To consider telling my 2yo the truth about Father Christmas?

[owmn]

Basically, looking for a bit of advice and other’s experiences!

DD has just turned 2, and so has no concept as yet of Father Christmas, aside from some decorations we have that feature him.

I’ve been thinking about being honest with her from the get go, largely because the idea of her finding out we’ve lied to her for so long, years down the line, makes me a bit sad! But will she be missing out on part of the magic of Christmas? The tradition of writing a letter, leaving out mince pies and carrots, etc.

I also can’t figure out how to ensure she knows she’s very lucky to receive presents, and recognises her privilege, if she believes in Father Christmas. Do we tell her we’re lucky enough to be able to pay him?!

We won’t be telling her she has to behave for presents, only her stocking will come from him, and we’ll be making sure her letter asks him for things for others too, if we do go ahead.

If you have been honest with your LO, what have you replaced those kind of traditions with?

Genuinely never thought I’d have to give it this much consideration! 😂

where are these hordes of children who are emotionally damaged by finding out their parents lied to them for years about Father Christmas?

It's a bit of fun, and children like to be in on it when they're old enough and keep it going for younger siblings.

What i don't like is children not knowing who actually bought and chose their presents, so i like the idea that children know that Father Christmas is more of a present delivery system.

Also, I forgot to mention the huge bonus of not doing FC is never having to get into elf on the shelf or anything similar!

Did you or your DH feel traumatised when you found out your parents had been lying to you for years? Do you know anyone who was (as opposed to people who have joked about it for comedy effect)?

I think you are worrying about something that doesn’t happen.

On the other hand, there is solid evidence that billions of children and parents get a lot of fun and joy from perpetuating the myth of Father Christmas.

Also, at 2, she won’t really have a particularly developed sense of realty vs fiction, truth vs lies etc. Presumably you read lots of books with her but don’t spend time making sure she knows that animals don’t really talk or wear clothes?

We just didn't say either way.

My DD sussed it when she was 5, and from that moment on I lived in fear she would blurt it to other kids, and I’d have angry mother’s banging down my door.

She was amazingly good, in not doing so mainly because she realised I was Santa and there was no presents if I found out she’d ruined it for her friends!

At sub 4 there is no way he’s not blurting that out. I’d say for your own sanity, don’t do it and play along.

Yabu, the most magical thing about Christmas to a child is that Santa is going to come. My dcs would get so excited on christmas eve, desperately trying to get to sleep so they're not awake when Santa arrives. Its not the same when they grow up and no longer believe. The magic goes and its not the same

"We don't celebrate Christmas"

Why? Lack of interest? Or for religious reasons?

I honestly don't get the latter. I'm not Christian but then neither is Christmas really, certainly not in origin. I understand that some hard line Christians view Christmas as the puritans do, as a pagan festival with no Biblical precedent but generally it's more of a secular, cultural festival for most people and it's pagan roots and Christian affiliations can be largely ignored. Personally I'm happy to join in any religious or secular festival for a good jolly. There's little reason why you can't join in most of it if you're Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Jain, Jewish etc. etc.

We have decided not to do Father Christmas/Santa Claus. It wasn't a part of my husband's culture and I grew up being told that I could only see the fairy dust that Father Christmas puts on the presents if I were good enough. Funnily enough, we were never good enough.
Most of all though, we always tell our children that we don't lie to them and so it feels out of place for our family to do a make believe character at Christmas.

Instead, Father Christmas is a character, like any other character in a book. We don't have any less excitement and wonder. We read stories with Father Christmas in. This week, we learnt about how Christmas is celebrated around the world, and I didn't have to worry about breaking the illusion when learning that in other countries, they don't believe that a Father Christmas equivalent brings the presents. My daughter especially enjoyed the idea of the Three Wise Men bringing presents on Epiphany instead.

@Fink

Also, I forgot to mention the huge bonus of not doing FC is never having to get into elf on the shelf or anything similar!

Generations of parents have managed to enjoy Santa without elf on the shelf (which is a very new thing) or anything else like that.

For most at most it’s a visit to see Santa and then putting out treats on Christmas Eve.

Why do people feel the need to have a conversation about santa Claus, tooth fairy etc. My sister and I were never told outright, we both just knew at some point. Though I was mildly gutted about having to actually buy DD's santa presents on her 1st Xmas!

Santa in our house does stocking and one or 2 presents, the rest are from us and family. DD also doesn't get everything on the santa list because you have to leave room for other people's presents on the sleigh.

Just do what you're comfortable with, it's a bit of fun.

Absolute hysteria on this thread!

I was a young adult before I realised that most parents actually do present Santa to their kids as an absolute reality, something that is the complete truth. Eye-opener.

My parents did all the traditions with me –mince pies/carrots for the reindeer, letters, mysterious footprints in "flour", but never once did they outright lie to me that Santa was a person who actually existed. They had no need to, it was a fun, exciting GAME anyway! Magical time of year, because the magic was in my own imagination –I chose to half-believe.

What most people on this thread call the "magic" is actually their own pleasure at watching little kids be deluded. It's for the parents' sake and it would be great if someone would actually admit this.

Phrases like "spoiling Christmas" and "joyless house" are complete hilarious hyperbole. I had a lovely childhood, thanks.

Come on seriously... When u were a child did u not get up crack of dawn and run down stairs to check if santas been, then run and wake up your mum and dad excited and hurry them up so you could open presents? Then why deprive your little one of something so magical...

