Would you leave this whatsapp group ?

[Tropicana218]

I have posted previously saying that I recently posted a treatment that I had had and that only 1 out of 7 actually replied to it.

I'm not always posting pics of myself or being look at me or anything like that, it was just a minor procedure I had which has boosted my confidence and yet the majority ignored.

I've realised that I am the main organiser, i've looked at the messages since March for instance and i'd say 90% of conversations are started by me. There's one other girl who occasionally tries to make plans but I am the main one.

You might say it's because of Covid, who knows what they are going through etc.
True, but I've seen via social media that they are going out on dates, with other friends, partners etc.

I'm a bit bored with it. These are school friends I have known for almost 20 years now, I know people can grow apart and I think it's that. I did meet some of them once or twice in the summer, but seems to have dwindled since then. Another, I haven't seen since March and another 2 since last November.

None of us have children and that I know of no elderly/vulnerable parents that require care.

Just sick of the lack of effort and think it's rude that the majority ignored my post.
Leaving the group seems dramatic and petty but I'll just end up messaging again in a few weeks only for the same result.

Feel free to shoot me down if i'm being dramati or harsh.

Sounds like it's dead in the water.

Just delete it.

I saw a friend last night and he told me that he sees his good friends once-twice a week. And they all have jobs etc. But no kids.
I admit that's a lot even for me, every fortnight/3 weeks would even be great for me but the point is it showed me the lack of effort these 'friends' make.

YANBU for deleting/ leaving since clearly it's on its knees, but YABU for posting pictures of your "procedure" when the country is also on its knees and people are suffering all sorts.

I understand your point, but it didn't cost me much at all, and they post all sorts about going for meals, their holiday was cancelled etc.
I know none of them have lost their job and are high earners, but you are right it's something I should take into account that it may be insensitive.

How are they seeing each other so often? I’ve seen a handful of people all year due to bloody covid and now we tier 3 seeing nobody still
Though we in 40’s all with kids who gave various sport commitments

I feel same though about lack of effort from people I’ve given up trying to be so proactive with one particular group of friends as it’s like pulling teeth

Just stop messaging on it. Let it die. Leaving it is a bit stroppy.

What was the treatment? Maybe they didn’t know what to respond.

It sounds like you’re not getting much out of this group-maybe best to call it a day.

I would suggest stay in the group, but dial down your expectations. I'm in a family WhatsApp where two of us post more than the others. I'm ok with that. You are assuming that your preference for frequent contact is the "right" approach. It nay be more contact than the others feel is desirable, but that's ok

And you say you had a minor procedure which boosted your confidence. If it was eg botox, maybe they don't really like the idea of it, but stayed quiet rather than offer their views. "If you can't say something nice, stay quiet"

Was it a cosmetic procedure which may not have turned out as well as you think and they’ve opted not to say anything instead of insulting you or lying?

Do you mean a cosmetic procedure? If someone posted that on a WhatsApp group I wouldn't know what to say, so would probably say nothing. If you've had a minor surgical procedure for medical reasons, I'd be taken aback that you shared photos but would enquire after your well being

They aren't seeing each other but they are seeing other people, I just don't see the point of the group it's like who can make the least effort. My boyfriend is much more easy-going and continues friendships even with very flaky people but it just screams such a lack of effort or care for me.

If a friend posted about a treatment in a group I might find it awkward. If you say it’s great, are you implying they really had something that needed correcting before?

And if it was cosmetic, I might find it a bit trivial when people are worried about getting appointments for health problems.

If someone had posted about a cosmetic procedure, I wouldn’t respond. I would find asking for validation about it vain and crass in the current climate but wouldn’t want to be unkind so would say nothing.

Didn't think the cosmetic thing was a big deal myself, but now thinking about it.

They can think i'm vain if they like but I think true friends would be supportive and happy for me if it had made me happy.

If even a very good friend sent me a message saying that they had had a cosmetic procedure I honestly wouldn’t know what to say.

Thus I would ignore as would be too odd to say anything

By saying nothing ans not voicing their true opinions, they ARE being kind and supportive. Don’t ask the question (to the group) if you don’t want to hear the answer (even if that answer is silent).

Don't see why people would be so aghast and speechless and 'wouldn't know what to say' that a friend had a cosmetic procedure, in this day and age. Is it really such a huge deal ?Just my opinion, but i'd say, if it makes you happy then good for you.

This might sound harsh, but you sound s bit needy.

It was something I have been bullied about when I was younger and I had it 'fixed'. It has improved my confidence no end, and they know I was insecure about it in the past. I've talked about it with them before.
If I was having ribs removed or 38JJ boobs put in I could understand.

Maybe they think you are attention seeking and are ignoring the cosmetic surgery post, or maybe if you got something like lip filler they don’t look great and they don’t want to respond.

To be honest I can't imagine they all collectively have the same opinion about it, it's not really about how it looks it's the fact that it's made me better. But I wouldn't just ignore it.

Agree it would be a bit petty to leave the group in a huff - just stop posting on it. As another poster said you are assuming that what you want out of it - fairly frequent contact - is the same as what everyone else does. If they don't want that much - if they are busy with other friends, family, work, then perhaps they just want an easy way to organise a catch up once a year or to wish you all a merry christmas.

Also agree it depends on what the "minor treatment" is - if it was laser eye surgery or having a tooth straightened, for example, I possibly would expect most of them to just comment a quick "looks nice," or something. But as others have said, if it was more like botox or permanent eyebrows or whatever, some people a) have strong views on cosmetic procedures, or b) might think it looks awful and can't think how to say so tactfully so think its better to say nothing.

Or perhaps they could be struggling for money and found a post that you had enough to spend on something they think is completely frivolous rubbing it in their faces. Just because they refer to other things - "Going for a meal" could be quite different in terms of cost and "luxury/unnecessary spending" that £300 on a face lift!

So you’ve had lip filler or nose filler etc, posted a selfie and because only one person has commented you’ve got the face on and want to leave the group?

You sound a bit of a drama llama.