Is it okay for parents to call teachers by first name?

[thisisnot]

Hi,

At my child's previous school we referred to all the teachers by their first name, and they signed off with the same (in emails etc.).

But in this new school, despite the email address including the first name, the teacher always signs off as Mrs last name - even when I have sent the initial email with her first name.

I also sign off with my first name and she responds "hi mrs last name".

What is going on here? Is it wrong for me to call her by her first name? I don't want to be rude so I will stop if I am being unreasonable.

It just feels odd calling them mrs, but I understand there may be some etiquette I have missed.

I also don't like being referred to as mrs, but not to the degree that I would bother correcting anyone. Just not something I would use myself.

Please let me know what you think!

@Bluegrass

I’m a qualified solicitor who’s worked in a law firm and in-house for various companies - in my experience people using last names is really rare except for the very first introduction - that includes colleagues, clients, lawyers working for the other side. The idea that you have to use last names “as you’re not friends” seems absurd to me. I’m not friends with lots of people in my professional life but that doesn’t stop us using each other’s first names.

I’ve not heard any convincing argument as to why teachers are special in this regard, it just seems to be what some people are used to.

We work in one of the professions and have a company policy of signing of with your first name only - if someone needs a second name it's in the email address. Can't imagine expecting clients to address us by title 😂

I don't think it is acceptable. I always refer to the teachers by Mr or Miss. It's rude otherwise, I feel.

@LolaSmiles

Orangeboots

I understand preferring first names, but to start getting into armchair psychology and decide someone is insecure because they use an established convention for their line of work is quite bizarre.

Can't help it Lola - it's a weird thing to do - it makes you stand out and not in a good way!

It is funny I guess because teachers are the only people in the world I refer to as Miss/Mrs/Mr but I do quite like it.

Is anyone else just so over titles entirely? I think I may have been thinking about it too much so now it just sounds weird! What even is the point?!

I'd be happy to ditch them. Unless any of you can tell me why I should care for them?

[quote wonderstuff]@Nanny0gg exactly, highly skilled actual medical doctors use Mr but this guy with a PhD in Geography got really upset if anyone addressed him as Mr instead of Dr. Seemed odd.[/quote]
I'd like to think that if I had studied for three years to achieve a Doctorate (and probably a further year before that for a Master's, plus the initial three for a Bachelor's degree) I would be considered "highly skilled".

I found out my kids first names from google classroom and it weirded me out.

Tbh tho I treat teachers like my inlaws, avoid using any name if at all possible!

I find this a hard one to straddle. I'm a governor and am on first-name terms with staff I come into contact with, as they are sort of colleagues.

Some of them are also my children's class teachers, and when I am emailing as a parent I'm addressed as Ms X, so I take their lead and address them as Mrs Y.

I can understand in front of the children, but it feels dichotomous to be sending an email in two different capacities to the same person and having to address them differently.

@thisisnot

Is anyone else just so over titles entirely? I think I may have been thinking about it too much so now it just sounds weird! What even is the point?!

I'd be happy to ditch them. Unless any of you can tell me why I should care for them?

I agree - I really don't like Mrs, if I have to I use Ms but I really don't see the point. Who needs this fake respect? I notice people who work for the council also ask to be referred to by title..😂

I would say that it’s preferred by many schools. Using first names removes the professional aspect, you aren’t friends so I would say it’s reasonable to call her Mrs/Miss and she will do the same. It’s just the etiquette used.

Miss Jones here, rather than Jenny etc. Which is confusing at times because the SENCO tends to talk about the teachers using first names and then correct them to Miss Jones

Surely it's just denoting the nature of the relationship, professional not personal.

But then I've spent 5 years with adults old enough to be my Mom and young enough to be my peers calling me Mom or Mommy so meh, I've fairly easy with names

Can't help it Lola - it's a weird thing to do - it makes you stand out and not in a good way!
This is where you're wrong. It isn't weird. It's entirely standard for that line of work. The fact you have decided it's weird, makes people stand out in a bad way and that they must be insecure says more about the chips on your shoulder than anything else.

