To consider telling my 2yo the truth about Father Christmas?

[owmn]

Basically, looking for a bit of advice and other’s experiences!

DD has just turned 2, and so has no concept as yet of Father Christmas, aside from some decorations we have that feature him.

I’ve been thinking about being honest with her from the get go, largely because the idea of her finding out we’ve lied to her for so long, years down the line, makes me a bit sad! But will she be missing out on part of the magic of Christmas? The tradition of writing a letter, leaving out mince pies and carrots, etc.

I also can’t figure out how to ensure she knows she’s very lucky to receive presents, and recognises her privilege, if she believes in Father Christmas. Do we tell her we’re lucky enough to be able to pay him?!

We won’t be telling her she has to behave for presents, only her stocking will come from him, and we’ll be making sure her letter asks him for things for others too, if we do go ahead.

If you have been honest with your LO, what have you replaced those kind of traditions with?

Genuinely never thought I’d have to give it this much consideration! 😂

@LadyFelsham
You ARE being ironic, aren't you. Your post can not possibly be in earnest... Please?

He knows not to tell other children but is terribly sad that their parents lie

Your 28 month old thinks this?

😂

That’s some quality trolling right there

[quote praepondero]@LadyFelsham
You ARE being ironic, aren't you. Your post can not possibly be in earnest... Please?[/quote]

I think it’s nice to let them believe while they’re small - it will be referred to at nursery/school etc, nice little old ladies they meet in the street will ask them if they’re excited about Santa. I have an almost five year old who firmly believes and it’s so wonderful how excited she is about the whole thing. We’re doing elf on the shelf (I know!) and she’s SO bloody excited about seeing what he gets up to, it’s gorgeous. But I suspect we’ll only get a few years of her believing in Santa as she’s pretty inquisitive, and I don’t intend to try and convince her once she starts to question it. If she asks if he’s real I will ask her what she thinks and take it from there. I’m on a FB group where it’s been discussed and some people are desperate to convince their children when they’re 8/9 and start to ask the question about whether he’s real and I don’t agree with that, I think that continuing it at that point would be bordering on deceptive. If they’re outright asking a trusted adult then I think they need to be told the truth in an age appropriate way.

@praepondero I think those who get upset are probably the more left brain literal types (like both my parents were!). I’m a completely creative inventive type... I would have loved a stocking to open, mince pies, never mind any footprints in the snow...

I do remember my granny hiding Easter eggs while we were out walking and telling me the Easter bunny had come (I’d been raised with neither FC or the EB). I was AMAZED. I remember trying to find a rational explanation and decided someone must have simply lost their eggs while out walking... ;-) but thing is, that memory is magically etched in my mind.

I don't understand why you would do this.
This is the 1st year non of my children believe and it's rubbish.

Seeing their face on Christmas eve, when they put out the mince pie etc is so special you don't want to spoil this.

At 2 they are to young to question what is off Santa etc, you deal with that with little white lies when they get a bit older

Hah, joke. You are ,mean @LadyFelsham 😆

@supersonicginandtonic and @DinosaurGrrrrr and others who would be "absolutely fuming" by the "knobbish" behaviour of those of us whose kids don't believe in Santa, please please tell me what you would do with a kid with SEN, if you read my previous post - how should I be parenting a child that knows the truth and wants reassurance at the age of 3 that it is actually made up, and gets distressed if you try to tell them it really is real.

What should I do with my now 5 year old, who is in mainstream school but does have SEN, to make sure your precious child doesn't encounter anyone with different beliefs to themself? Shall I withdraw them from school til the end of term in case they say they don't believe? I've told them that other children believe, and that whilst we say it's a game others say it's real, and we must never be unkind to others and make fun of what they believe, but honestly your posts make me so depressed, thinking my FIVE YEAR OLD will be hated by parents like you, because they have SEN? What a world we live in.

Why mention Father Christmas at all? There is so much more to Christmas than the Santa myth. It's a time to celebrate when people buy each other gifts, get together (in 'normal' times), and enjoy.. At 2 there is no point in telling a child the truth about Santa, just leave him out of it so they know no different.

As they get older they will notice and hear references to Father Christmas and then all you need to do is tell them it's a traditional story, explain about St Nicholas, etc.

