Are you ‘lucky’ If you’ve done well for yourself?

[MissMessy12]

If you have a nice home, financially comfortable, happy family life does it annoy you when people comment on how ‘lucky’ you are?
To me luck is about chance, winning the lottery for example or being in the right place at the right time.
Everything I have, I’ve worked hard for, in my opinion has nothing to do with luck.

Hard work without luck won't get you anywhere.
But luck without hard work is unlikely to get you anywhere either.

Exactly this

The way most people seem to describe 'luck' on this thread, we could all conclude that we are lucky at times and unlucky at others.

Yes, of course we are. That's how luck works, including in your example of the A Level student - that was him being lucky at one time. Next month he might have bad luck about something else.

It's your luck on the big things that counts though. Are you suggesting that being born into a wealthy family is not lucky? Or that being born into extreme poverty or being born with a debilitating condition is not bad luck? Those certainly aren't things the person has any control or influence over, so why are they not luck? They don't stop the person from having other incidences of good or bad luck in their life, but that initial big dose of good or bad luck is likely to have a profound effect on their life chances, whatever else happens.

The more we talk about luck on this thread the more fucked up everything seems - starting with measuring how well we’ve done by what we have or aspire to own rather than who we are, our values and character.

What determines the maternal mortality rates in the UK (why are some women five times more likely to die in childbirth than white women?), the people and regions hit hardest by COVID, arrest and sentencing disparities, the gender pay gap, poverty, uneven educational attainment - it’s not luck is it, it’s a network of oppressive systems: patriarchy, capitalism, colonialism

It's your luck on the big things that counts though. Are you suggesting that being born into a wealthy family is not lucky?
Not forcibly because life successes are not just about wealth.

I'd rather be happily married with healthy children in a lower income than rich but alone.

I have everything mentioned in the OP, and I think it is around 20% hard work and 80% luck.

I certainly worked hard at school / uni / professional exams. But I was lucky to have supportive parents, and to be good at the kind of academic subjects that are valued in our society and can lead to a well-paid career.

I have a lovely, hard working DH. Of course when I married him I thought he was a 'keeper' who wouldn't abandon me and the kids - but the fact that I was right (so far!) is partly good judgement and mainly luck (especially given that I was 22 when we met).

I think people who have children are lucky. I can’t but I never say the people that they are lucky in that context.

No one is denying extreme cases of luck - good or bad.
Losing a child, being born in the upper class of society, winning the lottery, having the voice of an angel.. of course there's such a thing as luck.

But for the majority of people, at least the ones living in the same country, backgrounds and opportunities are pretty similar.

At some point people need to take responsibility for themselves and not put everything down to luck. The OP was about being "financially comfortable, happy family life" - not being a world worshipped Hollywood Star or Usain Bolt.

Some goals are completely achievable by everybody, it's not just "luck" when you live in countries like this one.

It's about how you control what you can control.

But also why don’t we know what makes some people emerge from severe early adversity with a stable enough sense of self to defy expectations and achieve their life’s ambitions while some others can’t or don’t do anything much other than survive

But for the majority of people, at least the ones living in the same country, backgrounds and opportunities are pretty similar

Wow. Are people really this naive?

Everything I have, I’ve worked hard for, in my opinion has nothing to do with luck

Of course its luck. Do you have a terminal disease? Are your children alive and healthy? Has your house burned down in an electrical fire? .....it's all luck.
Yes, you might work hard, but so do a lot of people who have a lot less than you. So count your blessings, realise how lucky you are, and cop the fuck on.

There's an element of luck but there's also a factor of being able to capitalise on the opportunities that come your way.
It's not just hard work. Personally I think being able to defer gratification is the single most important element in our society. I think it underpins everything - saving and waiting for things instead of buying on credit, having long term goals, not eating crappy food for the 'feel good' moment, putting long term health ahead of using drugs and alcohol, etc.

Not forcibly because life successes are not just about wealth. I'd rather be happily married with healthy children in a lower income than rich but alone.

