Would you leave this whatsapp group ?

[Tropicana218]

I have posted previously saying that I recently posted a treatment that I had had and that only 1 out of 7 actually replied to it.

I'm not always posting pics of myself or being look at me or anything like that, it was just a minor procedure I had which has boosted my confidence and yet the majority ignored.

I've realised that I am the main organiser, i've looked at the messages since March for instance and i'd say 90% of conversations are started by me. There's one other girl who occasionally tries to make plans but I am the main one.

You might say it's because of Covid, who knows what they are going through etc.
True, but I've seen via social media that they are going out on dates, with other friends, partners etc.

I'm a bit bored with it. These are school friends I have known for almost 20 years now, I know people can grow apart and I think it's that. I did meet some of them once or twice in the summer, but seems to have dwindled since then. Another, I haven't seen since March and another 2 since last November.

None of us have children and that I know of no elderly/vulnerable parents that require care.

Just sick of the lack of effort and think it's rude that the majority ignored my post.
Leaving the group seems dramatic and petty but I'll just end up messaging again in a few weeks only for the same result.

Feel free to shoot me down if i'm being dramati or harsh.

I really dislike the current trend for lip filler. I'll not go into why because this isn't the place for it.
Lots of my friends have had it done. I just don't comment on it. I don't want to offend them or upset them but I also don't want to be insincere so I think it's better for me to not mention it at all.
Perhaps they feel similar to me.

So if people have a hair cut, lose weight, braces etc. They never share it with anyone, just keep it to themselves as it's deemed attention-seeking?

Is that so strange? I've never posted that I have had a hair cut, braces or cosmetic surgery, nor would I reply to someone who has. A friend posted about her huge weight loss (50% of body mass) because it is an achievement. Getting your nose done isn't.

To be honest I can't imagine they all collectively have the same opinion about it

I think a very large proportion of people find both boasting and vanity distasteful (possibly, in the UK, to the point where we are a little too down on ourselves). There is a huge difference in mindset between most people I know and the people who post looking for attention and praise on social media, so its worth considering you may just have a very different outlook on life, OP.

i can;t imagine a friend posting "i;ve finally had my nose/teeth done" with a pic and NOT posting something like "oh nice one, was it painful/well done/" whatever, something supportive.

Unless i really didn't like them/didn't care one bit. if someone posts in a group, surely someone should respond, else its odd.

Even on our student whatapp groups, someone will usually say "sorry i don't know" rather than leave a post just hanging.

@donquixotedelamancha

To be honest I can't imagine they all collectively have the same opinion about it

I think a very large proportion of people find both boasting and vanity distasteful (possibly, in the UK, to the point where we are a little too down on ourselves). There is a huge difference in mindset between most people I know and the people who post looking for attention and praise on social media, so its worth considering you may just have a very different outlook on life, OP.

I think this post is so sad.

Would you really think a friend posting about something big and important to them is boastful?

I knew a few people is school who were incredibly competitive and could never be happy for anyone, always snipping behind their backs.

In my group of someone gets a promotion, a new house, a new car, and new dress, a haircut etc etc and they post a picture everyone is happy for them.

If someone is jealous or mean, or thinks it’s boastful to share good news with fiends, then I don’t want to be their friend.

For the record I hate the Look at how wonderful I am Facebook posts. But sharing good news it’s your friends on a closed group is different surely?

So if people have a hair cut, lose weight, braces etc. They never share it with anyone, just keep it to themselves as it's deemed attention-seeking ?

Honestly, yes. A lot of us grew up that way. It's old fashioned but it used to be the English cultural norm (not all English people, not all regions, but it was widespread) that you don't highlight your own achievements, and in fact to do so loses status rather than gains it. The idea is that if one is that great others do the highlighting for you.

It's changing I think as we get more comfortable sharing pride on social media and are influenced by cultures that expect people to acknowledge their achievements.

I think there’s a reason that the OP didn’t say what the procedure was 🤷🏻‍♀️

• Very sticky out ears that everyone knows you were mercilessly bullied for and hate, pinned? Then they are no friends if they can’t say, “really please for you!”