I can't believe people are getting so angry about Santa they're calling OP names

I never really wholly believed in FC. So when I found out the truth I wasn't that bothered. But I agree you eowon't e popular if your child insists there is no FC. I'd just go along with it. I do.

Please don’t do it! They’ll spoil it for other children and this will annoy other parents!

To me it is part of the magic and I find that children come to a slow realisation and accept it and want to keep the magic for youngers ones. We do stockings from santa with things like a sweetie, toothbrush, toothpaste, hairclips, small toy, fun little things and then one thing from Santa each. This year my daughter (4) is getting a sleeping bag as that is what she has asked for, my baby is getting a wooden toy. There will also be a family board game from Santa, everything else is from us, including the main present which was a bike for my daughter last year. We also take her and get her to pick a small present for her brother and us parents so she understands it is about giving as well as receiving. The youngest is only just 1 so he doesn't understand at all yet.

We do stocking and small presents from Santa. Expensive things are from us. I love how excited they get.

The truth of Father Christmas is that he never delivered presents. That is Santa Claus, an entirely separate figure who only became interchangeable with the much older Father Christmas in the 19th century.

And is getting presents now counted a privilege? Is present privilege more pernicious that white privilege or male privilege or any of these other 'privileges'?

Why are some parents so worried about Santa and very small children recognising privilege? Most of the time a younger child doesn’t want heaps of stuff anyway? Just one or two things. My kids have always only asked for one thing and sometimes that might only cost a couple of pounds. It’s adults expectations of what to get often that puts pressure on ‘don’t upset a kid that can’t have much’

@steppemum

I say this all the time on here, but people really don't get it.

Children under 7 don't distinguish fantasty and reality, so they are able to hold the idea of Santa and the reality that he doesn't exist at the same time and don't care.

My brother was terrified by the idea that a man was going to come into his bedroom to fill his stocking, and so mum told him it was a game we play at Christmas. So he always knew. Didn't stop him racing downstairs on Christmas morning to see the presents under th tree and going WOW!

My son asked me when he was about 3/4. We had juts had a conversation about magic. About clever tricks whioch we can do and clal them 'magic' and things in books like fairies and spells etc which are all stories and not real. I said to him, well, Santa is magic. He thought for a moment and then smiled and said - like fairies in books and I said yes. So he has always known.

They love the magic, waking up with heavy stocking, presents appearing overnight under the tree, even leaving stuff out for santa and reindeer.
As ds got older it became his life's work to catch us in the act of filling stockings. He didn't manage to.

Everyone stresses about whether their kids 'know' but the reality is, that many of them 'know' but still engage in the magic because it is fun, and they can hold the two opposing truths in their heads at same time, because they are young enough to still do that.

Completely agree. My 3yo believes wholeheartedly in unicorns, and I've never had to go all out to convince her they're real. Even if I told her they aren't real, she wouldn't give a monkeys anyway

@LadyFelsham

Thank you, my faith in humanity has been restored

I was asking my dd 31 what she remembered when they were little, because my memory is foggy. Apparently we always said that we bought the presents for Santa to deliver and one present from him. Absolutely no logic to it but all 3 kids believed. Wonderful times.

Except for on here I have never heard of any children being annoyed that they have been 'lied to' about Santa, and you could always just do small things from him and the rest from you and the family if you want her to appreciate the value.

Such angst on MN over Santa. I grew up in Ireland, and everyone I knew did Santa and the adults loved it as much as the children. It's a huge deal and so wonderful. And we certainly didn't have all the half hearted attempts like small stocking only etc. All presents apart from those from family and friends came from Santa. I never knew of parents who wanted 'the credit' for the presents either.
In general children believe for FAR longer in Ireland than they appear to in the UK going by what I read on here. It's pretty much all of primary school and I think they keep believing because the adults make it possible by not being cynical about it all.

I loved my childhood Christmases and 100% wanted to replicate it for my own dc. My dh is from an English family and grew up there and he had a radically different experience of Christmas to mine. No real traditions - from the turkey (or whatever special dinner) to Santa and he really just didn't get it. But once he experienced a couple of Christmases with me he really got into it and he's worse than me now for wanting to stick to our traditions.

