... things I've learned from mumsnet (mostly serious!)

[MakingAComment]

I read MN for many years. I've never really asked any questions myself, but from reading posts from others I've learned some things that helped me in real life. My specific examples are

1. lovebombing is something I'd never of. However, reading here I saw so many threads, got a good picture of it, and it did help me in alerting me to something.

1. fertility and related challenges are a big deal for some people. Reading through the related forums it helped seeing stories, challenges, advice from others

Of course there is a lot of fun/amusing posts too, but it's been useful to me in a much more serious way

@TableFlowerss - it isn’t disgusting to me, though. I don’t have broken skin on the back of my upper legs and buttocks, I have a normal immune system. I expect to come into germs everywhere, and just wash them off in my shower at the end of the day.

Yes, if I think about the fact that loo seat is crawling with someone else’s dried urine, I don’t exactly enjoy the thought! But I’m touching germ-laden surfaces everywhere.

I wouldn’t criticise anyone who chooses to hover, put paper down, spray and wipe first... all good. But personally, I’m just not that bothered - and I think most people aren’t.

I've learnt that Santa is a real source of angst for so many people on here and yet is 100% is not in my real life.
By that I mean people agonising over whether to tell babies that he's not real or not (religious beliefs excluded) where as where I grew up and where I now live I don't know anyone (apart from Religion / culture) who has opted not to do it.

It's fascinating to me!

@caperplips

I've learnt that Santa is a real source of angst for so many people on here and yet is 100% is not in my real life. By that I mean people agonising over whether to tell babies that he's not real or not (religious beliefs excluded) where as where I grew up and where I now live I don't know anyone (apart from Religion / culture) who has opted not to do it.

It's fascinating to me!

See, I’m differently baffled by this. Even in DS’s class of 27 year 3 children in a village school, there were a variety of ethno-religious and cultural backgrounds, some of whom did Santa, some of whom didn’t, and I never came across anyone manifesting the heights of outrage seen annually on Mn when someone brings up not doing the ‘FC is real’ thing.

@TableFlowerss Well done for illustrating my point perfectly.

That you can’t open the door to someone when you aren’t expecting anyone

There is the MN way of doing things and the wrong way. I’m not talking about big things like protecting yourself financially or what is normal/healthy in a relationship. The other things that do actually have some wiggle room - what breed of dog to get, what order to do pets and children, how many meals a roast chicken should last you, how much you should spend at Christmas (regardless of income). I find myself permanently doing things the wrong way

[quote Cocomarine]@TableFlowerss - it isn’t disgusting to me, though. I don’t have broken skin on the back of my upper legs and buttocks, I have a normal immune system. I expect to come into germs everywhere, and just wash them off in my shower at the end of the day.

Yes, if I think about the fact that loo seat is crawling with someone else’s dried urine, I don’t exactly enjoy the thought! But I’m touching germ-laden surfaces everywhere.

I wouldn’t criticise anyone who chooses to hover, put paper down, spray and wipe first... all good. But personally, I’m just not that bothered - and I think most people aren’t.[/quote]
I think there’ll be a fair few people that would hover/put paper down. (My reply was in response to a poster who couldn’t believe how many people hover etc on Mumsnet so there must be a few)

[quote tectonicplates]@TableFlowerss Well done for illustrating my point perfectly.[/quote]
Thank you

Public toilets are bogging! heave

@TableFlowerss I’m sure you’re right, many do. I wouldn’t even argue that they’re not the sensible ones! It doesn’t bother me, because I think that’s what my skin does - protect me. If others don’t feel the same, or want more protection - that’s their business.

But “in real life” I don’t know anyone who is bothered by public toilets. Obviously, it’s not a daily conversation 🤣 But in 50 years of close friends and family, it’s never been raised as an issue for anyone. On MN, it seems quite common.

Well Zoflora obviously and folding up bedding inside the pillowcase when you put it away has saved me so much time when making the beds, ingenious.

It scares me how many people are in truely awful relationships and its suprised me how so many abusers seem to follow a 'script'. Sometimes I think I'll reading the same poster but its just same old shit, different ass.

I've learned that AIBU is a minefield and to avoid any thread about Covid or Brexit, in laws are evil and that people seem to get stressed over the most seemingly minor things to the point I worry about them.

[quote Cocomarine]@TableFlowerss I’m sure you’re right, many do. I wouldn’t even argue that they’re not the sensible ones! It doesn’t bother me, because I think that’s what my skin does - protect me. If others don’t feel the same, or want more protection - that’s their business.

But “in real life” I don’t know anyone who is bothered by public toilets. Obviously, it’s not a daily conversation 🤣 But in 50 years of close friends and family, it’s never been raised as an issue for anyone. On MN, it seems quite common.[/quote]
You make a good point.

I won’t even use public toilets unless I’m absolutely desperate in general. It’s not just the actual seat- I hate touching the handles, the locks, everything 😳

😂😂

Like I said, neurotic. Most people I know aren't like this in real life.

