To consider telling my 2yo the truth about Father Christmas?

[owmn]

Basically, looking for a bit of advice and other’s experiences!

DD has just turned 2, and so has no concept as yet of Father Christmas, aside from some decorations we have that feature him.

I’ve been thinking about being honest with her from the get go, largely because the idea of her finding out we’ve lied to her for so long, years down the line, makes me a bit sad! But will she be missing out on part of the magic of Christmas? The tradition of writing a letter, leaving out mince pies and carrots, etc.

I also can’t figure out how to ensure she knows she’s very lucky to receive presents, and recognises her privilege, if she believes in Father Christmas. Do we tell her we’re lucky enough to be able to pay him?!

We won’t be telling her she has to behave for presents, only her stocking will come from him, and we’ll be making sure her letter asks him for things for others too, if we do go ahead.

If you have been honest with your LO, what have you replaced those kind of traditions with?

Genuinely never thought I’d have to give it this much consideration! 😂

I never believed ever and thought the adults in the house were strange believing in an imaginary person. I think I was exposed to too much painful reality too young.

"I've never met anyone traumatised by war or childhood sexual abuse. That doesn't mean that those people aren't out there, nor that we shouldn't try to prevent those traumas, no matter how rare they may be."

And yet you've almost certainly met someone who was abused as child but they've chosen not to advertise the fact.

However, you can't compare actual traumas such as that with the momentary disappointment and disillusionment when we learn Santa/Father Christmas isn't real. One is appalling and the other is utterly trivial.

@Alexafrost

"LadyFelsham

I was terribly shocked and livid when I found out that my parents had lied to me. It ruined our relationship because they had lied-truth was not important to them.

This has stayed with me to this day-the ease with which they lied- and I told my 28 month old the truth and he appreciated it hugely. He knows not to tell other children but is terribly sad that their parents lie"

That has to be satire surely? Often on here it's hard to tell.

Yes, it was just a joke! I was rumbled in a few posts and put up a laughing Santa to acknowledge that.

Mind you, reading some of posts on this thread I'm starting to think that my post wasn't that outlandish after all!

@TheKeatingFive
I counted eleven posters recounting that they were upset over being lied to when they found out. A big enough number to show that claims the Father Christmas lie is harmless to all children are not realistic. Some children get hurt by it.

“I remember as a kid being gutted when I found out that Santa wasn't real”

“But personally, I still remember that feeling of realising I'd been lied to, it was on Christmas morning and it really put a downer on the day for me. I felt embarrassed and betrayed.”

“I remember very clearly exactly where I was when I found out my parents had lied about Santa, and my disappointment in them.”

“Unlike others, I was really hurt when I realised my parents had lied to me about Santa. We’d been thought not to lie by them, and to realise they’d lied about something I loved so much was pretty devastating.”

“Only DS was really upset when DD2 told him at age 9 ! bless him!”

“I was told he wasn’t real by my fathers new wife at about 8.
I was upset but nothing compared to my 2 older sisters who were enraged that I had been told.”

“My eldest was quite relaxed about him not being real but we told my 10 yr old this summer and she was in bits. Curled up on the floor listening to her Charlie Brown Christmas record, sobbing into her blanket. She was so upset and angry that we had lied to her all these years.”

“I do remember being a bit pissed off about Father Christmas, especially when I had figured it out and my mother kept going on about “believing”. I found it embarrassing.”

“I felt a bit humiliated and exploited when I found out and a bit embarrassed and it wasn’t a nice feeling.”

“My DH was absolutely livid when he discovered that his parents had been lying to him. For him, truth should override anything else.”

“I was terribly shocked and livid when I found out that my parents had lied to me. It ruined our relationship because they had lied-truth was not important to them”

I can see where you're coming from, but unless you're really, really anti doing Santa then I'd probably do it a bit just to avoid the awkwardness of her telling other kids it's not real! You can always present it as more of a story/character thing that the absolute truth.

Doing just the stocking from Santa helps a lot I think, especially in terms of them being grateful for what they have. You can also encourage other things when DD is a little older eg. buying a toy for a local group that collects Xmas gifts for kids who need them, doing a food bank delivery together etc

Ok, ten because I’ve just seen the last one I quoted was admitted to be a lie. Lying seems to come very easily to the Father Christmas brigade.

"I was terribly shocked and livid when I found out that my parents had lied to me. It ruined our relationship because they had lied-truth was not important to them”

The last was a joke which has just been confirmed by the writer the post above yours.

Ok, ten

Wow, call the press. That’s quite a number.

Lying seems to come very easily to the Father Christmas brigade.

You’re sounding a bit deranged now

"Lying seems to come very easily to the Father Christmas brigade."

What a dick thing to say.

If the shoe fits....

