Is it okay for parents to call teachers by first name?

[thisisnot]

Hi,

At my child's previous school we referred to all the teachers by their first name, and they signed off with the same (in emails etc.).

But in this new school, despite the email address including the first name, the teacher always signs off as Mrs last name - even when I have sent the initial email with her first name.

I also sign off with my first name and she responds "hi mrs last name".

What is going on here? Is it wrong for me to call her by her first name? I don't want to be rude so I will stop if I am being unreasonable.

It just feels odd calling them mrs, but I understand there may be some etiquette I have missed.

I also don't like being referred to as mrs, but not to the degree that I would bother correcting anyone. Just not something I would use myself.

Please let me know what you think!

My mum teaches at my daughter's school and I still call her and the teachers I've known for years Mr or Mrs Surname in front of pupils, and sometimes when pupils aren't present because it's a force of habit really. I do call my mum mum or nanny outside of school though

I do what they do; they sign off Ms X and call me Ms Y, I tend to continue with that. But it is quite weird when you aren't used to it. Think it's just because the children call them that, so they want to keep things consistent.

Lots of good reasons so far for still using their title then!😂

And also, yes, my mum's best friend was also one of my teachers. I could never call herr anything but Mrs X! She hates it, so I have had to get used to the reverse now.

I get so confused by this!

I will email my son's teacher with
Dear Mrs Surname

They will reply with
Kind regards
Firstname Surname

Then I get fuddled so when I respond, I dive straight into the email without a salutation. Is that even ruder?

I wish there was a set convention for this. I do think that in other countries, it is not something parents would worry about. It is a typical British problem.

@Fluffyowl00

On a plus note though, as a teacher I offer the use of my first name to parents who I like and I know respect me...Miss Fluffy for the rest. Must be my insecurities or something.

That's nice to hear - my dc's primary teachers offered their first names to me - I feel all warm inside now!

Then I get fuddled so when I respond, I dive straight into the email without a salutation. Is that even ruder?
I do that too. I write "Mrs X" and then with any further emails I use no salutation as if it's carrying on a conversation

It's weird!
I had a zoom meeting with a parent today, it was a parent support meeting, I called her by her first name, called the support worker by her first name and they called me by mine. I then sent through the notes of the meeting and used surnames!

I sign my full name - no Ms. I am not the teacher of the parent. My form parents by the end of five years always use my first name.

Because this teacher teaches your children, she prefers to maintain the same professional barrier between you and her as between them and her. Otherwise she’d have kids coming into school calling her Lauren, or whatever. Call her Mrs X or whatever she calls herself.

Then I get fuddled so when I respond, I dive straight into the email without a salutation. Is that even ruder?

Afraid so.

I'm a teacher (primary) and I prefer first name terms with parents.

I can barely remember my kids' names so chances of being able to put the right forename to a teacher is verging on the impossible. That being said I can't remember the last time I spoke to one of the Boys' teachers, which in my mind is exactly how it should be.

Even as a school governor I find it difficult to refer to the staff at my children’s school by their first name, and when I was a teacher it would’ve been odd for parents to refer to me by first name only.

It is policy in my school. The Head insists we are Mr/Mrs/Miss/Miss Surname and that we refer to parents in the same manner in order to keep a professional distance. The time I spend going through the database to check whether a parent is Mrs/Moss/Ms/Dr etc and which surname they use when they sign an email with their first name is really annoying!

I would usually use Mrs/Mr name but at dd's primary staff referred to themselves by their first name to parents and we were expected to use their first name. Some staff also had children use their first name as well.
In dd's current school all staff use their first name for children and parents and so I'd struggle to know the second names of the vast majority of them tbh.

@flaviaritt

Because this teacher teaches your children, she prefers to maintain the same professional barrier between you and her as between them and her. Otherwise she’d have kids coming into school calling her Lauren, or whatever. Call her Mrs X or whatever she calls herself.

Because she struggles to maintain a professional relationship on first name terms, why would that be?

I've read this thread with interest. I'm a school secretary and am happy to be called Eau, rather than Mrs My Word. I always call the parents Mr and Mrs unless they specifically say do call me Cath etc.
My colleagues are all first name informally (we are a friendly team) and we are all Mrs/Miss in front of any children.
No problem.
One teacher calls me Eau and I have to call her Mrs Name, not allowed to call her by her first name ever. I find this really odd and annoying and a bit demeaning. Don't know if this is relevant or not, but she's a lot younger than me and I'd never say this, but as a former lawyer, am probably better qualified than she is, if she's on a superiority trip.
I'd love to know why she does this - any thoughts?

Because she struggles to maintain a professional relationship on first name terms, why would that be?

I think it’s more likely to be about privacy concerns. Young people knowing a teacher’s first and second name is a less desirable situation than surnames only, or surnames and an initial. This is just reality, and as this is the staff member’s boundary to put up, it should be respected. Why would it bother you what someone prefers to be called?

Don't know if this is relevant or not, but she's a lot younger than me and I'd never say this, but as a former lawyer, am probably better qualified than she is, if she's on a superiority trip.

I think this hits close to the mark when it comes to why people mind calling their child’s teacher Mrs Blah or Mr. Blah. They feel like it’s a superiority thing. Which it probably isn’t. Just a convention that the teacher prefers to maintain rather than sharing first names. I have no problem with it. When contacting my child’s school I am Mrs Blah as well. If I like someone, I’ll say call me [first name].

@flaviaritt

Because she struggles to maintain a professional relationship on first name terms, why would that be?

I think it’s more likely to be about privacy concerns. Young people knowing a teacher’s first and second name is a less desirable situation than surnames only, or surnames and an initial. This is just reality, and as this is the staff member’s boundary to put up, it should be respected. Why would it bother you what someone prefers to be called?

Ok why when privately emailing parents. And on the privacy issues - all the kids know the first names of their teachers - to think they don't is just being completely naive.
I do call them by their preferred title but it doesn't make me respect them more - more the opposite really!

Ok why when privately emailing parents.

Because the teacher has no idea whether the parent respects their privacy.

And on the privacy issues - all the kids know the first names of their teachers - to think they don't is just being completely naive.

I’m really not sure why.

@flaviaritt

Ok why when privately emailing parents.

Because the teacher has no idea whether the parent respects their privacy.

And on the privacy issues - all the kids know the first names of their teachers - to think they don't is just being completely naive.

I’m really not sure why.

You honestly feel not giving first name on an email gives more privacy - the first names are on the website - every knows them - even the kids!

I don't know. I just go with school convention. We all sign off 'Mrs X' and address parents the same.

It's a bit weird really. I'm double barrelled but the first part (my maiden name) no one can ever say or spell, so though I'm technically Mrs X-Y the kids just call me Mrs Y. I sign off emails Mrs Y. Other teachers call me Mrs Y. I introduce myself on the phone and at parents evening as Mrs Y.

Even weirder when they call me 'Miss Y'. I'm not and never have been Miss Y, but I still answer to it.

I think part of it is because if the kids find out our names they will cast spells on us (joking). But we do like to have an air of mystery 😂

I'd equally be happy to follow convention if it was that the kids/parents/both used my first name. I really don't care.

I always refer to her as Mrs....and she always calls me Mum!