• badly done lip injection, where praise may just encourage you to continue not accepting your perfectly normal lips as normal, among a group of women who are uncomfortable with cosmetic surgery - yeah, I’d stay quiet too. I wouldn’t want to encourage it.

I expect OP knows that the procedure wouldn’t find many fans here, hence being coy about it.

I had a haircut yesterday. Wouldn't dream of posting pictures in a WhatsApp group. And if one of my friends posted pictures of a cosmetic procedure I wouldn't know what to say. It's private really & not everyone agrees with them.

I suppose everyone is different. I never post picture of myself, but a friend recently changed her hair colour and posted a pic on the group. I didn’t have any of negative reactions or thoughts described here.

OP I think the pro slim is this group isn’t your tribe. They aren’t engaging, you need a fun group of friends who will be interested in what is happening in your life, and will share what’s going on in theirs.

Step away from the WhatsApp group and make some new connections

WhatsApp not pro slim - what the hell is that😂

Some people expect different things from groups. Some only want to post or update occasionally. It's not that they're being bad or ignoring people. They just have different expectations about the group.

If you hate being the one to make the effort then you can always just dial it back or stop and see if the group just dies.

I don't think anyone is really in the wrong or right here - it's not that you're too this or they're too that. They just aren't that interested in posting in the group for whatever reason, it's optional after all. You could leave and tell them you're leaving, which makes it A Thing, and which might create awkwardness with these people later. If you actually like them, why not just stop posting on the group, see what happens, and then you can pick up with them sometime in the future. It's annoying now but with a bit of distance on it, you might not see it as such a big deal.

Yanbu BUT there could be a reason they haven't commented. My daughter had a beauty spot removed and feels much happier but honestly I thought she was prettier with it. Obviously I haven't said anything and it is only important that she is happy but could it be something like that... I also had a boyfriend once who had a wonky tooth fixed, he was still gorgeous and he loved it, but there was something extra attractive about his smile before that. It was what drew me to him 😁 Oh also I had my teeth fixed and I know my DH liked them before but I like them better now!

Any way just my thoughts.

I’ve never posted about having a haircut, losing weight etc. I’d be embarrassed to - it’s vain. I would talk about it if a friend mentioned it but only then.

Buying a house is a major life event. I’d post about that. There’s a marked difference in my mind.

In a general group (rather that a one-to-one conversation) I might well not respond - in principle I don't really like cosmetic procedures.

My husband is also awaiting urgent surgery - delayed due to COVID and he's in quite a bit of pain. I wouldn't want to reply grumpily to you so would be more likely to say nothing.

In neither case am I intending to be unpleasant to you.

There will be a reason that none of them
have commented.

@Tropicana218

So if people have a hair cut, lose weight, braces etc. They never share it with anyone, just keep it to themselves as it's deemed attention-seeking ? Don't see what's wrong with being proud and happy with it.

I would never send a photo of something like that, no. Possibly if we were chatting generally about what we'd done that day and they asked to see it, maybe. But never unprompted, and not because it's attention-seeking, because it's boring/a bit smug.

I don't see why it's any different to face to face interactions - if you go into work and someone says "Oh I like your haircut," or "have you lost weight?" then it's normal to thank them and talk briefly about it. But you wouldn't go in and randomly say "Morning everyone - do you all like my new haircut?" or "Have you all noticed that I've lost weight?" So why is it normal to do so unprompted via WhatsApp?

Just because you know they haven't lost their jobs doesn't mean they don't have any financial worries. Cancelled holidays would have been booked before Covid so don't say anything about their financial situation. You say they hardly ever message in the group so how would you know the details of their lives? Perhaps they haven't lost their job yet but redunduncies have been mentioned and they are worried, or overtime has been cut back, or they've been told they or their partner will be getting reduced hours, or they are working in a sector that will be affected by Brexit.

I haven't lost my job but I've still been financially affected by covid -my bills have shot up due to WFH every day and due to public sector pay freeze I know I won't have a pay rise (even the usual measly 1%) for the next few years.

Your complaint is that they don't keep in touch so you can't assume you know everything that is going on in their lives just by scanning their social media!

Stop posting let it die. Then leave. If you leave now. They'll know why and have a good laugh about it