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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don't want my kids to be vegetarian

533 replies

HowToTrainYourTeen · 05/12/2020 17:12

DC (15 & 13) have decided they want to go vegetarian. I don't want to go vegetarian and neither does DH, so they'd have to have different meals. I/DH don't want to be wasting time making 2 different meals whenever we want meat or fish, and we don't really have space for 2 people to be cooking at once. WIBU to say no?

OP posts:
EveryPlanetHasAYorkshire · 06/12/2020 11:51

@HowToTrainYourTeen

Sorry for disappearing, got distracted last night. I'm thinking of letting them go veggie for January (eldest brings up Veganuary every year so this is a compromise - they absolutely will not be going vegan) and then seeing how that works. FWIW, 15yo is already mostly vegetarian, it's the 13yo I'm worried about as I don't really think I can say yes to one and no to the other? I can trust my eldest to eat a balanced diet but the younger one would live off instant noodles if we let her.
How's the training of the teens going? Smile
SingingInTheShithouse · 06/12/2020 11:51

I'm vegetarian & would not be unhappy if mine went vegan. It's not the healthy diet many presume it is UNLESS you supplement the missing nutrients such as B12

EveryPlanetHasAYorkshire · 06/12/2020 11:54

@SingingInTheShithouse

I'm vegetarian & would not be unhappy if mine went vegan. It's not the healthy diet many presume it is UNLESS you supplement the missing nutrients such as B12
B12 is the only vitamin vegans need to supplement. And even then you just swallow a vitamin. Hardly an effort.
VinylDetective · 06/12/2020 12:00

It's not good for them to remove an entire food group from their diet

You don’t know what food group means, do you? Meat and fish are protein. There are plenty of other options in the protein food group.

VinylDetective · 06/12/2020 12:02

@SingingInTheShithouse

I'm vegetarian & would not be unhappy if mine went vegan. It's not the healthy diet many presume it is UNLESS you supplement the missing nutrients such as B12
My son’s been vegan for ten years. He’s never ill.
Sweetsforsweets · 06/12/2020 12:18

@NoPainNoTartine

So on your list... they could have omelettes, yoghurts, cheese

if they are becoming vegetarian for ethical reasons, surely they would absolutely refuse any egg or milk produce coming from battery farm too?

As an aside, I don't buy mine in supermarkets, I have seen chicken farms, nothing healthy is coming from these hell holes.

A childishly black and white view of ethics
17bluebirds · 06/12/2020 12:19

VinylDetective be careful. I've been vegetarian for 30 years. I've never been a particularly ill person, very rarely get colds, sickness bugs etc despite working with babies and toddlers.

I recently became quite ill. It turns out I lack iron and b12, and have done for many years.

So make sure your ds is taking supplements, although being a male may be in his favour, as I do have problems with very heavy periods.

SingingInTheShithouse · 06/12/2020 12:25

Everyplanet

Have you actually tried to get a teen to take regular supplements, trust me it is not that easy. It's also whether people actually know to supplement, I'm frequently gobsmacked that they often don't

& the vega society actually recommend supplementing more than that

Vinyl

B12 is stored in the liver, so it can take years, even 10+ to deplete enough to notice symptoms, early symptoms are easily missed as nothing to begin with too, insomnia, exhaustion, likely blamed on the insomnia, anxiety or depression, blamed on life etc, but it's doing damage all along. I'm speaking from experience & my spine & kidneys are knackered due to long term undiagnosed deficiency. Deficiency put my daughter in a wheelchair at 12. She was born with low B12 as I was unknowingly deficient in pregnancy , but it took 11/12 years before we really saw the effects of its

Vegan diet is definitely healthy, but requires a lot of hard work to get a fully balanced diet, or supplements. My own teen borders on vegan & left t her own devices, her diet it totally crap

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 06/12/2020 12:27

Being a veteran is easy. The kids are old enough to help in cooking

blackkitty1234 · 06/12/2020 12:27

@ladyvimes

Lots of veggies on the thread methinks.

It’s easy to make moral choices when someone else is doing all the work for you. Evidently I’m in the minority but I’d be paying for their food at that age and would not be cooking separate meals at all. I appreciate that some dinners are easy to do veggie and then add meat at the end for the meat eaters so would do this as much as possible but if I fancied steak and chips one night then I’d expect the kids to do something for themselves! If you have to respect their choice not to eat meat they have to respect your choice to eat it!

