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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That in the pandemic hasn’t all been bad

328 replies

Shiraznowplease · 08/12/2020 06:22

I am wondering if AIBU in feeling the pandemic has not all been bad. I am aware I may get flamed and yes it has been horrendously bad in people dying, difficulties nor seeing loved ones and problems for business. But I feel for me , and talking to friends, others too it has made me/us grateful for my family and friends. It has shown me what is truly important, stopped the endless round of business trips for dh and after school/weekend activities for the children and instead we have spent quality time together playing games, cooking and enjoying one and another’s company. My Dc have seen dh more this year more than the rest of their lives combined.

I am a health professional so have worked all through the pandemic but have been grateful to have PPE, even if initially I had to source and fund it myself although the stress has been incredible, I feel I have made a real difference to my patients.

I am lucky that dh could work from home in a relatively secure job.

I have missed my parents and meeting with friends dreadfully though am thankful for zoom, FaceTime and other things so we could keep in touch.

It has also brought out, in my experience, community spirit and helping each other out.

OP posts:
Emeraldshamrock · 08/12/2020 07:53

It is a bit of a selfish post considering how awful it has been for some families.
It isn't even the loss it is the circumstances and restrictions no dignity for loved ones who died alone.
My NDN's in their 80's have been locked in her home since March.

Thatwentbadly · 08/12/2020 07:54

There are a few positives but overwhelming I’ve found it really hard. DH is ECV, balancing homeschooling and a clinging baby, worrying about DD1 returning to school and covid, worrying about the toddler not being able to interact with other children and I’m incredibly lonely and isolated. I had a physio appointment yesterday and talking to the physio for 30 mins was the highlight of my week.

I’m aware on the grand scheme of things we are in the more lucky bracket but everyone’s experience of this pandemic has been very different. I’m struggling with people bubbling over Christmas, it’s not safe for us to do and makes everything more dangerous for DH - I have to consider if it’s safe to send DD1 back to school in January. I don’t want to keep a 4 year old isolated at home from her friends. I feel I like I have to choose between DD1 mental health and DH physical health.

southeastdweller · 08/12/2020 08:02

Of course you're going to get flamed for your appallingly insensitive post.

We're living in unprecedented times, on the brink of the deepest recession in modern times. As a result of lockdowns, the number of domestic violence incidents are increasing, people's lives have been destroyed and many more will continue to be as unemployment figures escalate after Christmas. There was a 20% rise in babies being killed or harmed in the first lockdown in the UK. Shall I go on?

YABU and your post is crass and very badly timed.

ivykaty44 · 08/12/2020 08:02

did you lose a loved one during the pandemic and not be able to visit and say good bye? Did you lose your job during the pandemic and now struggling to find work as 1000 apply for each job you do? Were you let go in March without any redundancy payment and trying to live on U.C. which you never realised was so little to manage and you may lose the roof over your head

The pandemic has been tragic for many hundreds of thousands of people, caused upset and you think its not that bad....go and look in the mirror

KaptainKaveman · 08/12/2020 08:03

Are you going to come back and respond to any of these comments OP?
Hmm
Doubt it.

Tomorrowisanotherdayyouknow · 08/12/2020 08:05

Good for you. No one close to you died, you didn't lose your job/home/etc. Well done. You are alright Jack shout it out as loud as you can, lovely.

Obviously others have a different experience. I feel for those who have lost family or businesses/jobs. I feel for the people on their knees in despair. I feel for them listening to the people with the 'I'm alright Jack' mentality, hopefully they will find a way to get through this.

BecomeStronger · 08/12/2020 08:05

I think it's a bit like people had fond memories of certain aspects of wartime. Some people, protected from the horrors, found it wasn't all bad but no one would say it was a good thing.

DDIJ · 08/12/2020 08:07

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Earlgrey666 · 08/12/2020 08:07

No, it's been awful

AlrightTreacle · 08/12/2020 08:09

Same storm, different boats.

I also work in healthcare; it's been a horrible and stressful year, but I am relieved to have a fairly redundancy proof job. So I am grateful for that I guess, but worried for friends and family who are stressed about the security of their jobs.

I still fucking hate Facetime and zoom though.

RedskyAtnight · 08/12/2020 08:10

Before the pandemic we'd already worked out what was important for us in terms of work/life balance and adjusted jobs/house/lifestyle accordingly.

So I find posts like yours quite frustrating. Colleagues saying it's great they no longer have a long commute- we didn't have one as we chose to live in an area with lots of jobs and walk/cycle to work. Colleagues saying it's nice to spend more time with family - we'd chosen to work in jobs where we could do this. No endless round of trips and activities - we'd already worked out this was exhausting and restricted what we did. The really annoying thing is that pre-pandemic, very many people thought what we'd chosen to do was "weird"!

So a more important question is, I think, - Why did it take a pandemic to make so many people realise what is important?

MaxNormal · 08/12/2020 08:12

How lovely for you.

RosesAndHellebores · 08/12/2020 08:12

I can see where you are coming from op but I don't think the way you have phrased you ok is helpful or empathetic.

For us, personally, it was nice to have both grown up children wfh March to July (and then dd's term broke). The weather was good and I didn't miss the planes and we are exceptionally lucky in our circumstances. So personally pretty good taking everything into account.

But, it has been gruelling managing a team of 18 on zoom let alone fulfilling full services to the rest of the organisation and then having to restructure on zoom and implement a pay cut. DH's work changed slightly but he worried about that part of it that closed leaving possibly innocent people on remand or having court and prison hanging over them. DS remained employed over summer but nevertheless had to take a 20% pay cut. DD found little holiday work - not that she absolutely needed the money. I am glad both mine are in education this year. So, overall for us in our nice house with no worries it was fine.