That's the kind of thing that it's easy to say if you don't live in abject poverty though. I said extreme poverty,not 'a lower income'. In any case, the statement "It is lucky to be born in a wealthy family" does not mean wealth is the only kind of good luck, or the only thing that affects life chances, or that wealthy people are lucky in all aspects of their lives. It just means it's more fortunate to be born rich than poor, and that it's likely to have a positive effect on your life chances.

it's not just "luck" when you live in countries like this one.

For some people this isn't luck, they've made a conscious choice to live here. But I'm pretty certain that for most people we didn't get a choice where we were born. I feel extremely lucky to be born in the UK, (even with its flaws) I know life could have been a lot harder elsewhere.

Eckhart Well, that's the sort of attitude that comes before a fall.

I've worked non-stop since March. I haven't had a day off sick or taken any leave, in fact I've gone in on my days off to cover because we were short. All to do our best to keep people alive who've succumb to this dreadful virus. And these aren't just numbers you read or hear on TV, these are real people, including a woman of 36 with three kids and no previous medical condition. And I couldn't do this if I hadn't paid attention at school and college, got 4 A levels and working my fucking arse off during years of training and countless exams plus working just about every Christmas. And that's where I'll be this year too. So, while you're stuffing your face with turkey, I'll will be on duty from 6.30 am - 8.00 pm, and I have three kids!. Is that the attitude you're talking about or am I just LUCKY!.

@Eckhart

But for the majority of people, at least the ones living in the same country, backgrounds and opportunities are pretty similar

Wow. Are people really this naive?

sounds like it.

It's very easy to conveniently ignore our rights, access to shelter and basic needs, access to education and health care.

Convenient also to deny the complete mix of ethnicity, gender, backgrounds, colour, languages even in most companies.

No one is denying extreme cases of luck - good or bad

For someone who hasn't had food for 2 days, finding a pound coin is an extreme case of good luck.

Imposing your own, individual, arbitrary line between 'extreme cases of good luck' and other means of achieving a comfortable life is arbitrary in itself.

Some goals are completely achievable by everybody, it's not just "luck" when you live in countries like this one.

As a country we have a pretty poor record of social mobility. In fact, our social mobility rates have declined in recent years.

If you honestly think that everyone has an equal chance of attending a good university ( or university at all!), entering an elite career, having a successful career, owning a house etc then you're being very naïve.

Not forcibly because life successes are not just about wealth. I'd rather be happily married with healthy children in a lower income than rich but alone

Wrong comparison. Would you rather be happily married with healthy children (all luck) with money or happily married with healthy children without money?

Some goals are completely achievable by everybody, it's not just "luck" when you live in countries like this one

I'd like to know which goals you think are achievable by everyone>

Look up privilege...you'd be surprised at what an advantage so we people have

Some!

I don't understand why people are so reluctant to acknowledge how lucky they are? It's a good thing, something to be grateful for.

@MedusasBadHairDay

I don't understand why people are so reluctant to acknowledge how lucky they are? It's a good thing, something to be grateful for.

Otherwise we’d have to acknowledge how unjust society is and that meritocracy is a total scam. It’s a bit like the just world hypothesis isn’t it? Much more comfortable than facing reality with all its dangers.

I've worked non-stop since March. I haven't had a day off sick or taken any leave, in fact I've gone in on my days off to cover because we were short. All to do our best to keep people alive who've succumb to this dreadful virus. And these aren't just numbers you read or hear on TV, these are real people, including a woman of 36 with three kids and no previous medical condition. And I couldn't do this if I hadn't paid attention at school and college, got 4 A levels and working my fucking arse off during years of training and countless exams plus working just about every Christmas. And that's where I'll be this year too. So, while you're stuffing your face with turkey, I'll will be on duty from 6.30 am - 8.00 pm, and I have three kids!. Is that the attitude you're talking about or am I just LUCKY!.

Why do people get so offended by this? Of course you work hard, nobody would say anything different. However, at some point you have benefitted from chance ( or luck) and you have made the most of this. it's still your achievement.
I work so hard and I am proud of my success but I can acknowledge chance and luck - i was lucky to meet someone at a conference who became a mentor, I happened to win a scholarship for my PG qualification , it was the last year they offered it and without it I wouldn't have been able to afford to do it. I've been lucky but i've also worked my arse off.