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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a shit present?

256 replies

HiyaMeAgain · 04/12/2020 14:50

I am struggling what to get my DM for Christmas. So far she has some perfume and a box of sweets from the grand kids. I was thinking a nice cashmere scarf and gloves? Is it a bit shit? Shes 65(ish [hmmm] ) if that makes a difference?

OP posts:
EstuaryBird · 04/12/2020 18:42

I’m 65. I’d rather have a Guns n’ Roses T shirt and a case of Strongbow if that helps 👍

BarefootbyMoonlight · 04/12/2020 18:46

My mum’s a bit older than yours but a couple of years ago I got her & my sisters a cashmere shawl each. They were v popular as DM uses hers as blanket on the sofa & my DSs use theirs as blankets on overnight shifts. It’s a wee bit different to scarf/gloves but if you know your mum likes cashmere its adjacent iyswim.

Good gardening gloves and a kneeling pad would be great but most gardening things won’t be used much til spring.

But I’m sitting foundered in our house atm so maybe projecting on the cosy shawl 😂

Sh05 · 04/12/2020 18:46

If she likes gardening then maybe something for the garden. I bought a wheelbarrow planter one year for my aunt as well as some smaller gifts she had asked for ( for Eid) one year. She planted some lovely flowers in it and sends regular pictures when they're in bloom.

Oly4 · 04/12/2020 18:47

Cashmere is never a rubbish present. The M&S sets this year are very nice

Piwlyfbicsly · 04/12/2020 18:53

It's not a bad present at all. I would love that.

roarfeckingroarr · 04/12/2020 19:02

Straight in there with "entitlement" and stealth boasts. Jesus Christ.

OP I think women of a certain age are often gifted things like scarves and gloves. Do you know if that's the case with your mum and could you get a nice one that complements her colouring or tastes?

Original poster
HiyaMeAgain · 04/12/2020 19:35

@ancientgran

Of course i know my mums age...She is 67..i think Oh it might be me, if it is I've told you I like an Amazon voucher and no I don't want a scarf and gloves.

Seriously the only thing I've seen suggested on here that I'd love is the cake subscription for Betty's. I don't like cut flowers, a subscription for them would be a waste, don't drink alcohol, like to choose my own books and so on and so on. Everyone is different your mum might think a cake subscription is shit but I'd love it, she might like a scarf and gloves.

Nope, definitely not you. My mum wouldn't even know how to use Amazon...That would be so much easier though
OP posts:
goose1964 · 04/12/2020 19:46

I usually have a book or bath stuff from my grown up children. I'd love cashmere anything but they couldn't afford it. But here something she'd like and not worry about the cost

JinglingHellsBells · 04/12/2020 21:34

@HiyaMeAgain

I'd buy her a course in using a computer! At 65 she can't shop online or use Amazon? Really? That's pretty shocking for someone her age.

AndcalloffChristmas · 04/12/2020 21:37

I got my Mum some posh pyjamas and a co ordinating dressing gown. Hoping she likes them!

ginislife · 04/12/2020 21:43

Does she cook ? A dine at home cook box ?
www.dine-at home.co.uk

Original poster
HiyaMeAgain · 04/12/2020 23:40

[quote JinglingHellsBells]@HiyaMeAgain

I'd buy her a course in using a computer! At 65 she can't shop online or use Amazon? Really? That's pretty shocking for someone her age.[/quote]
She uses a computer, she's uses one daily for work.
She chooses not to shop online, that's all.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 05/12/2020 04:30

@eaglejulesk

I would be happy with a nice scarf and gloves. Why is a scarf a shit present?
Because it's likely she's already got more scarves than she knows what to do with.

Because you're taking away her ability to wear something that she's chosen herself and making her feel obliged to use something that may not be to her taste.

The obligation to be grateful for something she may not want, need or like.

Waste due to unnecessary shopping. Things like scarves and gloves last for years so people don't really need to replace them that often.

Trapping people a cycle of gift exchange that means that people are effectively spending money on things they don't want or need, not good for people who don't have much spare money who would prefer to buy things they actually wanted or needed. Read what Martin Lewis says about his No Unnecessary Presents Pact.

