Is this behaviour bizarre? (IL related)

[justaquicknamechange1]

Have nc'd as have told a few friends about this in RL and obviously don't want to be outed.

DD has her first session at nursery next week - she's doing an hour long settle session. She's only ever been left with DH, for a maximum of 2hrs, so I am dreading it a little bit (more so for me, I'm sure she'll be fine).

ILs have asked if they can come and "see her off" aka watch me drop her into nursery. I said no because a. There's absolutely no need for them to come. They can't come into the nursery, they'll literally be watching me and her walk in through the door; b. DD doesn't see them very often so it will just add to the confusion; c. I might get upset, DD might get upset and they'll just be there with their judgy pants on and most importantly d. I don't want them there.

MIL's now posting on social media about feeling pushed out, uninvolved etc.

Before I tell DH to give her head a wobble, what's the general consensus on this?

I'd ignore it. It doesn't merit a response.

I really think fb shouldn’t be allowed for some people. The pa memes are very immature behaviour.

My mum came to all days like this, just to watch my DC walking through a door, its a big thing to some people and whats the harm in it, its all about memories!

Your MIL sounds like hard work, Op. I have one of those too (MIL is a massive narcissist, so you have nothing but sympathy from me. She's clearly not keeping your child's best interest in mind. It's all about her (and her FB feed)

is she always like this

bloody crackersand even if you did say yes im sure nursery doesnt want endles people hanging round because they want to ave their kids off in a pandemic

in reality [in-laws] have very, very little to do with any of the GC.

She can get knotted then. She's a self centred drama queen.

YANBU,I used to work in nurserys,1 private and 1 attached to a school and this is something that the staff used to hate

It was bad enough without covid!

Different children react differently to starting nursery but there would always be a handful of children that would be upset or unsettled and having lots of extra adults around never helped,if anything if they'd come with one of the children that was unsettled or upset having to say Goodbye to they're parents and Grandparents made it even more upsetting for the poor little souls.

You could always tell your MIL that the Nursery are not keen on extra people coming to drop the children of!

They are nuts, I don’t know anyone whose grandparents have come to the nursery or school to see them off on their first day, unless they were doing the dropping of rather than the parents as childcare

Without being critical, perhaps your mil feels there is a barrier to bonding with her granddaughter.

I totally appreciate this viewpoint but she has never, ever made an effort to see DD and when she does, it's all about photo ops. She has never played with her. Without sounding shallow or grabby (I promise I'm not), she bought DD a multipack of vests as a newborn and has never bought her a thing since. I send them photos through most days and FIL will always reply, MIL reads but never does, yet will post on SM how much she misses her GC.

She offered to have her overnight just after Lockdown 1.0 restrictions were lifted - at that point I'd never left her, she was 5 months old and wouldn't take a bottle - so I said something along the lines of, "thank you so much for the offer. She's a bit small right now but I'm sure when she's a bit older she'll really love sleepovers at Granny's" and I was cold-shouldered for weeks.

@PhatPhanny how much walking through a door do you think a 10 month old will do? Would she want to watch if the baby was going to a childminder?

Also it is a settling in period, you want it as fuss free as possible not with a grandparent hovering in the background. Never mind in COVID times

nah its for show isnt it and by that i mean fb

Definitely odd behaviour. I'd ignore it completely tbh, let her stew in her own huff.

We have SM grandparents here too, its hard work when there is no relationship to buffer the constant need for Facebook attention isn't it.

Totally outing myself here but we asked ils not to put pictures of gc on fb. They obliged by not doing so but instead posted a picture of their house, complete with huge banner announcing gc birth (photo included). I wish I was joking 😒

This sounds very odd to me!! Starting nursery is a big thing - primarily for your child, and also for you. I get that it’s a nice photo opportunity but really this isn’t the time, especially if they’ve not been that involved before, and the social media stuff sounds very thoughtless. I would explain there will probably be future events when you’d LOVE their involvement but for the first few days of nursery it will be calmer and more reassuring for her to get used to the usual routine, ie you dropping her off. And then don’t give it another thought they are being bonkers!

@ineedaholidaynow yes, my mum would have, she is at every award assembly, every key event in both my DC and my DB DC lives.

I don't understand the issue, I think its lovely, I guess you need ILs that couldn't give a hoot about your DC to appreciate that though

The worst thing about this is the trashing on SM. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself leaving a comment, along the lines of: no-one’s trying to push you out, we’re just putting DD first by trying not to overwhelm her. MIL sounds horrendous.

YANBU.

Unfollow her, ignore her, and leave your DH to sort out his mum.

That is bizarre and ridiculous.

I would ask her not to post photos of Dd on SM 😬 see her leave you all alone then.

Definitely not the done thing. Ignore her. She sounds a bit unhinged.

It's not a strange request as such, when I used to work in childcare and a new child was settling grandparent's often asked to be involved however unless there are extenuating circumstances I wouldn't recommend it as it can be overwhelming for children when they're settling and the whole family turn up some are fine and settle easy others were very upset when mum, dad and grandparent's left. For a smooth transition I think it's best that parent's only are present when it comes to helping their child settle it's a big thing for a parent and child as it is normally the first the time the parent has left their kids with someone who isn't family so parent's tend to be nervous just as much as the kids sometimes, I've lost count of the number of times I've had upset mothers crying on my shoulder or on the phone worrying and feeling guilty because their little one became upset when they left or it took some time for them to settle the staff need to be able to focus on making it as easy and smooth as possible for the child and parent and sometimes having the extended family there makes it much harder

Oh wow 10 months. She's not even walking or talking yet. I thought you meant she was 3+. From what you have posted about gifts and then the no response to photos you send it just shows it is all about, I was there, for her. She can't even have a photo taken with the baby. If she is being rude not responding to the pics you send I would start to ease off in them. She doesn't have the decency to be grateful you send them, so don't. She is having a paddy and by ignoring her attitude she will just carry on.

@Holdmysandwichplease that's horrid! Poor you

Today MIL has shared a meme saying:
Once you feel you are ignored by someone, never disturb them again.

Answers on a postcard as to what I should comment (feeling a bit petty). My DSis has suggested "r u ok hun "

Personally I would just block her on sm. Let dh look at her utter shite should he choose.

Haha it’s the sort of weird thing my mum would like to do! I’d tell her to F off but harder when it’s your in laws I suppose

Ultimately op it will come down to looking after your mh or hers...
Please choose yours. She has had her dc. Had all the firsts. You are absolutely well entitled to enjoy your turn guilt free. Keep looking at her utter tosh will grind you down. Your dh can pander to her behaviour but you most certainly don't have to. My ils never had my mobile number.. Going back 20 years ago before sm was a thing!! Mil barely used a mobile but hounded our house phone. Used to let dc /dh answer it. Could feel her bad vibes with the handset still down!!