To consider telling my 2yo the truth about Father Christmas?

[owmn]

Basically, looking for a bit of advice and other’s experiences!

DD has just turned 2, and so has no concept as yet of Father Christmas, aside from some decorations we have that feature him.

I’ve been thinking about being honest with her from the get go, largely because the idea of her finding out we’ve lied to her for so long, years down the line, makes me a bit sad! But will she be missing out on part of the magic of Christmas? The tradition of writing a letter, leaving out mince pies and carrots, etc.

I also can’t figure out how to ensure she knows she’s very lucky to receive presents, and recognises her privilege, if she believes in Father Christmas. Do we tell her we’re lucky enough to be able to pay him?!

We won’t be telling her she has to behave for presents, only her stocking will come from him, and we’ll be making sure her letter asks him for things for others too, if we do go ahead.

If you have been honest with your LO, what have you replaced those kind of traditions with?

Genuinely never thought I’d have to give it this much consideration! 😂

@TheKeatingFive

The desperate need for children to believe on these threads is very obviously about the adults’ own need to believe in a particular version of childhood

I can 100% assure you that when I believed in Santa as a child it was all about me.

Kids tend to be pretty ... willing ... participants.

You’re misunderstanding me. I’m talking about the desperate need for children to believe manifested by adults on this thread, and how threatened they feel when other people do things differently.

For the people wondering about school, it was never an issue. Lots of children came from backgrounds that didn’t do Santa, or only did Christmas in a pretty tokenistic way because their traditions were different. The kids seemed happy with ‘some people believe...’ same as they did with the idea of different religions.

Op
Childhood should be a magical time as long as possible, obviously before she starts first year of secondary school,
She your daughter be told father Christmas does not exist so she is not bullied at school.

I think in our society children are pressured to grow up way too fast such as the pop music videos dancing gyrating pop stars like they are starring in almost Adult soft porn videos.

The clothing slogans on sometimes children's girl items with inappropriate Adult sexual themes on them.

Beauty pagents were small girls are judged on how acctractive they are to our western society very narrow ideal of beauty..

The list could go on

Do you get my point of view Op

I just don’t see the need to lie. We just let the stocking presents appear each year overnight. At some point the child reaches a level of critical thinking when they ask the parent about where they come from / it can’t be santa etc - at that point we confirmed that they were right and suggested that they should continue to believe in the magic and story and not spoil it for younger siblings. Everyone gets to enjoy the magic, no lies to anyone.

I am sure I'll echo numerous posters on this thread when saying that stop over-thinking and let your baby enjoy some magic of Christmas. There's very little magic about and if one is lucky enough to have a glimpse of it, one should grab it by the tail and never let go.
Create some magic for your child

@thosetalesofunexpected

Op Childhood should be a magical time as long as possible, obviously before she starts first year of secondary school, She your daughter be told father Christmas does not exist so she is not bullied at school.

I think in our society children are pressured to grow up way too fast such as the pop music videos dancing gyrating pop stars like they are starring in almost Adult soft porn videos.

The clothing slogans on sometimes children's girl items with inappropriate Adult sexual themes on them.

Beauty pagents were small girls are judged on how acctractive they are to our western society very narrow ideal of beauty..

The list could go on

Do you get my point of view Op

This is a classic example of an adult need to manifest a particular idea of childhood innocence.

I say this all the time on here, but people really don't get it.

Children under 7 don't distinguish fantasty and reality, so they are able to hold the idea of Santa and the reality that he doesn't exist at the same time and don't care.

My brother was terrified by the idea that a man was going to come into his bedroom to fill his stocking, and so mum told him it was a game we play at Christmas. So he always knew. Didn't stop him racing downstairs on Christmas morning to see the presents under th tree and going WOW!

My son asked me when he was about 3/4. We had juts had a conversation about magic. About clever tricks whioch we can do and clal them 'magic' and things in books like fairies and spells etc which are all stories and not real. I said to him, well, Santa is magic. He thought for a moment and then smiled and said - like fairies in books and I said yes. So he has always known.

They love the magic, waking up with heavy stocking, presents appearing overnight under the tree, even leaving stuff out for santa and reindeer.
As ds got older it became his life's work to catch us in the act of filling stockings. He didn't manage to.

