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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you leave this whatsapp group ?

119 replies

Tropicana218 · 06/12/2020 10:07

I have posted previously saying that I recently posted a treatment that I had had and that only 1 out of 7 actually replied to it.

I'm not always posting pics of myself or being look at me or anything like that, it was just a minor procedure I had which has boosted my confidence and yet the majority ignored.

I've realised that I am the main organiser, i've looked at the messages since March for instance and i'd say 90% of conversations are started by me. There's one other girl who occasionally tries to make plans but I am the main one.

You might say it's because of Covid, who knows what they are going through etc.
True, but I've seen via social media that they are going out on dates, with other friends, partners etc.

I'm a bit bored with it. These are school friends I have known for almost 20 years now, I know people can grow apart and I think it's that. I did meet some of them once or twice in the summer, but seems to have dwindled since then. Another, I haven't seen since March and another 2 since last November.

None of us have children and that I know of no elderly/vulnerable parents that require care.

Just sick of the lack of effort and think it's rude that the majority ignored my post.
Leaving the group seems dramatic and petty but I'll just end up messaging again in a few weeks only for the same result.

Feel free to shoot me down if i'm being dramati or harsh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tropicana218 · 06/12/2020 10:56

What i've learned from this thread is that : If you have something nice you want to share, something that makes you happy, proud, feel confident etc.
Don't even think of sharing it with anyone, because it makes you needy, attention-seeking, fishing for compliments, and so on.

What a sad world.

OP posts:
Giraffey1 · 06/12/2020 10:57

I’d leave the group live but not contribute to it and see what happens. If it falls by the wayside, then you can delete.

Original poster
Tropicana218 · 06/12/2020 10:57

I'm not posting anymore, because I can totally accept that leaving the group may be a step too far, maybe they just didn't know what to say, but I haven't come here to be insulted and piled on.
It's a sad world when nobody is apparently permitted to share something like that, even if it is a cosmetic procedure.
So thanks for the constructive replies.

OP posts:
Strangedayindeed · 06/12/2020 10:58

It sounds like your hardly in their life, you never see them. They probably just don’t care if you got your lips done or whatever. They probably read it and then forgot all about it. Everyone has their own lives. You need to concentrate on yours.

Original poster
Tropicana218 · 06/12/2020 10:58

I've actually felt even more shit by posting on here because some replies are just vicious.

OP posts:
Piwlyfbicsly · 06/12/2020 10:59

@Tropicana218
I'm fine, thanks! I did cut ties with a friend that sounds just like you. I had to spend time complimenting her posts and pictures and how wonderful she is and bla bla bla. And deal with her being "offended" with me not wasting time to comment on her visiting the gym. Tedious, really. And sad that people can't survive without validation like that. I do compliment people on something less vain though.

Original poster
Tropicana218 · 06/12/2020 10:59

I do 'concentrate on my life' but I would l'île my life to involve friends,like most.

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 06/12/2020 10:59

@Tropicana218

What i've learned from this thread is that : If you have something nice you want to share, something that makes you happy, proud, feel confident etc. Don't even think of sharing it with anyone, because it makes you needy, attention-seeking, fishing for compliments, and so on.

What a sad world.

Well if that's what you've gotten from the thread then you're not very bright, to be frank.

Paying someone to do cosmetic surgery on you isn't an achievement the way buying a house is!

Could they have said you look nice? Sure. But you're overly dramatic replies on here lead me to believe that you might actually be attention seeking and they can't be arsed with it!

Like I said, if you just randomly posted a selfie they might not have known you were looking for compliments!

Ginfordinner · 06/12/2020 10:59

@Tropicana218

So if people have a hair cut, lose weight, braces etc. They never share it with anyone, just keep it to themselves as it's deemed attention-seeking ? Don't see what's wrong with being proud and happy with it.
No, I don't share stuff like this on social media. None of my friends do either. Currently most posts by my friends are of walks they have done.

Moving house would also be post worthy.

Original poster
Tropicana218 · 06/12/2020 11:00

There it is, the usual 'you aren't very bright.'
Nothing more original ?

