To consider telling my 2yo the truth about Father Christmas?

[owmn]

Basically, looking for a bit of advice and other’s experiences!

DD has just turned 2, and so has no concept as yet of Father Christmas, aside from some decorations we have that feature him.

I’ve been thinking about being honest with her from the get go, largely because the idea of her finding out we’ve lied to her for so long, years down the line, makes me a bit sad! But will she be missing out on part of the magic of Christmas? The tradition of writing a letter, leaving out mince pies and carrots, etc.

I also can’t figure out how to ensure she knows she’s very lucky to receive presents, and recognises her privilege, if she believes in Father Christmas. Do we tell her we’re lucky enough to be able to pay him?!

We won’t be telling her she has to behave for presents, only her stocking will come from him, and we’ll be making sure her letter asks him for things for others too, if we do go ahead.

If you have been honest with your LO, what have you replaced those kind of traditions with?

Genuinely never thought I’d have to give it this much consideration! 😂

there are many, many other ways of teaching children about those things

Of course.

I’m choosing to utilise this lovely tradition that has served my family for generations. Among other things, You do what you like.

without lying to them

As I’ve said before, not a lie. A mythical representation of a higher truth.

I think you should be honest with her OP.

And whilst you're at it, educate her on pensions, and make sure she knows that mummy and daddy will one day be absolutely definitely dead and never coming back. Also be clear that you should never tell white lies, and it's absolutely fine to comment on people's appearance in a negative way because you're being honest. Oh, and that she's spectacularly unlikely to achieve her hopes and dreams, and she will likely live an ordinary life and bicker with her significant other about the dishes.

If you're going to make honesty your benchmark, might as well take that to its logical conclusion.

Or, you could actually take the more mature route of understanding the nuances of life, including shades of truth, stages of development, and the joy of random and whimsy.

My son never believed in Santa and called me out on it before school age. I told him the truth and just asked him not to ruin it for other kids.

Or, you could actually take the more mature route of understanding the nuances of life, including shades of truth, stages of development, and the joy of random and whimsy.

But where’s the opportunity for superior, one dimensional wokeness there? Tsk.

My parents still haven’t confirmed Father Christmas isn’t real, and I’m 38

In the same breath, my mother announced she wasn’t doing stockings after a certain year because we were too old and she couldn’t be bothered, but also “Oh, no, of course he’s real”. No traumatic reveal of the lie or memory of the betrayal here!

@thecatsthecats

I think you should be honest with her OP.

And whilst you're at it, educate her on pensions, and make sure she knows that mummy and daddy will one day be absolutely definitely dead and never coming back. Also be clear that you should never tell white lies, and it's absolutely fine to comment on people's appearance in a negative way because you're being honest. Oh, and that she's spectacularly unlikely to achieve her hopes and dreams, and she will likely live an ordinary life and bicker with her significant other about the dishes.

If you're going to make honesty your benchmark, might as well take that to its logical conclusion.

Or, you could actually take the more mature route of understanding the nuances of life, including shades of truth, stages of development, and the joy of random and whimsy.

Why would you want to remove the experience of FC from your child's life? The way these things often turn out your dc will probably go completely overboard with FC when they have their own children to try and compensate for everything they missed out on. What child ever resents their parents for doing the whole FC experience?

There are ways of embracing Father Christmas without tying yourself up in a complete web of lies so that when they naturally find out, they don’t feel cheated and just see it as a bit of fun that makes Christmas more magical.

For example, we said (when questioned) that we thought the father christmases at grottos were Santa’s helpers (as it was blatantly obvious they all looked different). Only one present and stocking has ever been implied to be from FC (I,e one under the tree), the rest specifically labelled from us/family so they can show their gratitude/write thank you letters. We’ve let them lead it based on what others have told them and been fairly non-commital but gone along with it, booked Christmas events etc.

DD1 found out last year and it didn’t spoil anything, we explained it as being part of the magic of Christmas and to continue to enjoy the fun of it just as we do as adults.

If you tell your dc that young, it will make it incredibly hard for them when school friends are fully immersed in it and I think they will feel more cheated tbh. Let kids be kids.

@LadyFelsham

I was terribly shocked and livid when I found out that my parents had lied to me. It ruined our relationship because they had lied-truth was not important to them.

This has stayed with me to this day-the ease with which they lied- and I told my 28 month old the truth and he appreciated it hugely. He knows not to tell other children but is terribly sad that their parents lie

🤣🤣🤣

I haven't RTFT but please just wait for a few years when your child is being a pain in the arse and you can use Santa as a weapon to behave, it's amazing honestly- I know you say you don't want to, neither did I but then I said my kids would never eat sweets or watch TV before I had them!

@Hathertonhariden think you missed the point there did you read the last paragraph? (not that it’s even needed to get the sarcastic intent)

Think you are spoiling all the fun of Christmas if you do that,for you and for her!

Those that don't do 'make believe' have a real paucity of imagination.

It really isn't the end of the world for them to have a few brief years of Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy.

@Nanny0gg the whole point is that for many people on this thread, Santa is NOT presented as "make believe". It's presented as "believe believe." The actual truth.

