn't feel guilty, either about the hair or sacking her.

Europilgrim · 08/12/2020 16:26

If my cleaner started posting photos of my house on social media, she wouldn't be my cleaner anymore.

Aprilx · 08/12/2020 16:30

I don’t exactly agree with your YANBU, because I think it is the cleaners job to clean the shower drain and she shouldn’t have refused or contacted you about it. But I don’t think she should post photos of anyone’s house without permission. I would ask her to take it down.

SirVixofVixHall · 08/12/2020 16:31

I have a thyroid problem and at times my hair has fallen out, it is so upsetting when the drain gets clogged with hair as every time you clean it hammers home how much hair you are losing.
I would tell her that. Explain that you are upset about your hair, normally clean the outlet, and that posting a picture like that has made you very upset.

thosetalesofunexpected · 08/12/2020 16:36

I can't believe how Ok Some People are about Op Cleaner putting up photos of her house with No Permission.. !!!!

(I think Some People on here are really Hyprocites !!

If it was their Place they would be Pissed off, with the Cleaner too!!!
😬

Op There is No need to tell your Cleaner that your have stress related hair loss issue at All !!

(Op you do not need to Justify yourself to this Cleaner At All...

(Op your hurt feelings are valid..

(Don't Listen to some of the Bullshit respones from Posters on this thread
Mimising/dismissing your hurt feelings

ktp100 · 08/12/2020 16:41

Sorry but this is just unprofessional behaviour.

She shouldn't be putting pics on facebook from any house she cleans unless she has permission first.

You are perfectly within your rights to be pissed off even without considering the fact that removing hair is not her job AND your illness.

I'd be finding a new cleaner, I'm afraid.

ktp100 · 08/12/2020 16:42

I would tell her you've seen the post and don't expect to be publicly shamed on Facebook for a medical condition. She shouldn't be posting any pictures within your home without your permission. Then I'd terminate her contract because I couldn't be bothered with the bad vibe. She's supposed to make life easier, not upset you.

100% this.

Anotheruser02 · 08/12/2020 16:42

I would ask her to remove, tell her the distress caused and then sack her.
I think that's really awful behaviour. I wouldn't feel comfortable with her in my house judging me even if she wasn't asking internet strangers to join in.

RB68 · 08/12/2020 16:44

She didn't identify OP and just posted with a comment - if it literally was a couple of days the hair would be cleanish just plugging the hole at the moment. I think its a combo of you are quite rightly a bit sensitive at the moment and she is a bit unreasonable IF SHE KNEW THIS to post. Answer - have the conversation and just let her know that its something you have a problem with at the moment and could she not use pictures from your residence thank you very much - job done

C8H10N4O2 · 08/12/2020 16:48

Did she ask permission. If not tell her to take it down, its a requirement not a request. You don't need to give reasons or excuses or justify someone misusing their position to post pictures from your home.

If she has previously asked and been given permission then you can still tell her to take it down but the discussion is a bit different reflecting that its this particular video you have an issue with.

VinylDetective · 08/12/2020 16:49

@WorraLiberty

I can't select either of those choices.

Basically, you're taking it too personally although I can understand why because it's your drain but this is her job.

I couldn't get fussed about it any more than I would if it was a gardener reminding people to prune back their plants.

Exactly this. It doesn’t identify you, it’s a complete non issue.
Redred2429 · 08/12/2020 16:54

I agree op I would ask her to remove it and request no more photos from your home are uploaded x

ttigerlilly · 08/12/2020 16:56

I'm really sorry you are going through this OP

You're not being unreasonable at all, and she should have asked for permission first.

Thanks
Gwenhwyfar · 08/12/2020 16:59

" I wouldn't dream of posting a photo of my workplace on SM."

Really? I have photos of my leaving partis on FB. Nobody has complained. Loads of colleagues post photos from work events and the like. Unless you have a SM policy of not identifying your workplace on SM, I don't see what the problem is, as long as nothing confidential is visible.
OP's situation is different of course, that is a breach of privacy.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/12/2020 17:01

"Her cleaner attempted to blackmail her with photographs of her house when it was very messy. It was absolutely awful and the police were ultimately involved. It isn’t only the rich and famous whose reputations are vulnerable."

There must be more to this. A messy house is not something you can blackmail people over.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/12/2020 17:01

Also, I have been in photos of other people's workplaces e.g. at the hairdressers, with my permission first of course.

Peacocking · 08/12/2020 17:04

Its about the tone. If its just a chatty post trying to post tips and reminders to keep her business profile up, I'd be inclined to let it go. If it seems critical if judgemental...not so much

EmilySpinach · 08/12/2020 17:21

@Gwenhwyfar

"Her cleaner attempted to blackmail her with photographs of her house when it was very messy. It was absolutely awful and the police were ultimately involved. It isn’t only the rich and famous whose reputations are vulnerable."

There must be more to this. A messy house is not something you can blackmail people over.

Not that I’m aware of. She was going through a v busy time and forgot to tidy for the cleaner. It was pretty messy but of a dishes piled in the sink type rather than dirty knickers lying around. Cleaner nevertheless knew that in their small, gossipy community this would be highly embarrassing for the headteacher.
yeOldeTrout · 08/12/2020 17:26

I would take it as factual observation of best practice not a personal comment about OP or even her home. At least (long thread to read) I don't think OP said there was anything in the pic to make it identifiable that this was OP's drain. If it was my cleaner, I'd slip her an extra occasional fiver for doing that job.

PleasantVille · 08/12/2020 17:38

@Peacocking

Its about the tone. If its just a chatty post trying to post tips and reminders to keep her business profile up, I'd be inclined to let it go. If it seems critical if judgemental...not so much
I partly agree but if she wants to get engagement with cleaning tips she should use stock photos, no need to post from her client's houses
Wishihadanalgorithm · 08/12/2020 17:39

Just get rid. I wouldn’t even bother to explain. If she has a page for reviews I would leave a crappy one as well.

chestnutshell · 08/12/2020 17:40

Blimey I wouldn’t be happy with that. She should have asked at least.

Bit different to a before/after of an oven door isn’t it.

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