That in the pandemic hasn’t all been bad

[Shiraznowplease]

I am wondering if AIBU in feeling the pandemic has not all been bad. I am aware I may get flamed and yes it has been horrendously bad in people dying, difficulties nor seeing loved ones and problems for business. But I feel for me , and talking to friends, others too it has made me/us grateful for my family and friends. It has shown me what is truly important, stopped the endless round of business trips for dh and after school/weekend activities for the children and instead we have spent quality time together playing games, cooking and enjoying one and another’s company. My Dc have seen dh more this year more than the rest of their lives combined.

I am a health professional so have worked all through the pandemic but have been grateful to have PPE, even if initially I had to source and fund it myself although the stress has been incredible, I feel I have made a real difference to my patients.

I am lucky that dh could work from home in a relatively secure job.

I have missed my parents and meeting with friends dreadfully though am thankful for zoom, FaceTime and other things so we could keep in touch.

It has also brought out, in my experience, community spirit and helping each other out.

a breath of fresh air for others

A social intravert believe it or not, has a choice. Invite to a dinner party?
No thanks.

It's been pretty shit here.

Home schooling, WFH (DP works out of the house) and barely leaving my house for 3 months. Horrid times and I wouldn't be mentally able to do it again.

Then my mum died suddenly and we've had to deal with death in the time of covid (her death wasn't covid related). That was also utterly shit even more so because the PM took forever, the funeral had limited numbers and we couldn't even have a wake.

I have always been a homebody but the pandemic has made my world so small and made me feel so isolated, I don't know how I'll ever go back.

@IntermittentParps

There's a false equivalence between "not having to do social pressure" and "not being allowed to see your loved ones. I"m not sure anyone is trying to draw an equivalence, just saying that they've quite enjoyed the lack of social pressure. It's quite clear to me that socialising in the sense in which people here are discussing social pressure, and seeing (or not seeing) family, are being considered as different things.

But again, you could always have resisted 'social pressure', just be a bit less passive and make your own decisions in life?!

I don’t think you can judge on many aspects you have raised until the pandemic is actually over. How do you know that this time next year you won’t be back to the business trips and endless round of activities for kids? At this stage you can claim that the pandemic has made a difference to life by pressing pause on many things. But the proof will really be when you CAN do all that stiff again but choose not to.

I think this is a really myopic attitude.

It’s been a total disaster economically, one from which our children will be paying the price for. We have barely scratched the surface of the financial fallout. Unemployment is going to be huge, the societal damage of that alone if unconscionable, dependency on the state will therefore grow exponentially. With that comes all the measures to control us, monitor us, prevent all sorts of freedoms we used to take for granted.
And that’s without even talking about those who have died, been ill and continue to suffer health issues.

It’s been an utter disaster, and now we have Brexit to contend with too. Those fools going around saying how much they’ve loved family time etc have entirely lost touch with reality imho.

All experiences are valid and should be open for discussion. I find it more concerning that some posters are trying to shut down discussion of the advantages of lockdown. It is ridiculous to suggest that someone is unsympathetic or tactless just because they have articulated some of the positives.

@thepeopleversuswork

EvilPea

Can I pick up on this? I don't want to have a pop at you because I understand that social interaction is difficult for introverts.

But I saw a lot of this militant introvert rhetoric during lockdown and some of this I thought was misleading and at times a bit poisonous.

"As an introvert with social anxiety I have loved the lack of social pressure. It’s like a weight lifted, and I am not looking forward to things going back."

There's a false equivalence between "not having to do social pressure" and "not being allowed to see your loved ones".

I'm not an introvert so granted I may not be able to put myself in your shoes totally. But I saw this sort of thing trotted out all the time during lockdown and I don't really buy it. I really struggle to believe that the awkwardness of having to do drinks etc when you don't want to (which seems to be the introvert bugbear) is equivalent in terms of trauma to not being able to see your parents, your partner etc for months on end. Which was the impact lockdown had on people who are more socially gregarious. It's just not the same thing.

I don't want to minimise some of the challenges of introverts but there was something about this whole line of argument which to me felt like the revenge of the unpopular kids against the popular ones. Sort of understandable. But not terribly healthy and not something to shout from the rooftops.

Your fear of dinner parties/drinks/any kind of social interaction is something I sympathise with to a degree. But its something you occasionally have to crack on with. Being told you are not going to be allowed to see loved ones for three months is in no way comparable to having to do a bit of forced chatting at parties.

You're right.. you can't put yourself in the shoes of someone very introverted or who has severe social anxiety. So maybe you shouldn't try to make comparisons.

I don't want to minimise the challenges of introverts

... But that's exactly what you're doing.

