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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider telling my 2yo the truth about Father Christmas?

492 replies

owmn · 04/12/2020 08:47

Basically, looking for a bit of advice and other’s experiences!

DD has just turned 2, and so has no concept as yet of Father Christmas, aside from some decorations we have that feature him.

I’ve been thinking about being honest with her from the get go, largely because the idea of her finding out we’ve lied to her for so long, years down the line, makes me a bit sad! But will she be missing out on part of the magic of Christmas? The tradition of writing a letter, leaving out mince pies and carrots, etc.

I also can’t figure out how to ensure she knows she’s very lucky to receive presents, and recognises her privilege, if she believes in Father Christmas. Do we tell her we’re lucky enough to be able to pay him?!

We won’t be telling her she has to behave for presents, only her stocking will come from him, and we’ll be making sure her letter asks him for things for others too, if we do go ahead.

If you have been honest with your LO, what have you replaced those kind of traditions with?

Genuinely never thought I’d have to give it this much consideration! 😂

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 04/12/2020 12:14

"What most people on this thread call the "magic" is actually their own pleasure at watching little kids be deluded. It's for the parents' sake and it would be great if someone would actually admit this."

I don't have children. It was magic FOR ME!
I remember my great aunt used to claim she'd seen the sleigh on her way over to the family Christmas and I used to get so excited.

Gigheimer · 04/12/2020 12:15

And please don’t make Santa into an Amazon delivery driver!! Better not to do it at all than pretend magic is paid for by your cash.

noirchatsdeux · 04/12/2020 12:16

My mother told me in a narcissistic hissy fit when I was 5. I started school the next month and promptly told my whole class. I was never popular after that.

Sirzy · 04/12/2020 12:17

@Gigheimer

And please don’t make Santa into an Amazon delivery driver!! Better not to do it at all than pretend magic is paid for by your cash.
What’s wrong with children knowing parents work with Santa to pay for the presents?

That was how Santa was for me and it was still very magical

BlueCheckedTeatowel · 04/12/2020 12:17

my DC "know" but we have never talked about it. its never been an issue. they just reached a tween age where they would laugh and roll their eyes when i asked them what they wanted from santa. maybe the odd "we know" comment, which i bat away with "well i dont, so keep your opinions to yourself or he may not come. want to risk it?" and they laugh. never been traumatised etc.

we have visited lapland in iceland when they were younger and also many grottos and left mince pies out etc and they are some of our happiest memories so i would have been so sad to not have those.

Bec1710 · 04/12/2020 12:17

Yabu!! I have a son who is about to turn 2 soon and this year (it's his third Christmas) it just feels so magical! The other day we showed him a personalised video with Santa saying his name and the look on his face was just something else. As a child I used to get so so excited and I am just delighted that he is starting to feel the same despite being only two.

As an adult now I don't feel angry about being lied too, I just remember how special it was as a child and can't wait to be involved in making the magic for my son as it makes Christmas as an adult a million times better when you get to be Santa!!

Natsku · 04/12/2020 12:17

They only believe for so long and once it’s figured out Christmas just isn’t quite the same.

Well that may be why they would do this. Christmas had the same magic and excitement for me throughout childhood and teenage years because there was no change from finding out the truth as it was all I knew from the start.

fungussingstheblues · 04/12/2020 12:18

I don't have children. It was magic FOR ME!

Christmas is no less magical just because you're not fed wholesale the Santa story as truth.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 04/12/2020 12:18

I’ve been thinking about being honest with her from the get go, largely because the idea of her finding out we’ve lied to her for so long, years down the line, makes me a bit sad! But will she be missing out on part of the magic of Christmas? The tradition of writing a letter, leaving out mince pies and carrots, etc.

In my house Father Christmas is an embodiment of generosity and sharing, and I haven't ever seen him myself but if other people think they have who am I to argue. So there is no harm in leaving out carrots and mince pies for the reindeer, or indeed picking up the parcel of pyjamas and new toothbrush which he leaves on the doorstep on his way south on Christmas Eve (which encourages little ones to brush their teeth and go to bed)

You need to understand the difference betweeen a story/ tradition/ myth which children will gradually understand and value for what it is as they grow up, and a lie. Coping with a bit of disappointment when they find out it is not the literal truth is part of growing up. Unless your DC has autism of course in which case they may not be able to cope.

