Is this behaviour bizarre? (IL related)

[justaquicknamechange1]

Have nc'd as have told a few friends about this in RL and obviously don't want to be outed.

DD has her first session at nursery next week - she's doing an hour long settle session. She's only ever been left with DH, for a maximum of 2hrs, so I am dreading it a little bit (more so for me, I'm sure she'll be fine).

ILs have asked if they can come and "see her off" aka watch me drop her into nursery. I said no because a. There's absolutely no need for them to come. They can't come into the nursery, they'll literally be watching me and her walk in through the door; b. DD doesn't see them very often so it will just add to the confusion; c. I might get upset, DD might get upset and they'll just be there with their judgy pants on and most importantly d. I don't want them there.

MIL's now posting on social media about feeling pushed out, uninvolved etc.

Before I tell DH to give her head a wobble, what's the general consensus on this?

We had friends whose parents insisted on coming to see their grandchild off to the first day at primary school. Thought that was bloody strange.

There were people like this on my DD’s first day at school. I thought it was bizarre as well. They were almost surgically attached to a video camera to boot. Very strange - not least because you want to try to downplay these things to kids as much as possible rather than making a huge song and dance about it and making the child nervous.

It is a settling in period, your DD doesn't need an audience.

How old is your DD?

I've heard of people doing it with the first day of school, I never have with my GC and grandparents never did it with mine. I did do the first pick up with one of the GC as mum had an appointment and I loved that, he was so excited to see me.

Whining on social media about it, blimey. I reckon she had the Insta post all planned out and then you 'deprived' her of the opportunity. Odd and immature behaviour all round on her part, you've done nothing wrong.

Passive aggressive, deniable vague-booking. Ought to be enough to get her accounts closed down. Ignore - it's flaky behaviour!

@justaquicknamechange1
Seems odd.. it is only for an hour, and not like “First day at school “
As a kid, I loved it when Grandparent met me from school, so meeting is much better than dropping off

I can see how this might 'be a thing' for school (though it was all parents at ours), because children are often excited about starting school, so it's a happy occasion, as well as a milestone.

Settling days at nursery though, are about settling into an unknown. They're not anticipated by the child and are mostly about the parent dropping them, legging it and hoping for the best. Not really a spectator sport!

@ineedaholidaynow

It is a settling in period, your DD doesn't need an audience.

How old is your DD?

She's 10 months

I would, to a point, understand if it was her first day at school, although I think I'd still feel the same. I can't remember who said it but you just want to get them in with as little song and dance as possible, I imagine?

@AnneLovesGilbert she's usually just not interested. Judging from her SM, you'd think she was Gran of the Year but she has 6 GC who all live within 30 minutes of her and rarely sees, pandemic or not.

Yanbu very weird but slagging you off on social media is far worse.!!!

I think it’s odd too. I’ve recently dropped DD off at nursery for settling in sessions and it would have been strange for anybody else to be there - it’s just a quick word with the nursery worker and then she’s whisked away. It’s been hard as she hasn’t been away from me and DH at all due to lockdown. I wouldn’t have wanted anybody else there while I dealt with the emotions of dropping her off for the first time.

At 10 months, what do they think they will see???

DH has called her out on her SM posts - apparently they were "about something else" but refused to divulge what this is

Of course she won’t. She’s probably now realising how ridiculous she’s being!

Spoke to SIL and apparently when DNephew started school (before I was in the family), MIL sobbed hysterically at the gates. Really, really odd behaviour

Which is exactly what you want to avoid!

Your reply was fine. She’s making it ALL about her! Ignore.

I don’t think it was that outlandish to ask...plenty of people do include extended family in these little milestones. My mum wanted to be there when we bought ds1’s first pair of shoes for example...a small thing but she wanted to join in and because I loved her I didn’t mind. If she’d have wanted to come along and see him go for his first nursery session it wouldn’t have seemed strange to me. I know other people have similar relationships with parents and in-laws so no, in itself it’s not that weird.
Having said that, I also think it’s fine that you politely said no. There was nothing wrong with your response at all. You are not being unreasonable.

What IS unreasonable is the social media posts that followed after. There was no need for that. I would say that the sentiments were honest but not appropriate for public viewing. That she posted immediately about being pushed out suggests that this is how she views it. You say you have never left your dd with anyone except two hours with your dh. Without being critical, perhaps your mil feels there is a barrier to bonding with her granddaughter.
I won’t condone the Facebook crap but those are my thoughts for what they’re worth.

The norm i've seen is GP come by GC home and see them off to the car or something.. its bizarre to come all the way to nursery. It actually might upset your little one off if they make a big deal by coming. Its just a settling session

DD's nursery has strict drop off rules at the moment. Only one person can come to the front, with a mask on, and there's a handover area in the foyer. GPs would have to be sat in the car and wouldn't get to see anything! Plus there are strict rules about photo taking on the grounds, so no posing for pictures or anything like that.

She's 10 MONTHS! They are insane. Ignore.

Bloody hell! I'm a grandparent what's wrong with people such as her, that they can't accept the role of grandparent is a supporting one, in other words one giant step back, but no, that's not good enough always trying to muscle in on those seminal moments between parent and child just in case they miss what.? something they've already experienced first time around. Social media has a lot to answer for if one's life revolves around being a professional grandmother

Don't pander to it OP, you don't have to negotiate with her, and you'll only make her even more entitled, she needs to but out of your one to ones.

I thought the child was off to the trenches for a minute but no it's nursery at 10 months.
IL need hobbies.

10 months 😂😂😂😂

I think you are going to have to start as you mean to go on with this one and get good at saying a very firm no to any nonsense suggestions.

Oh she’s 10 months old?!

Err...ok. That does change my perspective somewhat...I thought she was 3, like nursery age.

Yeah your mil is an attention seeking twatbag. Just ignore her.

@Hercwasonaroll

10 months 😂😂😂😂

Omg so there will be no photo of her toddling in herself, she will be carried. HA HA!!! MIL is on crack.

My Dad travelled to wherever i was in the world to see all of mine start playgroup, primary school and Secondary school, When we moved to a new house he would arrive within the month as he needed to know where we were, i don't think this was strange, he wanted and we wanted him there as he is our family.