Our dd is a teen now and we have never had 'the conversation' about Santa. She never asked and we never said and we continue everything as we always did! We all love it. She puts her stocking out and in recent years, since she became a teen, dh and I also do stockings for each other. She still gets her presents left in the same place as she did throughout her childhood and we all come down together on Christmas morning to see if Santa has been.

It's innocent fun. The world is hard enough and cruel enough particularly for our children and teens and we're all about making things special where we can.

I can testify that neither me nor my siblings are traumatised by 'being lied to' by our parents and we have continued the tradition with our children and none of them are traumatised either.

It makes me a bit sad to think of tiny children not having Santa but I guess we each have to do what we think is right.

We've never done Father Christmas, although be prepared that dc will come across the story once they start school, so it's not just a matter of ignoring the whole thing or treating it as another fairytale in films and books (as I wanted to), at some point you have to actively sit them down and talk about it.

We haven't replaced FC with anything directly, but we do have lots of other Christmas traditions. We have a homemade Advent wreath with candles to count down until Christmas, a wooden Advent calendar which we fill with personalised things. We leave our shoes out in honour of St. Nicholas, although we modified it so your parents give you a present to celebrate St. Nicholas rather than St. Nicholas himself bringing the present (we celebrate a lot of other saints' days with various particular traditions, so shoes with presents isn't an odd idea for us). We have stockings, and presents under the tree (and we decorate the tree and house together as a family day) on Christmas day, but we know who they're from, nothing is from FC. We write a Christmas list to help people decide what to get us, and it's clear from the beginning that it's suggestions only and you will get some stuff from the list but not all of it, and you will get other stuff not on the list. When there's no Covid restrictions we would go carol singing, go to a nativity service in church, and go to midnight Mass (not young ones). We have lots of traditions around food and playing games. And we get a small present each day for the 12 days of Christmas, so we get something new to play with or do for the whole holidays and beyond. We also do activities over the holidays like outdoor ice skating, a couple of pantos (one proper one and an am dram one) etc. I really don't think we're missing out on any magic!

I just don't feel we're missing out on any magic!

@Backbee

Except for on here I have never heard of any children being annoyed that they have been 'lied to' about Santa, and you could always just do small things from him and the rest from you and the family if you want her to appreciate the value.

Exactly.

Ds is 11 and has autism so still believes. I know that for next year when he is in secondary school I need to lead him to realising the truth if he hasn’t but last night he had a lovely evening visiting Santa after a rubbish year.

He knows i buy things, he appreciates the value of money and when he wants something to go on his list he will check for the best prices so I don’t think believing has created issues about being grateful

My parents never told me and my older sister lies about Father Christmas, and Christmas was still magic for us.
We didn't have a lot of money but were in a posh private school, so exposed to kids with way more money than us, and they didn't want us to feel it was our fault if we had less presents than other kids.

I never broke the news to anyone else, except my younger sister when she was 5 because it didn't feel right to me (and she was "devastated").
Other kids, I didn't care about their beliefs. I was in a religious school but brought up as an atheist, so for me it was the same, just a set of belief I had no interest in.

After the divorce, my dad had more kids, who believed in Father Christmas.
One of them, my brother, reacted really badly when he learnt the truth. Turned out he's Asperger and very rigid with lies
(younger, he tended to conflate being wrong, and being a liar, so for example if I said "Rio de Janeiro is the capital of Brazil" because I believed so, and he found out it's actually Brasilia, he would have called me a liar).

Anyway, my experience is: Christmas is still magic as a kid even without believing.

It was magic because:

• Christmas decorations (I lived in Paris, it was pure delight to see the decorations on Boulevard Haussman)
• The WAIT. Just counting days. Advent calendar.
• No school for two weeks.
• Staying up late and both parents at home all day.
• And the week prior to Christmas break was all about Christmas carols, the big Christmas fair at school, handmade decoration workshops
• And overall: New toys! We didn't have new toys out of Christmas and birthdays, so we were choosing diligently on the toy catalogues.

I wonder (mildly as it is none of my business):
What about people who have wonderful christmasses without the concept of FC?
I learned about FC via children's books about christmas traditions around the world, when I was little - same as my DC did.
Aren't other cultures / traditions made a topic of in kindergarten / preschool / primary?
DC's childminder was Italian and their presents came from Befana on the 6th of January. I do not doubt her children had lovely christmasses, too.