... things I've learned from mumsnet (mostly serious!)

[MakingAComment]

I read MN for many years. I've never really asked any questions myself, but from reading posts from others I've learned some things that helped me in real life. My specific examples are

1. lovebombing is something I'd never of. However, reading here I saw so many threads, got a good picture of it, and it did help me in alerting me to something.

1. fertility and related challenges are a big deal for some people. Reading through the related forums it helped seeing stories, challenges, advice from others

Of course there is a lot of fun/amusing posts too, but it's been useful to me in a much more serious way

Not to put fabric conditioner in the rug doctor.

Part of the reason public toilets are minging is because of the people hovering - it is not as hygienic as you seem to think it is! Its also bad for your urinary health.

@tectonicplates

You must lead a sheltered life then and not know many people

You really are too far gone to see how messed up you're being about this.

You’re original post was of shock at how many people on MN thought similar to me - therefore it can’t be that uncommon then.... can it!

In the same way you think we are neurotic, some people may think your views are unhygienic....

@FoxyTheFox

Part of the reason public toilets are minging is because of the people hovering - it is not as hygienic as you seem to think it is! Its also bad for your urinary health.

Beg to differ. You can hover or put toilet paper down and still aim perfectly!

Agree that it’s not great for urinary health though

My post was about how the levels of paranoia on MN just don't represent how people behave in real life.

No matter how good your aim, you are putting more moisture droplets (of urine) into the air than someone who is sitting due to the increased height and force involved in hovering - much in the same way men standing to urinate spread a fine mist of piss around the place. Everyone who hovers is contributing to worsening the cleanliness of the toilets.

@tectonicplates

My post was about how the levels of paranoia on MN just don't represent how people behave in real life.

Yes but in real life, that’s not a topic that comes up in conversation is it?! You couldn’t know who does/doesn’t.

@FoxyTheFox

No matter how good your aim, you are putting more moisture droplets (of urine) into the air than someone who is sitting due to the increased height and force involved in hovering - much in the same way men standing to urinate spread a fine mist of piss around the place. Everyone who hovers is contributing to worsening the cleanliness of the toilets.

I don’t disagree but people will still rather hover than sit down on the seat regardless. It’s the physically touching/sitting on the seat with their bare legs/arse

I got some great advice about universal credits when I was moving home two years ago. As long as you buy a new property within six months of selling your old one, your universal credits should not be affected by the house profit/new mortgage deposit sitting in your name.

They stopped my credits and as a single parent it would have meant a loss of thousands of pounds if that person on mumsnet hadn’t given me the link to the internal condition in the UCS that my MP used to reinstate and reimburse my missing benefits.

I’m so grateful to that poster and I’ll never forget it.

I learnt that my husband is a thoroughly decent man. I had no idea until I spent some time on Mumsnet how awful some men are. Yeah sure of course knew abuse existed but the really common low level manipulation and in particular coercion when it comes to sex really surprised me.

That there are so many parking issues, oh and people get very stressed if there is not a diagram to fully explain said dispute!

I didn’t know so many other people also relish finding a stranger’s shopping list

I didn’t know so many woman don’t orgasm during PIV sex, and was unaware of the hostility towards those who do. OR LIE THAT THEY DO.

The main thing I've learned from Mumsnet, as many PP's have already said, the sheer amount of women who put up with awful men and are thankful to stay in pitiful relationships. I'm not talking about abuse and violence but the women who accept poor treatment and think they're married/with wonderful people.

Makes me truly appreciate my DH because he is fantastic and I have my wonderful mother to thank for instilling a code of acceptable behaviour - I only hope I can bring my own DDs up to value themselves so they also move into fulfilling relationships.

And it also makes me wish that I could be friends in real life with all the women who need someone to support them and who post on here. I'd fight your corner.

Gibralter is not an island

How pervasive gender roles are in so many relationships. Posters thinking their DH is a 'wonderful dad' because he occasionally takes DC to the park and mothers having to juggle all the childcare while working just as long hours as the dad, but also women being upset if a man doesn't pay for everything on a date. I'm a lesbian so it's not something I've had to deal with in the same way.

How confident a lot of people are about things being 'the law' which definitely aren't.

A lot of very useful housekeeping and parenting tricks as well!

Read many posts that have posters saying LTB but the chances are the DP should leave the OP.

That people who post am I fat need a slap when they hate the responses

If you're not happy in your job, relationship etc change the situation

How paranoid some people are about cleanliness and public toilets/people using their toilet. Utter madness.

And that parking disputes are very entertaining.

One negative thing I've learned is that many people only consider inclusion of disabled people to be a positive thing until it inconveniences or upsets non-disabled people and that most people only pay lip service to equality.

yy to the revelation that people have a thing about toilet brushes

and also about public toilets. I no more worry about that than I worry about whether the chef licked the spoon before he used it to serve up my meal in a restaurant.

also I'm now very conscious that some people have a thing about loud sneezing (I am a loud sneezer). We are judged to be attention seeking apparently

On the useful front I've done almost all the Christmas stocking shopping via the Christmas ideas threads. I've had brilliant advice on medical matters, holiday practicalities, and raising children.

Most profoundly, I've learned about autogynephilia and had the scales fall from my eyes on the rainbow wokeness carnival.

Mumsnet made me a feminist essentially. I was blind to so much misogyny/every day sexism/internal misogyny etc.

Also this: ExH thought mumsnet had brainwashed me and told me to stop reading it yup same for my STBXH - he blames mumsnet for our relationship breaking down. He's right to an extent!

If you leave your washing out overnight, it will get 'darked on'.

But more seriously, was estranged from my father for some time, still low contact these days, but wish I had discovered mumsnet earlier to realise that it's not that uncommon. And to know how to deal with the flying monkeys and the 'but you only get one dad' guilt trip brigade. Spent a lot of time feeling like a terrible daughter or a rejected child until I worked out it was down to him being a tosser. When I did find mumsnet it was a relief to find similar stories.

ExH thought mumsnet had brainwashed me and told me to stop reading it

When DH's uncle and his wife got divorced, the uncle told me that he knew it was over when the wife started "cavorting with feminists..." said in the same hushed tones that one would use when discussing a sordid secret.

"Cavorting" did make it sound far more exciting than it actually was though.

• that no is a complete sentence
• I’ve learnt a lot about male entitlement
• that my dh shows a lot of red flags and if I had my chance again, I wouldn’t marry him
• that a lot of people have duff PIL
• that other people struggle to make/keep friends - so I’m not completely alone feeling so lonely.

I've learned a great deal about people in the UK, from language to culture to cuisine. And as PP have said, I've learned to appreciate how kind, decent, and considerate my DH is.

That the laws in the UK and Australia are very different when it comes to division of property in the event of a relationship breakdown. There seems to be a lot of posts urging women not to have kids with a man until they are married to protect themselves in the event of a relationship breakdown. Doesn’t work like that in Australia, if you aren’t married but living together it’s pretty much the same thing.

Plus so many posters seem to be in very financially unequal relationships where they bear the brunt of costs of kids and by the end of each month have practically no disposable income for themselves, while “DP” swans around buying himself whatever he wants.