That in the pandemic hasn’t all been bad

[Shiraznowplease]

I am wondering if AIBU in feeling the pandemic has not all been bad. I am aware I may get flamed and yes it has been horrendously bad in people dying, difficulties nor seeing loved ones and problems for business. But I feel for me , and talking to friends, others too it has made me/us grateful for my family and friends. It has shown me what is truly important, stopped the endless round of business trips for dh and after school/weekend activities for the children and instead we have spent quality time together playing games, cooking and enjoying one and another’s company. My Dc have seen dh more this year more than the rest of their lives combined.

I am a health professional so have worked all through the pandemic but have been grateful to have PPE, even if initially I had to source and fund it myself although the stress has been incredible, I feel I have made a real difference to my patients.

I am lucky that dh could work from home in a relatively secure job.

I have missed my parents and meeting with friends dreadfully though am thankful for zoom, FaceTime and other things so we could keep in touch.

It has also brought out, in my experience, community spirit and helping each other out.

I think it’s an act of nature, neither good nor bad, although obviously the personal consequences have been awful for many. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable question to ask.

Personally - I caught my husband cheating during lockdown. Even though the resultant divorce has wrecked my finances and most of our mutual friends have dropped me, it’s better than carrying on in a lie. I would never have known had I not been stuck in the house with him all day during the first lockdown.

All of the positives you list OP could have been done anyway. They are all things that are, within reason, possible to organise at least in a small way. Your children don't need lots of extra curricular activities, your DH could maybe have asked for WFH, even if just for a couple of days a week. If family time is important then you can do your best to carve it out somehow. It didn't need thousands dying, the economy decimated, mental health conditions caused or exacerbated to make you value family time.

I do not know a single person who feels that there are large positives to pandemic. There may be small things that have been nice, being able to see their family more but for most these small things are vastly overshadowed by the negative.
I haven’t lost anyone close to covid, my job is secure and so is my DH’s but I have been incredibly isolated with a husband who works away and me being on maternity leave. My PND which was improving before lockdown has worsened. I have a son who doesn’t really know children his own age due to lockdown and social development is behind. But compared to some I’ve had it easy. Members of my family who are in healthcare are exhausted, others are at risk of loosing their jobs. I think you will find very few people who will agree with you OP and I think that to say ‘yes it is horrendously bad in people dying’ it rather callous and I think you will find you will be in the minority to have your life improved by the pandemic.

You are strikingly lacking in the tact department, OP! What on earth was your thought process when you decided to post such an insensitive, smug post?

DH and I have been fortunate enough to weather the storm of the pandemic far better than most, but I couldn't imagine posting a thread about it. Don't you read the news? Listen to the radio? I suggest ensuring your fingers are connected to your brain next time you have the urge to post.

You have a stable relationship and a partner and kids. And both of you have jobs.

I spent literally months completely on my own and unable to get out at all. The furthest I went was my back garden.

It is utterly crap.

Also, it's easy for people to look at the positives right now, when they're still in the board game and family walks stage. Just wait until the financial effect of lockdown starts to hit. Even businesses that seem to be fine may start to be affected by the knock on effects. Wait until the fallout from children losing so much education starts to show. The mental health issues caused by all this to children start to emerge. I think in 10/20/50 years we will be looking back and seeing no positives at all.

So glad for you that you have had a lovely pandemic.

How you can put a but at the end of a sentence that says yes it has been horrendously bad in people dying knowing some people reading this will be grieving losing a loved one to covid in horrific circumstances is just beyond me.

I think these threads are designed to inflame now, been too many lately and this one hasn’t come back.

It hasn't been that bad for a lot of people, but, just to pick one thing, I think that is outweighed by the suffering of children and adults who have been isolated in care homes for months, deprived of physical human contact, often without knowing why.

Of course it hasn't been bad for everyone, but few things are all bad for everyone.

I think if the op had worded her title differently, she wouldn’t have got this response. She made a statement that the pandemic hasn’t been all that bad. That’s going to upset a lot of people.
If she had worded it to make it more personal, it would have made a difference.
Sorry that your thread didn’t go how you wanted op.

You sound like there are personal positives but really it has been bad for many.

Even though I have lost family to Covid-19 I look at the amazing response to the pandemic and can see some real positives. The kindness and community spirit has been wonderful to see, the innovation, the move to WFH that will bring real health benefits in the long term.

I agree with you on this one!

Sorry, no, it’s been horrible and still is.

Mental health is one of the biggest casualties of this and it will be ages before we can truly quantify that impact. The other is the economy and again, the true impact of that won’t be wholly felt immediately, although many are feeling it and will continue to do so. Another casualty is the way people are treating one another. It’s become very unpleasant in many ways.

For some, everything has changed. You’re very fortunate if little has changed for you.

It didn't need thousands dying, the economy decimated, mental health conditions caused or exacerbated to make you value family time.

Good point. If people have had a 'good covid 19' it's generally because they have a lot of control over their lives - access to open space, ability to work flexibly, a comfortable house, adequate support from family and friends, good health - and if you have those things you have it within your power to improve your quality of life without a pandemic.

