Would you leave this whatsapp group ?

[Tropicana218]

I have posted previously saying that I recently posted a treatment that I had had and that only 1 out of 7 actually replied to it.

I'm not always posting pics of myself or being look at me or anything like that, it was just a minor procedure I had which has boosted my confidence and yet the majority ignored.

I've realised that I am the main organiser, i've looked at the messages since March for instance and i'd say 90% of conversations are started by me. There's one other girl who occasionally tries to make plans but I am the main one.

You might say it's because of Covid, who knows what they are going through etc.
True, but I've seen via social media that they are going out on dates, with other friends, partners etc.

I'm a bit bored with it. These are school friends I have known for almost 20 years now, I know people can grow apart and I think it's that. I did meet some of them once or twice in the summer, but seems to have dwindled since then. Another, I haven't seen since March and another 2 since last November.

None of us have children and that I know of no elderly/vulnerable parents that require care.

Just sick of the lack of effort and think it's rude that the majority ignored my post.
Leaving the group seems dramatic and petty but I'll just end up messaging again in a few weeks only for the same result.

Feel free to shoot me down if i'm being dramati or harsh.

So if people have a hair cut, lose weight, braces etc. They never share it with anyone, just keep it to themselves as it's deemed attention-seeking ?
Don't see what's wrong with being proud and happy with it.

Just to clarify it isn't filler.

And no of course it's not based on just that, if you had RTFT I have said it's because of a lack of effort for nearly a year.

Are you sure you want to cut ties? I have friends who I don't message often and see probably only once a year but when we meet up it's like nothing has changed. You may find you all start to reconnect more if, for example, babies are born (sorry I don't know your ages).

If my friend posted about a cosmetic procedure in our WhatsApp group I would compliment them. It’s a normal thing to do only on mumsnet is there so much outrage. Like
Xmas eve boxes and elves 🙄🙄 don’t take it to heart. I’d mute the group tbh

I don't know, I just feel like most of my efforts fall flat. Maybe it is 'needy' as other posts have suggested, but I just don't want to bother with people I see once or twice a year.

Lack of effort for a nearly a year when we’ve been in lockdown, people have lost family members, lost jobs and are worried for their futures? But yeah your ‘procedure’ trumps that! Self obsessed or what 😂😂

OK, you haven't read it properly but that's fine. They are going out with other people and doing other things as I have said. It's just on this group.

You do sound a bit self absorbed.

Actually, a fair bit.

Starting the chat, starting 90% of the conversations, posting about your procedure, pissed off that no one cares, starting threads about it, wanting to flounce.

It's all very you you you.

4 of them have complained that their holiday was cancelled due to the latest lockdown. I know none of them have lost jobs or lost family members due to Covid. You could also argue that it's insensitive of them to complain about cancelled holidays but I don't see things like that, we are allowed to still enjoy things.

Well given that many of my posts are asking how they are doing, about them, or suggesting meet ups, which seem to be perfectly normal things then no, I don't think i'm all me me me.
But what should I expect on this site where people love to pile on you.

'starting 90% of the chat makes me self-absorbed'?
You do realise that makes no sense whatsoever ?

I agree @Zoecarter I don't know a single person who wouldn't just say "Looks great" etc. Only on Mumsnet do you get this!

@Tropicana218

'starting 90% of the chat makes me self-absorbed'? You do realise that makes no sense whatsoever ?

Yes, I didn't think that would make sense to you.

Another friend has posted on social media (a friend from the group) that she's just bought a new house and is excited. But apparently nobody is allowed to share anything good or positive 'in the middle of a pandemic'.

It sounds like you're just very different people.

Did you just post a selfie? Or did you ask "what do yo think?"

It could be pure coincidence that they're not as into cosmetic stuff as you are. And if they do think you're a bit attention-seeking they probably don't want to feed you. So in that regard I would just let it die out.

I don't know if I'd dramatically leave or anything. But there again, if you don't want to continue the friendships why not leave and make a clean break?! Life is too short for petty drama.

