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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gifting things I already own- am I being cheap?

171 replies

madamedesevigne · 02/12/2020 16:07

I have a friend who has similar taste to me. I’ve read a really good book that I think she would enjoy, and own a copy. I’m never likely to read it again and it’s in very good condition. Would I be unreasonable to give it to her for Christmas wrapped up instead of buying another new copy?

OP posts:
phoenixrosehere · 02/12/2020 21:31

I thought with gifts it is the thought that counts which is always paraded around here by many posters and people should be grateful for what they get as gifts. I guess it only means something if a gift is actually bought new..

liveitwell · 02/12/2020 21:32

Id love it honestly. I couldn't care less if it's not new as long as it's not gross.

Write a little message on the front cover and bam, best pressie ever.

Davros · 02/12/2020 21:41

You should give it to her anyway, not as an Xmas gift. I always passed on my books to friends or family before I got my Kindle

Figgyboa · 02/12/2020 21:51

I would give it to her but wouldn't wrap it up. That feels a little cf to me.

IrmaFayLear · 02/12/2020 21:59

Also makes me think of people who give you a book with the price “accidentally” left on. It’s always something like £19.99 ie full retail price, and you know darn well that it came from a discount place and they paid less than a quarter of that.

I don’t care about the price, it’s the trying to be canny that is off. So if Op wants to openly give her friend the read book, fine. Trying to make out it’s new, not fine.

Guga · 02/12/2020 22:07

Wrapping up a book as a gift does not mean the OP is trying to pass off as new. This is the problem people should be glad they're been given something. It doesn't have to be new. Reuse, recycle. The more of us doing this the better but I suppose the genie is out of the bottle with people expecting so much material goods now Sad

FlyNow · 02/12/2020 22:22

I would like to receive this. And I'd definitely give it, but not as a normal xmas gift and without explaining. Why not suggest to her that you don't do normal Xmas gifts this year, as you are decluttering/saving money/changing habits for the environment. Suggest a book exchange instead.

IrmaFayLear · 02/12/2020 22:45

But, Guga, in OP’s second or third post she mentions that the book looks new and the spine isn’t bent, implying that that she is making out it’s a new book.

As I said, it’s the implication that you spent £8.99. It’s fine to re-gift if both parties are aware, but a bit unseemly if you are just hoping the recipient thinks it’s new. If you want the friend to enjoy the book too, just give it to her without the ceremony of wrapping it up!

Original poster
madamedesevigne · 02/12/2020 23:08

I don’t think it’s so much that I’m trying to be crafty and pretending to have spent money on my friend when I haven’t. I bought the book myself, full price, without knowing what it was as part of a secret book subscription thing. Now I’ve read it, I really enjoyed it and think she would too, so was thinking of giving it to her as part of a parcel with other presents. If we lived near each other, I probably would just give it to her, but she is overseas and we see each other once a year at most, and this year not at all for obvious reasons. I’d want to wrap it up to make it special and part of her Christmas gift as opposed to just shoving it in an envelope. I just couldn’t see the point of buying a whole new book when I’ve got one that’s in almost pristine condition right here.

OP posts:
Hippee · 02/12/2020 23:16

Go for it. None of my friends would bat an eyelid at this. I would much rather receive a second-hand present that I wanted, than a new present that I didn't. In fact one of my friends and I have a challenge to get the best presents for under a fiver and we always go to charity shops. Last year was amazing - she gave me a White Stuff skirt, a 1970s leather shoulder bag and a retro storage jar (under £5 in total).

Original poster
madamedesevigne · 02/12/2020 23:25

@Hippee

Go for it. None of my friends would bat an eyelid at this. I would much rather receive a second-hand present that I wanted, than a new present that I didn't. In fact one of my friends and I have a challenge to get the best presents for under a fiver and we always go to charity shops. Last year was amazing - she gave me a White Stuff skirt, a 1970s leather shoulder bag and a retro storage jar (under £5 in total).
That sounds like a brilliant haul! I’m rubbish at finding good stuff in charity shops but what a good idea.
OP posts:
Hippee · 02/12/2020 23:26

If you are worried about passing it off as new, just include a note saying "I enjoyed this book, I hope that you do too."

katy1213 · 02/12/2020 23:30

The value of the gift doesn't lie in how much it cost. I'd so much sooner receive a used book that I'll love than a pricey box of High Street smellies that'll never be opened.

ILoveYourLittleHat · 02/12/2020 23:42

Go for it OP.
Make sure her card is a lovely one... from a multipack!
Xmas ShockWink

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 03/12/2020 00:04

I would pop it in with the parcel with a note saying “I loved this and think you will enjoy it too”.

butterry · 03/12/2020 00:56

A gift should be thoughtful and in this case it is. It doesn’t really matter if it’s used or not, it’s in good condition and I’m sure she will love it OP

eaglejulesk · 03/12/2020 07:08

Wow @Hippee - it sounds like you had a great Christmas last year! You and your friend have the right idea.

pincertoe · 03/12/2020 07:08

I've bought my friend preloved books in the past and she was fine with it. They weren't my books though but I can't see that matters much.

eaglejulesk · 03/12/2020 07:14

To all those posters saying how "cheap" the OP is - she did actually pay for the book in the first place, it didn't fall off the back of a lorry!!

OP, please don't listen to those who say you shouldn't do this. You absolutely should, and I'm sure your friend will enjoy the book. It's wasteful to buy something else when you already have this.

BarefootbyMoonlight · 03/12/2020 07:27

@loveyouradvice

Agree with those that would be miffed....

Unless you are skint, in which case she will understand....

If you aren't ... I would give it to her as part of her present but be upfront.... wrapping it with a cheeky note saying this is one I loved and thought you would too... alongside another present...

So long as you aren't pretending, I totally get it

I am so glad you added the being skint bit because I did almost exactly what OP suggested and was really embarrassed

I thought presents had been expected but was absolutely skint so did the best I could.

It worried me for quite a while so although the negative comments are ones I had already thought of myself, I am relieved to see also a little recognition that for some that is the only option.

OP, I feel a little sorry you feel you have to buy new, or give with an additional bought gift. Its depressing when the thought and gesture can’t be distinguished from the monetary value.

Hippee · 03/12/2020 17:00

eaglejulesk - she certainly set the bar very high!

CounsellorTroi · 03/12/2020 17:12

I think there is something a bit thoughtless about regifting unless it's something you know the person will like. I would be a bit miffed about receiving an obviously read book as a gift - there is something lovely about the pristine feeling and the smell of a brand new book. I do buy second hand for myself though.

CauliflowerBalti · 03/12/2020 17:38

Absolutely no point in spending money for the sake of it and contributing to the endless pile of STUFF that we buy and send out at this time of year. I would do it in a heartbeat.

KunekuneKristmasCake · 03/12/2020 17:40

I’d send the book but add a little something as well.

Peppermintpatty24 · 03/12/2020 18:16

I regifted a book that was in very good condition to a friend who was off to university. It has become INVALUABLE. By all means re-gift if you want to.