If you are having steak and chips, they could have veggie sausages and chips. I don’t get all these people who say cooking two meals is too much work. It literally takes two minutes to whack something in the oven.
Empressofthemundane · 06/12/2020 12:28

I think you are not unreasonable to be worried. They are growing and meat is a short cut to a lot of vitamins and trace minerals that are more tricky to balance in a vegetarian diet.
Also, not being a vegetarian yourself, you’d be on a steep learning curve.

VinylDetective · 06/12/2020 12:32

@17bluebirds

VinylDetective be careful. I've been vegetarian for 30 years. I've never been a particularly ill person, very rarely get colds, sickness bugs etc despite working with babies and toddlers.

I recently became quite ill. It turns out I lack iron and b12, and have done for many years.

So make sure your ds is taking supplements, although being a male may be in his favour, as I do have problems with very heavy periods.

I think he’ll be fine but thanks for the heads up. He’s 45 so not my circus!
feelingverylazytoday · 06/12/2020 12:35

I'm vegetarian but used to cook meat for my kids. It's not difficult unless you use meat juices/lard to cook the rest of your food in.
Sausages and mash - shove some vegetarian sausages in the oven
Pie and mash - same
Bolognaise - keep some pasta sauce and add it to lentils
Chilli - same
roast dinner - nut roast, potatoes/parsnips roasted in oil
etc etc.

TopBitchoftheWitches · 06/12/2020 12:35

My dd 16 decided to be vegetarian. It works well in our house. Myself ds 18 and other DD 15 are all more than happy to eat Quorn etc products. We all eat spag bol made with Quorn mince, curry with Quorn pieces, Quorn nuggets and vegetarian sausages.
On the days we eat meat I just pop some sort of veggie thing in the oven for her. No big deal.

blackkitty1234 · 06/12/2020 12:53

@NoPainNoTartine

I don't disagree that we should pay a fair price for meat coming from healthy and well treated and decently killed animals. I have no problem going to the local farms and seeing the animals in the field that will end up in my plate.

It's also pretty obvious what vegetables are not grown locally! It's England, there's only so much that survive here in the middle of January...

You clearly have a problem with vegetarians and vegans. You have been using every excuse in the book.

Numerous posters have shown you how accommodating for veggie kids can be very easy and not a massive inconvenience.

Now you’re banging on about ethically sourced meat despite previously posting about how delicious you think veal is - a type of meat even some meat eaters won’t touch due to cruelty concerns.

Then you took the vegetarianism isn’t healthy route. Sorry, but the WHO, NHS and National Association of Dietetics disagree with you.

Ofcourse parents should listen to their children’s ethical concerns around eating meat. You cannot compare it with just being fussy. They are not dictating anything at all. It’s not all or nothing either, if they chose to still eat milk and dairy then that’s their choice. Don’t dictate to them, let them develop their own moral conscience. I am raising my child vegan, I don’t think it’s fair to feed her meat from such a young age as that’s not a choice she is making for herself. But if she came to me and said she wanted to eat meat then that’s her choice to make.

How about you let individuals develop their own moral conscience and stop bashing vegetarianism. You don’t need to waste energy defending your own position because we really don’t care what you eat as an individual.

I do, however, draw the line at suggesting the OP serves her children a plate of carrots and parsnips instead of working with them to provide a balanced veggie meal. Borderline neglect.

MargosKaftan · 06/12/2020 12:55

This thread is hilarious- veggie children ones always are! Lots of posters say - no one is saying you should give up meat, but perhaps you should give up meat.

Posters saying - you don't have to make 2 meals each night, just make a completely separate curry/pasta sauce...

And for the love of tasty food, if you are only going to throw the chicken or lamb in the curry at the last second, dont bother, you need it cooking in to get the flavours.

Anyway, I'd go with sitting everyone down as a family and saying a) they arent dictating how the whole family eats and b) its not reasonable to double your work load by expecting a separate meal each night.

So by Friday each week, you'll do a meal plan, there will be one night each week with an easy adaption you'll do, like sausage and mash or burgers and chips, and as it is no extra work to put the veggie versions under the grill, you'll do that. Otherwise they can decide if they want to eat what you are having, or part of it (like the veggies and potatoes from a roast, with a mushroom parcel instead of the meat), or if they are going to make something separate. They have until Saturday lunchtime to decide what that something separate is and you'll buy the ingredients.

You expect them to decide between themselves who will cook, who will clean up, and if they write a meal plan that's junk like instant noodles, this ends.

If they are grown up enough to want to go veggie for moral reasons, they are grown up enough to understand they must eat a healthy balanced diet.

