To consider telling my 2yo the truth about Father Christmas?

[owmn]

Basically, looking for a bit of advice and other’s experiences!

DD has just turned 2, and so has no concept as yet of Father Christmas, aside from some decorations we have that feature him.

I’ve been thinking about being honest with her from the get go, largely because the idea of her finding out we’ve lied to her for so long, years down the line, makes me a bit sad! But will she be missing out on part of the magic of Christmas? The tradition of writing a letter, leaving out mince pies and carrots, etc.

I also can’t figure out how to ensure she knows she’s very lucky to receive presents, and recognises her privilege, if she believes in Father Christmas. Do we tell her we’re lucky enough to be able to pay him?!

We won’t be telling her she has to behave for presents, only her stocking will come from him, and we’ll be making sure her letter asks him for things for others too, if we do go ahead.

If you have been honest with your LO, what have you replaced those kind of traditions with?

Genuinely never thought I’d have to give it this much consideration! 😂

I honestly don't think most two year olds have enough understanding of reality for it to be worth telling them something isn't real - especially something like Father Christmas.

You don't need to overthink it. You can keep it as low key as you want. Just say "shall we hang up your stocking tonight for Father Christmas?"
And then in the morning Look at what's in your stocking!

That's all you need to do, no need to get bogged down in complicated logistical explanations, discussion of payment, magic keys, letters or anything you don't want to.

Never did the whole Santa thing with the DCs. DC1 was terrified of someone getting into the house when we were all asleep so we just didnt do it. No big thing about it, just didnt do it.

DCs still had a Christmas sock. Even now all DCs and their partners who are in the house get a Christmas sock even though they are all in
their 20s now.

Christmas can have a fun and magical quality to it without Santa.

Also we lived in the Netherlands for a while so DCs also had the whole Sinterklaas thing as well. They would leave out a shoe and would get a chocolate letter and a small present then.

I think you are overthinking this and she would be very unpopular when she starts telling the other young children santa clause is not real.
When they are in primary they learn about fables. When my kids asked me about santa when older I said you've learnt about fables and santa is real for children in the western world.

My parents never bothered with pretending Father Christmas was real, and Christmas was usually a pretty joyless affair in our household. I plan to keep my children believing as long as possible, although DD5 is very level headed and already has her doubts about the logistics! Only stocking presents are from Santa though.

I absolutely loved the FC tradition. It was magical and wonderful and made Christmas special. As others have said, FC doesn't have to give very much! It makes all those kids movies lovely too.

I found out gradually as most kids do. Really didn't upset me! Can't wait to do the same for my ds.

I never believed in Father Christmas and never thought anyone did. The whole "you're ruining the magic" blindsided me when I first heard it at 40. I totally don't get it and my dd always knew. She observed that the wrapping paper came from WHSmith. As kids we had very few presents (Jehovah's Witness legacy) and of course our friends had the complete range from none (JWs) to pillowcases filled with all their clothes for the year and/or wasteful tat. I guess adults must have barred us from play dates bc we told their kids the shocking truth about Santa. What meanies!

Fantasy is important to children. Children's brains are not miniture adult brains. As we grow up, the neural pathways develop and alter. Roleplay/ small world is essential in the early years curriculum to inderstandjng the real world. Taking anything imaginative and dismissing it as lies takes a lot away from children and their understanding of the world.

Every human society has some kind of faith/ belief/ myth culture. It makes us distinct from any other species on the planet.

Children "believe" in Santa for only a few Christmases. At some point, usually around 7-10 the doubt sets in. That's important. It encourages critical thinking. Children often play along in the absence of blind belief partly because it's harmless fun, and partly out of continuation of a culture.

We've never made a big issue out of it. Santa brings a present. Most years well go to a grotto or winter wonderland. We lay out a drink, mince pie and carrot. We use the NORAD tracker on Christmas Eve (great geography!) We don't do naughty/ nice. Most of the way we've let the DCs take the lead.
DS1 will be 10 by Christmas and DS2 is 7. I'm not sure how much they believe, and tend to answer "what do you think". Some of my friends are much more hyped, but with the two I have (and my organisational skills) that's more for my children to see through and feed doubt.

It's not healthy for children to grow up with too much truth and not enough fantasy. The world is shades of grey and nuanced and such an attitude removes children of a tool to understand it. Telling a young child to allay their fears is responding to the child's need. Arbitarily stopping a young child from engaging with mainstream culture and fantasy is mean-minded and misguided.