Stocking from Father Christmas,presents under tree from relatives
Don’t spoil the magic ,it’s what makes childhood magical

Yes YABU. Do you hate your parents because they “lied” to you about Santa?! No? Thought not.
As far as I’m aware my dds don’t hate me for “lying” to them and I certainly didn’t hate my parents either.
FGS let her have a childhood. She’s 2!! What you going to start telling her. Global warming, natural disasters etc etc!
Why does someone come up with this crap every year?!

We’re a mixed family, with neither “half” celebrating Christmas. We do all the carol singing/going to admire decorations, and we put up a tree for Orthodox Christmas (in Jan, though the tree is up in early December). We haven’t told dd (3) anything. She has gleaned from elsewhere who FC is / what he represents. If she asks about presents we explain that some families celebrate Christmas with presents but she’s very lucky because she gets lots of presents for Hanukkah and New Year. I don’t think you necessarily need to do FC in a big way, but no need to have an overt conversation about his existence either imo.

Not read all the responses as I generally avoid these threads - I know I am a terrible 'ruiner of the magic of Christmas' however my kids 11, 9 and 2 all know that santa isn't real and have always known. I have observed that I have a different relationship with my kids to a lot of my friends / colleagues and I'm very honest about a lot of things which means I can't be doing with the lie about Santa.

Christmas is still super magical in our house. Letters to santa still get written, mince pies and carrots are still left out on Christmas eve, my husband still dresses up as santa to leave stockings on the end of the beds - but it's all done in a very 'nudge nudge wink wink' sort of way. Santa is a big family secret that we all pretend to believe in and I think it makes us closer as a family. Also, my kids started wanting to make and give xmas presents from a really young age because they realised all the people they loved were doing that for them. They have a real sense of gratitude for what they get.

I'm sure you've had 250 responses saying don't do it but for me I don't at all regret being honest with my kids. My parents did the same with me and I still love Christmas.

@Alexafrost

"We don't celebrate Christmas"

Why? Lack of interest? Or for religious reasons?

I honestly don't get the latter. I'm not Christian but then neither is Christmas really, certainly not in origin. I understand that some hard line Christians view Christmas as the puritans do, as a pagan festival with no Biblical precedent but generally it's more of a secular, cultural festival for most people and it's pagan roots and Christian affiliations can be largely ignored. Personally I'm happy to join in any religious or secular festival for a good jolly. There's little reason why you can't join in most of it if you're Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Jain, Jewish etc. etc.

Because I do not have any happy Christmas memories and no longer care enough to go out of my way to not upset people anymore or care about what they think to continue something I don't enjoy and don't believe in.

My children can join in as much as they want with any tradition with their friends or at school. When they've been asked, we've coached them to say that we just don't celebrate it and they get their presents at New Year's, birthdays, and Children's Day in June (because with kids and also some adults, the main worry has been making sure they get gifts). They can expand on our holidays, but I don't want them to feel pressured to justify their father's and my choice on what we don't do. As I tell them, we don't need people to understand, don't even really need people to respect it, just as long as people aren't nasty about it.

I've met a lot of people who when they've found out I don't do Christmas say things like "Oh, I'd love to not to Christmas but..." normally relatives who would be upset. Now, they might just be saying that to be social, and I just tell them I hear that a lot and we sympathize over how early Christmas music and tat shows up in shops or similar Christmas based frustration. I think there are more than a few people who don't find Christmas a good jolly, but keep up the pretense because we're told we should enjoy this. It can be a very stressful, sad time of year that Christmas as it is isn't solving for some.

It doesn't change that a toddler shouldn't have traditional stories debunked for them for some sort of ethical ideal, just as toddlers shouldn't be expected to justify their parents' tradition choice (which I have seen happen, literally asking barely verbal little ones why their parents did or didn't do something at Christmas in front of the parents as a way to guilt them, nasty and weird).

I think you don't have to tell or not tell in our house we don't really do xmas (different religion) but DDs still like Father Xmas and the decorations in the street. FC doesn't need to bring them presents for them to enjoy his figure.

Well I just told mine that Father Christmas is a nice story for children. I didn't lie, and I didn't say he's not real either. When explicitly asked, I just say it's a nice story for children.

@blubberball

Well I just told mine that Father Christmas is a nice story for children. I didn't lie, and I didn't say he's not real either. When explicitly asked, I just say it's a nice story for children.

That is fair and true. Exactly what I did and there were no problems.

@Leannethom85

Come on seriously... When u were a child did u not get up crack of dawn and run down stairs to check if santas been, then run and wake up your mum and dad excited and hurry them up so you could open presents? Then why deprive your little one of something so magical...

Yes, I did. So does my kid. How the presents got there is irrelevant to his excitement. He’s still waking up on Christmas morning to find presents under the tree that weren’t there when he went to bed.

I mean, if she has no idea, why does she need to be told anything? Do you explain every storybook or show is fake? Do you go into detail about no ethical consumption in capitalism and global poverty with every gift? This is really no different to telling any other fairy story and then acting it out for fun, other than millions of other people are doing it alongside you with their own different variations. For some, he's coming in two days for the Feast of Saint Nicholas. It's all about how you want to connect with the tradition - if at all, it is optional even with Christmas - but there is no need to be explaining this to a toddler.

^^This

cocomarine I did understand it - I was laughing at the sarcasm which was difficult to miss.

We’ve never “done” Santa at all and my children have always known it’s not real. They’re fine.