If they do decide they want to eat what you are having, that's fine but they have to leave enough for you and dh/tell you early so you make enough for them as well. (No "oh actually I fancy a proper burger after all" when you've only bought 2!)

17bluebirds · 06/12/2020 13:00

VinylDetective
Fair enough. Grin

But I'm 49. If he ever gets ill, suggest he gets his b12 levels checked. Smile

blackkitty1234 · 06/12/2020 14:12

@HowToTrainYourTeen

Sorry for disappearing, got distracted last night. I'm thinking of letting them go veggie for January (eldest brings up Veganuary every year so this is a compromise - they absolutely will not be going vegan) and then seeing how that works. FWIW, 15yo is already mostly vegetarian, it's the 13yo I'm worried about as I don't really think I can say yes to one and no to the other? I can trust my eldest to eat a balanced diet but the younger one would live off instant noodles if we let her.
they absolutely will not be going vegan

What’s your problem with veganism?

NoPainNoTartine · 06/12/2020 14:19

blackkitty1234
I actually don't have a problem with vegetarian or vegans. I do have a laugh at people who, obviously think they must be right, but also insist that it's wrong not be a normal parent to my children and give in to their every whim.

I might have several points, so what. I can find you just as many organisations agreeing that vegetarianism is NOT the healthy way.

All I am saying is that it's very easy to discourage a whim from your kids without arguments, without fuss and without forcing them to do anything. They can make their own decision as soon as they are independent.

I do love that serving carrots is child abuse, or that not being a veggie house an attack to your human rights as seen earlier
😂

blackkitty1234 · 06/12/2020 14:30

@NoPainNoTartine

blackkitty1234 I actually don't have a problem with vegetarian or vegans. I do have a laugh at people who, obviously think they must be right, but also insist that it's wrong not be a normal parent to my children and give in to their every whim.

I might have several points, so what. I can find you just as many organisations agreeing that vegetarianism is NOT the healthy way.

All I am saying is that it's very easy to discourage a whim from your kids without arguments, without fuss and without forcing them to do anything. They can make their own decision as soon as they are independent.

I do love that serving carrots is child abuse, or that not being a veggie house an attack to your human rights as seen earlier
😂

I can find you just as many organisations agreeing that vegetarianism is NOT the healthy way.

Please do. I am personally fascinated with nutrition and genuinely interested. I have looked and I haven’t found any credible organisations that say veganism is inherently unhealthy. If they are out there then I’d love to read about it.

I don’t think going veggie is a whim, it’s a conscious ethical decision that should be respected.

Ofcourse not providing your child with an adequate diet IS child abuse.

Baaaahhhhh · 06/12/2020 14:31

Now you’re banging on about ethically sourced meat despite previously posting about how delicious you think veal is - a type of meat even some meat eaters won’t touch due to cruelty concerns

Rose Veal is lovely, our local farm grows and sells it. You just have to buy ethically. Better to eat it, than for male calves to go to waste.

Yorkshirelass04 · 06/12/2020 14:33

Ethical veal? You've got to be kidding me.

All this ethical meat nonsense is to help middle class carnivores with limited imagination and culinary skills feel a little less guilty for prioritising tradition and their taste buds over being kind to sentient beings.

Yes, I am aware that is just my opinion; before anyone confirms that it is indeed just an opinion.

Baaaahhhhh · 06/12/2020 14:43

Yorkshirelass04 It's just different perspectives. I am an omnivore, I eat everything. I am also a very good cook. I want to maximise each and everything I eat, which means no waste at any point in the growing of foodstuffs. Yes, eating Rose Veal is no different than eating Lamb. Veal production in this country is very controlled and not at all similar to that practised on the continent.

Lelophants · 06/12/2020 14:49

Just swap the meat for beans (you've got a massive selection on bean type at any supermarket!) or chickpeas or lentils. 🤷‍♀️ or quorn/tofu (firm!) if it's that difficult. You might actually enjoy it ans enjoy the health benefits too.

Lelophants · 06/12/2020 14:51

@Baaaahhhhh

Now you’re banging on about ethically sourced meat despite previously posting about how delicious you think veal is - a type of meat even some meat eaters won’t touch due to cruelty concerns

Rose Veal is lovely, our local farm grows and sells it. You just have to buy ethically. Better to eat it, than for male calves to go to waste.

Or better if cows aren't constantly impregnated.

But yes, you can go round and round with this.

Op - denying your teens something which is actually seen as quite reasonable to most of the population probably isn't going to work. Just be a bit open minded, give it a go and they'll probably get bored soon anyway.