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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's only a fiver but..........

173 replies

Taikoo · 03/12/2020 11:49

I'm being an arse maybe, but anyway.....

A few weeks back, I helped a friend, let's call her Jane, to move flat.
Went to her place at about 5:30pm after work on a Friday, expecting her to be ready to go move then. She said she'd be ready to go at 5:30pm.
She wasn't ready. No problem. I waited about 90 minutes until she was ready.
Another friend, I'll call her Bella, joined us to help Jane move, in the meantime.

We helped Jane to bring her heavy suitcases and other stuff down the stairs, in the lift and out to the building entrance to wait for the taxis.
Jane had booked two taxis.
She was moving from one furnished flat to another so we didn't have to hump furniture, luckily.

Jane took the first taxi and some of her stuff to the new flat.
Me and Bella waited 30 minutes more for taxi number 2 and took ourselves and the rest of Jane's stuff to her new place.
It took about 30 minutes to get to the new flat.
We live in a very large city.

I paid the equivalent of 5 pounds when we got near the flat. The taxi could not enter the housing compound and drive right to Jane's flat. And we couldn't find Jane's flat anyway as we had never been there before.
So me and Bella got out on the street, took the stuff to Jane's flat and I presumed that Jane would pay me back. Jane came out on the street to find us.

We had been promised food for giving up our Friday evening to help Jane move. She said she'd get takeaway.
Two other friends turned up and one of them had brought milkshakes and 5 little boxes of french fries and cheese dip, which were stone cold.
No other food was forthcoming. Jane didn't offer us anything.

By 9pm, Jane was making signs that she was tired so us 4 all headed off home. I was starving so I went to my favourite burger place for food at about 9:30pm.

A few days later, I Whatsapped Jane and asked her for the money back. She said she give it to me but she hasn't yet.
We work in the same place.
I see her a lot.
It's now two weeks later.

Will I ask her one more time for my money tomorrow, or not?
It's not much money, only a fiver, but i'm annoyed because i gave up my Friday evening to help her and now i'm down a fiver.
And I don't think it's her right to expect me to pay for her taxi after we've helped her move.

OP posts:
triceratops12 · 03/12/2020 12:48

Am I a pushover? It wouldn't even occur to me to ask for it back and I am particularly hard up at the minute

CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/12/2020 12:52

I would ask myself why I was so pissed off about a fiver That's waht she is relying on! Just a fiver... not the time and effort given to her by more than one person!

Writing it off as 'just a fiver' is what users like her rely on. And wet lettuces cave into!

StillCoughingandLaughing · 03/12/2020 12:53

If you don't get it back, consider it worth the price to find out that she isn't a friend at all.

Absolutely. It’s not £5 lost - it’s £5 paid to find out she isn’t a good friend.

Plmoknijb123 · 03/12/2020 12:54

Ask for it back! If it’s ‘only’ £5 then it shouldn’t be an issue for her right?!

NotTerfNorCis · 03/12/2020 12:57

It sounds like she was taking advantage, and the missing money is just the straw on the camel's back.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 03/12/2020 12:59

You dont sound like friends Confused I'd never ever ask my friend for £5 back but that's upto you I guess. You helped her and it was like you wanted rewarding for helping? If you are friends you should want to help out.

Of course people want to help out their friends - but they don’t want to pay for the privilege. What was the ‘reward’ the OP expected? The takeaway? It’s not like she said ‘I’ll do it if you buy me this’ - Jane offered, as she bloody well should have, and then didn’t follow through. Moving is a pain in the arse - the least you can do for someone who’s helped you out is treat them to a takeaway as a thank you.

The Janes of this world thrive on being able to cry, ‘But I’m your fwend!’ if expected to cough up for anything.

HuggedTheRedwoods · 03/12/2020 12:59

YANBU, but realistically it sounds like she has no intention of repaying you and is a bit of a user.

You've seen her colours the hard way but I'd consider it a well spent £5 lesson learned to never give/lend her time or money ever again.

Othering · 03/12/2020 13:02

"Hi Jane".

Don't be ridiculous. People are allowed a different opinion.

NoPainNoTartine · 03/12/2020 13:03

You dont sound like friends confused I'd never ever ask my friend for £5 back but that's upto you I guess. You helped her and it was like you wanted rewarding for helping? If you are friends you should want to help out. Confused

you sound like one of the CF

Simplyunacceptable · 03/12/2020 13:03

I’d personally write the fiver off and never help her out again. I think I’d be more seething about the food situation than the fiver for the taxi. She promised you food that didn’t materialise and left you hungry as a result. The least she could have done was feed you after giving up an evening for her.

I know moving house is stressful but moving from one furnished flat to another as a single person is probably the easiest moving could ever be.

Cocomarine · 03/12/2020 13:04

£5 is nowhere near enough for a 30 minute taxi journey in the UK. You say you’re not in Europe, so it would be helpful to have some idea what £5 is worth where you are.