F

I dont think you sound needy but I would just archive the group and forget about it. Leaving looks a bit stroppy.

You sound like a teenager. I have no tolerance for attention-seeking and no emotional energy to boost people's confidence or self-esteem unless it's something meaningful, which for me the cosmetic procedure is not. I wouldn't respond to your post either.

@Piwlyfbicsly your reply worries me some what, I hope you're ok.

I can see how you are upset by being ignored. It would take 5 seconds to pay you a compliment.

I have learned who my friends are during the pandemic... and yes like you people are busy etc but they should still make time. Especially if you can see they are making time for others.

I sent a text to all my friends at the start of lockdown asking after them and wishing them well... stay safe etc... one of my close friends... (or so I thought and known for 20+ years from school) said 'See you on the other side'!? All I could do was think... what is that supposed to mean??? I'm a lone parent and have been stuck on my own apart from the odd walk here and there.

I then lost my Dad and she sent a card apologising for being an 'absent friend'. It was nice she contacted me but it hurt. She recently got a bf and went from being my wingman on nights outs and holidays to not needing me at all. She's about to move in with the bf now and they've got 2 puppies... I've basically let her go. No point flogging a dead horse as they say.

I have other friends in relationships, with kids etc and they've found time... maybe post in the group asking about peoples plans for Xmas... gauge the response and take it from there

What could they say?

'Oh, you look soooo much better now you've got that hideous wart cut off your nose/your teeth aren't the colour of piss/the hatchet lines have been filled!'?

'Can't see any difference'?

'Nothing wrong with how you looked before'?

'You look like you've been slapped across the face with a baseball bat and attacked by angry wasps'?

''Those eyebrows look ridiculous'?

'I feel so much better for seeing your four grand cosmetic treatment, it really took my mind off my shitty, financially abusive relationship'?

'You've had a procedure? I thought you'd just been using Facetune'.

'Was the practitioner actually licensed and insured?'?

'Is that actually what you asked them to do?'?

'Did you get that done during lockdown?'

'Yeah, that's better, we all thought you should have had it done years ago but didn't like to say anything in case it upset you'?

'I hope to God you aren't about to become one of those poor women so pumped full of filler and Botox that their face doesn't move and their eyes look permanently squinted'?

'I think the cosmetic surgery industry is inherently misogynistic and you're a victim of the Patriarchy for conforming to societal expectations to be young and attractive, but if it makes you happy, good for you'?

'That's nice, dear.'?

'Don't you have close friends you should be sharing this information with?'?

You're fishing for attention/compliments - and doing so where any response could be the wrong one, even if they censor out 99% of what they think. It's great that whatever you've had done makes you feel happy, but surely you had it done to feel happier about yourself, not to have people falling over themselves to compliment you the most?

A Whatsapp group of people you went to school with is not Instagram.

[quote Tropicana218]@Piwlyfbicsly your reply worries me some what, I hope you're ok.[/quote]
Don't do that, OP.

Just because you don't like what a poster said, attempts at being patronising and sarcastic are just childish.

Why would you be worried about him/her when they've explained a possible reason as to why your friends wouldn't comment?

You wanted people to comment on your cosmetic procedure and they didn't. Maybe they find in the middle of a pandemic with people struggling, losing jobs that vanity isn't so important. Or maybe they didn't see much of a difference. Or maybe appearance isn't as important to them as is it to you. Or maybe they are bored of the group and so slowly by not commenting allowing or hoping it will due away. I'm sorry that they didn't share in your joy and comment on your pictures. You do come over as needy wanting likes praise etc

If it bothers you then either leave or let it die too. We all move on, change and sometimes grow in different directions and not find the same things as important

@Tropicana218

Another friend has posted on social media (a friend from the group) that she's just bought a new house and is excited. But apparently nobody is allowed to share anything good or positive 'in the middle of a pandemic'.

Now you are being drama llama! NOONE has said you can't post anything positive, but there's a huge difference between the stress of buying a new house and moving at any time, never mind with current issues, and a 'look at me, I've had work done!'