AIBU to be embarrassed to pass on a gift to my family?

[Twillow]

Prepares self to be shot down in flames...

I have received an xmas gift for my whole family from a relative. What's embarassing about it is that it is sooo cheap - think poundshop and damaged/regifted items!
There is a bit of history about gift-giving which I won't go into.
I love these people very much and they are close members of my small and dwindling family.
Maybe they really don't like me as much as I like them, I don't know.
But I just think my own family is going to laugh when they open it. I don't want them to dislike these people! AIBU to buy something else and keep schtum?

I think you just need some reassurance that it’s fine to do whatever you need to do to protect feelings all round. It is fine.

I don’t think we can tell you how.

@Quaagars

How do you know what the gift is?

You sound very materialistic and ungrateful OP - I was always taught to thank people for a gift, any gift at all - this is a great opportunity to teach your kids that it’s the thought the counts no matter what the gift is and to be thankful that someone’s given something no matter what it is

This, and same.
Always been taught myself to thank for a gift, it's the thought that counts etc and have done so to my kids as well.
I'd be more ashamed of my family if they laughed or looked down on a present or deemed it from the wrong "type" of shop than anything else to be honest!

I will, of course, be thanking them and not raising a fuss - should have said that before! Though ironically the gift giver has NEVER been known to thank people for gifts, used to really upset my parents. SO maybe it is just lack of thought.

No I wouldn’t. Give if to the person and warn the the gift giver is lovely but rather odd with gifts.

I hate these threads. Just tell us what the gift is otherwise its impossible to judge. If its a nice photo frame from the pound shop, then it's the lovely thought that counts. If its a pack of sandpaper then yeah, very unthoughtful. Its so hard without knowing.

I really don’t understand the need for people who don’t know each other well to exchange presents. I don’t even exchange presents with my siblings because otherwise Christmas can end up costing hundreds of pounds. Personally I’d rather have nothing or a box of Maltesers than be gifted an item so far from my taste which then becomes something I have to either house or dispose of ( and feel bad about). I’ve still got items like that from my wedding. I’m not talking something a bit wonky that someone’s made like the hand knitted jumper mentioned above but a crappy something from a pound shop. There’s already far too much crap circulating - no one needs anymore.

Your family may view the gift differently from you and may help you change your very negative view of it. It's not your place to try to protect the gift-giver from embarrassment.

Unless they bought a side of lamb for a family of vegans, your response is ott. (and even if they did buy lamb for vegans - the vegans still deserve to know someone bought them lamb) Stop trying to micro-manage the gift-giver and your family. It's not your responsibility.

@ShellsandSand

I hate these threads. Just tell us what the gift is otherwise its impossible to judge. If its a nice photo frame from the pound shop, then it's the lovely thought that counts. If its a pack of sandpaper then yeah, very unthoughtful. Its so hard without knowing.

I'm sorry, I really wouldn't want to hurt them. Let's say go with photo frame from the pound shop, with the caveat that we are a family who don't display photos but do use a lot of sandpaper

Sorry OP. No point asking advice with 10% of the info.

Coffee for Mormons?
Scarves for nudists?

Laughing, and getting uptight about cheap presents, is truly awful. If you are that bothered about this, you should tell the gift givers to not buy you anything at all, and save them the hassle of even thinking about you.

@HarryIrving there is a surveys section on MN. I've reported your post and MNHQ should delete it here and move it to the correct section. Or, in the meantime, you can search for the surveys section and start a new thread there with your survey.

@allTheCrowsHaveEyes
Thank you, I wasn't sure what that was!

Have they normally got you better gifts? From your last post, they sound like they just don't put much store on gift giving.
Personally, I love finding the right present for the right person, but many find it a chore and aren't invested in it. They just give out of expectation.

I’m not flaming you - I know someone who’s grandmother used to buy them plug sockets and give them used tea towels. They weren’t greedy but it made them feel uncared for by their grandmother and frankly it was representative of the fact she was an old witch.

@HarryIrving please note that surveys are only allowed within this section:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/surveys_students_non_profits_and_start_ups

You say they are in similar income to yourself. Do you know their personal finances, chances are you don't. Couples even hide finances from each other.

They could be hugely indebt and used what little they have left to buy you and your family presents for Christmas.

Some people may seem like they are well off and have a lifestyle that appears that way too but everything is not always what it seems.

Remember the true meaning of Christmas

Just give it, if it's for kids snap a photo and send it as a thank you then bin or donate. I doubt the family member cares as much as you do.

I have a friend who send the mist awful gifts to my kids- including handmade items for extra pressure. I just get the kids to smoke holding it and send it with a thank you then bin or donate.

We had has the classic oddball great aunt who used to give the weirdest gifts, she'd been a book binder in her younger days and wrapped gifts like she was binding a novel... the disappointment of spending an hour opening a box to find biscuits that went out of date 8 years before is still fresh.

If it was wrapped you wouldn’t know. Just hand it over saying who it’s from.

Do they have form for giving crap presents ? What have your other presents been like from this family member ?
Assuming it isn’t a passive aggressive attempt to humiliate you, Could you not just make it into a bit of a family joke. You don’ t have to be a dotty aunt to give odd presents.

@majesticallyawkward
YABU to get the kids to smoke just for a thank-you photo

I get you op. It's perfectly possible to buy a thoughtful gift, that makes the giver and the receiver feel good, without spending a fortune. It always feels a bit shit when you are given something that's obviously regifted, unless you know the giver is on the bones of their arse.

I always give food. I'm awash with tins of biscuits to wrap here (Waitrose half price - a fiver!)

[quote Twillow]@majesticallyawkward
YABU to get the kids to smoke just for a thank-you photo [/quote]
Is it fags?!

You’ve said you’re upset that it doesn’t seem thoughtful or personal; but you won’t tell us what it is because it’s “outing” - so it can’t be something generic that you give to somebody when you just have to get them a present and can’t really be bothered (toiletries, chocolates etc) - some care and thought must therefore have gone into it, even if you can’t quite work out what thoughts they were or why they were being thought.