I always find it really bizarre how irate people get about those who tell their kids Santa isn't real. I figured out he wasn't real when I was 5 or 6 and I still loved Christmas.

In my experience the kids who knew were never that into Christmas and it was a bit rubbish for them as knowing at a young age makes them think everything adults go on about must be fake. Because FC is everywhere !

And he will have to.keep quiet

YABVU - way to ruin the one thing that really makes so many children happy each year

My mum still refuses to acknowledge Santa isn't real, it's so funny, she still writes Father Christmas on couple of small presents.

Don't be such a boring misery guts. Let kids be kids and have magic. Christ knows, as someone who worked in childcare for some years, some poor little mites need a little light magic in their lives.

I'm really sorry but I actually feel sorry for your child. And the other kids she'll tell that Father Christmas isn't real.

I see absolutely no issue in spoiling kids one day a year, I will always spoil mine for as long as I can afford it. Doesn't have to be spoiled by spending £100s but with the new toys, good food, magic and experience that comes with Christmas. As long as they're aware that it's because it's Christmas. Teach them about privilege the rest of the year but let them enjoy the magic and get some toys. Kids need toys, and Christmas seems the best time to top up, keep them busy for the year and just be kids.

My best friend was a Jehovah's witness growing up and obviously didn't so Santa, she told me that he wasnt real when we were 8, and I was gutted. But not at my parents for 'lying', because I felt like I'd grown up and that was scary. Soon got over it once I realised I would still get to enjoy Christmas and get presents!

My daughter is 2.5 and she is starting to understand Santa but has no concept of getting spoiled, her 'privilege' or anything. All she wants from Santa is a chocolate biscuit!!

Do it how you want to do it, don't buy everything 'from Santa' but do let your kids enjoy the magic of coming downstairs to presents, and opening them, putting out snacks for him, watching the movies, it's one day. It's fun, have fun.

My DCs were brought up to believe Santa was a nice story, we’d still write letters and visit Santa. We had plenty of magical, happy christmases. I find so sad to think there are children out there who get nothing and think it’s their fault. It’s also really ignorant to tell children that everyone celebrates Christmas, and everyone celebrates on Christmas Day.

Hi Op
Its important to keep up the spirit/magic of Christmas festive,

(I had a Very shitty Childhood in childrens homes in Midlands,
Thankfully I was adopted by time I was 10yrs,adoptive parents were open minded church going Christians in which I enjoyed the magic of Christmas time such as presents from father Xmas and mince pies from him under the tree etc.
(the good thing about this kind of Xmas festivities you can pick and choose which you prefer to adopt in any way.

(I mean no adult i know has to go into therapy because they were traumised by their parents idea of make believe magic of Christmas festive time or children believing in tooth fairy etc.

But I do know of,heard of plenty of real life horror stories,includes myself, of people being so traumatised by their shit horrible childhood having/wanting long term therapy...

Also worries me how could you child so young keep it secret if you tell father Christmas is not real from other children then?

Your daughter will not be popular if she tells her friends this.

Anyway your daughter only two she is far too young to rember much about Christmas festive time..

@BogRollBOGOF

Fantasy is important to children. Children's brains are not miniture adult brains. As we grow up, the neural pathways develop and alter. Roleplay/ small world is essential in the early years curriculum to inderstandjng the real world. Taking anything imaginative and dismissing it as lies takes a lot away from children and their understanding of the world.

Every human society has some kind of faith/ belief/ myth culture. It makes us distinct from any other species on the planet.

Children "believe" in Santa for only a few Christmases. At some point, usually around 7-10 the doubt sets in. That's important. It encourages critical thinking. Children often play along in the absence of blind belief partly because it's harmless fun, and partly out of continuation of a culture.

We've never made a big issue out of it. Santa brings a present. Most years well go to a grotto or winter wonderland. We lay out a drink, mince pie and carrot. We use the NORAD tracker on Christmas Eve (great geography!) We don't do naughty/ nice. Most of the way we've let the DCs take the lead.
DS1 will be 10 by Christmas and DS2 is 7. I'm not sure how much they believe, and tend to answer "what do you think". Some of my friends are much more hyped, but with the two I have (and my organisational skills) that's more for my children to see through and feed doubt.

