To consider telling my 2yo the truth about Father Christmas?

[owmn]

Basically, looking for a bit of advice and other’s experiences!

DD has just turned 2, and so has no concept as yet of Father Christmas, aside from some decorations we have that feature him.

I’ve been thinking about being honest with her from the get go, largely because the idea of her finding out we’ve lied to her for so long, years down the line, makes me a bit sad! But will she be missing out on part of the magic of Christmas? The tradition of writing a letter, leaving out mince pies and carrots, etc.

I also can’t figure out how to ensure she knows she’s very lucky to receive presents, and recognises her privilege, if she believes in Father Christmas. Do we tell her we’re lucky enough to be able to pay him?!

We won’t be telling her she has to behave for presents, only her stocking will come from him, and we’ll be making sure her letter asks him for things for others too, if we do go ahead.

If you have been honest with your LO, what have you replaced those kind of traditions with?

Genuinely never thought I’d have to give it this much consideration! 😂

I considered myself very lucky that I had parents prepared to create an entire world of magic and mystery every December, times which I have only the fondest and greatest memories of.

Absolutely. I feel this too.

yanbu
we never 'did' santa
we have a lot of relatives in europe where it's just not the done thing.

you know what?
christmas is still magic.

You can have fun and magic without peddling the lie of a fat man from the North Pole breaking into your house in the middle of the night to leave a pile of presents.

peddling the lie

As discussed, at length, the vast majority of people who experienced it don’t see it as this.

But of course you can have fun without it. Each to his own.

@Lostinacloud

Every year there are threads like this and I always wonder why the OP’s get so fixated on the lying part. I never once considered that my parents lied to me about the existence of Father Christmas. When I reached a natural age to work it out for myself and as I got older and understood more about the role of a parent I considered myself very lucky that I had parents prepared to create an entire world of magic and mystery every December, times which I have only the fondest and greatest memories of. I have tried to recreate the same for my own DC because it also enhances my own Christmas to see their excitement and happiness. At no point do I perceive retaining some harmless childhood fun for a few short years as deceitful or damaging.

Every year there are threads like this, and I always wonder why on earth the Santa Squad seem to get so shrill and defensive about other people choosing to do things differently? It always reminds me of some troops rallying desperately around the flag as the barbarian hordes come galloping in over the steppe -- only there aren't any barbarian hordes, only a minority of parents making different choices, which don't, in my experience, impact at all on others.

What is it that you feel is being stolen from you?

I mean, I honestly don't mind what you do about Christmas, or who brings the presents to your house, whether you observe Stirabout Sunday, whether you have an Elf on the Shelf, whether you have a giant light-up Santa on your lawn and exterior lights so bright they have confused passing 747s.

I wouldn’t, personally. The concept of Santa is magical. I absolutely loved it. Believed until I was about 9. As did all my friends.

@TheKeatingFive
Not sure it’s a vast majority who claim it is not a lie. Several posters on here have said that they felt betrayed and devastated when they found out they’d been lied to by their own parents about Father Christmas.

I remember asking my Mum very seriously if Father Christmas was real. I was in year 5 or 6 at school. She told me the truth, I guess she realised I was ready, and I was fine with it. Never felt upset that I had been lied to or anything like that.

My eldest is 4 and we do all the fun talk about Father Christmas coming down the chimney, filling stockings, all that stuff... We just sent him a letter with a list, actually. But I'm pretty sure he knows it's not REALLY real anyway. He makes comments about him not actually existing. Just like he loves playing dress up as superheroes but sometimes likes to point out that "spiderman isn't actually real you know? it's just a story". Doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy indulging in the fantasy though, which is the only thing that matters.

It's possible to have a magical Christmas without pushing the santa story.

Sometimes I think it's more about parents than anything else as there's some parents who seem to try really hard to invent evidence for Santa and seem traumatised at the thought that their 7 year old might work at out. Every year there's people claiming their 12 year old still genuinely believes because they do such a good job of maintaining the lie.

Santa is a nice christmas story and magic when they're small, and as they grow they can learn that everyone has a little bit of Santa's spirit, spirit of goodwill and so on.
For me it stops being a fun story and starts being a lie when the parents are being asked direct questions and rather than be honest, they lie and invent evidence to prove the lie.

Several posters on here have said that they felt betrayed and devastated

What, 3 or so? Who’ve flocked to a thread like this. Surprise surprise.

I’ve never come across a soul in real life.

What will you tell her to relieve her extreme disappointment - that it is all a huge commercial rip off?

What makes Christmas magical if you don't have Santa, and also aren't religious? It can be nice, and cosy, and wonderful but I'm not sure about magical.
Christmas was never the same once I stopped believing until I had my own children to make magic for.

