Is it okay for parents to call teachers by first name?

[thisisnot]

Hi,

At my child's previous school we referred to all the teachers by their first name, and they signed off with the same (in emails etc.).

But in this new school, despite the email address including the first name, the teacher always signs off as Mrs last name - even when I have sent the initial email with her first name.

I also sign off with my first name and she responds "hi mrs last name".

What is going on here? Is it wrong for me to call her by her first name? I don't want to be rude so I will stop if I am being unreasonable.

It just feels odd calling them mrs, but I understand there may be some etiquette I have missed.

I also don't like being referred to as mrs, but not to the degree that I would bother correcting anyone. Just not something I would use myself.

Please let me know what you think!

I would never refer to a teacher by their first name unless they explicitly requested I do so.

I even find it odd that my childrens friends parents expect my children to use their first name - I was raised always referring to a friends mum or dad as mrs [x], mr [x]. But then it's all a bit a political, back then as a child I didnt know anyone who's parents cohabited but weren't married so you could assume a friends mum was mrs & had same surname as them.

Its about retaining a professional distance and tbh it helps when having more difficult conversations

It doesn't though, it may help with some people, but by you choosing to disrespect my choice of what you call me, then I am very unlikely to be sympathetic or in a positive frame of mind in the conversation, I have a name, my name is really important to me, when you choose to ignore my choice, you've immediately put me off side.

I did not 👍🏼

You did. You may have forgotten but you did. It’s on the forms. Teachers then use what is on SIMs.
If you want to change it, email the school office.

As a teacher I have always referred to myself as Miss......

1. for the professional aspect but 2. mainly for ease as your DC are not going to come home and say I have maths with Sarah and she's pleased with my progress etc they're going to say Miss....... said she is pleased with my progress

And when you have five teachers all called Sarah it's going to get really confusing so when you are speaking to them it is just easier to use the same name you and your DC are familiar with. I would never ring up a parent and say Hi this is Sarah John's Science teacher. I'd say this is Miss ......... as often they have more than one teacher for each subject.

@ChloeDecker

I did not 👍🏼

You did. You may have forgotten but you did. It’s on the forms. Teachers then use what is on SIMs.
If you want to change it, email the school office.

This is insane 😂 I am telling my you I did not. How could you possibly know?! I did not 😂

Always Mr or Mrs surname at our school, it is deemed totally improper and unprofessional to use first name. That’s a primary. Our local secondary school seem okay with using first names so I guess it just depends on the school.

Teachers always use Mr/Mrs Lastname, I'd say your last school is not at all typical. I know a teacher outside school and she is my son's teacher this year, so I call her Mrs Lastname at school.

I’ll try to make this clearer for you OP, there will be a parental salutation field that the Teacher will use for correspondence, on the database that schools use (SIMs).
That field is entered by the school staff based on the forms you filled out when your child started at that school.
This is to cater for those who don’t have the same surname as their child etc.
If you left that box blank, it will be the default title/surname.
If you want to change what the teachers call you on correspondence, email the school office and request the change.
Simple.

I work with teachers who address others by salutation and surname. Dont know why people are so insistently saying it doesnt happen.

This week I’ve emailed updates to all my year 10 parents. I addressed the parents by their last name and signed off using my last name. The parents’ first names are stored on the system, but this was a professional exchange and it felt more appropriate to address parents by their last name and sign off using mine.

@ChloeDecker

I’ll try to make this clearer for you OP, there will be a parental salutation field that the Teacher will use for correspondence, on the database that schools use (SIMs). That field is entered by the school staff based on the forms you filled out when your child started at that school. This is to cater for those who don’t have the same surname as their child etc. If you left that box blank, it will be the default title/surname. If you want to change what the teachers call you on correspondence, email the school office and request the change. Simple.

That's interesting. So my default is mrs? I'm shocked that this is a thing!

I’m shocked that this is a thing!

Grow up.

Think what you wish.

So you’re saying that at your work place, people who aren’t actually friends, refer to each other as Mr / Ms / Mrs / Ms Xxxx?

Yes.

I think this thread is turning a little mean. Definitely not what I come to mumsnet for!

Thanks for the interesting points and suggestions! I'm satisfied with how to respond (as I have said a few times).

Goodnight to the kind ones 😉

Yes.

This is the thread that just keeps giving.

@thisisnot, hope you’ve got what you need - you have been much more well-mannered on this thread, than the pompous ones Misters and Missus.

Work in a primary where, in general, teachers promote parents using their first names, although a lot of parents still use Mrs X (and I can see why this is simpler). Schools are odd places in that staff often refer to each other as Mrs X in face to face conversations, just because that almost becomes your 'school name' so being called Mrs X doesn't necessarily sound formal to a teacher's ear. I'm shocked there are schools that mandate how teachers refer to themselves to parents though, typical school micro-management at its best and surely not SLT's place to police this sort of thing.

It seems really weird to me to call another adult Mr or Mrs.

At my sons school the students (and parents) all call the teachers by the first names.

When I send an email I would write Good Morning Jeff and sign off Firstname Surname. The majority write back with Hi Firstname. Follow ups I would just sign with my first name and so that is what they would use in subsequent messages.

Office staff put Dear Mrs Surame to begin with but if I sign off with Firstname they use that in subsequent messages.

I don’t accept the need for formality with names. The students are respectful of their teachers. In some ways it makes teachers more approachable and less intimidating so students can talk to them more easily.

At primary I always used Mrs Surname when addressing teachers as that is what they were known as to the children. Most would sign an email Firstname Surname as would I. Teachers always called me Mrs Surname too. I was fine with that as it was the norm.

@MerchantOfVenom

Yes.

This is the thread that just keeps giving.

@thisisnot, hope you’ve got what you need - you have been much more well-mannered on this thread, than the pompous ones Misters and Missus.

Thank you. I appreciate that 😊

Always Miss/Mrs so far.

The SENCO has begun signing off with her first name. But still refers to me as "Mrs Last"

So I do the same to her.

But regardless I will always sign off first name and surname. I'm more than happy if they called me by my first name, but I would always call them Miss/Mrs

@Orangeboots

It comes across as a bit insecure and old fashioned, especially when a teacher signs themselves off as Mr/Mrs/Ms to a parent, I always think, one of those ones then. 😏 I notice our HT has the good sense to sign herself off with her first name - no insecurities flying around her. I've noticed many Doctors have stopped with this old fashioned title nonsense too. Schools are always behind the times though - give them 30 years, they might catch up!😂

Funny, because when I get an email from a parent using my first name despite the fact that it's the first time they've ever contacted me, I tend to think "one of those then" as well.

@MerchantOfVenom I hope that not very sly dig wasnt aimed at me? You asked a question and I answered it. Not sure how it was pompous?

It seems really weird to me to call another adult Mr or Mrs.

I call most people in a professional sense Mr or Mrs....

I would feel weird writing a letter or email to a solicitor or company and saying Hello Bob......
I spoke to a solicitor recently who ended the email with their first and last name so when I rang the receptionist I asked to speak to Mr Bob Dylan. I don't think I would ever say can I speak to Bob please like I'm his pal.

I have just found that it depends on the school. Nursery, kids and parents referred to the ladies as Miss firstname - even ladies that were married were all referred to as Miss. Them to us parents was depending on how well they knew us.
Primary, kids and parents it was Mr, Miss, Mrs Lastname. Them to us parents was depending on how well they knew us.
I think that places use the names for consistency for the kids and to make sure some parents don't get too over friendly with staff