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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's only a fiver but..........

173 replies

Taikoo · 03/12/2020 11:49

I'm being an arse maybe, but anyway.....

A few weeks back, I helped a friend, let's call her Jane, to move flat.
Went to her place at about 5:30pm after work on a Friday, expecting her to be ready to go move then. She said she'd be ready to go at 5:30pm.
She wasn't ready. No problem. I waited about 90 minutes until she was ready.
Another friend, I'll call her Bella, joined us to help Jane move, in the meantime.

We helped Jane to bring her heavy suitcases and other stuff down the stairs, in the lift and out to the building entrance to wait for the taxis.
Jane had booked two taxis.
She was moving from one furnished flat to another so we didn't have to hump furniture, luckily.

Jane took the first taxi and some of her stuff to the new flat.
Me and Bella waited 30 minutes more for taxi number 2 and took ourselves and the rest of Jane's stuff to her new place.
It took about 30 minutes to get to the new flat.
We live in a very large city.

I paid the equivalent of 5 pounds when we got near the flat. The taxi could not enter the housing compound and drive right to Jane's flat. And we couldn't find Jane's flat anyway as we had never been there before.
So me and Bella got out on the street, took the stuff to Jane's flat and I presumed that Jane would pay me back. Jane came out on the street to find us.

We had been promised food for giving up our Friday evening to help Jane move. She said she'd get takeaway.
Two other friends turned up and one of them had brought milkshakes and 5 little boxes of french fries and cheese dip, which were stone cold.
No other food was forthcoming. Jane didn't offer us anything.

By 9pm, Jane was making signs that she was tired so us 4 all headed off home. I was starving so I went to my favourite burger place for food at about 9:30pm.

A few days later, I Whatsapped Jane and asked her for the money back. She said she give it to me but she hasn't yet.
We work in the same place.
I see her a lot.
It's now two weeks later.

Will I ask her one more time for my money tomorrow, or not?
It's not much money, only a fiver, but i'm annoyed because i gave up my Friday evening to help her and now i'm down a fiver.
And I don't think it's her right to expect me to pay for her taxi after we've helped her move.

OP posts:
Nameandgamechange123 · 03/12/2020 16:21

I hate it when stuff like this happens. You were a dutiful friend. You kept your end of the bargain-Jane did not. Jane also should have said a big thank you at the very least.
I would also let the fiver go but not offer to help again in the future.

twoshedsjackson · 03/12/2020 16:30

Jane may find, in the long run, that £5 was a poor bargain if it becomes apparent to her friends and colleagues that she has "form". The time may come when she really needs help, and is met with merry cries of "come off it, what about last time?", or "that reminds me, I'd forgotten about that fiver I lent you!"

Heyahun · 03/12/2020 17:02

its not about the fiver though - it's about helping her, giving up your whole bloody friday and she doesn't even buy you a take away

id be well pissed off

Lifetheuniverseandeverything · 03/12/2020 17:51

Best £5 you ever spent if it means she won’t rip you off for more in the future. Or she’s broke and too embarrassed to tell you she couldn’t afford to pay for your transport and meal to help her move.

Sceptre86 · 03/12/2020 18:04

I wouldn't bother asking for the fiver but wouldn't make myself so readily available when she needs help doing things. I think it is more shoddy that she didn't think to feed you tbh. She could have ordered you lot a pizza at the very least.

Blibbyblobby · 03/12/2020 18:21

There are plenty of reasonable explanations for Jane being a bit of a CF about food and taxis on the day when she was busy with the move and maybe dealing with various unexpected problems.

None of those reasons still apply when OP asked for her money back and Jane responded with anything other thing "oh shit! Oh my god, I totally forgot. Let me sort it right now. I don't have cash on me but I can go to the bank at lunch or do a bank transfer or pay pal right now, which is best for you?"

She didn't, and that's the point she becomes undeniably a CF.

GirlInterrupted · 03/12/2020 19:42

Sorry guys, I had a shitty day and shouldn't have commented, I don't usually comment, so not sure what came over me. I'm not Jane by the way, I am actually just like OP and give, give, give, too much sometimes! I understand what people are saying about disrespect, I just feel differently, I get a lot more than money out of my friendships, and that's why it wouldn't really bother me.. But in saying that, a 50 would bug the hell out of me!

rainkeepsfallingdown · 03/12/2020 23:28

I wouldn't ask a friend for a fiver back, unless I was in dire financial straits. However, it doesn't sound like Jane is actually a friend, so that's not the same thing. She's also acknowledged she owes you money.

Ask again, and don't do her any more favours. Save the favours for people who actually like you and respect you.

VeganCow · 04/12/2020 08:13

@cleanasawhistle

It might only be a £5 but OP was promised food also.

Reminds me of the time my sister asked if I could take something to her house....15 min drive.She would sort some lunch out too.

So I get there and there are two french bread pizzas in the oven.
She plates one up,gets and drink and sits and eats it in front of me.
Then she gets the other out.
I thought maybe she had put them in at different times so now mine was ready.....she sits back down and eats that one also.
I didnt even get offered a drink .
Should have learnt my lesson after the buffet saga lol

Bloody hell!
Original poster
Taikoo · 04/12/2020 11:48

@RaptorInaPorkPieHat

Does your work do a secret santa? God I hope you get her...