It's not healthy for children to grow up with too much truth and not enough fantasy. The world is shades of grey and nuanced and such an attitude removes children of a tool to understand it. Telling a young child to allay their fears is responding to the child's need. Arbitarily stopping a young child from engaging with mainstream culture and fantasy is mean-minded and misguided.

This!

My parents always had a knowing smile and it was fun to guess whether it was true or not.

I would take that a step further ivy, I think these parents who are so unbelievably self involved as to think everyone should do the same as them because THEY want things to be a certain way are beyond selfish.

‘I wouldn’t have a child who didn’t believe in my house.’
‘Your child will be a little madam’
‘Ruining Christmas for MY children’

Ha yeah, spirit of Christmas right there, totally.

@ShanCa

I never believed in Father Christmas and never thought anyone did. The whole "you're ruining the magic" blindsided me when I first heard it at 40. I totally don't get it and my dd always knew. She observed that the wrapping paper came from WHSmith. As kids we had very few presents (Jehovah's Witness legacy) and of course our friends had the complete range from none (JWs) to pillowcases filled with all their clothes for the year and/or wasteful tat. I guess adults must have barred us from play dates bc we told their kids the shocking truth about Santa. What meanies!

You sound like a judgemental nightmare. I wouldn't have you round either!

You're overthinking it. Tell her the stocking is from father Christmas and all other presents are from you. It's a nice tradition and she won't think you've "lied to her for years", she'll just gradually work it out for herself and it won't be traumatic or anything.

I don’t see it as a lie. It’s a lovely way of communicating a bigger truth. That yes, there is magic and kindness and selfless generosity in the world.

I think the opposite - it’s now just a massive exercise in consumerism/showing off. “We’re going to see Santa in Lapland”/“here’s a picture on Facebook of all my child’s presents”/“we’ve got an expensive slot at a super grotto to see Father Christmas”. It’s the same with the elf shite; who can post the most amusing picture on the Internet to show how quirky they are (obviously with their brand new £500 coffee machine/new kitchen in the background). I don’t think it’s about the kids at all.

I do remember being a bit pissed off about Father Christmas, especially when I had figured it out and my mother kept going on about “believing”. I found it embarrassing. But it’s such a part of British culture that I do run with it for my own kids, albeit in a low key and jokey way. The whole “truth telling” notion is all a bit earnest and won’t win you any friends among the Santa-nuts. A few smiley “Oh, well, I don’t know, what do you think?” when your DC asks how he comes down the chimney or whatever will suffice and they’ll figure it out for themselves eventually with no harm done.

We still do the leaving mince pie out etc, play the Santa game but they know it’s a game. There’s still plenty of magic and they never told anyone else’s kids. I asked my older kids whether they feel they missed out and they say no.

I’m not comfortable with lying to them and I generally think it can be ore for the adults’ entertainment than the kids’ benefit. I felt a bit humiliated and exploited when I found out and a bit embarrassed and it wasn’t a nice feeling.

Oh come on. Massive ovetthinking here. Very confusing for a child too. It's such a lovely time of the year. Just enjoy it.

I think everyone does Santa a little differently and that's fine. The only thing I don't agree with is when extended family buy presents and the parents insist they are telling their kids they are off Santa too. I want my kids to know who their presents are off. We tell them their stockings and one big present are off Santa and everything else is off us. Kids don't really question it, they love the idea of the magic and Santa and his reindeer etc, it doesn't even bother them that they never see him they just love it. Kids don't think things like 'oh well why did Santa get them an Xbox and me something small, they just enjoy Christmas

This is a wind up. Right?

Cos its really bloody depressing if its not.

@Welcometonowhere

I would take that a step further ivy, I think these parents who are so unbelievably self involved as to think everyone should do the same as them because THEY want things to be a certain way are beyond selfish.

‘I wouldn’t have a child who didn’t believe in my house.’
‘Your child will be a little madam’
‘Ruining Christmas for MY children’

Ha yeah, spirit of Christmas right there, totally.

It's odd isn't it. My stepsister thinks anyone who tells their kid Santa isn't real is a child abuser. Slight overreaction? What's worrying is she's a social worker...

Personally as a kid I cared about presents, chocolate, everyone having fun and time off school, not about Santa but maybe I was cynical from birth eh!