My sister said I was "greedy" aibu to think I'm not?

[somethinginyoureyes]

I always help my sister out,every time we are out I will buy our Costa /Starbucks.
I lend her money and hardly get it back or when I do it will be short £20.
I know she's my sister but it does get annoying.
Anyway Monday she asked me to order her a phone cover off eBay,I did it was £7.99 and she said today when we go shopping she would get my Costa (a cup of tea and a cake ) it would have came to around £4.50.
So anyway we walk into shopping centre and she takes out £4.00 and says "I'm gonna use my cash in Costa instead of bank card"
I say "oh right I don't think £4.00 will cover it tho"
She says "I'm only getting a coffee,don't fancy a cake"
So I think I had a puzzled look on my face and say "oh right I don't have any change and don't want to use my card either"
She said "well your gonna have to if you want anything"
I said "I thought you were getting them for the £8 you owed.
She says "are you joking?,I only have £4.00 change,I don't want to use my card..fine il use my card !!"
I said "it doesn't matter,il get my own"
We go in Costa and she orders a coffee and then screams at me "what do you want"
I said "il get my own"
She said "well you made a song and dance over it,you have your bank card,why won't you just buy your own,instead of making me use mine"
I said "look I'm not arguing over £8 in future we will just get our own to save this"
She hands me a cup of tea (no cake ) and calls me a greedy cow and walks off.
Aibu to think I wasn't in the wrong?

@WinterWhore

I'm also struggling to recognise why your the one being blamed

Your being generous and shes just a manipulative brat. How is that your fault? My DM spoils me rotten, and I NEVER take this piss or talk to her the way OPs sister talks to her and I ALWAYS reciprocate. Why? Because I know how to treat someone. So no OP this isn't your fault unfortunately she has taken your kindness for grante

You really don’t see the difference between your situation, and the OP’s...?

You NEVER take the piss, and ALWAYS reciprocate.

The OP’s sister ALWAYS takes the piss, and NEVER reciprocates.

Again, and again, and the OP keeps getting sucked in.

So ... that’s kind of why she’s being told to take some responsibility for her own actions (I know that’s a controversial suggestion on here).

It is not your fault she was banned from using eBay. You need to stop doing things for her and let her grow up. You are not a substitute mum.

I'm pretty sure you are not going to stop ordering things for her so at least:

1. Don't order anything until she has paid what she owes you.
2. If you really must order things for her, don't do it unless she pays you up front.
3. Also, either pay for your own drinks and cakes or alternate with who pays and don't let her miss a turn.

I have a feeling you will just carry on letting yourself be used though.

Why on earth would you be buying things off eBay for her ? If she's got a bank account then she surely can open her own account

She sounds a right piece of work and you sound needy. Stop now, she a taker not a giver.....except of grief!
If she wanted to buy a phone case on Ebay she could set up a new account and load advance funds into Paypal. Then there would be no issues with her being previously banned from the platform

"Blimey - your eyes must be almost worn out by 99.9% of MN posts then, @Cautionsharpblade - perhaps you should de-register to avoid further injury hmm"

I'm guessing it's the OP's sister.

She screamed at you?

Stop funding her in any way. I've a cousin like this, I went holiday with her years ago,realised how tight she was and never let myself be in that position again. Her mother recently told me that she eint go shopping with my cousin because she's expected to pay for everything. People like that don't change so just don't let her do it to you.

well she's saved you £4 by buying her own coffee

Why on earth can's she order and buy her own phone case on line - you know what she's like.
But actually, by paying for herself today, she's set a precedent - going forwards you each buy your own coffees/cakes.

Unless she is genuinely hard up - and you can afford to help her out (with getting coffees, not getting coffees and continual cash hand outs).

This dynamic where you mother her and pay for things need to stop, you have created a monster. Or more likely, she always was going to be one.
How dare she call you greedy when you have been so generous to her, for years by the sounds of things.
She needs telling. Maybe a measured text saying how hurt you were to be insulted like that (she really does sound about 17) and from now on you will pay for yourselves as you have been buying her drinks for years. Awful behaviour.

@somethinginyoureyes

I know I sound daft but our mam died when we were young and I think I always mothered her (even tho we are close in age) It's stupid I know

And that makes sense when you're, say 14 to her 12. But at 35 and 33 it doesn't, as I'm sure you know. Over the intervening years these roles you and she adopted have sort of solidified, and it's hard for you both to break free. So yes, she's a cheeky fucker, but emotionally she flicks into the looked-after-little-sister role, hence her overreaction to being expected to behave like an adult for once.