Everyone stresses about whether their kids 'know' but the reality is, that many of them 'know' but still engage in the magic because it is fun, and they can hold the two opposing truths in their heads at same time, because they are young enough to still do that.

"My mum still refuses to acknowledge Santa isn't real, it's so funny, she still writes Father Christmas on couple of small presents."

Father Christmas wasn't made a big deal of when I was growing up because he wasn't cultural to us (second generation immigrant). It was never said that he didn't exist and I love Christmas as a season. However I will never acknowledge that the Easter bunny doesn't exist and we all play along.

I don't believe God exists, I don't hammer my point home and I brought my children up to be respectful of other people's beliefs, even as young children.

You are correct steppe but people really don’t see it and that’s why they make the ‘story’ so elaborate, to ‘make children believe’.

And it works, hence there are posts on here about 11/12 year olds believing which seems crazy to me.

My kid doesn't believe. They asked outright, at the age of 3, "but is it really you that puts the presents in the stocking?". They were adamant that it must be me, as they couldn't, as a very literal child, compute that some old man with a beard entered our house to give presents. I tried doing the "let's write to Santa" and "Santa will be coming" stuff, but they have always wanted reassurance that it is actually me. They play along now though.

Was I willing to go above and beyond to lie to my kid?! No. I just explained that it is a nice imaginary game to play anyway, so we'll keep writing letters and putting stockings out. I also told them about st nicholas, to give it some semblance of being real, for when they talk to other kids.

My child gets really distressed at people telling them one thing when they've been told another thing is the truth, so if y'all could teach your kids the truth so they don't upset my snowflake, that's be great, thanks! ;)

Kidding.

Or, y'know, I can deal with my crying child when they come home saying "but Alfie said I'm wrong and that Santa really IS real, but he's not"... and you can answer the questions about why my child said he's not real.

Not all kids are NT, so some understanding for those of us navigating this with SEN in tow would be marvellous....

Sounds like you want the pleasure of being thanked and recognised for your efforts/ spending... from a 2 year old?
And feeling sad you’ve “lied” is a very strange way of thinking. I’d feel sad as an adult if my parents had told me Santa is a load of rubbish when I was younger.

My DH was absolutely livid when he discovered that his parents had been lying to him. For him, truth should override anything else.

DD has, therefore, never believed in Father Christmas. She understood that it was a story, and that lots of children did believe it, and that she shouldn't spoil it for them - and she didn't. (She did let slip in front of a friend at about 9, but his mum was pretty certain he already knew - and quite possibly he'd said something to my daughter that made her realise that.) She played along with writing a letter to Santa at school, and things like that, and if adults asked "What did Santa bring you?" she wouldn't correct them, and just answered as they expected.

I don't think it's spoiled Christmas for her. She didn't believe in the tooth fairy either. We offered that we could set up our own tradition, but she wasn't that interested.

Funnily enough, we still do some Santa type things, it is a sort of in joke, as they are teens and know.

I think it is actually pretty nice for kids to know that their family takes this time and effort to create fun at Christmas. That it is part of their family tradition.

Let your child be a child

Chill out and go with the flow. Don’t think strategically about a fleeting moment in time of fun and magic. Just go with it and enjoy it x

DS is 5. We never addressed it. We just didn’t bring it up and he hasn’t asked questions either way and seems to quite rightly know that presents come from various family members. In other words we don’t make a thing of it or not make a thing of it. It’s just a - non issue. He’s excited by Christmas and the other festivals we celebrate as a family that combines two different cultures and countries - but I don’t think he’s specifically mentioned any particular Santa related talk or not mentioned it either!

Let her believe ... she will come to her own realisation over time - that’s the time to be honest .

We told my DS the truth from the get go. He still gets presents and we do advent calendar, he gets a budget (since he started school) to buy things for the Foodbank, we have stockings etc. So it’s all fine except he knows presents are from relatives and not Santa. He’s reasonable in what he wants as he knows there’s a chance he might not get it, I asked him if he felt left out knowing and me said that as long as he gets some presents he doesn’t mind but he likes that we have always told him the truth.

We’ve been careful to tell him not to tell other kids. He can just not say anything and he pretty much just nods at adults when they ask him if Santa is coming, he Winked once or twice but I’ve discouraged that if they’re kids are around.