@SunniCameHomeWithAVengeance

Whilst the pandemic has not been bad for you for millions of people worldwide it's been horrendous. One person I know has lost six family members to covid. Businesses have folded, jobs lost and families at risk of eviction and that's just in my circle of friends.

Gosh, six family members. That is beyond devastating. I think people who are not at much risk can't really comprehen what this pandemic truly means for the families of the 1.5 million people who have died of this worldwide so far.

All of the positives you list OP could have been done anyway. They are all things that are, within reason, possible to organise at least in a small way. Your children don't need lots of extra curricular activities, your DH could maybe have asked for WFH, even if just for a couple of days a week. If family time is important then you can do your best to carve it out somehow.

I think the argument would be that she didn’t know she needed or wanted these things until they were forced upon her. It’s all very Hollywood film - people losing their jobs but finding the true meaning of happiness etc etc - but I don’t doubt that it has been true for some people. It’s also been a catastrophic time for other people.
Honestly I think I end 2020 with my life mostly unchanged and if I look around my circle there are a lot who end up the year either a lot happier, with a new sense of perspective or a lot more miserable with relationships over, finances decimated etc.. ending the year more or less where you started it is fairly unusual.

I don’t doubt that for millions of people 2020 was a transformative experience (good and bad).

@MolyHolyGuacamole

I think that sentiment is the equivalent of saying 'yes I know the rest of the country was ravaged by a hurricane, but MY house is still standing and I've quite enjoyed not having to go into work as the building was blown away'

This is brilliant

I think it should be adopted as a standard response! It would be good to see a load of these after another goady post, which is bound to appear shortly.

the move to WFH that will bring real health benefits in the long term.

I am massively in support of businesses offering the choice to WFH for those who want it. Same as all kinds of flexible working. But WFH has been a really, really long way from positive for an awful lot of people. It's been hell for us here, my DH is at the end of his tether and can't get anything done. All of his office is desperate to get back, amongst his colleagues two marriages are already on the brink. My siblings are WFH and lonely and miserable in tiny flats, same as many others who live alone. Of everyone I have personally talked to or heard of only a small handful are enjoying WFH, and those are mostly older in nice houses. Everyone else is finding that their MH suffering.

It’s been awful. Lockdown has these stupid tier systems (basically still lockdown) has destroyed lives and businesses. People have developed severe depression and anxiety with some taking their lives. People have lost their jobs and can’t find new jobs. Most people haven’t been able to see their GP and get their health conditions diagnosed. People have had their medical treatments cancelled. Disadvantaged children have fallen even further behind due to school closures. Some people live in abusive households and can’t escape.

So yes, this government’s reaction to this virus has destroyed many, many lives.

and these not has these

Hi Op

I Agree with you Op,

I think Cause you are key health worker you are obviously going to be Judged more under extreme harsh spot light .

I do understand get where you are coming from though on your viewpoint

And I don't think as one Poster said you are being smug/thought less you are just saying it as you have found Authentically,

@TheOtherMaryBerry

the move to WFH that will bring real health benefits in the long term.

I am massively in support of businesses offering the choice to WFH for those who want it. Same as all kinds of flexible working. But WFH has been a really, really long way from positive for an awful lot of people. It's been hell for us here, my DH is at the end of his tether and can't get anything done. All of his office is desperate to get back, amongst his colleagues two marriages are already on the brink. My siblings are WFH and lonely and miserable in tiny flats, same as many others who live alone. Of everyone I have personally talked to or heard of only a small handful are enjoying WFH, and those are mostly older in nice houses. Everyone else is finding that their MH suffering.

I thought WFH would be great. But for me it was not. I found trying to manage team and client meetings while attempting to keep up some sort of home schooling did not work. I found that I did not have the infrastructure of work available- a decent scanner; photocopier etc. I did not have the capacity to print quickly 1000 page documents (which is an integral part of my work). I found not being able to bounce ideas off my boss readily very destructive.

But more than that- my dining room table was taken over by my work- my work phone and cables, my computer, my printer etc. Home has always been my safe space and work encroached on this.

You are a healthcare professional who is 'grateful' for PPE. The NHS as an employer has a legal obligation to protect its employees and keep them safe. The failure to provide adequate PPE at the start of the pandemic is a breach of this obligation, and arguably a healthcare professional treating a Covid-19 patient in a paper mask is still being let down and not protected adequately, especially if they are doing so in a uniform that they have to take home and wash themselves.
PPE is not something you should be grateful for. You need to rethink that mindset.
I don't really believe your post. Those healthcare professionals treating Covid-19 patients see zero that is positive about this pandemic. I can only assume you are a healthcare professional who doesn't treat Covid-19 patients.
The constant exposure of massive viral loads in inadequate PPE, the danger of taking it home to loved ones, of getting seriously yourself is ever present, the loss of colleagues who died, the lack of staff due to illness and long-term sickness from Covid-19 makes working conditions appalling.

and there was no proper separation between work and home. No physical leaving it all behind.