She absolutely owes you £5, no doubt about that. But I wouldn’t chase a work colleague too aggressively for UK value of £5 if I thought it would cause me issues at work. Even though it’s not petty, there’s a risky of it seeming that way - and I wouldn’t expect colleagues to back me if they heard about it. I don’t mean you’d actually have colleagues involved in the debt collection! Just that feeling of goodwill and who sides with whom, potentially. However, if the £5 spending value is more like £40 (which is what I paid for my last 30 minutes taxi) then I’d be more likely to push it - it doesn’t seem petty and I’d expect everyone to side with you.

AliceinBunniland · 03/12/2020 13:05

@Othering

"Hi Jane".

Don't be ridiculous. People are allowed a different opinion.

Your original comment was a bit silly. These "if that's all you have to worry about..." comments are ignorant and presumptions. Just because OP is annoyed about this doesn't mean she has nothing else going on in life and many people would feel a bit rubbish if they felt used.
Kaliorphic · 03/12/2020 13:08

No I wouldn't bother to ask for it back unless you need it. I would however let it serve as a reminder of what she's like as a person.

Crinkle77 · 03/12/2020 13:12

@GirlInterrupted

Confused 5 pound, really? If that's your biggest problem.... Let it go, she might help you one day when you need a friend
It's the principle though. There's loads of people who will borrow money and are then reluctant to pay it back. Then you feel guilty having to ask for your money only to he made out to being an arse when you do ask for it. If I borrow money I always pay it back when I say I will but there are too many CF's out there who are happy to borrow with no intention of paying back.
RedskyAtnight · 03/12/2020 13:14

@stayathomer

Sorry but I was coming on to say close to what winterwhore said. Are you actually friends? You sound total opposites- she was moving and you expected her to be ready to go but moving is a bloody huge thing which does end up with delays all over the place, she should have known you were the type to want to be ready to go and not asked you. I hate the people on mn that assume because people are scary as some of us are, that we are CF or out for all we can get, some people's are just not as tuned in as the ultra organised, highly etiquette savvy people you are, and if you know them well and see other qualities you like enough to be friends then you have to be ready to accept that. You sound too bitter about it all for you to actually like her. I'd say let it all drift off
I hate people who expect others to dance on their every whim and don't consider how this impacts them.

Yes, moving causes delays, but the friend would have realised this before OP arrived and could have let her know that she wasn't ready and could she come later, rather than letting her arrive and hang about aimlessly.

If you promise you'll get takeaway as a thank you for people who put themselves out and spend most of their day helping you, then you jolly well get a takeaway! You reimburse them for any expenses incurred without them asking. It's nothing to do with being ultra organised, highly etiquette savvy people - it's just about being a decent human being to people who've helped you out and are meant to be your friends.

I agree with others who say to drop the friend who is only interested in what she can get out of the friendship. If she can't even pay back a fiver when asked, it's highly unlikely she'll put herself out to help OP if she needs it.

Meowchickameowmeow · 03/12/2020 13:15

I wouldn't give a fiver a second thought.

Harrisismyparadise · 03/12/2020 13:18

I want to live there. A 30 min taxi that costs £5?

Cocomarine · 03/12/2020 13:18

@Harrisismyparadise

I want to live there. A 30 min taxi that costs £5?
Yes, but if you’re only paid £10 a day, you might not want to live there!
VeganCow · 03/12/2020 13:19

bloody hell. If I was Jane and hadn't thought about the taxi fare on moving day due to the chaos, I would be embarrassed at the first reminder from you and give you a tenner right there and then. Immediately. And if I had no cash I would send it by bank immediately.

She should be ashamed, but the fact that she doesn't give a shit really says it all. I would back off right now.

the80sweregreat · 03/12/2020 13:20

She is a classic cf.
I Doubt you will see your fiver but I hope I'm wrong.
I wouldn't help her any more.

soschreibfaul · 03/12/2020 13:21

If it's a trivial amount it should be easy for Jane to pay back.

The money, whether a small amount or not, is important as it's the only tangible thing the OP can get back. She gave up hours of her time, humped heavy luggage and wasn't even given the promised takeaway.

Jane must be very thick-skinned to use her 'friend' in that way and leave her out of pocket as well.

stayathomer · 03/12/2020 13:22

Ah come on! You can see the kind of thing I meant! Or would you just meekly acquiesce to such arrogant treatment?
Ah yeah, sorry, I do, but not necessarily in public. I can be an ignorant idiot sometimes and be totally blind to it, but I do try to make it up to people later, I'd be gutted if someone called me out on it in public.

Original poster
Taikoo · 03/12/2020 13:24

I won't be helping her anymore.

In my culture, if you owe money to someone, you put your hand in your pocket and you pay up.
Especially when someone has already done you a favour.
If you have to be asked a second time to pay what you owe by the person, you should definitely pay them back straight away.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 03/12/2020 13:26

hate people who expect others to dance on their every whim and don't consider how this impacts them.
Sorry but sometimes chaos happens and you don't do things the way you should then after you realise you should have done things differently. Great if y ou sure on the ball all the times but I know I'm not. I try to make it up to people but I'm sure there's people in the world pissed off with me for things I dont even realise I've done. And you might hate someone like me but we're all different and I make up for it in other ways

Newkitchen123 · 03/12/2020 13:28

I wouldn't be bothered about the fiver. I'd be more bothered about the food!

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