Never been an issue. I was upset when I found out as a kid and DH’s family didn’t do Santa so it was an easy decision for us. I’ve never allowed that elf in the house but do move his cuddly toys into various positions randomly throughout the years we still do a bit of make believe but he’s in on the joke.

I'm completely on the fence about it.
I can't remember believing in Father Christmas, the first Christmas I remember is aged 5 where I saw my parents bringing the presents in. They were really drunk and stumbling and giggling with lots of loud "Shhhhing" plus they'd bought me some jingling bells!!
I didn't say a word until I was an adult though because even though I knew the truth I still really enjoyed the fun of the ritual and the feeling of anticipation.
Christmas was still magical to me so I don't think it does ruin things if children know the truth.

We do have FC here but I try to do it lightly. No footprints, phone calls or videos and they categorically know the FC visits that take place are people dressed up.
I never make reference to naughty or nice lists either, although they have sometimes mentioned that from films and books. I've said that they will have presents at Christmas no matter what.

@lanthanum

My DH was absolutely livid when he discovered that his parents had been lying to him. For him, truth should override anything else.

DD has, therefore, never believed in Father Christmas. She understood that it was a story, and that lots of children did believe it, and that she shouldn't spoil it for them - and she didn't. (She did let slip in front of a friend at about 9, but his mum was pretty certain he already knew - and quite possibly he'd said something to my daughter that made her realise that.) She played along with writing a letter to Santa at school, and things like that, and if adults asked "What did Santa bring you?" she wouldn't correct them, and just answered as they expected.

I don't think it's spoiled Christmas for her. She didn't believe in the tooth fairy either. We offered that we could set up our own tradition, but she wasn't that interested.

Yes exactly. It's perfectly possible to explain to your child that some people believe in Santa and some people believe in God, & that it's rude to point out that their beliefs are wrong.

@ClaireP20 who is being judgemental? Me or the mums who judged my parents for the beliefs they were brought up with? They did decide themselves that the JW no gifts thing was wrong, and they were working through that.

I was terribly shocked and livid when I found out that my parents had lied to me. It ruined our relationship because they had lied-truth was not important to them.

This has stayed with me to this day-the ease with which they lied- and I told my 28 month old the truth and he appreciated it hugely. He knows not to tell other children but is terribly sad that their parents lie

When I was around 5 or 6 a mother of one of the kids in my thearter class decided to tell the entire class that Santa was not real and it was all our parents. I stoped believing at that point and still clearly remember it.

It was really upsetting because I really wanted to believe in it. I had to keep it a secret from all my friends and classmates. I hated not being part of it. I never blamed my parents for lying to me but I hated the woman who ruined it for me.

All in all tell your kids what you want to tell them. But don't ruin it for others. And keep in mind that having to hide the truth from other kids can also be stressful on a small child.

I was raised knowing FC was an invention. I was also told not to tell other children. It gave me a certain feeling of superiority, as tho I had secret information (which indeed I did).

BUT I’ve raised my DC with the concept of FC since I feel now, as an adult, I missed out rather. I also realise, now, that my mother was not very good at ‘fun stuff’, and my not believing suited HER just fine. She didn’t have to fanny around with a secret stocking or carrots for rudolf...

For me (& probably me alone, haha) it’s also a bit like the god question. I was raised an atheist too, and sometimes I think it must be a great comfort to have that sense of belief, which to me is clearly invented, and so I really can’t ever access.

So I’d say relish in FC. I’m sure for my DC it contributes a good 30% to the magic of Christmas. Most kids work it out before long anyway.

What a knobbish thing to do. So you are going to basically ruin the magic of Christmas for your child (and all the other children who happen to be in her class when she starts school?!). I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous. You want your child to know you bought everything and be grateful to you 🙄? Selfish.

Can’t say I am mentally scarred from finding out that my parents went to a lot of time and effort to create a bit of magic for me as a child.

I'd be absolutely fuming if some idiot like you told their child this and they then ruined it for mine. Children are small and believe for such a short period of time, just let them enjoy the magic ffs!

@BlueSkies2020

Let your child be a child

Chill out and go with the flow. Don’t think strategically about a fleeting moment in time of fun and magic. Just go with it and enjoy it x

Actually, this.