Janeyem · 05/12/2020 05:16

A magazine subscription? My sister buys my mum homes and interiors or good housekeeping each year and she loves it. I get her a book token so she can choose the books she wants. What about a photobook?

eaglejulesk · 05/12/2020 05:25

@BarbaraofSeville - Scarf/gloves are actually the sort of things it doesn't matter how many you have. They can be worn at any stage over many decades, and are useful. I would far rather people purchase them than fast fashion, which is worn once or twice then often rejected for the newest fad. I have been given several scarfs over the years, and do not consider them a shit present. Unless you personally know the OP's mother you really cannot comment on how many scarfs she has, or how many she would like.

Also, I am sure the OP knows her own mother and whether or not she would appreciate a scarf as a gift. I actually find your post rather offensive - you are of course entitled to your beliefs, but the OP was merely asking for suggestions, and I really don't think a rant/lecture was called for.

You may enter into a No Unnecessary Presents Pact if you so wish, but you don't need to try to push the rest of us into doing so - we are adults and can make up our own minds.

Girlzroolz · 05/12/2020 06:04

All this talk of gardening gifts has reminded me of my wee granny. As she got older (far older than OP’s mum, mind) she begged us all to stop spending our money on wrapped presents for her. She had everything she needed. This didn’t go over well (we’re all pretty big on giving around here) so she said ok to some sacks of manure from her local garden centre. She loved her garden, especially keen on maintaining the soil.

My dad duly bought her the sacks every Xmas, piled into Xmas tree shape with a big red bow on top.

The garden centre delivery guy was called Jack, so we kids used to joke that we always got granny ‘Jack’s shit’ for Xmas , just like she wanted! Grin

My mum is getting a big fancy advent calendar filled with her favourite skincare/fragrance brand. She’ll love spinning out Xmas another month opening it slowly, and trialling all the samples. Hopefully by the time her birthday rolls around, she’ll have hinted which full-sized products she wants!

fitflopqueen · 05/12/2020 07:22

I have got an Alexa device for my mum, she enjoys requesting specific songs etc when visiting me and will always have someone to talk to, father is a bit deaf. I just need to work out how to get it set up for. And have got my dad a kindle which I will preload with some books. Also bit of a mini hamper with a few unusual items.

clpsmum · 05/12/2020 08:44

@BarbaraofSeville get a grip

OllysArmy · 05/12/2020 09:02

Haven’t got time to read the whole thread, but what about a silk pillow or pillow case?
It’s easier for me as my mum likes boring presents like slippers and cardigans.

Original poster
HiyaMeAgain · 05/12/2020 09:42

@Girlzroolz

All this talk of gardening gifts has reminded me of my wee granny. As she got older (far older than OP’s mum, mind) she begged us all to stop spending our money on wrapped presents for her. She had everything she needed. This didn’t go over well (we’re all pretty big on giving around here) so she said ok to some sacks of manure from her local garden centre. She loved her garden, especially keen on maintaining the soil.

My dad duly bought her the sacks every Xmas, piled into Xmas tree shape with a big red bow on top.

The garden centre delivery guy was called Jack, so we kids used to joke that we always got granny ‘Jack’s shit’ for Xmas , just like she wanted! Grin

My mum is getting a big fancy advent calendar filled with her favourite skincare/fragrance brand. She’ll love spinning out Xmas another month opening it slowly, and trialling all the samples. Hopefully by the time her birthday rolls around, she’ll have hinted which full-sized products she wants!

That's a lovely story 🙂

The calendar thing is actually a good idea, thanks

OP posts:
LaceyBetty · 05/12/2020 10:23

@BarbaraofSeville wow.

DappledThings · 05/12/2020 10:27

I don't think @BarbaraofSeville said anything particularly controversial. Sounds like a very sensible bit of reflection to me.

liveitwell · 05/12/2020 10:31

Of course a scarf and gloves are a good present for someone who wears them.

You could ask the question about anything - let's hope people don't as it's a dull discussion.

kittensarecute · 05/12/2020 10:36

@HiyaMeAgain

I am struggling what to get my DM for Christmas. So far she has some perfume and a box of sweets from the grand kids. I was thinking a nice cashmere scarf and gloves? Is it a bit shit? Shes 65(ish [hmmm] ) if that makes a difference?
My mum would love a cashmere scarf! That sounds a lovely gift.
Alicatz66 · 05/12/2020 10:52

I'd love a Bloom and Wild subscription..