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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that twins with two adults at home ft isn't harder than one baby with one adult

144 replies

sunnydayin · 02/12/2020 21:10

My sister had twins this year and her dh has been furloughed since March. His family help them a lot financially so they're ok in that respect.

Sister is always telling me how much worse she has it because there's two of them than when my dc was born.
I can't see it though. Maybe I'm being ridiculous but it's beginning to annoy

me. I wouldn't say anything to her but internally I'm thinking how is it harder than two non twin babies with two adults to care for them? Her dh is on hand all the time too. They're 5 months now and they don't go anywhere on a car they walk everywhere. Maybe I'm missing something.

OP posts:
DSsnmum · 02/12/2020 22:33

I had one baby then twins very soon after. So 3 under 2. Twins are much harder than one baby. There is always one who needs something. I had lots of help around with my twins but the first year with them is gruelling! Obviously everyone is different and babies are different but mine were impossible to get on the same feeding and sleeping schedules. They honestly made my single baby feel like an absolute doddle even though at the time I found it hard with one. I would not go back and do that first year with the twins for anything, it was so so hard. Everyone finds different stages of parenting hard for different reasons. If she says it’s hard it’s because it is for her whatever it looks like from the outside or in comparison to someone else.

MustardMitt · 02/12/2020 22:34

SinkGirl I know you also have twins - can it not have been hard that they didn't sleep at the same time, that they never wanted to be fed at the same time, that they would both poonami within minutes of each other - but that there were no real 'problems'? I was lucky they were docile and calm and didn't have colic, but I still had twice the feeding and everything else to do?

untiedairlines · 02/12/2020 22:37

For me actually, breastfeeding twins has been the easiest bit. I can’t imagine having to make up milk and sterilise bottles on top of everything else. Not to mention trying to find the money to pay for formula on top of 2 of everything else. What is it about £800 per baby for the first year? So £1600 for formula fed twins!

DuesToTheDirt · 02/12/2020 22:37

Well I dunno. I found the first months really tough partly because of lack of adult interaction, and the boredom of looking after a small baby who can't do much. I'd have preferred your sister's situation.

bridgetjones1 · 02/12/2020 22:38

@MustardMitt

I have twins.

I can categorically say if she is struggling so much with five month olds, a husband and her mother to help, then she is going to drown when they are toddlers. At five months they can't even crawl, at least they stay in one place if you need to go for a shit!

My babies were very docile, happy babies, never had colic or anything - I remember being so worried when DH went back to work but honestly it was fine. Personally I think that your sister is acting totally smug as in 'no one has ever had it as hard as me, I have TWINS'. I've seen it many, many times before. People without twins often say stuff like that to me, it's like, sure it was hard, but I had no other children so I had nothing to compare it to! And it could have been harder.

Potty training twins and trying to take them out when they're toddling, buggy refusing, afternoon nappers was the worst.

THIS!!!!! Oh my god ain’t that the truth, going for a shit without both of them running down the hallway crying because you dared to leave the room for 2 seconds!! Trying to put them into the pushchair whilst they’re contorting and screaming, then you try reins, assuming they’ll walk perfectly beside each other, rather than one plonking themselves down on the floor, refusing to move whilst the other one tries to make a dash for the pond after the ducks.

Honestly in the last 20 months I feel as though I’ve aged 10 years

MustardMitt · 02/12/2020 22:41

@bridgetjones1

It gets better I promise! Mine are nearly 12 now. I've been able to shit alone for, oh, at least 2 or 3 years now Grin

NewbieManager · 02/12/2020 22:43

@liveitwell

I'm a twin mum. How old are her twins?

The first year is ridiculously hard, two parents or one. They cry at the same time. Need feeding at the same time. Wake twice as much at night. You have to hear crying constantly.

It's not a competition but don't underestimate the grind for twin parents. It's a whole other ball game.

This. I come from a family where twins are common: 1 child is a breeze compared to twins
coronafiona · 02/12/2020 22:43

It is hard because you do everything twice and because you are up twice as long at night

PetraRabbit · 02/12/2020 22:50

Haven't read the replies but I would say 2 adults 2 children would always be easier than 1 adult 1 child just because you can mix up who deals with a particular child which usually helps give the adult a break of sorts and refreshes the child if they are playing one parent up. Being the only adult in any scenario with children is tough as there is noone else who can watch them while you answer door/go to loo etc. I'm sure twins are especially tiring with things like night wakings and feeds but during the day 1 on 1 is harder than 2 on 2.