TheKeatingFive
It probably depends on how the parents handled it. I don't feel traumatised by it because when I had questions my parents didn't bullshit me, I worked it out in my own time and when they confirmed it there was no shock or betrayal. Most people in my school knew santa wasn't real by around Year 4.

Meanwhile I read some Christmas posts on here where posters are way too overinvested in trying to sustain santa. They speak like without Santa the world at Christmas is bleak and their children will be crushed. I can entirely see how a child who has expressed doubts and questions, and their parents have gone to great lengths to deceive would find the reveal upsetting.

We do Santa and the Tooth-fairy but the kids also know it's a fun story. Just like they know that the fairy tales are fun stories. We see it more a a tradition than anything more serious. They still love waking up up and seeing what's in their stockings and we still have a look at the Santa tracker on Christmas Eve even though they know it's a story from a young age.

A few times the children haven't found anything from the Tooth fairy in the morning but then a pound coin has magically appeared which they didn't spot before. They know but play along with it!

Ignore everyone saying she will miss out on Christmas magic - this is complete and utter bollocks. Every year we have posters who are terrified that their about-to-start-high-school-dc are going to find out, and all the childhood magic will be gone .
Firstly, your child will come into contact with loads of kids who don't believe, either because they are from a different culture / religion / their parents never started that shit. And secondly, if the only way you can make Christmas magical is by lying about where the presents come from , then that is a sad refection on you and has fuck all to do with the real spirit of Christmas.

@LolaSmiles puts it perfectly.

The 25th December can be whatever we affluent people want it to be. Personally growing up in a hellish family, it was never magical.
If you have your health and you want to have a bit of fun, go ahead.
Try to keep a sense of proprtion.

@TheKeatingFive

Several posters on here have said that they felt betrayed and devastated

What, 3 or so? Who’ve flocked to a thread like this. Surprise surprise.

I’ve never come across a soul in real life.

What does that have to do with anything?

I've never met anyone traumatised by war or childhood sexual abuse. That doesn't mean that those people aren't out there, nor that we shouldn't try to prevent those traumas, no matter how rare they may be.

Nothing as an adult ever comes close to the magic of Father Christmas as a child. I see it now as a wonderful gift from my parents, that they gave us so many magical Christmas memories and the excitement of 'he's been' I still remember now.
I hear many parents saying that they should get the credit of giving the presents they've bought and wrapped which I find a bit selfish to be honest. I see the magic and excitement of FC as a gift that children remember for many more years than the tablet or doll or Lego set they got one year.
You can't avoid Father Christmas, no matter how hard you try and nursery/school usually reinforce it too. Until you've seen your child's reaction to the excitement, wonder and magic of FC I don't think you realise what it means to children.

You talk sense, WaltzforDebbie.

I can't say I felt betrayed by my parents for trying to get me to believe in Santa (I did about other things, later on), but what was upsetting was when I told my mother I didn't believe and she got annoyed about it. She was quite grumpy with me and I couldn't understand why, I was only small. I believed Father Christmas did not really exist and that was the truth so why was she so cross?

That made me think the entire myth is more about parents than children. I still think that and Mumsnet has brought it home to me more than ever.

I don't think that being 'lied' to about Father Christmas several decades ago has left me with any mental scars, nor has it harmed my children to whom I also "lied". Just unbutton OP, it's harmless fun not an major breach of the Ninth Commandment.

Honestly - the look on my children’s faces when they rush down on Christmas Day and look first to see if FC has eaten his mince pie is something I will treasure for my whole life. Unadulterated joy. No interest in presents at first, just ‘Has he been?’

That made me think the entire myth is more about parents than children. I still think that and Mumsnet has brought it home to me more than ever
Same here.
I'm increasingly convinced that the die hard 'but what about the magic for the children' frequently translates to 'I want to do something that gets an appropriate emotional reaction from my children so that I can feel good about myself as a parent'. Sort of like an emotion piggy bank that the children's response pays into. If the child responds in the correct way then the parent feels good but if the child doesn't respond how the parent wants then it's emotionally wounding for the parent.

It it was genuinely about magic for the children then parents would answer questions with kindness, not invent evidence to support the lie, and they'd certainly not be hysterical about their 11 year old child going to secondary school and having Christmas ruined for life.

i was always told the truth from the start couldnt give a crap really i just knew my parents bought my presents

"Several posters on here have said that they felt betrayed and devastated when they found out they’d been lied to by their own parents about Father Christmas."

If you're that easily devastated then you're a bit pathetic really.

I've never met anyone traumatised by war or childhood sexual abuse.

So now we’re comparing war/sex abuse to presents delivered by a jovial, generous mythical figure.

Sweet Jesus.

That’s peak mumsnet right there. Congratulations.