Like I said up thread, if I call a parent then I'll typically say 'hello it's Lola Smiles from school', but even then the parents will typically call me Mrs Smiles. Use of Mr/Mrs is convention in schools. You might not like it, but that's the reality of the sector.

It's hilarious that you decide most of a profession must be insecure.

My neighbour but one - used to be my kid's dinner lady 12 years ago - I still call her Mrs X. And then I have to say I mean Joan when speak to other neighbours about her...it's funny how names get stuck in your head. I won't have my kid's friend's refer to me by title either.

@knackersknockersknickers

I found out my kids first names from google classroom and it weirded me out.

Tbh tho I treat teachers like my inlaws, avoid using any name if at all possible!

You let the school babe your kids and they didn't even tell you what they'd picked??

@LolaSmiles

Can't help it Lola - it's a weird thing to do - it makes you stand out and not in a good way! This is where you're wrong. It isn't weird. It's entirely standard for that line of work. The fact you have decided it's weird, makes people stand out in a bad way and that they must be insecure says more about the chips on your shoulder than anything else.

Like I said up thread, if I call a parent then I'll typically say 'hello it's Lola Smiles from school', but even then the parents will typically call me Mrs Smiles. Use of Mr/Mrs is convention in schools. You might not like it, but that's the reality of the sector.

It's hilarious that you decide most of a profession must be insecure.

Yeah but you've got to wonder at the teachers who phone you and say it's Mrs X - I do wonder what's wrong with them that they need the title to shore up their confidence. It's only standard for teachers and it's not odd to wonder why! What wrong with you that you are so resistant to change?

I call my son's teachers by their first names but have told them I'm happy for them to do the same, but they're not allowed.

I do wonder what's wrong with them that they need the title to shore up their confidence
Do you think students should refer to them as Alice and Steve Vs Miss Almonds and Mr Stone? All my conversations about my son's TA or teachers he refers to them as Miss Almonds and Mr Stone If they then called and said "Hi it's Alice / Steve" I'd be wondering who the heck it was. It makes sense we both call them the same thing as that as their relationship is the biggest, that their naming convention is the one adhered to

Not rtft but in my school, we are told we mustn't use first names when emailing parents, even if they use their first name to sign off.

@SleepingStandingUp

I do wonder what's wrong with them that they need the title to shore up their confidence Do you think students should refer to them as Alice and Steve Vs Miss Almonds and Mr Stone? All my conversations about my son's TA or teachers he refers to them as Miss Almonds and Mr Stone If they then called and said "Hi it's Alice / Steve" I'd be wondering who the heck it was. It makes sense we both call them the same thing as that as their relationship is the biggest, that their naming convention is the one adhered to

Quite happy for the kids to call their teachers by their first names but the real weirdness is between parents and teachers - two adults communicating privately by email and teachers still sign of with title surname - that is bloody weird! Why do teachers feel the need?

I think assuming that all the teachers are so insecure that they need to use their title to assert themselves says far more about you and an over inflated sense of self importance then it does about these thousands of apparently insecure teachers who only wish they were as good as parents

I just find teacher bashing so sad

I did see an episode of GPs Behind Closed Doors where a patient was calling the GP "Dave" which made me laugh. I say Dr Smith

@SleepingStandingUp

I think assuming that all the teachers are so insecure that they need to use their title to assert themselves says far more about you and an over inflated sense of self importance then it does about these thousands of apparently insecure teachers who only wish they were as good as parents

Actually no they are my equal until they start using that title nonsense, then they do fall a little! 😂 Why do they feel the need to use their title?

I would suggest rather than it being individual teachers choice, it is the norm in the profession and the workplace culture.

I am one that finds it odd and out of kilter with other interactions between adults in the professional world. But I don't think for one minute its to do with teachers insecurities or any sense of superiority.

Its just quaint and a hark back to yesteryear. It'll fade out eventually.

On a plus note though, as a teacher I offer the use of my first name to parents who I like and I know respect me...Miss Fluffy for the rest. Must be my insecurities or something.