Onesipmore · 02/12/2020 22:52

To be honest it shouldn't really matter in the great scheme of things who has it worst.It's a competition noone is going to win. I'm a twin Mum and its very, very hard work, however much you get help. If one wakes up and you get it off to sleep even if your dh is looking after the other one you never entirely switch off. You can't directly compare having one colicky, fractious baby, with twins, its not a fair comparison. That said this stage is a bit easier with twins than toddling etc so she may need to man up a bit. But both of you, stop comparing and involving your Mum

Nomorepies · 02/12/2020 22:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

womaninatightspot · 02/12/2020 22:56

I have twins and tbh I'm amazed I made it through. Also have singletons and it's not the same, literally didn't have enough hands.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/12/2020 23:06

@rosegoldivy

I'm due twins in May next year and you all have put the fuckin fear into me hahaha (already have DD who is 1) I'm am prepared to never sleep again and write of the year 2021 😂😂😂😂
Nah, its fine. My sister, who had her two 3 years apart, told me twins were easier because they entertain themselves.

Yeah right. All they do is fight over each others toys, food and who has a parent. I mean erm, yeah its totally fine.

OP mine are 11 months. Do i think twins with a DH at home would be harder than being a single Mom to one? I don't know. In the early months they don't always want Dad so even though he's there the fact that you've had no sleep because 2 x squawking and they only want to be held by you. 2 x the noise volume - one cries and the other one starts, either to notify you or in sympathy. Yeah you have one each but the NOISE!! twice as much washing, poo, mess to clean up off the floor when you're doing bloody baby led throwing the food on the floor.

Erm Rose it's totally fine!!!!!

Orangeboots · 02/12/2020 23:13

When I was pregnant with twins one of our friends, who was a partner in a well known law firm told me she could just about cope with having her mum living in as well as help from her Dh - she wasn’t afraid of hard work but she went back to law earlier than she had planned - to get a break.

m0therofdragons · 02/12/2020 23:17

Dd1 was hard. Really hard! Hardly slept, cried. I was exhausted and struggled. Then I had twins. Second time round I was more confident but my god the first year was an endurance challenge and nothing about it was easy. I’m not saying it’s not hard for those with a toddler and a baby but having had a toddler and two babies, the two same age babies were logistically hard.

Stupid stuff like picking up a baby and a toddler is doable but two floppy babies?

I think you need to stop seeing it as a game of top trumps as to who has it harder. Being the parent of multiples brings me so much joy but it’s hard. They’re now 9 and even now twin issues are unlike normal sibling issues.

VestaTilley · 02/12/2020 23:19

YABVU and unless you’re the mother of twins yourself you have no idea what you’re talking about.

I only have one and it nearly broke me - let alone having twins in a pandemic. For all you know her DH may do far less with them than your sister, and if she’s breastfeeding them then that’s all ok her, and she’ll be doing feeds and night wakings.

Don’t judge unless you’ve been in that situation. The thought of twins terrifies me!

VestaTilley · 02/12/2020 23:20

On her, not ok her.

TableFlowerss · 02/12/2020 23:21

@m0therofdragons

Dd1 was hard. Really hard! Hardly slept, cried. I was exhausted and struggled. Then I had twins. Second time round I was more confident but my god the first year was an endurance challenge and nothing about it was easy. I’m not saying it’s not hard for those with a toddler and a baby but having had a toddler and two babies, the two same age babies were logistically hard.

Stupid stuff like picking up a baby and a toddler is doable but two floppy babies?

I think you need to stop seeing it as a game of top trumps as to who has it harder. Being the parent of multiples brings me so much joy but it’s hard. They’re now 9 and even now twin issues are unlike normal sibling issues.

Stupid stuff like picking up a baby and a toddler is doable but two floppy babies?

Made me giggle but it’s so true

m0therofdragons · 02/12/2020 23:22

Lots of twin mums on here. Did anyone find that when one twin has a play date and you are left with one twin (plus older dd in my case) the whole house is so much calmer? Maybe it’s just mine but they bounce off each other. Every night’s like a sleepover 😳

Choccylips · 02/12/2020 23:22

Yes but great for covering the moustache until the next waxing.

maddy68 · 02/12/2020 23:23

I disagree. They will both have different needs at different times. Butvmybworry is why you think this is a. Competition. Support each other. It's shit

Orangeboots · 02/12/2020 23:25

Try getting on a bus and they tell you to collapse the buggy because it’s so big with only two adults - you figure out the logistics

mrscee · 02/12/2020 23:26

I have 10 year old twins and I hated the first year when they were babies it was suck hard work. Breastfeeding I felt like I never stopped one after the other same with changing nappies and it was a logistical nightmare going anywhere. I couldn't get into a lot of shops with my double pushchair same went for lifts. I am not a single parent but my husband was at work and he couldn't breastfeed so I was doing all the feeding it was relentless as well as the waking in the night.

Didkdt · 02/12/2020 23:26

I expect you are missing something
I’m don’t get the sense it’s bothering you though

RedDiamond · 02/12/2020 23:26

Two babies. One maternal parent. No matter what you think, she is having to think of two whether she likes it or not. Her DP is probably wonderful but the instinctive maternal instinct will come from her. No wonder she think she has it slightly harder,

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