My sister said I was "greedy" aibu to think I'm not?

[somethinginyoureyes]

I always help my sister out,every time we are out I will buy our Costa /Starbucks.
I lend her money and hardly get it back or when I do it will be short £20.
I know she's my sister but it does get annoying.
Anyway Monday she asked me to order her a phone cover off eBay,I did it was £7.99 and she said today when we go shopping she would get my Costa (a cup of tea and a cake ) it would have came to around £4.50.
So anyway we walk into shopping centre and she takes out £4.00 and says "I'm gonna use my cash in Costa instead of bank card"
I say "oh right I don't think £4.00 will cover it tho"
She says "I'm only getting a coffee,don't fancy a cake"
So I think I had a puzzled look on my face and say "oh right I don't have any change and don't want to use my card either"
She said "well your gonna have to if you want anything"
I said "I thought you were getting them for the £8 you owed.
She says "are you joking?,I only have £4.00 change,I don't want to use my card..fine il use my card !!"
I said "it doesn't matter,il get my own"
We go in Costa and she orders a coffee and then screams at me "what do you want"
I said "il get my own"
She said "well you made a song and dance over it,you have your bank card,why won't you just buy your own,instead of making me use mine"
I said "look I'm not arguing over £8 in future we will just get our own to save this"
She hands me a cup of tea (no cake ) and calls me a greedy cow and walks off.
Aibu to think I wasn't in the wrong?

I've got a friend like this and it's taken me quite a while to re-establish boundaries, and I did bring it on myself a bit, but she's very much a taker.

She's famous for it though in our friendship group. She has in the past stormed out of restaurants, thrown cash at people, she always wants to split the bill down to the last penny unless it doesn't go in her favour.

Brought a bottle with her, drank what was out and open, taken it home because it hasn't been opened even though it's supposed to be her contribution (and no, it's not because it's fancy and we are drinking plonk)

She'll drink your wine fridge dry,.

If you organise something and it's you who has got the cinema tickets online for instance she'll always make you ask her for the money, making things feel awkward. She'll never say, "how much do I owe you".

I could go on and on but I've just learned over the years. You might say "why are you friends with her" - well, I still am, because she's great for a chat over coffee but in terms of doing things together, we just don't anymore because she made it so damn unpleasant and I'm not the only one. Sad really!

@TattyDevine that sounds so much like my sister.
She will ask to lend £30 till next week.
Next week comes and she won't pay less I ask.
Then it will be "can I give you half and half"
Or she will come over and we order food.
She will say lol transfer my half and never do it.
Or for Xmas she will say we will get each other "pjs,slippers and a bath bomb"
Then Xmas will come and she just has a bath bomb for you after you've bought her all the rest.

The good thing is she is still young enough to be able to change her ways

She sounds like my little sister, who also had an eating disorder, cant hold down a job (she cracks and goes hyper/mental at the slightest criticism or pressure) and breathes designer clothes and bags. Anyway I used to be that fool because DM would ask me to meet her out of concern of her weight issues. I had enough of paying for her share of spa treats and lunches at places that she booked which was beyond my means. She now meets DM weekly, DM still pays for her coffees, shopping and also free childcare (she doesnt work), making DM out to be her best friend (not true, she has flagged her off behind her back). Told DM to stop, but obviously as our mum shes either blind to it or afraid of triggering issues. She is 35.

You're right to just buy for yourself from now on. If she asks (and I know it's a MN cliche but it is a complete sentence and just) say no.

My dsis was sp0oilt as a bit like this not as bad wont make a scene but i always have to chase moneyoff her she does pay it back but why cant she just say how much do you i owe you and do it

YANBU she full on takes the piss. How rude.

You know what she is like. Stop setting her up to disappoint you.

If she asks you to buy her something say 'sure, transfer £8 to my account and I'll get right on it'.

If you meet for coffee, expect to pay for yourself. Stop treating her.

She sounds annoying but you can only control yourself

'I think it is best after last time's upset for us to both just pay for ourselves".
'But I haven't brought any/enough money / my card!'
'Ok - we'll skip coffee today then'.
Repeat.

No is a compete sentence. Try it out next time she asks for something.

OP, when your sister bought a cup of tea for you, did you see her with a drink for herself too?

If not, I suspect that she had no facility on her bank card, was hoping that you'd pay - or at least pay for yourself - and then with no way out used her £4 cash for your tea. She then ranted at you (most unfairly) because you've told her what she is.

Pay separately from now on - or pick up the bill - and don't buy stuff for her. She can source what she wants from sites other than Ebay too although she's stringing you a line with that one. Ebay may well not let her sell on the site anymore as she didn't pay her fees but they put no restrictions on buyers whatsoever.

My SIL is like this so DH wised up to it a couple of years ago (finally) and stopped sending her money. She would always ‘borrow’ £20 or £30 until payday but payday would come and go and DH wouldn’t see it. She actually knew the date he got paid and only used to contact him on or just after that date asking for money. Total user, they don’t really talk much anymore.

You need to wise up to it too and stop sending her money. She’s using you and she’s 33 for heavens sake, she needs to look after herself.

[quote FlatulentSproutEater]Mmmm. Ok. Maybe not word for word but definitely the same story.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4067661-To-have-expected-her-to-offer-cake?msgid=101390262#101390262[/quote]
Please don’t do this @FlatulentSproutEater, that was a different poster. The ‘haven’t you posted this before’ people really throw a thread off course.

I would have waited for her to take her seat then bounced a Sicilian lemon muffin off her bonce from across the coffee shop.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe yes she ended up using her card and bought her drink and mine

@FlatulentSproutEater that's not my thread

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea You have to admire the drama. Love a good scream in a coffee shop. We are missing out.

Use her own line again near her

You have your bank card,why won't you just buy your own?

Read When I Say No, I Feel Guilty. It's got great examples of how to deal with CFs like this!

*against her not near her!

Yeah... surprised more people haven't picked up on the screaming. They weren't even in the Sistine Chapel.

Some people are lucky they don’t have toxic siblings.

Mmmm. Ok. Maybe not word for word but definitely the same story
No it wasn't they both had a cake issue but that’s it..
OP i hope you managed to sort it with your Dsis remembering lessons learnt.

OP is this you and your sister?