I moved to Britain about 15 years ago and discovered Mumsnet 5 years ago. For the first ten years I wondered how so many card shops could possibly survive, because isn't a card something you attach to a present and don't you only give a few presents a year - to nearest and dearest on birthdays and Christmas - or possibly for a bereavement?

Since discovering MN I realise I must have spent a decade offending everyone by not sending cards for Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, get well, new baby, leaving job, etc, to friends, neighbours, etc. Seriously, who expects an anniversary card from anyone except possibly the person you married, and even then, why?!? Apparently a large portion of MN.

Children are never badly behaved. They are either 'testing boundaries' or have additional needs.

It has shown me that having children, which I really wanted and tried hard to have but couldn't, can be a mixed blessing.

I will forever be thankful to Mumsnet for teaching me that you were perfectly allowed to say no to an induction - when it was stated to me at 40 weeks "we'll book you in for your induction on Tuesday" with no query if I was ok with the procedure. They were horrified when I said "No, I don't think so, thank you" If I hadn't been on this site, and read up on the literature that the wonderful women who had trodden this path before me suggested, then I would have said ok - instead having read up on the risks of induction for a first birth (at 40), I decided that it was more likely to end in a cascade of intervention and a bad outcome for both of us, so I decided on a scheduled C section if I didn't go into labour beforehand. It was a calm, pain free and fantastic experience, with zero after effects, and it is 100% down to the knowledge of the women on this site that gave me the resources I needed and shared their own experiences. I can only give them my huge thanks and the comfort that they may well have saved my son's life.

They were the ones that enabled me to calmly state the NICE guidelines after the midwife told me there were no dates for sections available, they couldn't reallocate me to another hospital, they would have to get the consultant in, I was endangering my baby etc., etc. It was extremely threatening. And they did get the consultant, who, to give her credit, discussed the risks with me, and when she realised I was quite aware of the issues and why I had declined induction, gave me the go-ahead and suddenly the slots that were fully booked became extremely available. I'm a lawyer with lots of medics in the family so am very hard to intimidate, but I still was not fully aware of my rights - I can only wonder how many women get too scared to argue for their best interests, and those of their unborn child.

Obviously on top of that, I have to thank Mumsnet for keeping me alert on the erosion of women's rights by the autogynophiles, and the need for a third space rather than having to make women shift over and make room.

Love this site sometimes. It can be lifesaving!

People throw homemade baked goods straight in the garbage!! Over the years I have given neighbours/acquantances the odd cakes or cookies and I now I wonder if they just binned them!! It put me off ever doing it again.

I've learnt to see things differently from a range of P.O.V's.
How to spot red flags and EA.
I learnt SPAG not great but the basics.
I learnt a vast pot of knowledgeable information that fools others in RL into believing I'm smartish shhhh. 🤓
I like lots of regular posters & think about the odd few when I know they're facing a difficult time in RL.

@tectonicplates

Like I said, neurotic. Most people I know aren't like this in real life.

You must lead a sheltered life then and not know many people

How to have a good skincare routine in your 40's! Thank you mumsnet!

for lots of women, marrying a rich man is still what they aspire to. The flip side is then many of these women are posting about their unhappy relationships because they feel they can't leave and give up the financial security.

Makes me glad I made my own financial security.

That no matter how seemingly daft or bad women's choices are around who they choose to be the father of their children, we aren't allowed to question this. It's perfectly fine to have several children with a wasteman who was useless before you had kids. Obviously we need to ask why the man is useless and the main issue is this. But mumsnet doesn't believe in responsiblity in this respect.

Being in the 50+ age group, it has been interesting to observe (and learn?) from some younger members. In my case my closer friends are generally my own age group, so I don't have younger friends, and the conversations with children/nieces/nephews are different.

Things I have learned

Bad relationships were always there, but thankfully we are more aware today, and know we deserve better

On Line Dating That must be very different. I'm not sure I'd have the skills to navigate it

Some big challenges for those in 20s, 30s in the area of work-like balance, housing, childcare. It feels like it was easier in my time

Sexuality A whole range of changing and evolving attitudes. I would never have seen these discussions in this level of detail in general newspapers or talking with friends.

On a more practical level one of the threads a few years ago encouraged me to buy a specific vibrator. Made a huge different to me personally, and DH pleased too :)

You must lead a sheltered life then and not know many people

You really are too far gone to see how messed up you're being about this.

TBH @NeonIcedcoffee I do very often think to myself "What were you thinking OP?" and the amout of posts I've written and then deleted. There was one yesterday from a woman who'd just had her third child with an absolute waste of space and wondering how she could change him

Now IRL my advice would be a lot more blunt, but I think sometimes when people get to the point of posting here they know they've fucked up, they're looking for practical advice and support not I told you so.

I understand what you're saying though, some people do make ridiculous choices and it is frustrating, especially when you know they won't change.