That in the pandemic hasn’t all been bad

[Shiraznowplease]

I am wondering if AIBU in feeling the pandemic has not all been bad. I am aware I may get flamed and yes it has been horrendously bad in people dying, difficulties nor seeing loved ones and problems for business. But I feel for me , and talking to friends, others too it has made me/us grateful for my family and friends. It has shown me what is truly important, stopped the endless round of business trips for dh and after school/weekend activities for the children and instead we have spent quality time together playing games, cooking and enjoying one and another’s company. My Dc have seen dh more this year more than the rest of their lives combined.

I am a health professional so have worked all through the pandemic but have been grateful to have PPE, even if initially I had to source and fund it myself although the stress has been incredible, I feel I have made a real difference to my patients.

I am lucky that dh could work from home in a relatively secure job.

I have missed my parents and meeting with friends dreadfully though am thankful for zoom, FaceTime and other things so we could keep in touch.

It has also brought out, in my experience, community spirit and helping each other out.

People are giving the OP a really hard time here. She is misquoted as saying Covid hasn't been 'too bad'; she doesn't say that at all. She says it's 'not all bad'.
She isn't being 'smug' and she's not being unempathetic; she clearly acknowledges how bad it is for a lot of people. She's just pointing out some positives she's personally seen, in her life and community.

I would concur. While the loss of life and health for so many people is obviously appalling, and the loss of industries and jobs frightening, there are bright spots in it all, community spirit and (for some) more time to spend differently being two obvious ones. That's all she's saying.

I also can understand some of the Posters viewpoints too.

For some of us, Covid has meant not being able to spend any time with family.

I wfh anyway so it’s no change that way but I haven’t seen some of my family for months.

YABU and patronising. If I see another post about "quality time" with family I'll scream.

I really can't see WFH bringing health benefits.

A sedentary population becoming even more sedentary and the isolation alongside and no clear divide between work and home? For some it may enable a better work life balance, especially if it's a choice, but a wholesale move to wfh would be a disaster imo.

It will also further deepen disadvantage. How can a poor young man who's sharing a bedroom with his little brother wfh for example. The vast majority of the population have nowhere suitable to work at home.

community spirit and (for some) more time to spend differently being two obvious ones.

But the reason this is offensive is that there was very little to stop people from showing more community spirit or spending more time with loved ones before.

It will also further deepen disadvantage. How can a poor young man who's sharing a bedroom with his little brother wfh for example. The vast majority of the population have nowhere suitable to work at home.

Agree

But the reason this is offensive is that there was very little to stop people from showing more community spirit or spending more time with loved ones before.

Sorry, didn't really finish that thought - there was no reason not to spend more time with loved ones before if you were in a position to make choices about how and where you work.

I think people acknowledge the widening inequality, but it's still a fact that a lot of people have saved a lot of money, and they should get out and spend it now to help the recovery. This should not be impossible to talk about just because it's not the whole story and some people have a very different story to share. It's an important part of the story, and the recovery.
www.theguardian.com/business/2020/dec/07/uk-covid-savings-haldane-bank-of-england

No it's been utter shit. I'd happily erase this entire year.

It has shown me what is truly important, stopped the endless round of business trips for dh and after school/weekend activities for the children and instead we have spent quality time together playing games, cooking and enjoying one and another’s company.

Nothing stopping you playing games and cooking healthy meals with your children before though, was there?

Op
I think the mistake you have made is the timing/maybe way you have put this across of your Thread !!!

A few weeks some one put up a similar kind of Thread and she/that Poster had overwhelming postive responses..😕

There was even a different Thread aof a Poster who put up thread,
along the lines of Compulsory face mask what a shock/surprise has Actually has a silver lining Postive about this,
and inviting People to share with Op
On what other susprising postive things about fask mask wearing for e.g visiting public toilets with a face mask is a god send etc😂

@TheOtherMaryBerry

All of the positives you list OP could have been done anyway. They are all things that are, within reason, possible to organise at least in a small way. Your children don't need lots of extra curricular activities, your DH could maybe have asked for WFH, even if just for a couple of days a week. If family time is important then you can do your best to carve it out somehow. It didn't need thousands dying, the economy decimated, mental health conditions caused or exacerbated to make you value family time.

This! These threads (and there have been so many of them) really make me realise how passive so many people are about their lives. I found that the large amounts of travel in my previous career didn't work for me after having a baby, so I switched career. We hated that we spent so much time in the car commuting, so we moved house to somewhere that we barely need to drive. We wanted to spend more time with our young DC, so we both reduced our hours to four days a week. I'm not saying that these things are easy, quick (that whole process of change took over two years) or possible for everyone, but at least some change is possible for most, and surely trying to build a life you like is better than waiting for a pandemic to do it for you?!

Would you feel the same way if both your dh and yourself hadn’t been working and were reduced to claiming UC

And the endless amount of business trips are what brought money into our household.