@WingingItSince1973

Sorry I have to defend Jehovahs Witnesses here (being one myself). The idea that our children miss out on gifts and fun is totally wrong. My children have always had gifts just not on Xmas etc. We have plenty of parties throughout the year and plenty of family gatherings and gift giving. We love giving gifts and often its hard to buy for our kids or family and friends as we are very generous and our children have quite alot! My middle dd has a small son and they do celebrate Xmas. My dgs is so excited about father Xmas and presents etc. I don't say anything to him. Thats between my dd and him. He knows we don't celebrate it and is quite happy to have presents from us through the year. We have so many dinosaurs and paw patrol toys etc at our house it would be hard to know what to get him. I see him everyday so its like jurassic park at mine. We also love adventures and holidays and guess what we watch TV and drink alcohol too!!! Sorry don't want to derail the thread. Parents do what you feel is best for your children. My girls didn't ruin anyones Xmas at school. Nearly every year we booked them out the last week of school and had a fab week at Center Parcs. Kids can have a fabulous happy life whatever walk of life they come from xxx

That's interesting to know. We never talked about JWs in our house and only pieced together the facts decades later. It really did not spoil Christmas for us, until our parents felt so much pressure they tried to do lots of presents like other parents. We asked them to go back to our traditions, because you love what you grew up with. One of my loveliest memories is hearing my parents giggling together while sneaking in to fill our stockings with fruit and chocolate coins.

If you are not Christian,then it is not Christmas you are celebrating, is it?

Will you be telling her her hamster is going to die soon?

My two DS are late teens now but we never told them that Santa was true. We told them it was a lovely story, like any other fairy tale, and it's great to pretend, but actually it's just a fairy story. However, we also told them that some people really believe so not to spoil it for them. To my knowledge they never did tell.

I also felt it was a lie and couldn't mislead them for years when they were tiny. We still celebrate Christmas, have stockings and presents but they are from family. Still magical!

@PlanDeRaccordement

If the shoe fits....

T'was a parody not a lie!

I think a few on your list of ten are probably parodies too.

I’m not sure they are tbh lady

I don’t see it as a “lie” but I do think if your child asks you outright, and you insist that it’s true, then it becomes a lie. It’s that I’m not really comfortable with, tbh.

Spoil the magic - no way . Took mine to Lapland ( big kid that I am with Grandma and Grandad when she was 3 ) - we all loved it . Eventually she said to me ( aged @ 8 I think ) " Mummy I know Santa doesn't really exist " so they all realise the truth eventually . I just replied yes , but its a lovely story .

Few things are as ugly as a grown woman (and it is almost always a woman) hissing vitriol at a child (or brat or little madam) who dares express some doubt as to the literal truth of the Father Christmas tradition within earshot of her own precious babe (who also knows it's not real, but doesn't dare spoil it for poor mummy). In families where the adults are less desperate to HOLD ON TO THE MAGIC! I tend to find that the kids have much more fun with the whole make-believe of it all.

I never believed and I don’t think my children did either, although we all played along for a while.
We are all pretty logical people and it seemed such a strange thing to lie about - this stocking isn’t from mum because she loves you, it’s from this strange old guy who judges everyone’s behaviour like some sort of global playground supervisor.

TillyTopper: I wish all parents were like you.

Daphnise: Will you be telling her her hamster is going to die soon?

I laughed about that. Every child I've known who has a hamster is told they do not live long.

So true multi

Some of these posts from aggressive, angry, spiteful and cruel adults wanting to keep the magic alive - it would be funny if it wasn’t so ironic.

I haven’t read the whole thread...

What’s worse - a child realising at some stage that there isn’t a santa (a long with most of their pals),
or a child being the only kid in class whose parents didn’t do the whole ‘magic santa’ thing each year, leave a carrot out for the reindeer, mince pie for the elves, whisky for santa, letters to Santa, the excitement fit to bust when you get your presents under the tree or get to meet santa in person...

It’s really up to you to decide... plus you will need to deal with the parents of the kids who have been told by your kid that santa isn’t real?

Fair enough @Welcometonowhere

I was astonished that anyone could take my little joke seriously.

How could anyone take seriously the fact that I said I was livid and it had ruined my relationship with my parents, let alone that a 28month year old could hugely appreciate the news.

The thought of sitting down a toddler and him sagely nodding, feeling sad for others while undertaking not to tell. is surely ridiculous.

The 28 month old-instead of two- was also a nod to the fact it was just a bit of a joke.

So, it's not a lie-as @PlanDeRaccordement says because no-one was expected to take it seriously.

It’s really up to you to decide... plus you will need to deal with the parents of the kids who have been told by your kid that santa isn’t real?

realistically there will be kids in school with
a) older siblings
b) from other cultures that don't 'do' santa
c) from other cultures that don't celebrate christmas

Didn't do me any harm and I loved the magic. My ds seems unscathed at nearly 13 and we still put out stockings, milk and a cookie for Santa.