Is it okay for parents to call teachers by first name?

[thisisnot]

Hi,

At my child's previous school we referred to all the teachers by their first name, and they signed off with the same (in emails etc.).

But in this new school, despite the email address including the first name, the teacher always signs off as Mrs last name - even when I have sent the initial email with her first name.

I also sign off with my first name and she responds "hi mrs last name".

What is going on here? Is it wrong for me to call her by her first name? I don't want to be rude so I will stop if I am being unreasonable.

It just feels odd calling them mrs, but I understand there may be some etiquette I have missed.

I also don't like being referred to as mrs, but not to the degree that I would bother correcting anyone. Just not something I would use myself.

Please let me know what you think!

@flaviaritt

Orangeboots

I don’t faint, no. I think it’s rude.

You think it' rude to refer to someone by their first name in a professional environment - you haven't worked in a professional environment in this century have you?

Given the abuse teachers often receive from parents and children, it is no wonder they want to have a professional persona and a personal one. It's a bit like a stage name in a way.

I've worked in one school for 7 years now. The head and deputy still address emails to me with 'Miss Owl' and from 'Mrs Head' and 'Miss Deputy'.

I use the teachers first name if I know it.

I assume they call me Mrs Teeth because they can't remember everyone's name!

I'm in Australia now and school feels very different to the UK, it's more relaxed and certainly at DD school, they encourage parent participation (which I'm not that fussed about, happy to be led by the school and those with more experience!)

Although I once had one of those odd conversations with DD teacher in the UK where I did deliberately use her first name to remind her she was talking to another adult as she was pretty rude.

I am trying to imagine a scenario at work (public sector) whereby I’m introduced to a colleague for the first time as Mrs Venom and Mr Fothrington-Smyth (amusing enough ), and we then carry on referring to each as such, because we don’t actually know each other. Hilarious.

OP, if you are reading this, just be aware that when you filled out the forms when your child started at the school, you also filled out a preferred salutation.

This preferred salutation is put into the SIMs database that your teachers use.

Teachers are supposed to use that preferred salutation on parental correspondence.

Nothing untoward has happened and nothing to worry about on a Friday night.

It’s a sort of professional courtesy I think. Like called a surgeon Mr/ Miss/Mrs Smith, or calling a doctor Doctor Smith. It always seems to clunk into place before the name in the same way!

How old is this teacher 😂
How old fashioned. And a bit of a "look at me up here in the hierarchy"...

I would always refer to someone how they sign their emails off to me. It doesn't really matter to you what you call them, so just call her what she wants to be called.

I think her calling you by your last name is a little different, as it will help her to match parents with kids with shared last names etc.

I think her calling you by your last name is a little different, as it will help her to match parents with kids with shared last names etc.

Which they often don’t have - shared last names, that is.

@LindaEllen

I would always refer to someone how they sign their emails off to me. It doesn't really matter to you what you call them, so just call her what she wants to be called.

I think her calling you by your last name is a little different, as it will help her to match parents with kids with shared last names etc.

It won't help if you have a different name. I do not wish to be called by my title by that courtesy of choice isn't extended to me.

I followed their lead if they email me
If I'm getting in contact with them I use Ms/Mr.

You think it' rude to refer to someone by their first name in a professional environment - you haven't worked in a professional environment in this century have you?

I’m going to ignore you from this point. I find you antagonistic.

@flaviaritt

You think it' rude to refer to someone by their first name in a professional environment - you haven't worked in a professional environment in this century have you?

I’m going to ignore you from this point. I find you antagonistic.

😂 So you haven't then!

I always do first names - I've learnt over the years (of having to sort SEN stuff) that some teachers use it to wield their power!

How old is this teacher 😂

Bit of ageism here?

How old fashioned.

It’s pretty standard.

And a bit of a "look at me up here in the hierarchy"...

There’s that paranoia.

It's an interesting thread. I expect people to call me Mrs Elliott if we haven't been introduced. I do pick cold callers up on it if they boldly ask to speak to Anne!

But at work (public sector) everyone goes by their first name, even the Permanent Secretary. Ministers however are addressed as 'Minister'. And there's an etiquette guide for how to address them!

Police colleagues are interesting. First time they call they generally call me ma'am until I ask them to use my first name. But lots of them are shocked if I address a Chief Constable by their first name - as they are very rank oriented. But I'm not part of their organisation so I don't copy the rank thing.

@ChloeDecker

OP, if you are reading this, just be aware that when you filled out the forms when your child started at the school, you also filled out a preferred salutation.

This preferred salutation is put into the SIMs database that your teachers use.

Teachers are supposed to use that preferred salutation on parental correspondence.

Nothing untoward has happened and nothing to worry about on a Friday night.

I did not 👍🏼

I’m going to ignore you from this point. I find you antagonistic

That makes me think you haven’t, because it’s laughable if you think colleagues (who don’t know each other), in a professional environment, refer to each other as anything other than their first name.

Do younger people call their GP by their first name? I don't know anyone my age (50) or older who does

But at work (public sector) everyone goes by their first name, even the Permanent Secretary. Ministers however are addressed as 'Minister'.

Thats case at my work, and across Government, here as well - but Minister’s are referred to as such, not out of etiquette or hierarchy.

As public servants, we’re required to be impartial at all times, and addressing Ministers, regardless of party, as ‘Minister’ is part of this.

Erroneous apostrophe there ^^ - sorry.

It all depends on the culture of a school.

I have worked in a school where the children called us by our first names and it was one of my all time favourite places to work - with very little behaviour issues (just for info). There we called each other by our first names, parents and staff alike.

In other schools it would be weird and I would only speak in a more formal manner.

I personally cross some strange lines because in some contexts I am colleagues with the teachers at my children's school and other times I am just a parent. But after working with someone I would expect them to call me by my first name

My school has been really clear that, as teachers, we are to call parents Mr/Mrs/etc and they are to call us that. Its about retaining a professional distance and tbh it helps when having more difficult conversations!

That makes me think you haven’t, because it’s laughable if you think colleagues (who don’t know each other), in a professional environment, refer to each other as anything other than their first name.

Think what you wish.