With my stepsons we tell them that Santa has big distribution centres and gets his ‘elves’ to deliver them to all the children. Kind of like Amazon (funny in this day and age that kids resonate with an Amazon like service ) this made it believable for them as the classic how does he get round to all the houses in one night started - it has made it exceptionally useful this year as one of them want the new Xbox but we haven’t managed to get hold of one so have told him it’s out of stock at Santa’s warehouse aha. I think it’s sweet to keep the Christmas magic alive (I still say I got things from Santa at the age of 25!) I loved the whole Santa thing as a child 😁

@fungussingstheblues

Absolute hysteria on this thread!

I was a young adult before I realised that most parents actually do present Santa to their kids as an absolute reality, something that is the complete truth. Eye-opener.

My parents did all the traditions with me –mince pies/carrots for the reindeer, letters, mysterious footprints in "flour", but never once did they outright lie to me that Santa was a person who actually existed. They had no need to, it was a fun, exciting GAME anyway! Magical time of year, because the magic was in my own imagination –I chose to half-believe.

What most people on this thread call the "magic" is actually their own pleasure at watching little kids be deluded. It's for the parents' sake and it would be great if someone would actually admit this.

Phrases like "spoiling Christmas" and "joyless house" are complete hilarious hyperbole. I had a lovely childhood, thanks.

Sounds about right to me, fungussings. There really is no need to pretend 'he' is real.

What most people on this thread call the "magic" is actually their own pleasure at watching little kids be deluded. It's for the parents' sake and it would be great if someone would actually admit this.

That is so true,

I was never upset my parents told the Santa story (though like Twobrews, I can't remember believing as my parents were equally terrible at taking presents through the house quietly and without drink. I remember watching them carry wrapped gifts, stumbling past my bedroom door).

I did really resent the 'if you don't believe, you don't get presents'. I still can't stand that idea & hate when people give it as a suggestion for children who ask about Father Christmas. At that point it became not a fun story/magic game, but part of this pageant that I had to take part in so the adults could have the Christmas they wanted (which, at that point, a lot of Christmas fell under, with multiple people in ministry in my family, religious holidays were often about 'setting a good example' by performing in terrible clothes). I left me feeling what I thought wasn't important, just that I performed their role for me. I'd have been happy to play along if, with the adults, I could talk about it. There was a lot of not talking about things that I really resented.

At 3 DD1 asked "Where is mother Christmas?" . She cottoned fast

That's adorable. It reminds me of when my DD was in Rainbows at a church that ended their sessions with a prayer involving "in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit". She started to ask about the Mother and the Daughters, she didn't like that she and I were left out .

My stepsister thinks anyone who tells their kid Santa isn't real is a child abuser.

Yes, I've been told this, I've been told not having a tree for my kids to decorate is child abuse (interestingly, my very religious grandparents only had a ceramic tree that sat on their big wood box TV because of house size and, by the time I was born, my grandmother's mobility was limited so were very selective in decorating). I've been told that immigrants like me shouldn't be allowed unless we do Christmas... some people really get a bee in their bonnet about this even though people who celebrate it do all the rituals and stories in different ways as well.

I never told DD that Father Christmas was real (in face when she was around 3 or so and she was very scared when she saw one at the Christmas fair, I told her that its ok, he's not real, its just a game) but her little friends at daycare all believed in him so she did too, so its quite possible even if you do tell her the truth, she won't believe you!

After that we just did it in a low-key way, did the traditions but never insisted he's real or anything like that, never even saying he's real but not specifically saying he's not either. Doing the same with DS now.

My older children that I had with my ex husband were never told about the Father Christmas thing. For similar reasons to you, it was mainly his idea.

I really wish I hadn’t now as I think it’s one of the small magical parts of childhood that is so innocent. I have two younger children with my second husband now and we will be doing it with them.

What most people on this thread call the "magic" is actually their own pleasure at watching little kids be deluded. It's for the parents' sake and it would be great if someone would actually admit that

I don’t agree at all. I have vivid memories of my childhood and waiting for Santa to come. The anticipation was amazing and a very special experience. I loved every second of it.

Obviously the parents get something out of it too. Win win.

The world is a shit place don’t make it shitter!

Let her have a little magic and joy FFS, yes our role is to grow the next good humans but future good adults doesn’t trump the wonderment and joy of children it’s the best bit!!

And my parents never did Father Christmas with us, told us outright he wasn't real. Only one of my brothers blabbed to other children (which did bring irate mothers complaining to my mum) but the rest of us were quite capable of playing along with it for the sake of other children. And Christmas was still absolutely magical because its Christmas, its full of excitement and joy to a child with or without Father Christmas.

People think too much these days. My dc didn't believe in santa, he figured out himself that santa was some man wearing a red clothes. Still enjoyed Christmas and there were never serious conversation about it. We still talked about santa bringing presents etc, even though we both knew he knew.
It won't damage children believing in a bit of fantasy and later finding out it's not real.

I’m very surprised that anyone would consider doing this. I really can see absolutely no reason. My Favorite memories as a child are around Christmas- They only believe for so long and once it’s figured out Christmas just isn’t quite the same. Don’t do it !

"Who ever felt lied to when they found out about Father Christmas? Not me! Just gutted the magic was over."

Most of the time children figure it out gradually for themselves don't they.

Keating I agree part of the reason I love Christmas is because those warm feelings of magic I’m left with from my own childhood. Actually I think it connects me to mindfulness, joy and spirituality even now that takes me through dark days of “reality”.

It’s more important than creating little robots that fit in with the hard cold culture we are creating.