Just written in a card "I forgive your debt"

That would be glorious and not at all passive aggressive Grin

Yes - we are doing Secret Santa but there are at least 60 staff at work. I'll be amazed if I pull her name out of the hat, but it would be hilarious if that happened. Usually, I get someone I barely know.
OP posts:
twinmum2007 · 04/12/2020 17:33

I would be mortified if I had forgotten to pay a friend back who gave up their time to help me move house. Plus, not rewarding them with food when food had been promised. I'm not saying that's why you helped, but it send the message that she believes your time isn't a precious as hers (also the message sent when she kept you hanging around). If you like her then I'd let it go but be aware that she's a CF. Or, to be charitable (Christmas etc) she has CF tendencies.

EyesOpening · 04/12/2020 17:53

@WinterWhore

You dont sound like friends Confused I'd never ever ask my friend for £5 back but that's upto you I guess. You helped her and it was like you wanted rewarding for helping? If you are friends you should want to help out. You sound so petty and I seriously envy your life if this is all you have to worry about.
No, they don’t sound like friends - because Jane would have been forthcoming with reimbursing OP for the cost of moving Jane’s stuff! That’s reimbursement not reward, as you’ve put it. Not to mention the promised food. It could be that Jane was stressed over moving or is a big short due to a deposit, but again if Jane is friends enough to enlist OPs help, she should be friends enough to explain
DreamTheMoors · 04/12/2020 18:01

@WinterWhore

You dont sound like friends Confused I'd never ever ask my friend for £5 back but that's upto you I guess. You helped her and it was like you wanted rewarding for helping? If you are friends you should want to help out. You sound so petty and I seriously envy your life if this is all you have to worry about.
@WinterWhore

Seriously? @NaughtipussMaximus did her friend a solid. Why should she pay for her friend’s moving expenses on top of helping her move?
Your logic is off kilter, but your username is spot on.

EyesOpening · 04/12/2020 18:01

@twilightermummy

*lazyarse123*

I'm sure that moving house is known to be one of the most stressful events that a person can go through...second to a divorce I think. I may have read that a long time ago before a pandemic came along! I've certainly found moving stressful in the past anyway haha!
I do think a show of appreciation is needed by the friend in whatever form that may be though. More than a poxy fiver.

I’m not sure that a move that can be done in two taxis was the kind of house move they were thinking of
FelicisNox · 04/12/2020 18:12

YANBU because it's not the money, it's the principle and if she still hasn't paid you back she clearly doesn't have any principles. The liklihood is, the more you go on about it, the more likely she is to spin you as a mealy mouthed witch.

Let it go (as it's just a fiver) but mentally file it away and the next time she asks for anything whether it be your help or more money just say "sorry but after the last time I'm not volunteering time or money again" and stand firm.

I would also put her WAY down your friends list because she's unreliable at best and dishonest at worst.

Ken1976 · 04/12/2020 18:15

I would have ordered and paid for takeaway for whoever fancied it , never mind forget about a£5 for a taxi . It’s a one off . Who provided the necessary wine ?

altiara · 04/12/2020 18:16

It is the principle, as she’ll just do it again and again because she can. If she’d actually bought you a takeaway and thanked you, then the £5 wouldn’t be a big deal.

Rachand23 · 04/12/2020 18:17

Lesson learnt and you probably got off cheaply! Find other friends who know the meaning of the word! Good luck

Lovaduck74 · 04/12/2020 18:44

I just wouldn't help her again

Nearly47 · 04/12/2020 18:46

The thing I found the worst is that she didn't feed you and the other people helping her out until 9pm. She should have ordered something nice as a thank you.

valleyplaza · 04/12/2020 19:01

When I read things like this, it brings back horrible memories of a time when a fiver was a huge amount of cash to me. I'm sure there are many people out there who think I'm a CF because I would not be able to chip in a fiver here and there for birthdays/ retirements etc and would seem like I was making a fuss over a shared bill as I had consciously chosen the cheapest thing on the menu and drank one glass of wine. I can feel the embarrassment just thinking about it. Seeming mean was more tolerable than people knowing I had no money. I always assume someone like Jane is in the same situation, and would be mortified if OP knew.

Bebethany · 04/12/2020 19:12

It’s so annoying when this happens as the longer and wider impact is that you’ll hesitate to offer a hand to anyone else? Screw her and acknowledge your the better person.

Crapbuttrue · 04/12/2020 19:17

@GirlInterrupted Really? It's not about the fiver. Fuck, if my mates helped me move house I'd be falling over myself. Massive takeaway and unlimited booze.

GrannyRoberts · 04/12/2020 19:17

Honestly? It's £5! If I were Jane I would make sure to pay it back but I actually think most of my friends would refuse it. It certainly wouldn't occur to me to expect it back if I were in your position. As for giving up your evening... Isn't that the kind of thing friends do for one another? Maybe I'm living in a parallel universe but I can't believe you and other posters are so grudging about this!

Passenger42 · 04/12/2020 19:20

I don’t agree with all these people saying let it go.. £5 is £5 at the end of the day. Wonder how many other people she has scrounged off. I would embarrass the money out of her and ask for it in front of her work colleagues for it back and pick up her handbag and tell her to get her purse out or go for a drink, order a wine and say it’s her shout as she owes you £5. These types rely on others being to timid to demand the money.

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