Not too sure why you don’t cook, play and why you don’t spend time with your children normally

Are you on crack? My mental health has been destroyed and I was in hospital Saturday night after an attempted overdose and nearly got fucking sectioned. My ex has now not a child protection order against me stopping me from having my 18 month old unsupervised and needless to say my marriage is over. Ward.

Wtaf*

@Pinkroses87

I have to say that I’m a bit confused by anyone who can look at hundreds of thousands of deaths and enormous misery across the world and go, “well, it’s been lovely for me.” Does the happiness or otherwise of other people literally not affect you at all?

There's always enormous misery around the world - has been throughout all of our lives. Have you never been able to any of anything at all because of it? Or was it easier to ignore when it wasn't all over the news?

@BecomeStronger

I really can't see WFH bringing health benefits.

A sedentary population becoming even more sedentary and the isolation alongside and no clear divide between work and home? For some it may enable a better work life balance, especially if it's a choice, but a wholesale move to wfh would be a disaster imo.

It will also further deepen disadvantage. How can a poor young man who's sharing a bedroom with his little brother wfh for example. The vast majority of the population have nowhere suitable to work at home.

Me neither. For most people it offers more opportunity for conscious exercise but reduces their inbuilt/unconscious exercise - and for most people that's a very bad thing. The reason we've got so much less active as a nation since the mid-C20th isn't that we used to all go to the gym then stopped, it's that we all used to move a lot more as part of our daily lives - which meant for most people there was no need to deliberately take time to 'exercise' - and pandemic restrictions have made this worse for many, many people.

Community spirit has indeed been a major plus, but the negatives far outweigh this

I voted YABU as although I can see where you're coming from it's also true that you could've made these lifestyle changes anyway regardless of a global pandemic!
If your DH has a job where he barely sees his children that's his choice. It's not mandatory to fill your children's spare time with after school clubs and activities.

There is no truer phrase imo than it’s an ill wind...

Look at Jeff Bezos. Ker-ching!!! And China... their economy is now roaring and I read that they will be swooping on fire-sale Western businesses.

Close to home there are some smug gits talking about “our little family”, escaping to the country, baking bread yada yada.

In my home I have a young man whose post-graduate job was cancelled, who can’t find another in spite of applying for masses (including minimum wage jobs), who can’t get together with friends, and who is increasingly staying in bed all day saying that the world is finished

So maybe you haven't found it all that bad but personally I would have kept that to myself and not posted it on a forum where other posters have lost loved ones, lost jobs, are really struggling financially, have got long covid, are struggling mentally etc etc.

I've also been working on myself, trying to prioritise important things more, making time for video chats with friends etc and spending time with the family that I live with, but that doesn't change my opinion that this pandemic has been absolutely horrific.

Covid has destroyed lives, and it continues to destroy lives.

There's often positive aspects to overall bad events. I definitely recognise the community spirit. However for me it's meant not seeing my dd, she's at university and had to choose between her parents for the holidays (we live 100 miles apart, both tier 3) and her dad lives near her boyfriend! I have my other dc here and they are apart for the first time at Christmas, dp's DD's are also going to have to be apart for similar reasons. So no I can't see a positive, I haven't seen any dd since August

RedskyAtnight

Your post is as smug and tactless as the OPs.

"We'd already worked out what was important for us in terms of work/life balance and adjusted jobs/house/lifestyle accordingly."

Well. Bully for you.

It's great when you're able to adjust your jobs/house/lifestyle etc. Has it never occurred to you that some people don't have the ability to choose where they live/work and have to take jobs at a certain income level because they don't have the luxury of this wonderful "work/life balance".

One of the things I found most toxic about this whole situation was that it revealed an assumption a lot of people seem to have that people who work in stressful jobs are basically power-crazed ratrace types who choose to prioritise making money over their families.

Unpick this a bit and these posts are nearly always from people in stable two parent families where its possible for one parent to take a step back at work because the other can earn more. Well, some of us have to maximise income to keep roofs over heads etc. It doesn't make us ball-busting types who don't take any interest in our kids, it makes us people who have to take care of everything.

For some reason the pandemic seems to have emboldened a certain type of person who feels very pleased with themselves on this front to air their views on this situation. I wish they wouldn't. Or at least if they would that they would exercise a bit of thought about the people who can't plan their life for maximum loveliness.

I know more people this year who have committed suicide than I know who have died of Covid

But as long as someone has been able to do things with their children that most people do even without a pandemic then all is good.

To quote jack sparrow "the problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude to the problem".

So far about 60000 have died. Of these a large number are likely to have died from pre existing conditions. This does not make it ok.

However the way States and countries have handled it, the way councils, companies and law enforcement is open to question.

Some businesses are simply unable to trade. Some businesses have adapted very well and shown great initiative in confronting and overcoming the situation. They deserve out support and success.

Some people have gone to pieces, some have hidden on the corner "poor me". Others have volunteered, bitten the bullet and braved the risks. More power to them.

Attitude.