... things I've learned from mumsnet (mostly serious!)

[MakingAComment]

I read MN for many years. I've never really asked any questions myself, but from reading posts from others I've learned some things that helped me in real life. My specific examples are

1. lovebombing is something I'd never of. However, reading here I saw so many threads, got a good picture of it, and it did help me in alerting me to something.

1. fertility and related challenges are a big deal for some people. Reading through the related forums it helped seeing stories, challenges, advice from others

Of course there is a lot of fun/amusing posts too, but it's been useful to me in a much more serious way

I can honestly say I've never met anyone IRL with @TableFlowerss extreme views in public toilets . You sit on them with your bum not eat your dinner on them ! Although TBF I am really careful about not touching anything on my way out after I've washed my hands.

Everything a person ever needed to know about dropped kerbs, and then some.

Overall I think it is a lot of noise. However, at the core there is some very valuable sharing of information, and stuff I would have been less likely find out in the real world.

It's made me a loss less tolerant of lazy selfish men. I know there are good men, but the prevalence of appalling behavior people describe here is something I would never have expected. I love the red flags discussions, and wish these were more widely visible to younger women (but would they read? learn? I think so!). It's great to educate men to be better, but it's super important for young women to know about read flags.

It's also a place where people can share experiences that are note shared widely in the real world. @Cautionsharpblade post about PIV orgasm made me smile. Seriously, I did not know that was even possible as a teenager/young adult, I didn't need anything IV.

On the other hand there was a post once from a woman who never had an orgasm. Again that was totally news for me (I get medical issues, getting older, but never?)

A lot of noise, but a lot to be learned!

I learned what an abusive relationship was, and realised I was in one. I’ll be forever grateful to Mumsnet for that

@nowishtofly

If you leave your washing out overnight, it will get 'darked on'.

It's FAR worse than that, spiders will drag their willies over it!

That I am not a bad stepmother, that I am not selfish, and that certain situations with my family aren't as unusual as I originally thought.

Also, that you should definitely LTB if he so much as sniffs too loud.

@Moirasrose

- that no is a complete sentence

• I’ve learnt a lot about male entitlement
• that my dh shows a lot of red flags and if I had my chance again, I wouldn’t marry him
• that a lot of people have duff PIL
• that other people struggle to make/keep friends - so I’m not completely alone feeling so lonely.

You and me both, Sister.

So much from the feminism board about protecting women’s spaces and the need for a third space.

@shinynewapple2020

I can honestly say I've never met anyone IRL with *@TableFlowerss* extreme views in public toilets . You sit on them with your bum not eat your dinner on them ! Although TBF I am really careful about not touching anything on my way out after I've washed my hands.

Surely it’s not something that comes up in conversation though?

People do hover and put loo roll round the seat

What does darked on mean?

@TableFlowerss

What does darked on mean?

I think it means the night air will change how your clothes smell as they dry on the line. Or maybe it doesn’t, I learnt it was a thing too, but I’m not entirely sure what the thing is

I’ve learned that lots of people still love carpet.

That centre parcs is very naughty.

That feminism is more needed than ever.

That it is not a drive, it is a patio with aspirations.

Lots about protecting women’s rights I hadn’t even considered.

Some amazing recipes, beauty and style tips.

That it is ok if not everyone likes you, some people struggle to like themselves.

Emotional abuse. I genuinely didn't know how dangerous it was. I feel so much wiser now. I can't believe how much of it actually goes on.

That there are people incapable of making decisions without checking first.
There's even a thread at the min should I cancel my amazon prime! FFS if you use it keep it off you don't cancel. Job done.
That in comparison to some men out there my husband is a Saint! It saddens me the amount of crap that some women are putting up with because they can't see a way out.

That we are a long way from equality. Far too many women are economically dependent on men who take advantage of that fact.

And for women who are working and carrying on with their career, they are burdened with the majority of the child, home and extended family physical and emotional labour on top of their paid work while men are held up as gods for picking up the kids once a week or taking them out to the park at the weekend.

The desire to tick some specific set of boxes - detached house with a garden and a trampoline, a car, decorative cushions on the bed - leave people living in places and situations that are bad for them - isolated from work opportunities, friends and activities.

How could I forget about spider willies?!

How widespread awful, lazy entitled behaviour from men is.

Meeting some amazing women and being involved with some great campaigns.

That a toilet brush is an object of hate.

That so many women have no financial independence even if they earn their own salary and more worryingly think putting all money together is sensible

I don’t think I have ever sat on a public toilet seat even as a child. I am always armed with tissues so that I do not touch the flasher or door handles.

Even at friends and family homes, I will not sit on the toilet seat. I will normally use a anti bac spray and wrap the seat with heavy toilet paper.

Public toilets it’s straight to hoovering and out ASAP.

Biggest thing I have seen is that some people on here cannot open their mind that other people live very differently than he the rest of their street live.

Also that some people on here cannot even use a calculator it seems and want a forum to tell them how much they can afford each month. Maybe go look at your bloody bank statements, get your child to show you how to use a calculator and figure it out? We don't know how much you spend every month. I get asking for advice on different aspects of finance to understand it, but asking if you can afford £1500 a month of a mortgage? Bugger off and stop being so bloody lazy.

@ViciousJackdaw

Children are never badly behaved. They are either 'testing boundaries' or have additional needs.

And when they behave well, it's all down to their parents' superior "parenting" not just the fact that their parents were lucky.

On a serious note, I have learnt a lot about hidden disabilities on here.

And slightly lighter hearted, I didn't know until I joined MN that it was a Very Bad Thing (to some people) to sit down at a table in a self-service restaurant while your other half/friend gets the drinks/food from the counter. You are apparently meant to get your food and drink and then look around for a table while your food gets cold.

PS I always sit down on a loo seat.

As for spiders' willies, don't the female ones eat the male ones, so if a spider does crawl over your washing it's unlikely to be a male one?

I'm not so concerned about them crawling over my washing as I am of them crawling over my face at night!

@Potaoesgivemeheartburn

I knew that some men took a thrill out of dressing up as women, but didn't know the term autogynaephylia.

The people I had come across in life who were genuinely confused as to their sex I had, and still have, the utmost sympathy for (I really hope that doesn't sound patronising. I don't know how else to convey the compassion that I feel for them.)

However, I've found mumsnet has opened my eyes as to the extent of male entitlement, to the point that (some) men would be happy to erode women's hard fought for rights in order to gratify their sexual pleasure.

There are some posters on the Feminism board who explain matters with ease and erudition.

There are a whole lot of people who just hate/despise/fear/willfully reject transpeople and use any "reasoning" to make it seem like a feminist issue and are opening no-one's eyes. Do not be deceived, you are not being educated. Remember the people you know, they are the reality. Their lives have value. Too much of MN doesn't think so.

Not to mention the posters who are just plain nasty to/about trans people/issues.