@Orangeday

People die of wars and famine and disease every year. I wonder if you were all so concerned with equity, this “no happiness without everyone else’s happiness” before it hit your own doorstep.

YANBU OP. 2020 has been awful for some people and a breath of fresh air for others. Much like every other year.

I think there’s a difference between enjoying things despite wars and famines and diseases, and enjoying things brought about by wars and famines and diseases. The second is going to be a much more sensitive subject.

It’s the difference between “AIBU to be enjoying my weekend, even though elsewhere in the world children are dying of malaria?” and “AIBU to think malaria outbreaks haven’t been all that bad, because my DH’s business trip to Angola got cancelled as a result so we’ve spent some lovely family time together?” Always good to look for silver linings, but...

@WilsonMilson

I think this is a really myopic attitude.

It’s been a total disaster economically, one from which our children will be paying the price for. We have barely scratched the surface of the financial fallout. Unemployment is going to be huge, the societal damage of that alone if unconscionable, dependency on the state will therefore grow exponentially. With that comes all the measures to control us, monitor us, prevent all sorts of freedoms we used to take for granted.
And that’s without even talking about those who have died, been ill and continue to suffer health issues.

It’s been an utter disaster, and now we have Brexit to contend with too. Those fools going around saying how much they’ve loved family time etc have entirely lost touch with reality imho.

I think a lot of them just don't understand how bad the impact will be, and how interconnected the economy is. A lot of them will discover that their DH's (it always seems to be their DH's) 'very secure' job isn't actually so very safe just because it's not in a sector directly hit by lockdown. They'll also learn that actually even if you do keep your job high unemployment tends to come with some unpleasant side effects - depressed town centres, higher levels of crime and antisocial behaviour, a cutting of central services - that, unless you're an actual hermit, are likely to affect you.

Lockdown didn’t really impact on my life at all - and I actually had a lovely summer at home with my children and husband (furloughed). We all said that in terms of family time, lockdown was wonderful was us.

However, although it hasn’t been “that bad” for me, I am genuinely saddened by the toll it’s taken on many, many people in the country - it’s horrific what this pandemic has done to people as individuals and to families.

I think the way the pandemic has affected this country is immeasurable and my heart goes out to any family that has suffered through job losses or bereavement - it’s just awfully sad and unfair.

IntermittentParps

Maybe... but there was a lot of this rhetoric from introverts along the lines of "well, now you know how we feel, having to put on a face to do social stuff", in response to people's anguish about not being able to see people. In some cases there was an equivalence being posited.

It felt to me like people who for various reasons couldn't cope with social stuff felt like they were having "their moment". It was an odd reaction and while I felt it was understandable in some respects, the frequency and the robustness with which it expressed struck me as in some cases rather tone deaf.

I don't think its unreasonable to express that there is some relief attached to not having to rush around in put yourself out there. But in my view it is not in any way comparable to the pain and detachment experienced by people who were not able to see loved ones at all.

wildraisins

I'm sorry, we'll just have to agree to disagree. I don't think that having to occasionally go out and talk to people is equivalent to losing your loved ones.

I don't want to minimise some of the challenges of introverts but there was something about this whole line of argument which to me felt like the revenge of the unpopular kids against the popular ones. Sort of understandable. But not terribly healthy and not something to shout from the rooftops

I very much agree with this! I'm also an introvert who used to struggle with social anxiety to the point of panic attacks (thanks epically shit childhood), but gradually overcame it through counselling and a long process of moving step by step out of my very restricted social comfort zone, to the point where I now have a really good network of friends. For me one of the worst things about lockdown was missing the social network and social opportunities I'd worked so hard to built up (and finding that interacting via Zoom & masks & the endless bloody weird Covid etiquette triggered my anxiety again). I don't actually think its healthy for people with social anxiety to be able to retreat into a bubble - yes its very tempting and comforting in the short term but its not sustainable and robs you (and potentially your DC, speaking as a person raised by someone who isolated us all thanks to her own bloody social anxiety) of the joy of non-familial relationships.

The negatives have been so utterly grim for some that they must be acknowledged in any discussion of the positives. Being happy that you spent more time with your family must be balanced against the fact that many have had family members killed by this virus. For every person who is enjoying extra board game time, there are people who are working round the clock and having to put themselves at risk.

You are right, it hasn't all been bad....but that's my experience, others have had a terrible time.

I was living abroad but had to come home because of COVID; non-nationals had to leave as our work and right to remain was removed. I also contracted COVID and have lost a number of friends, and past colleagues to the virus. Those were the negatives, but hey, life happens....

There have been many positives...I wouldn't be living where I am or have found my current workplace, those things are good. I don't mind the lack of social contact, I'm happy in my own space. Furlough allowed me time to catch up with myself and decorate a new home which was quite nice.

