I don't want my kids to be vegetarian

[HowToTrainYourTeen]

DC (15 & 13) have decided they want to go vegetarian. I don't want to go vegetarian and neither does DH, so they'd have to have different meals. I/DH don't want to be wasting time making 2 different meals whenever we want meat or fish, and we don't really have space for 2 people to be cooking at once. WIBU to say no?

I know someone who was forced to be a meat eater until they left home, did nothing to foster happy family relations and now very low contact with their parents. As teenagers, they should have the choice to be vegetarians because there are big reasons morally/ethically/healthy wise why this is a logical thing to do. Not like demanding chocolate for every meal which would be daft. Easy to take the meat out.

@katy1213

They can make all the moral choices they like when they're shopping/cooking for themselves. Offer extra mashed potatoes and cabbage - and see how long it lasts!

That is a recipe for a shitty family life with teens. Essentially “under my roof” and “my way or the highway”

I’m not saying bend to them OP. But work out a compromise

DH eats meat, I do not. It's really easy to make one dinner to cater to both with small adjustments to one.

You don’t need 2 people to cook. If you and DH insist on eating meat you could try:

Veg stir fry (tofu/cashew etc) with chicken or prawns on side

Soup/stew with bacon on top

Veg chilli and meat in 2 pans, doesn’t take any longer

Risotto or jambalaya or paella with chicken bits

2 cottage pies - one beef one quorum or lentil

A chicken curry plus a veg one. People eat what they like.

We do this all the time as we have a mix of vegetarians and omnivores

I’ve been veggie since age 11 (over 30 years). If my mum had tried to make me eat rotting flesh (and that is really what it smells like to me) at that age I would have become nutritionally deficient very early on.

They can do what I did, learn to cook. But just as I cook meat for my DH and DS would it really kill you to cook some veggie meals for them every now and then? You can probably help your health and environment too

I'm a vegetarian and my DH & kids aren't, it's not hard to adapt! If i was forced to eat meat now i think i would be physically sick!!

A lacto-ovo vegetarian diet is two things: perfectly healthy and better for the environment. I’d encourage your children to go for it with a few negotiated rules:

A balanced diet - absolute must if you are excluding a food group (they won’t risk anaemia or other issues as long as they eat a varied diet with fruit, veg’, pulses, eggs, complex carbs’).

They learn to cook and learn about good nutrition ie share responsibility for mealtimes.

How about considering a few no-meat nights yourself?

How about meals such as pizza and pasta pots where it’s very easy to add your own selection of toppings.

Stop thinking of meals as based around meat/fish and think of them as a selection of dishes. So, you could do a Sunday roast with filling sides such as cauliflower cheese, and as long as you don’t use beef dripping to cook them, your kids can have all the veggies and trimmings with you, just not the meat.

Give it a go - it gets easier - veggie for 30+ years here! Folks thought it was just a fad!

My friend had this and literally just carried on as she was doing say a Sunday lunch and the dd would eat the vegetables and then when she made a lasagne, she would eat the salad and coleslaw

The novelty was short lived especially by the time they all had bacon 🥓 sandwiches!!

My friends concern was her daughter was copying her friend who was vegetarian for religious reasons as were her whole family which was the case but she wouldn't eat all the nuts and other stuff as she "didn't like them"!

I turned vegetarian when I was 11... my mum said, "fine, but you make you own meals". I had a lot of pasta n sauce from a packet, vegetable kievs etc. Ah the memories!

Anyway I wanted to stick at it as my mum told me I wouldn't. When I got to 27 I thought maybe I had proved my point... but to be fair she is right I suppose!

So I would say don't stop them, but they are old enough to cook for themselves as ask you what to put on the shopping list.

When I wanted to go vegetarian at that age (after realising what lamb was) my parents told me that was fine but I'd have to eat everything they cooked to ensure I got the nutrients I needed, which meant I had to eat beans and pulses. I decided to stick to meat, but felt it was a fair compromise.

They're old enough to make that decision. You dont get to dictate your childrens moral decisions for you convenience. It's really easy to make meals both vegetarian and meat. Even just cook the meat separately and add at the end but it would be good for anyone to have more veg and pulses in their diet.
Support them to find easy recipes they can make themselves. There's loads of cookbooks dedicated to easy healthy veggie meals, good Christmas present.

But you would be bang out of order to not support this decision.