It does sound as if your sister is shit with money. Banned from eBay for not paying the fees? Freeloading off you? And the reluctance to use her card suggests to me she expects it to be declined, because she's already over her overdraft limit. But - that is not your responsibility (except to put a stop to the freeloading off you).

You know what to do. You each buy your own when you go for a coffee, and you don't lend her any more money or buy stuff on her behalf.

Sorry, you're sister is a CF.

Of course, you do know it, because you've just spelled it out for us. She's been taking the piss out of you for quite some time by the sounds of it.

You need to tell her what you've just told thousands of strangers. She really does need to hear it.

If you don't do that now and continue to put up with such behaviour you are also part of the problem.

Pull your big girl pants up and put her straight!! Hopefully then she'll think twice before acting like such an entitled child in future.

Time to stop being an ATM!

Never take your bank card out when you go out with her. Always take cash and ideally just enough for your coffee/cake.

When she wants to borrow money tell her no. If necessary tell her you lost your bank card and cannot get cash out or access online banking

When she want you buy something for her tell her no.

Whenever you seen her make sure you mention how skint you are and any big bills you have paid recently. I’m skint I’ve just had the car MOT’d etc.

She’s taking the piss. Stop buying her stuff

she's an emotionally manipulative CF.

I'm actually pissed off on your behalf. My sister is like this and she earns more than me. I was going through my bank statements a couple of months ago (she owed me a large sum of money and she wanted to know the exact amount) it was only then that I noticed all the tenners she asks me to send. Or, she will need £3-4 sent over on the spot. I never ask why, just assume she's in a shop and a bit short but I never ask for small amounts back therefore, over time, it's actually added up to a lot which could have been used on my own children. Worst part of it is, I don't think she needs it at all and asks me because she's a cheeky fucker chancing it. Anyway, rant over. I've started saying "sorry, don't have it" and suggest that you do the same.

@mummytocsjh with my (well behaved & trustworthy) family members we have mutually set up payees on our bank accounts because we send each other money for kids birthdays pooled parent gifts etc. I did this using their sort codes and account numbers- I know their full names, birthdays, maiden names, first pets, mother's names, favourite colours etc. I could give it a bloody good try and I have an acquaintance it happened to (a "friend" burned them) it can be done.

Just text her and tell her that you won't be lending her any money or buying her any coffees in the future.

U ok Hun?

No you're not greedy at all she is a CF and very childish. Annoys me when people are fine taking from you but make it so awkward for you to ask for the money back. No matter how small the amount it's the principle of it. Definitely look after number 1 from now on thankfully me and my sister are respectful and considerate of each other so we don't even have to ask and if we do need to remind the other it's not met with a temper tantrum that's how it should be.. We aren't materialistic or financially driven.. Usually people like this are quite money orientated and materialistic (from my experience) the first ones to brag when they have something expensive, giving an expectant look when it comes to the bill, valuing peoples worth by their salary etc.. Has she always been like this with you? Definitely put your foot down CF will keep pushing unless you put them in their place unfortunately. What did you say to her after that in the coffee shop?

@SheSaidHummingbird

She screamed at you?

Yeah... surprised more people haven't picked up on the screaming. They weren't even in the Sistine Chapel.

Tbh, OP, you remind me of how I used to be with my DB. He’s now 53 and has serious MH issues; my DSis and I are also damaged as a result of the childhood abuse we went through. Until a few years ago, my DM used to press my DH and me to look out for him if she was away and we used to have him to stay with us. But we have our own adopted DC, plus DD1 has SEN, so I had to pull back from involving us with helping my DB, as it had become like having a third child who also had special needs.

I can’t tell from your post whether your DSis has any SN or MH issues, though it sounds like she is struggling to function as an adult. But it sounds as if she’s too used to you bailing her out and paying up for her, and at the end of the day she isn’t your personal responsibility.

She was clearly shocked and pissed off that you actually wanted some of your money back you gave her.

Stop buying ANYTHING for her. Not a coffee, not a sandwich, nothing. She'll be costing you a fortune in dribs and drabs

Your sister is manipulative.

I couldn't hang out with her if she's like this. Don't ever lend her anything again. Just say you don't have it. Or don't want to use your card.

Shes so entitled it's unbelievable.

Sorry but your sister is 100% taking advantage of you. Stop lending her money and buying things for her. She is 33

She has anxiety and uses that to her advantage.
She's text tonight saying it was because of her anxiety and she was confused.
I'm not sure what she was confused about but never mind.
No more.
Think il just start saying I'm skint.