However I had as soon as lockdown ended to get two members of staff back to work sharpish due to domestic violence. I am well aware of the thousands in retail and hospitality losing their jobs. I am aware of universities who have the banks in due to loss of income and the HE market even. Of parents who wept whilst trying to supervise tiniest and work from home, of sharers whose housemates are driving them demented and whose homes aren't great for wfh. And so it goes on until the good bit.

You do realise that 60,000 plus people are dead and there are probably an additional grieving 240,000 relatives? That at a time when MH services are never more needed they are less available than ever? That brides have cancelled weddings, funerals have been grimmer than ever before. And last but not least that the economy is completely and utterly fucked and will take a generation to recover.

If an HCP is so insensitive to write what you have written then I think that sums up much of what is wrong with the NHS in the UK. I am shocked and my glass is usually half full.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 08/12/2020 08:13

I agree, OP. I haven't enjoyed it (family outside UK, working throughout for the NHS, 5 year old constantly wanting to do stuff we can't do), but I know lots of people who have been living the life of Riley, getting paid to stay at home doing little or no work, taking a relaxed view to social distancing rules...in some ways this year has been the break they needed from the treadmill of adult life.

malificent7 · 08/12/2020 08:14

Well we could acknowledge it has been awful and yet still find the positives...not mutually exclusive.

Cheesypea · 08/12/2020 08:16

OP never came back?

wildraisins · 08/12/2020 08:17

It's very important in life to keep an eye on the positive things even in the worst situations - that's a wonderful part of human nature and let's hope we don't lose it!

Can't believe people are calling you smug and saying you're being unreasonable to see a silver lining.

malificent7 · 08/12/2020 08:17

But after reading some srories on here i can well understand that people are struggling to see positives.
I personally want to go to a big rave to let my hair down ..notbeing able to let off steam is shit.

Ginfordinner · 08/12/2020 08:18

@RedskyAtnight

Before the pandemic we'd already worked out what was important for us in terms of work/life balance and adjusted jobs/house/lifestyle accordingly.

So I find posts like yours quite frustrating. Colleagues saying it's great they no longer have a long commute- we didn't have one as we chose to live in an area with lots of jobs and walk/cycle to work. Colleagues saying it's nice to spend more time with family - we'd chosen to work in jobs where we could do this. No endless round of trips and activities - we'd already worked out this was exhausting and restricted what we did. The really annoying thing is that pre-pandemic, very many people thought what we'd chosen to do was "weird"!

So a more important question is, I think, - Why did it take a pandemic to make so many people realise what is important?

I agree with ReadskyAtnight. I'm not missing the commute to work. For me that is the only positive thing to come out of the pandemic.

DH works from home. When I collected DD from university in March she was studying from home.

We spend so much time together already that being together all the time is not a novelty, and can get quite boring.

DD couldn't wait to move into her student house share so she could spend time with friends. I can't wait to be able to socialise with other people.

DH and I love each other to bits, but we are getting cabin fever. We walk a lot anyway, but having walking as the only out of house option also gets boring. And now the weather is too awful to enjoy it.

My highlight of the week is the weekly supermarket trip.

AtlasPine · 08/12/2020 08:21

@KaptainKaveman

Are you going to come back and respond to any of these comments OP? Hmm Doubt it.
Why should she? She’s been pasted in the way only MN knows how to do. It’s survival for some to try and see the positives in bleak situations. If you can post on MN about buying £1000 handbags when people struggle to buy food for their children, and ask about whether to have a third child when people have been trying unsuccessfully for one for years, then you should be able to post about finding something positive in a terrible time.

Stop bullying her. This place can be rank sometimes.

Purplehatsandflowers · 08/12/2020 08:23

@BecomeStronger

I think it's a bit like people had fond memories of certain aspects of wartime. Some people, protected from the horrors, found it wasn't all bad but no one would say it was a good thing.
Yes i agree with that.
hellymissy · 08/12/2020 08:23

I think people should give OP a break. She acknowledged the deaths is a bad thing but she is simply high lifting some of the positives which I think is quote a healthy outlook at times like this.

I think we should try harder to see bright side of things in life instead of revelling in our own misery.

Obviously for those that have lost businesses or loved ones then yes an entirely different scenario but OP isn't talking about that just her own experience.

There have been many people that have not lost loved ones or businesses which still seem to find every way to moan about the pandemic in any which way possible - when in actually fact there are much worse things that could happen.

MiddlesexGirl · 08/12/2020 08:24

it didnt need to take a pandemic and all the awfulness for people to get us to play board games and go for walks!

Not true. When you've got DC playing football, going swimming, meeting up with friends there's not a lot of time left for family activities.

Derelictwreck · 08/12/2020 08:24

It has also brought out, in my experience, community spirit and helping each other out.

Actually, academic research shows that despite an initial increase in community cohesion, the pandemic has made us more fragmented and selfish than ever.

zigaziga · 08/12/2020 08:27

You’re not unreasonable because everyone’s experiences of everything are different.

Mine was sort of parenting on steroids I guess - highest highs and lowest lows etc. I’m not sure I’ll be able to look back and evaluate it for a long time really. I think in some ways it was the best thing to happen for my children actually and I am thankful every day that they were not older.

Then, if you were/ are affected by CV and jo losses and everything it’ll be different again. My good friend had a great first lockdown for instance - her and her DP both furloughed and it was the making of their relationship. They did up their house, they got fit and heathy... Now post second lockdown they are both redundant and worried about how to pay the mortgage after Christmas. Others I know kind of went through that in reverse - a worrying first half financially, then selling up and moving across the country in time for the second lockdown and ending the year with less financial worry, more time together etc.
I also know a ridiculous number of people with babies due in Jan/Feb/March.