Yabu. They are old enough to cook for themselves sometimes. If they both cooked 1 night (for each other) and made/ froze spare portions and if you cooked meat free teas for all of you a couple of nights, and did teas that were easily adaptable to add meat to for those that want, you would be there. Surely you don't eat meat every evening anyway? We are not vegetarian, but eat meat free teas at least twice a week.

What I tend to do for mixed audiences is roast the meat separately, then add to the veggie curry, stir fry, pasta or whatever last minute.

Everything else is easy enough, make your normal dinner but do a mix of sausages/veggie sausages, burgers/veggie burgers etc

It’s only more complicated stuff like lasagne/spag bol/shepherds pie where you rally have to do one or the other.

@Ohalrightthen

13 and 15 is old enough to meal plan, shopping list and cook, I'd say tell them you'll add their list to the weekly shop and then let them get on with it.

Why should a 13 year old and 15 year old have to cook their own meals because their parents can't be arsed to consider them?

Cooking rota

Veggie cook books

And many meals are easily adaptable - sausage and mash, just sub some sausages for veggie alternatives

And so on

Easy as

'wasting time'. Jesus. Those poor kids to have the both of you as parents

They are old enough to discuss with them why this is awkward and what will need to be done to accomodate it.

Ask them to come up with meals they want to eat.

Meals that can be cooked at the same time as everyone elses, without making huge amounts of work for the cook.

Ask them what meals they will make for themselves, again that doesn't create extra work for someone else in terms of extra washing up, annoying cooking times etc etc.

If they are SERIOUS about it, then it is easy enough to come up with a variety of meals that can have meat added at some stage for those who want it, or cooked at the same time as meals with meat.

If they aren't serious about it, the idea will go away quite rapidly.

It’s one of my proudest achievements that I listened to dd and supported her in being vegetarian from age 5-17. The rest of the family is omnivorous and she was mature enough to understand when I said I wasn’t confident enough to give her all the nutrition she needed completely flesh free so we’d have fish 2/3 a week, veggie 2/3 and I’d cook a separate meal the rest of the time.
If you’re struggling to accommodate a flexible pattern like that you’re probably eating much too much met anyway.
We’re now as a family 90% plant based in the home and everyone can cook.

YABU. Some good suggestions from pp on how to compromise. You cannot make teenagers eat meat or fish if they don’t want to. They are old enough to have made that decision, and you should be trying to help them, IMO.

I went fully vegetarian at 15 (25 years ago) and started cooking my own meals. My parents (dad especially) didn't consider meal complete without meat. I must admit, my diet wasn't great at the time, but now there is so much more awareness about nutrition, as well as so many meat substitutes (you couldn't even get quorn then!), being vegetarian is easy now! Now I am still vegetarian, but my husband and kids are not. They are happy to eat vegie most of the time, and just have meat occasionally.

@CodenameVillanelle

Lazy, disrespectful and dismissive. Don't be surprised if they start resenting you.

I agree.

What’s the alternative? Are you going to force feed them meat? Let them go hungry?

I really don’t understand why you wouldn’t respect their choice.

They are 13 and 15.

If preparing them a separate meal is going to be so difficult for you, then you need to teach them about ingredients, flavours and help them to prepare and cook some basic veggie meals until they are competent enough to cook for themselves. It’s unfair to expect them to cook their own meals if they do not have basic cooking skills.

If you are not supportive of their choice, they will end up resenting you.

And I say that as a meat eater. I do, however, have two vegetarian siblings and our mother always prepared them a seperate meal.

When I wanted to become veggie at 14 (still am at 40), my mother supported me 100% and even bought me a separate (small) fridge so my food wouldn’t be near mince etc. Her and my dad are still mega meat eaters but if we go up she’ll make a spag bol with vegan mince or amazing vegan pizzas. Try it- you may be surprised!

My dd has been a vegetarian since she was 8 , we just substitute the meat for a quorn alternative where possible.
She would have really had an issue if we had forced her to eat meat.
4 years later it’s just normal to us and she cooks some lovely veggie meals which we would never have tried.
Why not just try it for a bit and see.

Hold up, why are people suggesting it is of vital life-changing importance that the op respects her children's desire to try vegetarianism but it's ok to disrespect the op's values and dietary choices?

I was 15 when I choose to be vegetarian. My mother laughed at my face, I'm now 30 and still a veggie, lots of meals in this house are even vegan. It's a moral choice and you as their mother should encourage it rather than discourage it in my opinion, try to understand why, watch documentaries with them etc.