CatholicKidston · 04/12/2020 12:19

@LadyFelsham

I was terribly shocked and livid when I found out that my parents had lied to me. It ruined our relationship because they had lied-truth was not important to them.

This has stayed with me to this day-the ease with which they lied- and I told my 28 month old the truth and he appreciated it hugely. He knows not to tell other children but is terribly sad that their parents lie

OMG Xmas GrinXmas GrinXmas Grin hope you and your 28 month old have a wonderful Christmas
Gemma888 · 04/12/2020 12:21

If I didn’t get a cookie/mince pie to fight my husband for on Christmas Eve, I would not be happy!

No way would I deprive them of that magic. It is literally the only lie over ever told my kids I can think of, so I kind of get your point, but I think by the time they get there, they will understand the concept of a white lie.

CheetasOnFajitas · 04/12/2020 12:24

@Natsku

They only believe for so long and once it’s figured out Christmas just isn’t quite the same.

Well that may be why they would do this. Christmas had the same magic and excitement for me throughout childhood and teenage years because there was no change from finding out the truth as it was all I knew from the start.

Often by the time the penny drops the child quite enjoys being considered grown up enough to be let in on the secret. I’m not sure it massively devalues Christmas for the majority of people. Just because the odd person may have felt this doesn’t my make it something worth worrying about.
Ratatcat · 04/12/2020 12:25

CatholicKidston Surely that’s a piss take? I can’t imagine anyone being so joyless with a 2 year old.

TheKeatingFive · 04/12/2020 12:27

To look at it a different way, we tell lies to our children all the time.

Darling, what a fabulous junk art creation.

Oh course you’ll be a astronaut when you grow up.

These are lies told with good intention. Santa is the similar. I’m not sure when we decided that rigid honestly in all circumstances is the ideal approach with children. I can’t say I agree.

Skyr2 · 04/12/2020 12:32

@caperplips
Your Christmas sounds exactly like my experience, I could not imagine it any other way.

fungussingstheblues · 04/12/2020 12:33

To look at it a different way, we tell lies to our children all the time.

*Darling, what a fabulous junk art creation.

Oh course you’ll be a astronaut when you grow up.

These are lies told with good intention. Santa is the similar. I’m not sure when we decided that rigid honestly in all circumstances is the ideal approach with children. I can’t say I agree.*

@TheKeatingFive it's different. Actively creating an entire narrative about a fictional person and his abilities that have no basis in reality is a world apart from saving a child's feelings by not being brutally honest.

Cocomarine · 04/12/2020 12:33

Has there been a single person, ever, damaged by the discovery that their parent followed a cultural norm in lying about the existence of Father Christmas?

fungussingstheblues · 04/12/2020 12:33

Bold fail!

pipnchops · 04/12/2020 12:34

I do know what you mean but then i think of how magical it all was believing in it all when I was a child. I don't remember being devastated when I found out it wasn't real, in fact I really enjoyed keeping the magic alive for my younger sibling. It's a lie but in my opinion it's worth it and they'll forgive us I'm sure!

TheKeatingFive · 04/12/2020 12:35

it's different. Actively creating an entire narrative about a fictional person and his abilities that have no basis in reality is a world apart from saving a child's feelings

Yes it is different. Plenty of people have talked about how it teaches a much bigger truth about the love, kindness and generosity in the world.

It serves a higher purpose.

LimitIsUp · 04/12/2020 12:35

Yes tell her the truth from right off the bat. Firstly there is no Father Christmas, followed by Christmas is a celebration of blatant consumerism / materialism and round off with a discussion on climate change. Good job.

TheKeatingFive · 04/12/2020 12:37

Has there been a single person, ever, damaged by the discovery that their parent followed a cultural norm in lying about the existence of Father Christmas?

In real life, I’ve never come across anyone.

There’s the odd one on here, but it’s fairly obvious that the problem wasn’t really Santa.

fungussingstheblues · 04/12/2020 12:37

@TheKeatingFive there are many, many other ways of teaching children about those things without lying to them.

TheKeatingFive · 04/12/2020 12:38

Firstly there is no Father Christmas, followed by Christmas is a celebration of blatant consumerism / materialism and round off with a discussion on climate change. Good job.

Maximum Mumsnet woke points. Nice one.

Crystal87 · 04/12/2020 12:39

Why have kids at all if you're going to be like this? I don't get parents like you. Not everything in life has to have a lesson behind it. Some things are just for fun.

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