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 06/12/2020 11:00

@Tropicana218

There it is, the usual 'you aren't very bright.' Nothing more original ?
The usual? Do people tell you that often then? Confused
Original poster
Tropicana218 · 06/12/2020 11:01

I always always ask about them and how they are and their lives. God forbid I want to say something about myself every once in a blue moon.

OP posts:
ReeseWitherfork · 06/12/2020 11:01

When you try and arrange meet ups, what happens?

Original poster
Tropicana218 · 06/12/2020 11:01

The level of malice on these threads is embarrasing, why don't MNHQ do something about it ?

OP posts:
Marlena1 · 06/12/2020 11:02

OP I think I would be hurt by that too. I have something I would love to have dobe for similar reasons and would hate if noone cared (although they would probably have to pretend they didn't notice as they've been banging that drum so long!). Could you maybe text the ones who make some effort individually? I think I woukld step away though as it's affecting yiur self estem, some times it's hard but we need to let go of fruendships. Plus people change so much over 20 years, it can be hard to maintain. Maybe (once all this is over) invest in new friendships.

Frieswithanythin · 06/12/2020 11:02

Take a step back and don’t post anything else. See what happens.

Marlena1 · 06/12/2020 11:03

Soz about typos, my screen is cracked!

Biggerloudermoreteeth · 06/12/2020 11:03

I wouldn't leave now. It's a bit flouncy.

Don't say anything else, just leave it, maybe till the new year. If nobody makes any effort and if you still feel the same, leave the chat then.

ReeseWitherfork · 06/12/2020 11:03

I love receiving updates on my friends lives. Covid aside, sometimes I don’t see some of my friends for ages. If they’d sent a text with an update, whatever that update was, I’d reply. And I’m generally quite bad at replying to texts.

HikeForward · 06/12/2020 11:03

What was the procedure? It sounds a bit vain to create a group specially for a cosmetic procedure.

If it was treatment for a serious medical condition fair enough, and you’d likely get lots of support.

But a group so you can show off photos of your nose job/tummy tuck/boob lift/ear pinning or whatever it was, sounds a bit attention seeking. What did you want them to say, lavish admiration on you?

Chamonixshoopshoop · 06/12/2020 11:04

I think people are busy Op. Some people are natural organisers and some aren't.
I have whats app groups that ebb and flow.
If you value their friendships maybe try focusing on the ones you get on better with? Organise something with someone you feel you can share your feelings with.
I dont think you're particularly needy.
I also think if people have needs, then they have them! It might be needy to some, but relationships (inc. Friendships) need to fulfil those needs. For all parties.
Anyway, good luck Op!

Frieswithanythin · 06/12/2020 11:05

Tropicana218

The level of malice on these threads is embarrasing, why don't MNHQ do something about it ?

I have noticed this too, people on mumsnet can be nasty. Hiding behind their computers being twisted. If you said white they would say black every time. Don’t take any notice.

Amerimoon · 06/12/2020 11:05

OP do you really mean you would tell your friends when your get a hair cut/ lost a little bit of weight and expect compliments? That’s strange to me. I have my hair done every six weeks and wouldn’t dream of sending selfies of it, what is possibly interesting about it?! If I see a friend and I’ve just had my hair done they may or may not compliment me, I wouldn’t make a mental note if they didn’t. Just chill out and stop judging how worthy your friends are of your attention. Expend all of the energy you would like to in keeping up with them, give no more time to it than you choose to willingly. If they’re important to you, you’ll stay in touch despite them not caring about your cosmetic procedure (perhaps they think it doesn’t look good and don’t want to get into that).

user1274245 · 06/12/2020 11:06

If the procedure has made you feel better about yourself, why did you need their validation?

You're being a bit stroppy on here. Not surprising it's getting people's backs up.

Ideasplease322 · 06/12/2020 11:07

Heavens people have very different friendships.

I have a WhatsApp group with old school friends, if one posted they had had cosmetic surgery, the group would explode with questions-

Did it hurt?
Are you okay now?
Do you need anything?
Why didn’t you tell us before?
You look great.
How long were you in hospital.

Etc etc.

That is what normal friends do surely?

Mumsnet is a weird weird place