Now things have relaxed I can work and see family (outdoors). I don't have small children or a partner who has lost a job or vulnerable parents, so it's easy for me....I realise not so much for others.

I don't mind masks and have always worn gloves anyway because I'm a bit over the top about germs, so all good. And hugs? Well, I've never been 'huggy' or touchy anyway and have welcomed the fact that I don't have to put up with random hugs or even handshakes. Long may that continue!!

YANBU at all

we don't know yet what the real effects are. But there already been studies that whilst lives have been lost, other lives have been saved during the decrease in pollution.

Some businesses are striving, others have exploded whilst other areas suffered huge losses.

It's never as simple as saying it has been catastrophic. It's not a tsunami.

Some people are unable to see out of their little bubble: they didn't like the restrictions, so no one is allowed to say anything else.

A bit like people banging on about the sudden loss of liberties and freedom - where were they when the US government decide to separate children from their parents? (You can write a book about examples). But for some, as long as they are not directly affected, it doesn't matter.

Learning from the pandemic and keeping whatever positive came out of it really is not the wrong thing to do - isn't that what businesses and schools are planning on doing?

I have been very fortunate in the pandemic. I appreciate a lot of people have struggled / job losses / death / mental health.

But for me it’s been amazing! Nursery closed so I got to spend lots of time with my eldest while on mat leave (I would have had to pay or send her to keep the place open in none pandemic time). Lots of walks, playing outside, snuggles and movies together, so this has helped massively with mum guilt. OH has been working from home so cutting off the long commute means we have spent more time together. It sucks it’s not the mat leave I had planned but I have gained so much more in other ways.

We are very lucky and fortunate for sure. I’m very aware other people have had an awful time though and I haven’t mentioned it to many people as it feels like a bit of brag of who had it better or for some people they like to run the competition of who has had it worse?!

I do try and focus on the positives and yes there are a few positives but way more negatives.

I found the first lockdown much easier, I had the dc at home, we did lots of lovely things, walked a lot and when it was lifted a little we were lucky enough to go away a few times in our Campervan. Summer wasn’t too bad for us. We live in a area where cases are low (or were during the summer). I loved the fact roads were quieter, less planes in the sky and more wildlife to be seen. I tried to focus on this positives, I guess to get me past the negatives.

Lockdown 2 has been much harder. My dc’s have autism and being back at school is great but not knowing what’s happening day to day, not knowing if they are going to be sent home has been very stressful, especially for dd2 who is more severely autistic. We have had no support and no respite since February. Dd2 is now really struggling, she’s at home now and I have had to take more time off work to care for her. Moneys tight and life’s pretty lonely. We will be spending Christmas alone and I’m dreading more restrictions in the new year.

It’s ok for people to focus on the positives, it’s helps the get through this, of course we are all aware of the number of deaths this has caused, the number of people out of work and the fact people haven’t seen their families for almost a year but if we focus just on those our mental health will take a huge hit.

I don't actually think its healthy for people with social anxiety to be able to retreat into a bubble

I agree, and also suspect that the lack of day to day contact, the awkwardness of zoom conversations and the increased formality of meeting in person will have increased isolation for people who already find social interaction difficult.

For those in the civil service who are WFH on full pay, with no concept of how the real world works out in the private sector, it's been great. I have a family member safe in their little bubble who wants lock down to continue for ever because they cannot see the wider implications. I would quite like to punch them

However, for those who have lost their health or a family member, or whose businesses have not survived the lock downs, or who have lost their jobs as their employers have gone bust it's been horrific.

Reading the replies above it is patently obvious who has been insulated from the reality. Sadly however we are all going to feel it in the years ahead. Look at the numbers - the increase in unemployment, the increase in government borrowing. We (as in all of us) are going to have to pay for that. Question is how? Lucky chancellor having to solve that one.

For us, lockdown wasn't all that much different to normal life. We don't go out much anyway. I like to meet pals for coffee or going into their houses so that's something I have missed. But as were on a low income, we had no holidays planned, no tickets booked or weekends away needing cancelled.
The hardest thing for me is realising the future for my student graduate kids has changed for the worse. That's easily the worst thing for me.
The rest of it I'm meh about.

The best thing ti come out of the pandemic?
No Unexpected Visitors.

I'm sure most people would like to see that rule stay.
Or am I unusually anti social?

That’s a fair point I suppose. Although people in the UK do regularly benefit directly from others’ misery eg mobile phones, uranium mining and slave labor clothes factories. I feel happier saying I’ve enjoyed the benefits of a lockdown as a byproduct of an unmanufactured/unrequested pandemic than the benefits of Primark clothes which rely directly on others’ suffering.

Sorry I meant to quote GoldenOmber and was replying directly to her.

Also I've no extended family so don't miss seeing anyone there.